crazygal

Big Painting project 14.01.2011

2011-01-16T12:47:00.004+11:00

Big Painting Project work, 2.5m by 2m not counting the fabric part

So, the big painting project is done.

this time the woburn experience is much better than the previous few times. Nothing very much of a pleasant surprise but that's already more than enough for me. I have received a generally much more encouraging bunch of feedbacks.

As I looked around, the works, still confuse me a lot. I never know what contemporary art means exactly. What is the functionality of today's artworks? To shock, to disturb, to provoke controversy, to provoke deep thought? I don't know, so i decided to continue believing in what I used to believe in, which is beauty. I think art has no other more important functions than being beautiful. Visual appeal, is what I'm concerned with but today, more and more people seem to want to look at shocking and provoking stuff than beautiful things. may be their hearts and eyes are so polluted that they cant bear to look at anything truly and purely beautiful.

I like the celebration part, because it was organised by me. I like organising events, it does not show how skillful i am in terms of making food or decorating the place, but it does prove my organisational and leadership qualities. A good leader does not need to be good in everything, but he or she must be good at using his or her people, forming your own army or fleet is deadly important. And I happen to be really good at that, i do not make use of people but rather, I make people exhibit their talent and develop their potential, so in a way, I provide them a platform for them to show off whatever they have and while they're doing that, they make me successful as well. But why am i seem to be so concerned? Because, a leader is the one who's responsible of not only the success but the failures as well. I'd be accountable for any unpleasant accidents and these arent things that i like to see.

anyway, everything went smoothly well, as usual, because I was the one who organised it. Sounds arrogant but that's a fact. I never really like overly humble people, it's either they are fake or they're too weak to accept their capabilities. Anyway, lisa milroy likes my work, which, makes me very happy because she did not say it the way andy used to say...'oh i like it' or 'i think it's your best work so far'...she truely likes my work, and besides when she told me about it, she did not know i was the one who painted it. so what she said to me actually made my day. :)

anyway, so the big painting phase is finished, moving on to something new, I feel so extremely tired after yesterday. As if all energy's being sucked out from my body. I know i have loads to do, but i just couldnt make myself do them. I am thinking of making a stop motion animation, recording my story with grandma. I am actually already preparing the storyline and the photos. it's going to take long, but im sure i will finish it. I hope when it is done, i'd be able to close a chapter of my life. It's too agonising for me.

Saw a very good stop-mo animation, one is Olympus's PEN story and the other is 比悲伤更悲伤的故事。。。
中文名: 玛丽和马克思
英文名: Mary and Max
发行日期: 2009年片　　
长　88分钟
编　　剧：亚当·艾略特 Adam Elliot
导　　演: 亚当·艾略特 Adam Elliot

影片简介: 　　这部具有导演半自传式的影片，讲述了一个发生在两位笔友之间的简单故事。故事的主角是两个年龄和教育背景差异巨大的人：一个是住在墨尔本的8岁小姑娘——孤独的玛丽·丁克尔（影片中这个部分是彩色的），一个是住在乱糟糟的纽约市区，肥胖、患自闭症的44岁犹太小老头马克思·霍尔维茨（这个部分影像则变为黑白）。　　有时候，最有默契的陌生人，往往会成为最好的朋友……　　一个偶然的机会，玛丽和马克思找到了对方并开始了横跨了两个大洲、持续了20年的书信往来。两个人在字里行间所建立的友谊，虽然经历了生活的起起落落和悲欢离合，却顽强地一路前行。影片形式虽为粘土动画，但内容涉及的却是沉重的话题：关于自杀、酗酒、死亡、性和精神疾病。故事充满了黑色而怪诞的幽默感，把观众带入了一场关于友情、自我和对自我的剖析之旅，向人展示了两个人的精神世界、诉说了人类的本源。　　奥斯卡影帝菲利普·塞默·霍夫曼为肥胖男马克斯配音，而《阳光小美女》的女演员托妮·克莱特则为小女孩玛丽献声。　　《玛丽和马克思》是亚当·艾略特的首部长篇作品，也是是澳大利亚本土出品的第二部定格动画电影(第一部是《9.99美元》)。

剧照欣赏:
导演简介：　　导演亚当·艾略特在澳大利亚南部的一个农场长大，后来在维多利亚艺术学院（Victorian College of the Arts）攻读电影与电视专业。他的自述三部曲《叔叔》、《表妹》和《兄弟》在300多个电影节上获得了超过50多项大奖，而《裸体哈维闯人生》则获得了第76届奥斯卡最佳动画短片奖。　　《玛丽和马克思》是亚当·艾略特与老搭档梅勒妮·卡伯斯合作的又一部力作，有趣的是，《玛丽和马克思》首映当晚恰好是亚当与梅勒妮携手合作拍片五周年的纪念日。《玛丽与马克思》由Screen Australia、Adirondack和Film Victoria三家独立公司联合投资拍摄，Icon影业负责该片的推广发行。

影片花絮：
圣丹斯电影节开幕之作　　已有25年历史的圣丹斯电影节在2009年1月15日开幕式上将《玛丽和马克思》作为开幕影片。　　圣丹斯电影节的董事杰弗里·杰尔莫表示：“这是一部讲述两种人生、两种生活的影。这两个主角在生理上都有一点障碍，艾略特用黏土为我们描绘了两幅肖像作品。影片中充满了不期而遇的感动、笑料以及迫使我们思考的情节。《玛丽和马克思》这届圣丹斯电影节的开幕影片，也是第一部动画题材的开幕片。我相信，观众在看到影片之后，会对艾略特的工作报以热烈的掌声的，因为他制作出了一部耐人寻味、意味隽永的影片。更令人感叹的是，这样一部影片是黏土动画，并没有依靠过多的电脑动画技术，我想这是最让我感到振奋和感动的。”　　　　说到影片在圣丹斯可能的命运，杰弗里·杰尔莫说“这样一部说这种‘有点不正常’的友谊的影片肯定不会在圣丹斯受到冷遇”。影片的出品方ICON公司的CEO马克?古德（Mark Gooder）对影片的前途丝毫不担心，他说：“没有什么地方比圣丹斯更适合放映艾略特的影片了，他那无与伦比的才华以及对博爱和理解的渴望，肯定会打动所有的观众”。　　《国际银幕》的迈克·格德瑞奇认为：“这是一部用成人化的视觉语言构造的动画电影，充满着一种真实而又微漠的悲伤。”《票房》杂志的凯瑟琳·鲁德翠认为：“影片让人思考一个问题，在当下的社会中，还有没有人会设身处地地为别人着想呢？”《综艺》的理解是：“影片关于爱的主题诠释得很生动，但它缺乏说服力，也许是因为我们生活中可以的得到‘爱‘太少了。”注：圣丹斯国际电影节　　全世界首屈一指的独立制片电影节。圣丹斯电影节是专为没有名气的电影人和影片设立的电影节。由罗伯特?雷德福于1984年一手创办，经过这些年的积累，这个美国本土的小电影节已成为独立制片业的重要精神支柱，许多好莱坞的新锐导演都视其为执导主流商业大片的跳板。而好莱坞大制片公司要找新秀，“圣丹斯电影节”又是不容错过的人力资源库。一年一度的圣丹斯电影节每年1月18日-28日在美国犹他州的帕克城举行，为期11天。

与影片相关的一些数据
■从最初的构想到影片拍摄完毕，一共花了艾略特5年时间。真正进入黏土动画的拍摄时间是57周。整个拍摄团队只有50位工作人员，影片全长92分钟。计算下来这些人平均每周可以制作出2分半钟的动画成品。按照6位工作人员一小组计算，他们平均每天创造4秒钟的动画成品。
■整部动画片是由大约132480张独立的画面制作而成，剧组一共用了6台佳能数码相机拍摄这些静止的画面。
■一共有10个动画制作组和7个拍摄组同时工作。
■亚当?艾略特不仅是本片的编剧和导演，也是影片中所有形象的设计者。他表示是纽约摄影师戴安?阿伯斯（Diane Arbus）拍摄的与众不同的黑白肖像照激发了他的创作灵感。并且影片中有一个角色就是按照阿伯斯的形象设计的。
■影片中的所有文字——那些出现在街角商店橱窗里的文字、招牌上的文字、包装上的文字、啤酒瓶上的文字、玛丽和马克思之间的书信上的文字——统统是亚当?艾略特亲自书写。
■剧组里的那些美工，发明了一种叫做“Square i”的工作方法。他们花费大把的时间去模拟拍摄的角度并研究透视效果，在他们确认无误后，黏土动画师和摄影师才会真正开始工作。影片的设置过程中一种使用了212个黏土人，这些黏土人由黏土、复合材料、木棍和金属制作而成。每一个黏土人身上的各个关节都是可以活动的。摄制组特别为影片的两个主角制作了十几个拷贝。
■影片一共拍摄了133个场景。并且用两种截然不同的颜色来代表纽约和澳洲，分别是灰色和褐色。对于黏土动画而言，要拍摄这样的场景无疑是一项浩大的工程——从荒岛到巧克力商店都要被精心制作。对于摄制组而言，最大的挑战莫过于“捏造”出纽约的地平线了。同时这也是整个电影中耗时最多的场景。整个美工组的20人花了整整两个月时间才完成它。
■影片一共制作了475个微缩的道具，从酒杯到打字机，都是工作人员一点一点用黏土捏出来的。特别是影片中出现的那台老式打字机，工作人员花了9周时间设计和制作。
■为了能让主角面部活动起来，并且能做出各种表情以表达自己的情绪。他们需要一张能动的嘴和能动的眉毛——在每一定格中，工作人员都会给人物换一张不同的嘴。
■全片一共用了1026张不同的嘴，每一张嘴都是一张由橡皮泥包裹着钢丝的模型。为了让马克斯说话时动起来，剧组为他制作了30张嘴。
■影片使用了886只含有电线制作的骨骼的由塑料做成的手。
■剧组制作了394个瞳孔，每一个瞳孔和一个小瓢虫差不多大小。完全由技师手工制作，每个瞳孔制作出来之后，都被画上了一个闪亮的小白点。
■剧组一共有2位服装设师和147位裁缝，他们包办了影片中所有服装的设计和制作。玛丽的结婚礼服是按照戴已故的安娜王妃的结婚礼服设计的。艾维（Ivy）的连体衣取材于摄影师安妮?蕾伯维茨（Annie Liebowitz）母亲的连体衣。
■影片中一共使用了38个灯泡。这些灯泡也是由工作人员一个一个用黏土搓出来的。并且还在灯泡后面拉上了电线。
■808个Early Grey牌的泡茶袋在影片中出现，这是一项巨大的工程。几乎剧组里的所有人——从导演到美工，从制片人到服装服装设计师——都参与了泡茶袋的制作
■要创造出数量巨大的人物、场景和道具必须依靠强有力的模具支持，所以剧组一共制造并使用了632个黏土模具。这些模具的涵盖范围之广令人称奇，从人物的眼球到地板上的缝隙都是他们的“功劳”。
■一共有73公斤的塑料被用来制作人物的嘴、手和原始的骨架。每一批塑料模具都需要被漆成同样的颜色，并且按照相同的原料比例混合，以便有相同的质地、纹理、密度和熔点。
■12升润滑剂在影片中被用作流体。从杯子里的水到眼泪再到丛林中流淌的小河都是由这些润滑剂制造出来的。
■拍摄期间，整个剧组吃掉了260公斤西红柿、280公斤咖啡豆，喝掉了2600升牛奶，并且消耗掉了7800块松饼——其中有5236块是被导演吃掉的。

突发奇想

2011-01-12T08:39:00.000+11:00

突然想找个陌生男人同居一下。。。

深夜随笔1

2011-01-09T11:14:00.001+11:00

喜欢上一个不应该喜欢的人。。。慢慢的疏远一下，也许就会好点吧。

可是。。会不由自主的关心。。。希望他不会知道。。不然也许会主动走开吧。。

如果有一天，你说你想我了，我会对你说：晚了…

2011-01-09T07:51:00.002+11:00

摘自校内
1、如果有一天，你说你想我了，我会对你说：晚了…
2、离开你，我不会哭，因为你不配…
3、心痛的声音，你听不到，愚昧的我还在等什么呢？
4、轻轻地、不想打扰你。可惜还是碰到了让我伤痛的记忆！
5、留在你的身边，我的生命就只有一种可能，那就是痛苦。但是离开了你，我的生命就有一万种可能！
6、流金的岁月，似水的年华，伴随着你的离去，我葬送了我的岁月年华，你懂吗？
8、在我心底深处，有你意想不到的痛，到底还能撑多久，依旧保持我最坚强的微笑。
9、也许是我不够成熟，但也或许是因为你太年轻…
11、闭上眼，我看到了你的无所谓
12、不是我不在乎你，而是你所谓的在乎让我承受不起…
13、在这个世界上，没有人值得我哭，因为值得我哭的人，不会让我哭。
14、习惯了你的冷漠，突然的关心会让我不知所措！
15、你给的承诺就像星星一样，那么多，但是我永远也得不到！
16、人生最珍贵的两个字，就是“饶恕”！
17、心里的地方就只有那么大，有人进来就必定有人要离开！
18、人生太漫长，你只不过是一道风景！
19、生活中有很多东西，不是得到就是失去。也许我失去的很多，但必有所得！
20、活着的意义，不是说：“对不起”，而是说：“没关系”。
21、爱情就像烟花的绽放，再美丽也是一瞬间的华彩。
22、如果有一天，我死了，那我一定是化成了风，永远陪在你身边！
23、如果你注定不能给予我期待的回应，那么我们还是保持在安全的距离之外吧！
24、那些伤太美，使我不肯放下，以至于微笑也那么疼！
25、我开始喜欢最初的自己，那时候没有伤，不会哭泣！
26、自由代表的是内心永久的孤独。
27、现实太假，还是自己太傻？
28、一切因为寂寞，才开始了暧昧。
29、生活的真正意义是：生下来，活下去。
30、年龄不是差距，身高不是距离。
31、人生是一张单程车票，没有后退，没有返回！
32、虽然有时候我会心痛，但是我却拥有别人不曾拥有的幸福，所以我知足了！
33、在爱与被爱的选择里，我选择了被爱，错、又能如何？
34、在你的世界，没有我的存在，所以你感受不到我内心深处的苍桑！
35、滚吧，带上我最后的慈善，滚回你高尚的世界去吧。
36、心若没有栖悉的地方，到哪里都是流浪。
37、无论何时，无论何地，只要你需要我，我就会永远陪在你身边。
38、全世界都可以不理我，只有你不可以。
39、深深地拥入你的怀里，紧紧地贴在你的胸口，静静地聆听你心跳的声音！
41、我弱小的心灵，承受不了你狂风暴雨般的爱。
42、请不要再来破坏我内心唯一的一丝平静，我只想守住这平静，静静的看着你。

2011-01-04T12:30:00.001+11:00

The minute you think of giving up, think of the reason why you held on so long

back

2011-01-03T10:57:00.002+11:00

It's been years, since the last entry.

Many many many many things happened in these 2 years. I don't know how to start.

I lost the password to this blog, and i stopped blogging, but I found it today, sometimes, somethings are easy to retrieve back. However, there are so many things in life that, once you've lost them,there's no way for you to get them back. Never.

I really want to move on, but no one actually has taught me how too. My life is drama, I did not intend to be drama, but this is what life gave me, it is my natural response. I am just different.

Grandma, i normally do not confide in you my problems, last time i often was too proud to confide my real problems to anyone. I thought I can manage, I thought I could manage. It turns out that, no, I can't, I can never ever be able to reach where i am now all by myself. I often neglect those who are ready to help...those who are around me.

You know how much I miss you when finally admitted that i've lost you. those people out there, those people who are telling me that they are sorry to here about your passing, they don't not understand at all, i doubt they really gave a shit about what actually happened to you. I hate people when they just say things for the sake of saying them. That's why I cant make myself like the british, they arent as true and straightforward as we do grandma, words like, 'i'm so sorry, how dreadful, my condolences, my heart goes to...' arhhh...so casual to me, i don't trust a single thing in them.

grandma, to be honest, i don't understand you at all, you know i love you this much, but you actually never did consider me as your top priority did you? I knew it since years ago, but it didnt matter, but now it matters, i thought, the least you could do is to keep yourself alive and be healthy, that's all im asking for, if you do that, i'd not mind if im not your most loved grandchild, but now i mind, because you gave up, i hate you for that!

how can you leave me all alone on this bloody cold planet, i know i have friends, i know i have my parents, i know i have my teachers. but guess what grandma, they cant be used to replace you, not even 10% of you, even if you add them up altogether. no, no way...i am alone.

i just miss you miss you miss you, how do you think i can go back to your house this summer, how do u think i can face our tree and our cats and our fond memories??? what's the matter with you? can't you just come back?? I hate school, i hate the place...it's pretentious and it's restraining me.

下雨了。。

2009-06-07T17:35:00.002+12:00

外面下了好大的雨。

今天的伦敦真的好冷，不知道这种冷，是发自内心的，还是因为天气。总之，我在伦敦的夏天里，冻僵了。

我总是以为自己很坚强，现在才发现不是。

想念她的时候会痛，听他爱听的歌时会痛，跟他说话的时候更会痛。

错了，我错了，是我错了。我以为时间会帮忙，可以冲淡我对他的感觉又或者，可以慢慢的培养出我们之间的感情。如今发现，自己大错特错，时间做不到，过了这么久，我们还在原踏步。

曾经的我，喜欢追，你却喜欢躲。。真是笑话，我就真的要这样活这么？凭什么？

累了，真的是很累了。现在的我，对着你感到的不是爱慕，不是伤心，不是愤怒，不是怜悯，不是友情，是失望，是足以让我心灰意冷的失望。你是个最优秀的骗子，你没有做什么，却骗走了我的真心。手法真是让人无法挑剔，你在无形之间，让我爱上你，又用无形的方式，把我伤得一塌糊涂。从始至终，你清白无辜，全身而退。实令我感到佩服。

表面上的伤口，时间久了，终究会愈合。可是深藏在心里的呢？就算是伤口结疤了，也还是会留下深深的伤痕。我算是什么？算是什么啊？？不明白，你这样做算是什么？算是什么？

我不要了解你，我不要理解你，我做不到，为了要做到这些，我放弃了多少，我痛苦了多久？你是自私的，全世界最自私的人！为什么啊，既然不爱我，就让我彻底的离开，不要说那些挽留的话，不要对我好，你的好，我受不起，受不起！

累了，想去看海，就像《大海》唱得那样。。如果大海能够带走我的哀愁。。。

意大利--黑白相片

2009-01-07T00:08:00.005+11:00

意大利之旅 1--罗马

2009-01-04T03:08:00.034+11:00

很小的时候就一直期盼着能自己去旅行，和要好的朋友，自由自在的，很酷的样子。现在梦想实现了，不知道为什么，突然觉得也就那么回事儿。旅游对我来说是件很累的事情，尤其是和别人一起。我发现我不喜欢非常忙碌的旅行活动表，这也许就是我不喜欢跟旅行团出游的原因吧。我理想中的旅行应该是能把自己融入当地人的生活，比如在威尼斯一边喝着当地的Cappuccino 或者 caffe latte一边看船夫划桨。吹着小风，欣赏古典的建筑，这是多么令人心旷神怡的事情啊。下一次去旅行的话，一定要好好享受。希望四月的丹麦旅行会更舒服。

这一次去了不少地方，罗马，庞贝，梵蒂冈，比萨，佛罗伦萨还有威尼斯。总体上虽然带了广角镜头，但这次并没有什么心情去做一些proper photo takin. Oh well, may be because I was sick, or simply, not in the mood of taking photos. 不管怎样，还是整理出来了一些给老爸老妈看。不过为了版权，photographer's right嘛，所我在每张风景照上都加了‘mo's photo’的水印，以防别人盗窃偶的作品。哈哈，偶聪明吧。

罗马(Rome)

首都罗马，是意大利政治、经济、文化的中心，古罗马帝国的发祥地，文艺复兴时期的艺术宝库之一。罗马是一座历尽沧桑的古城，名胜古迹众多。万神殿、恺撒庙、君士坦丁大帝凯旋门以及古罗马贺形竞技场是其中的佼佼者。其它如遍布城内的各种雕塑、喷泉、随处可见的教堂、修道院都令人流连往返,常听老妈提到电影《罗马假日》，这次终于能看到真正的罗马啦。

这里曾经只有一些小村庄和农场分散在七座小山丘上，经过了很长一段时间，这里才从简陋的环境下发展起来，最终变成一个统治整个大陆的国家，拥有自己的语言、自己的法律、自己的历法。意大利在欧洲地图上看起来就像是一个悬挂的靴子，罗马就在它的半中间。这次差不多把罗马的名胜都玩遍了。

到罗马的第一天就去了Pantheon,(万神殿), 这座圆顶的万神之庙，其高度和直径皆为43.3公尺；外面的门廊有八根高大的花岗岩圆柱。　虽然这间万神殿当初是为了不得罪任何本神而建的，不过它的历史价值和建筑艺术已超过它的原始意图了。现在欣赏这座神殿，可以从外头广场上的方尖碑看起，然后观赏神殿保护完整的外观。不过我们到的时候已经是晚上了。

来到这里发现，意大利还没北京发达呢，有很多乞丐。地上也挺脏的。总体给我的感觉就是，他们老是靠着老祖宗，吃祖宗留下来的饭，那怎么够呢？唉，自作孽，不可活啊。落后的欧洲，衰落的帝国。

下面这几张是竟技场（Piazza del Colosseo）这座圆形的竟技场是罗马时代最伟大的建筑之一，也是保存最好的一座圆形剧场。这座竟技场是建于西元72年，它的创建者威思巴西安原是一位职业军人，在西元69年时登基为皇帝，并建立了弗拉维亚（Flavian）王朝。最初的计划是要建一座大型的竟技场...haha我还是知道一点历史的，虽然我研究的是近代史。总之，这竞技场是真的浩瀚无比啊！

和朋友在‘犯傻’-____-'''

梵蒂冈(Vatican)

梵蒂冈城国位于意大利首都罗马城西北角的高地上。国界以梵蒂冈城墙为标志。梵蒂冈城国是一个特殊形态的国家。教皇是世界天主教会的"精神领袖"，同时也是该国的元首，统掌梵蒂冈的立法、行政、司法之权。经济主要依靠在国内外投资和地产。无工农业，物品靠意大利供应。领土包括圣彼得广场、圣彼得大教堂、教皇宫。梵蒂冈内部的装饰非常的奢侈壮观。光是米开朗基罗的Sistin Chaple 就够大家叹为观止的了。对于我们学美术的人来说，就只有‘哇’的份儿了！

庞贝(Pompeii)

庞贝位于意大利西南沿海坎帕尼亚地区（Campania）的一座古城，位于维苏威火山东南麓，西北距那不勒斯仅40分钟车程(23公里)。庞贝历史悠久，公元79年8月为维苏威火山喷发的一瞬间被火山灰埋在了地下，却因此而保留了大量古罗马帝国的建筑遗迹和艺术文物，成为世界上最为著名的古城遗址。古城挖掘始于1748年，至1960年接近完成。城筑在面积约63公顷的五边形台地上，有长3公里的城墙所围绕，古罗马建筑物、工艺品及其他生活遗迹保存完好，为研究古罗马社会和历史提供第一手资料。著名的游览地。

去比萨的火车上(On the way to Pisa)

比萨(Pisa)

比萨的大教堂、洗礼堂和钟楼塔　比萨的大教堂、洗礼堂和钟楼塔等建筑，看上去像国际象棋比赛中的棋子一样竖立在广场上。它们组成了世界上最著名的建筑群之一。没有一个地方拥有像比萨那样的塔楼。它于1173年开工，直到14世纪才竣工。

佛罗伦萨(Florence)

佛罗伦萨是文艺复兴的发源地，许多伟大艺术家的精神故乡。这座意大利历史名城，曾经创造出人类历史上最璀璨的文明。但丁、波提切利、"文艺复兴三杰"都曾在这里留下不朽大作。作为历史的见证，城内有大量的博物馆、画廊、宫殿以及众多的教堂。这里，才是人类近代文明的"寻根"之所。

威尼斯(Venice)

威尼斯，即使早已过了海上霸权的年代，威尼斯所展现出来的气势仍旧是独竖一格，颓废与华丽的美感并存，迷离的情调勾引来自全世界的游客，而这片岛峡，就彷佛与世隔绝一般，独自过着属于威尼斯的慵懒岁月。倔强的威尼斯人，将一栋栋豪宅立在水中，任着潮汐侵蚀，失去往日亮丽的光采后，再一遍遍不厌其烦的装修。。。

Darkroom

2008-11-15T12:38:00.006+11:00

I have been doing some photography and darkroom stuff this week. Ever since I recovered from that really scary stomach infection or watever thing, I've lost my crave for painting. I don't know why, I will just get so irritated whenever I pick up the brush! And I might not even continue painting the series of paintings that im making!

colour photogram. I dun really like colour developing...too complex

B&W photogram..it's a heart shape

the above were done on tues..during the workshop

arhhh...my contact print for today!!!!

I did the developing of film an paper in one go, stayedin the darkroom for like 9hrs, i quite like the effects, but I havent printed all of them yet, not enough time. I think I will do it nxt week. I hope...haha

This is going to be a LONG post..........

2008-10-26T05:53:00.010+11:00

I bought the ticket for the Halloween Party on the boat for tues organised by SingSoc UCL, I am not at all pepared for it, I have no time to prepare for costumes and everything. I wonder why am I spending this 15 pounds,but I guess, I just want to sit on the boat and enjoy the night view of river thames, that sounds really romantic, even though the weather cast said that tmr's evening is very cold. I want to have some silent moment tmr, all to myself, but i guess it's going to be impossible, given that this is a Halloween Party. Once again, why the hell am i going there? I am beginning to not understand myself. I don't know if I want to integrate into this crowd or isolate myself away from the crowd, either way, I am not being myself.

Went to Gerhard Richter's exhibition at Serpentine Gallery on Sat. He is the so called "greatest living artist in the century" a German painter. I like some of his early works which he painted in realistic and almost romantic style, but as he ages his style changed, in his word, he follows a style of no style, meaning he loves to do art in all sorts of styles, he doesnt like to confine himself to just one iconistic style. Well, I do agree. This is this first of his 3 shows in England, it's about his recent invent of 4900 colours, each painting made up of coloured tiles arranged randomly. To be honest, I don't know what he is trying to convey, but still, it is to me, visually pleasing. I think I am able to understand more about non-figurative art. (photographs are not allowed actually, but I didn't know in the beginning, so i managed to 'steal' out a few shots) i think my classmates are more keen on gg to the Saachi Gallery instead...

In order to go to Serpentine Gallery, we have to go through this South Kensington Garden which looks really beautiful. I wished that my D80 was with me. I haven't had the time and energy to really bring out my DSLR for any photo trips yet but I hope, if I ever am going out for a photo trip, it could be some time soon.
Below are some of the photos I took on Sat and Sun.

It's almost the reading week for many many people except me, because, I don't have one. So there'll be one week which no one but yvonne and I have to go to school. So unfair, why don't the slade professors give us a reading week as well? It's always good to follow trend, the reading week trend, we artists must remain trendy...-_-'' okay, I know andrew will juz say 'stop bullshitting and go back to your work'...if he ever hears what i'm saying now.
And I think that my art has not been improved/developed/moving forward at all. It's stagnant, in other words, I am stuck. Now I think I can fully understand why so many artists have mental problems, it's just so depressing and scary when you are stuck at your work and idea and can't move forward. I hate this situation that I started off with a painting and I painted exactly the way I imagined it to be and then upon finishing, I suddenly feel that I hate the work and the idea and everything about this piece, and you will have this sudden strong urge of destroying the work. I am feeling this way for quite a few days now, I am quite a fast painter, but if I get stuck, I can remain stuck there for ages. I need to do something to this current series. I want to destroy them in a more subtle way. I am ging to add more elements to it so as to create more artistic language to the work, if not, I can't communicate with it.

these are the paintings that I'm very much pissed with. I really don't know what to do. So I went to the life drawing room and vent my anger there. Did a few weird life drawings, don't ask me why I did not draw/paint the whole body, I was just attracted by certain part of the female body, sometimes, somethings don't need a reason. (by the way, these are done on different days with different models)

So I starte off on another track : Photography. I would like to play with the darkroom developing soon, but not until I could get hold of a manual camera yet. I kind of got inspired by the many bikes which laid aroun the corners of london. So I used my canon IXUS60 to take some shorts, I like to see them in different contexts, giving an almost narrative value to the photographs though they are just static images. Somwhow, I have tis feeling that my works are turning more and more towards graphic design, I like things wit huge contrast, and I like B&W better. I think this sort of inclination is very clearly shown in the BIKEseries.

I started off with photography alone, and the colouring at the later part was plainly a pleasant accident to me. I was playing with the contrast of the photos and just as I was about to close and save the file, I accidentally pressed on the bucket icon and coloured part of the photo, and that's the grand beginning of what followed for the rest of the 3 photos. the final effect was (to me) very much design and graphic like.
This one is very commercial like, it has a very graphic design and poster look.

This is considered a failure to me as the big patch of colours just don't seem to fit in that nicely.

these two are my most satisfactory works. To me they look like a piece of art, really the pop art kind of feeling, screen printing just suddenly popped into my mind. The very 60s kind of style. I love the colour combination and the way in which the bikes are arranged ( they are positioned naturally), that adds to the atmosphere of the idea of forgotten and isolation and the sense of "neglect"

tried to put them togethr and realised that I ended up making huge posters, not even up to the standard of commercial posters. Later I decided to put them into my sketch book and make some sense outof it. I think I was out of my mind, but then again, this idea is still half developed, I just counldnt understand why I cant seem to finish up an idea, I always tend to stop at the 3/4 stage. shame on me.

This was Friday evening, after lesson I saw ppl up on the stairs, so I went to take a look. They are the students of Urban Design, presenting their projects and models. I felt kind of envious because they've at least got projects to do, not like me, just venturing in the art world blindly. I am very goal oriented person, I need to have some specific goals for me to achieve, right now, the target is too vague.

So I got quite depressed and took the tube to trafalgars square, so this artist painting right in front of the national art gallery. I am not sure if it is performance art, but he seems so at ease to make art, and here i am, so frustrated. I think, I am still just tooyoung to understand the essence of making art. the philosophy of art making. haha. so chim.

A little consoling present from jiejie, she went shopping for clothes but ended up coming homw with halloween chocolated, how cute. haha.

And I talked to jiayi on MSN for quite a longlong time on Sunday. the feeing was great. I ask for no more than just being able to talk to him like a friend. going back to the old days. hah, I can suan him and he can act dumb or complain or scold me or anything, we can again, just crap on random things and joke like nobody's business, 一种久违了感觉。是友情吗？我不清楚也不想费心搞清楚，因为我已很满足。我跟他说，上了大学才知道，许多曾经的人会变的让你认不出，但请留住回忆；是因为，我感觉到身边的人，我曾认识的人，已经变了，我只能留住曾经的记忆。但很遗憾的是，我发现自己已经没有兴趣去挽救什么所谓的曾经的友情。而我明白，当我对一件事情无所谓了的时候，就是该放手的时候。所以，我不再像以前那些年我们是多么的亲密，事实摆在眼前，我们已比此厌倦。我还跟嘉易说了，上了大学才知道，从现在开始应该把握每一个你能把握的人，放弃你留不住的人，不要因为想留住个别人而失去一群人。那是因为我懂得我留不住他，所以早已下定决心去把握未来，而我也希望他能明白，爱情是不能强求的，有些事情不能抓的太死，他也该是时候忘记那该死的暗恋，寻找属于他的天空了。我总是觉得他是个很坚强有很脆弱的人，是个不太纯的白羊座。我曾经说过就算我恋爱了，我的心中还是会有个属于嘉易的地方，是那种很好很好的好朋友的位置。我不再幻想，回到现实的我，只想再次牢牢抓住我和他之间曾有过的美好单纯的友情。我还是很喜欢他，但，不再带着野心，只是希望他好，我自己也好。这样的感觉，真好。

2008-10-22T10:25:00.006+12:00

The B&W photos by mo

The ones I like the most are the bicycle and flower+cloud photos. I like the contrast in the bicycle one and the lack of contrast(therefore, dreamy feeling) in the flower+cloud one. arhh, generarlly, i like B&W photos. But they could be much more interesting if I can use a manual camera to take them and develop in the darkroom, so muh more interesting.

Yes, that's me, looking lazy and confused and anything but hardworking. I went to slade at 1050am just to sign my name and then I took the tube back home for lunch, went to the bank to settle my address problem( they have been sending my bank statements to my spore address). Then I went back to Salde again, instead to trying to be hardworking and start painting, I decided to sit on the UCL main building and sun tan. It's very nice to be up there, and it feels extremely comfortable to be showered with the sunshines, really, i love UCL more than ever now. But I guess, I need to wear sun glasses and put on sun block, I think half of my face is more red than the other, or should I tan more of my the other half of my face tmr? I'll see about it.

that's the sun, look at the sculpture it's trying to sun the sun as well, oh but, without the sun, the place would be freezing cold....

Okay, this isnt a photo taken by me, it's from the net but the reason Im showing this is to tell you where i was sitting, yep, right up the stairs, right under the blue nude painting (extreme right one). yep...so cool...at least i think so, im gonna do it again tmr, it's so much better than the heater in the studio.

Finally, after wasting one hour with the sun, I finally decided to do something fruitful. And I went back to my studio to paint. I think I am a person who gets bored of things really quickly, I was tired and bored with the one that i was painting ysd, it wasnt finished, but I just don't feel like continuing it today. So I started off on a new painting, in the same series. it's background is about the old houses in beijing, I always love to draw/sketch/paint them.

getting onto the right track though the tapes arent really helping, I have no sense of what is called "straight"!

stopped. haiz...

the result of 2 "half" days's work... -____-'''

I went to the Union to join the cubs today, paid 13BGP, I joined art, photography and spore society. I am aiming to join the exco in art and photography, cos the posts in art sounds interesting and as for photography, I want nothing but darkroom manager's post, I am really going to continue my 'career' as the darkroom manager, must try to reverse the "slack DM" image. Actually, sj can prove for me that i am quite hardworking when I was the DM in njps, just that, I got involve in too many outside DM's stuff, this time, my focus is just DM and DM alone

Went for the darkroom induction for UCL photogsoc, I was very on time, the darkroom manager Lorenzo was very pleased. I noticed that he brought a cup of coffee into the darkroom while telling me that no food or drinks are allowed in the DM at anytime, he winked at me, haha, well, all darkroom managers around the world are the same, haha, we are very easygoing casual people when it comes to art. haha.

everybody else was late, so he showed me ard the DM and asked why I was interested in Photography, after I told him what I did in nj, he immediately told me that I don't need an inducton anymore, haha, he's like saying 'you're off now, you know everything already!' haha, oh well, but I feel I need the induction, not everything's really the same as njps, like they have this really interesting entrance, they have the real huge sink and everything else, more high tech of course, and bigger. But one thing he told me is that, haha, like what we used to do in njps, they recycle their chemicals as well. I'm really excited about this UCLPS thing, I am all ready to embark on a new journey with them, perhaps, hopefully, a less jerky journey comparing to njps. haha, sj, you muz agree with me, don't you? haha.

SIJIE!

I saw your blog today, I think you can go change course to somethin like, literature, language art, political science, photography, digital art...haha, all these but not math and econs, like what you are doing now. You are such an ARTISTIC person inside lah. I really love yourblog, the thing is that it always end up making me think ( u know how hard it is to make someone like me to really think, my brain lacks exercise), really deep thinkings. well, si jie, you muz jiayou! And I absolutely agree with you on the condolence letter thingy, it sounds like a letter to showoff their victory against the dead, sounds rather triumphant actually.

as for US election, OBAMA will win, yeah, haha, and the global recession, I always hear about it from the econs students', they are always talking about how hard it is to find an internship right now and things as such, and I rmb telling them somthing like "why are you guys the ones worry about not able to get a job when your friend here, is taking a course which hundreds of years ago, ppl who took her course almost all ended up starving??!" haha, yeah, i mean, artists, we are unemployed since like ages ago, haha, but we live in the idealistic world. that's why, i think I hvnt really feel much about this global recession yet.

outside area, film developing
wet area, for chemicals and washing up and developing on paper
cute entrance to block away any light
enlarger

followed by really bad dinner!

just about 2 or 1 hours before I typed this entry, the fire alarm rang and I was like what the helll!! yes, cos I was wearing my silk night gown, very little cloth type -_-''' and I had to follow the rest and run down the stairs and stand outside in the wind for like 15 minutes. I hate fire exercises, I hate them even more when they are at night, I hate them when i was in china, i hate them when i was in spore, and now, i hate them when im in london. I just had one fire alarm exercise in slade ysd when I was about to pee. haiz....they always come at the wrong time for me.

Casual photography by mo...in london

2008-10-21T11:26:00.004+12:00

These are taken on last Friday Morning and late afternoon, when I was on my way to and back from school. All taken with my canon IXUS60, sometimes, the qualit of the photo is not determined by the quality of you camera, a good photograph need either concept/the ability to capture something special when others just tend to miss it. All other things, colour,white balance, contrast, shutter speed, aperture etc might not matter that much when you are really into photography. Though I always try my best to learn as much about technical skills as possible, it never became an integral part of my photography works. I just feel that I need to have the feeling whenever I take photos. yep, that's it, enjoy. :) nxt entry would be black and white series. :)

2008-10-20T11:11:00.007+12:00

Sat and Sun i went to this art show near my house called THE FREE ART FAIR, it's funny as it gives out all the works in the show at the end of it. so i tried queueing up on sun, ard afternoon. it's not following the first come first serve basis, you have to be lucky that what you have picked isnt picked by anyone who'sbefore you, if not, you wont get it and you will have to return home empty handed. Many peopled campedoutside te gallery for days just to queue in the front and im kinda late to Q up only on the last day evening. Anyway, when it was my turn, they announced that there's only 2 pieces of art lft and by that time, there were still at least 50+ people behind me. But they announced that there were 3 more pieces left when there's 15 people in front of me, so yeah, many people couldnt get their hands on any works even after Q-ing for so long. But i was bloody lucky, i picked thi installation which is this table, and i got it! it's bySaron Hughes, well, it looked completely different from the picture shown on the art booklet but i guess it's the projection kind of thing yeah. Mr low told me to ebay andsell it and im like..wow...i know nuts about ebay!

anw, very happy at the moment thought i duno what i can do about this table...

so, go and take a look at the website then you'll know what i am talking about

http://freeartfair.com

yep

my space in the studio, getting smaller cos of the increasing stuff hahahaha
a classmate's work, made by salt
another one's work, duno what she's doing
another one

this is done by Sean
this one by a Bulgaria guy
Tom's work, abstract, he uses the paint which people use to paint the bike so it kinda stinks up the whole studio
a korean gir, min's work
hahaha, my locker in the studio

overview of the studio...hahaha messy

overiew 2
fanny, the HK girl's work
debby's work, made of scraps she collected

me trying to cut the wood using the hand saw
so many woods, my collection!

muz mark it so people wont steal..hahaha

Day after Day

2008-10-13T09:49:00.005+12:00

London is really different from singapore, haha, this was a sign board i saw at one of the crossing in London. Quite funny, jon was the one who pointed out actually. oh well, hope he enjoyed the stay in my pathetic little room, haha.

As I was saying 伦敦是个很奇妙的地方，这里的人有时懒散有时严肃，这里的景象缤纷多彩。有高楼，有大厦，也有古香古色的建筑。这是一个古老而优美的城市，在你不经意之间，常常会错过一些小小的美好。就好像这条小径，坐落在不起眼的地方，但只要我们细心留意，就不难发现这简单、素雅的美丽。

我曾经说过很多次，我喜欢阳光洒在身上的感觉。就好像金子一样，对我们受用无穷。当柔软的光线从层层树叶中穿透，带出不同层次色调得绿时，那种美丽，只可会意，无法言传。

打扮美美去吃晚餐！改善伙食！

羊肉串！我的最爱！虽没北京好吃但也还不错，总算是不虚此行！点了不少的菜，有水煮肉，葱椒小牛柳，鱼，蒜炒菠菜，羊肉串和白菜豆腐汤，挺健康的吧。花了近60英镑，还不算太贵！哈哈！我们五个人吃了8人份的饭！

和我同住一宿舍的男生们，左：马来西亚男生zulian 右：北京男生贺兴达
Ron mueck's super realistic sculpture, very huge very real!
Big Draw event at the British Museum, very fun!
Posing with the royal horse and its master...heehee

Arhhh....so many things happened, and I really wanted to blog abt them but somehow...time flew past at some...lightning speed or something.

school is getting sian, esp after i fell sick, but there's one kinda funny thing. I was supposed to have a lecture by a visiting artist in the morning on thurs, and when I reached sch, the lecture was canclled cos the lecturer was sick. And So i did my screen printing workshop, btw, it's really cool, the drying of the screen was inside this black coated drying box, much more high tech then nj, when we did it, lu yilin and yasmine chan practically blocked out the darkroom for the whole day, yeah, juz to dry up that small little silkscreen whereas here, it takes abt 15min for a pretty huge screen. okiee...back to the topic, yeah so i'm suppoed to have contemporary art lecture at 430pm by this artist called Dan Perfect. but when i returned after lunch at abt 2pm, a notice was put up saying "The lecture by Dan Perfect is cancelled due to serious family illness" and i was like "HUH!"

so I went to as my prof Ju, she was damn shocked when i told her that the lecture was cancelled and i heard her saying this to herself "huh, so Dan Perfect isnt that perfect afterall huh!" and i am VERY SURE that i bursted out laughing...haiz...haha...

yep, and that concluded my week as no more lessons's on fri and sat...i had my very first tutorial grp lesson with my personal tutor Peter Davis, he's this shy and tall and skinny man who's quite cute. Oh well, my grp is kinda boring, many people were late and after gathering everyone, Peter asked for people to volunteer to talk about his or her works, (we have to talk about our past and current works) and after a few tries with no one volunteering, he decided to go by the namelist and my heart suddenly sunk, yes I AM THE FIRST NAME ON THE LIST! so i guess i was pretty shoked by it and i took over his paper and checked, and double checked and triple checked and resigned to my fate. guess this action greatly amused peter davis, he became very cheerful and happy and started teasing me -___-...oh well, itshldnt be hte case as other grps all had the seniors start talking, in my grp, there's only 2 yr1s and the rest are yr3,yr4,yr5 and exchange students who are yr3...-__-''' anw, i had a pretty, rushed opening, explained my works...i guess peter likes my name, for the rest of the time, whenever a person explains his or her work, peter wld juz point at me and say "so, mo, what do you think about this piece of work?" or "hmm, mo seems to have something to say!yahoo!" and im like -____-'''''

haiz....i kinda of used all the vocab and all the art terms and all my imaginations, things like feminism, things like surreal, things like simultanerous contrast...blahblahblah...and worse of all, there's this guy who actually made a glove, yes! a very normal, ugly looking glove and I AM SUPPOSED TO COMMENT ON IT! and i was like, god, save me please!!! haiz...a very freaky tutorial, that's all i can say.

PS: i ponned sch on fri, but because of it, i forgot that my books are due on mon so im gona be fined, 30penny per book each day, and i have 4 overdue books. my wallet is feeling the pain :(

2008-10-07T09:48:00.005+12:00

I havent really had time to update my blog esp after i fell sick, it's kind of sad to fall sick within the first wk of arriving here. But it isnt all my fault, life's been really busy, art course isnt slack at all, I have to sign in to sch at no later than 10am EVERYDAY. And, the food here sucks lah, so unhealthy and sinful, and least the food in my hall is, im missing china and spore food like duno wad. And, the weather, really, in london, if it doesnt rain, i'd be happy like a bird but unfortunately, it rains likee 50% of the year and the weather can really get you very frustrated, it rains and stops and rains and stops this can happen a few times in a day. Moreover, the change in temperature when it rains is really drastic, the wind's very strong, I went to tate gallery with karen and shangyi them and on the way, it started to rain and wind became stronger, karen commented:" OMG, I THINK IM FLYING AWAY! and im like..."I'LL BE HIGHER THAN U IN THE AIR!"

really, the saddest thing when u are alone, overseas, is to fall ill. haiz...im very unfortunate this time, but i've learnt to protect myself, now im wearing my prepared winter clothes liao, duno what will happen to me in winter, but at least, i have to survive now to think about winter right?

I had a busy day today, 730 woke up for breakfast, 930am reached slade for weekly meeting with tcher, repainted grandma's portrait, then started a new piece of painting, went for life drawing( the nude drawings) then came back to finish up the new painting, it is more of less done, juz need a little bit of touch up, and went for head prof. john Aiken's lecture at 5pm. Im totally exhausted today...but i still have to prepare for tmr, i have tutorial with my tutor Peter Davis at 10am and I'm supposed to talk abt my work, his tutees comprise of the y2,3,4 and post grads, and only 2 undergrads are under him, im sweating now! shit...what to talk abt?!

my palette, it's a piece of art on its own!

gg to start on the new painting!
making outlines
colouring...i used palette knife to paint this time, a new approach
almost done~! can u see what's the thing that im painting?

repainted grandma's face

my first life drawing class, it was funny, the lecturers dun tell you that u muz go for it but then i feel strongly that i shld go, quite a fun experience, hope nxt time can get a male model. but i was juz wondering why the guy classmates in my class only drew/painted the breast and the...lower sensive part...only okay, not the whole body...hmmmm

went to central london with karen them on sat
my senior's exhibition, wah....talk abt that, that's a show put up by slade adn goldsmith yr2 students, and it is totally rubbish, i wonder if i will turn out to be like that nxt yr, i'd hate myself man! haha haiz...kk, go sleep le, tmr got many things to do arh

long busy but fruitful days

2008-10-03T11:34:00.008+12:00

Life has been busy, like always, now i've realised how much time i've wasted for the past 9months, i should have done something. Most of my classmates had either done their foundation at cambridge or other UK art schools. Currently I'm just trying to get started on something, anything, need to get familiar to painting first, and after that may be something else, I did a sketch of UCL main building and now am doing an acrylic piece, painting my grandmother.
Oh, i did a little installation using the tree branches too, rather interesting.

This was the slade year 2 interim show, the year twos had to do this exhibition. honestly speaking, i was really disappointed, i mean, the works, most of the works we saw seems to have no meanings or efforts involved or whatsoever, they also do not explain their works, i only fine less than4 interesting ones, hope i will be able to do better nxt yr.

because the rest are so bad, i kind find this one nice, but of course, comparatively.
this piece of installation is quite cool and i can see the effort that the artist put in, really, it's not htat i cant understand or appreciate contemporary or conceptual art, it's just that, im the kind who needs to see some efforts being put into the making process, really.

this piece is another one that i quite like, i rmb som old british ladies were exlaiming " this is absolutely fascinating!" and i was like, yeah, okay...looks good, hahhaa...

these two, above and bellow, are completely not understandable, simply complicated. Confusing i would say, i spent an average of 1s on each of these works.

arh...this one i quite like though the idea isnt new anymore, at least, it is a piece of figurative work

I Love this one, so cute and delicate and tiny! all the small cooking equipments and utensils, wow, so mini lah! but the sink is actual size, they actually have a mini fridge for it as well!

arh, british take beer as drinking water i guess, when we went for the show, there was this guy who stands at the door to give out beers, and there's nowater, only bear or wine..wow, and it tastes...so bloody bitter!

oh this is my sch lib, very old, as i was saying, i bet that evcery corner of this lib is dangerous and everything in this lib including the doors and tables and chairs is a fire hazard to me...hahaha...dusty as welll...looks like the harry potter movie's lib.
On my way home with some huge drawing papers, paper in london is ex!
I sometimes feel that the scenaries in London can be quite surreal at times, look at this and the nxt few photos, omg lah.

2008-09-28T11:14:00.006+12:00

My Studio....

It's not at all surprising that i've chosen a seat that allows me to be able to see the window, it's wonderful when the sunlight shines on you, in London, the sunshine is simply magical, and not to be mentioned that I can be able to 欣赏the view of UCL's main building, I have to say that it's a fantastic piece of architecture. No wonder "Batman Begins" used it as the scene for "British Library" when they were unable to shoot at british lib.

My table and studio space, there aren't any separated spaces like what we used to have in njc, like individual cubicles, everyone works in this studio, but nobody really cares about what the rest are doing, slade is really a competitve place, people are frantically trying to find inspirations to start working. Hmmm....

London Walkabout ( with UCL spore society)

The rive Thames and LondonEye, it's in the late afternoon and the scene's really cool, cooler than it is on photo, it's a pity that I did not bring my D80, could have a better shot of it, but in future may be, very soon I'm gg to have a photo trip, it's just too fascinating.

Some Egyptian stone, I really don't know how many things did the British steal from countries all over the world, they have some of the most precious artefects and ancient collections from Egypt, India and China. I wonder why they feel so proud about having to exhibit things that don't belong to them, oh well, it's a shame that those things can't be exhibited in their motherland.

If you look carefully, there are actually some holes on the pedestal and the obelisk, as mentioned on that piece of metal board, these are caused by war, by the fragments of a bomb dropped in the roadway during WWI. War's never good, but guess what, UCL has just announced to detach itself away from University of London and is starting to give out its on independent degree, and to be able to do this, the university has to be RICH as it will stop receiving funds from University of London, and guess what, UCL gets most of its fundings from investing in munision/weapons/arms, it earned loads from Iraq war and it's the Uni that benefited from war the most...hmmmmm...

The same goes to British Museum and their National Gallery. Oh but, one simply can't deny that the view at Trafalgar Square is one of the most impressive scene in central London. I managed to get those amazing shots with just a compact camera, with perfect angles and perfect sunlight you getperfect photos, that's the case witht he fountain taken at trafalgar sq, i love it, simply love it!
This man, was drawing on the floor right in front of the British Gallery, with his soft pastels and everything lying on the floor, he just did his work freely, like nobody's business, i like this kind of freedom and courage, afterall, art can be done at anywhere, anytime, this guy really knows it well.
\His final work...

The Inland Revenue Building...all the gov. buldings are quite old and adopts the victorian architecture style, i mean, most of them.
River Thames again...

This is the "Senate House" now used as London University Union/Library. This building's architecture is unique and non-victorian style, it was adored by Adolf Hitler who ws fascinated by it's structure, thus the Nazi fascists loved this building, during the 1930s WW2, the British facist leader Sir Oswald Mosley almost wanted to use this buidling as his Nazi headquater. Also, if you have read George Owell's 'Animal Farm' you'd realise that the "Ministry of truth" was shaped or inspired of modeledafter this building, George Owell worked here for a period of time. Also, the torture room was modelled after the library headquater in this building as well.
A theatre, showing the musical "Queen", I'd like to catch a few nice musicals if they arent too expensive, haha, besides Phantom of the Opera, i've not watched any real musicals, but phantom is really good, hmm, it reminds me of the murder case that happened a few days ago, just in oxford street, a few minutes walk from my hall, a young lady was stabbed to death by this person who wore a phantom mask...hmmm, london street isnt very safe for now.
We had dinner together in this chinese restaurant in chinatown. I was really pleasantly surprised as I realised that this was the same place that mr low brought us to when we had our 2005 immersion trip to london, exactly the same place! For a moment I was overwhelmed by the memories which flooded my mind, the good old times once again. You know the fountain at trafalgar square? there's a lot of coins in it, people throw coins in it as there is a saying that if u throw a coin in it, you will definitely come back to this place in future, i forgot if i had thrown the coin in 2005, but here i am, back to the same place, it feels like dreams...

2008-09-26T09:58:00.008+12:00

UCL Main entrance...so many people are for Fresher's Fair

that's a really long queue!
I love such scenes, ppl sitting on the grass under the tree...hmmm

One of my classmate, a jap gal, Likako
Me, on London street

Photog, of course i join lahhh like de!
my art workroom, the tables are...hmm..coughcough**
This is really funny! I duno what club or society this is, but giving me this...i din realise what it is until i look at it really closely when i got to my room...at first, believe me, i tot it was butter...
-____-'''

Art society

Ice society..arh regretted for not bringing my skates along...

hahaha...spanish club...i wana learn spanish..but a bit odd hor?

Life seems to have picked up its pace. I slept early ysd, it was really cold in London at night. I slipped into my warm 真丝蚕被and had a great sleep. It feels really at home. Woke up at around 7+ in morning, naturally, it's amazing. I am now very used to this environment, I've made friends, Japanese, Korean, Hongkonger and many others.

Rushed to school to meet my professor Joe( it's strange that she's a female...with this name), the professors at Slade are now calling me Mo instead of MoWang, it really makes me feel better haha. Hmm..they are really blur people, blur but nice, they always get confused with all the meetings and ended up arranging things that clash with each other. Now I am unsure if I am supposed to do the 3min presentation tmr or on Monday and when's the picnic at UCL. I was made to watch this "really impt" fire safety video with the postgraduates today, I felt so out of place for that 45minutes because everyone around are so like uncles and aunties! haha...I had a tour around slade, nothing very surprising, everything looks...Old and Dirty, but that's what an ancient art school suppose to look at isn't it? But still, the shocking part came later when I learnt that they are not supplying us with anything, not even paper, it's going to be a very expensive 4 years in London. the 390pounds art material fees are definitely not enough for me to do a proper job here in slade.

Went to the fresher's fair, there's many clubs and societies, and I've signed up for many. Most are those that I'm familiar with but the gliding club seems a little more dangerous, I signed up for sign language as well, hope to learn something new, but unfortunately, I can't find Sporean society and was told that they decided not to have a booth this year, i wonder what happened to them :/...I realised that those people in my course are rather, bitchy and blonde and...i'm not very sure, first impression, the asians all put make ups to school...hmmm...

I am dead tired today...hope tmr's better...the professors are not giving us any proper lessons until nxt week, but they are asking us to start painting by tmr, but, PAINT WHAT? WHEN I DUN HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I SHOULD PAINT AND I DUN HAVE MUCH MATERIALS WITH ME?! haiiiizzzz

到伦敦了！

2008-09-25T06:51:00.014+12:00

我的学生证。。。终于。。。成为大学生了。。。

从我宿舍房间看去，窗外依然秋色盎然，谁说秋天是悲伤的季节？那逐渐变红的叶子，代表的是激情！

刚搬进来时的画面。。。

一个新的开始，从零开始。。。。

要记录下，成长时的点点滴滴。。

终于，一切开始显得正常。。。

开始像个家了。。。。

花色的被单，充满了快乐的气息。。。

好爱我的tigger。。。

终于都收拾好了！

Thanks to so many friends who came to see me off at the airport ysd..thanks to jon's map, thanks to junzhan senior's 'photo taking service', thanks to caroline for coming to the airport all the wayyyy frommm 'MARS" hahaha and thanks to xinying's lovely present, thanks to belinda's massage and thanks to victoria's little cute diary notebook! ahha,did i miss out anyone? hope not. I didn't cry, expected.

Caleb is just a failure senior, he was almost being brought to japan...what a big mistake. anyway, my luggage was way over the limit, thanks to the nice SIA officer who waived it for me and I have never felt so clever before. Instead of taking a taxi like everyone else who went to London, I decided to take a coach to Victoria Station and then take a taxi from there. Good views on the road, and much cheaper price, I spent 16Pounds inclusive of tips and those who took taxi, spent 60+ pounds. haha...and I got my room 59... a nice room...

Went to Slade to register, went to UCL to register and went to HSBC and went to buy a phone card. hmmmmm seems that everything's more or less settled now, i've got my booklist today and i've got my timetable...shall go look at it now and....arhhhh tmr's my first day of sch, the tutors and professors all wants to see me because I was the only person who is late, so they all wana "charge" my battery...im kinda scared of tmr.

2008-09-20T20:07:00.018+12:00

那时的天特别蓝

他的话总是那么温柔又倔强

男：做我女朋友吧

女：你不乖哦

男：好吧，那么从今天起为你变乖

我们都是些任性着想被爱的孩子

责任

我们还没有概念

我只是想留在你的生活里

你的每一张照片的另一边都是我

多少年以后

给孩子

给孩子的孩子看着

这个男人曾使我坚定过

他总是让我心软

总是原谅他的坏脾气

我看着他孩子般的笑容

我突然间的觉得这个男人会和我一起走很久很久

他说：你是我的永远

永远是多远。。。

那年夏天

很好的阳光

6月2日

你说爱我

我相信了

那时我们一起听一首歌《左岸右岸》

他固执的换了音乐

他说

我们不要两岸相望

要永远在一起

我说他傻

那时的我一定很美

女孩天真的梦啊。。。

象水晶一样

那么唯美

却那么易碎

女孩：世界上最幸福的表情

就是象我现在这样被宠溺的表情吧

男孩：当我看着你被宠溺的表情

我所浮现的表情才会是最幸福的吧

我问你为什么沉默

你说只是想就这么安静回

那时我们靠的那么近

我却依然难过

我想不到你在想什么

或者什么都没有想

你怎么忘记了

我多想和你一起分享

无论是什么

我们单独在一起的日子越来越少了

其实不是要多浪漫

只是想就那么和你待着

你是喜欢玩的孩子

我多想陪着你

你抱着我说

别想那么多

可是怎么身边总是有那么多人

让我无法靠近

有一天

连你的身边站着的那个人都变了

亲爱的，我难过

还有多少时间能错过

我想抓紧

怎么都那么难

看着你对着她的笑容和眼神

我心都碎了

不要怪我多想

我没有想

不要怪我不理解

我有原谅

我只是感觉我的感觉

那一瞬间变的好无力

曾经你是多么的疼我。。。

我依然天真的以为这不是真的

我们会象当初一样幸福和快乐

你依然会看见我流泪就心疼的搂在怀里

你依然会在那个地方等我

你依然会陪着我

怎么一下子

就变了

我不怪她

谁都没有错。。。

你还记得吗

我们第一次亲吻

你笑的那么满足

原来

你真的也可以和别人有同样的吻

原来

你真的也可以说不爱就不爱了

原来

我的离开无所谓

我依然记得在你手机存着我的那些照片

我依然记得在你手机里那满满的我的短信

我依然记得你记下我说想你的日子

我依然记得

你说爱我

可是我怎么忘记了

你已经变了

在墨绿色的田间中只有风吹过，

男生只是低着头走

无声的沉默象是快要下雨的天空

只有某种青春象是被某种汁液染成暗色
只有女孩无力却固执踢着男孩时的眼泪撕扯
她在想，你明明可以保护我的，为什么不。。。

我该离开你了

你现在过的好吗

是不是还那么固执还那么发脾气

是不是还那么喜欢玩游戏

离开

我只是无能为力

我真的不明白
怎么能一下子就不爱了

你记不记得

你说要办场晚会给我

我只有一个观众

就是你

年少时我们因谁因爱或是只因寂寞去同场起舞沧桑后我们何因何故寂寞如初却宁愿形同陌路

多年后你会不会记得有一个女孩很努力的珍惜过你
如果知道结局我们还会相爱吗?

My sch and hall

2008-09-16T20:36:00.013+12:00

they say that...this is the inside of slade...eh

ahaha..ok
not too bad. The entrance of slade/ucl im unsure

but im damn sure that the blue

paintings are works of slade, now i get a taste of the artistic atmosphere there.

the other building of ucl...or slade...im confused.

Arhh...the main entrance of ucl/slade...eh shit...i think im really confused...

K now, let's see my accommodation: Nutford Hall

front

Side

Near
Garden

depressing....deadlines

2008-09-16T04:35:00.003+12:00

nah, uk is a place full of nuts. Let's talk about my accommodation application.

round 1)

mo is being rejected by ucl accommodation for late application ( my form reached them 2 days late because they dun work on weekends and my form stayed at their postoffice). though they stated on both websites and reply postcard that whether or not u get a housing in ucl, they will inform mo by 5th sept. However, the notice NEVER came, and mo had to call over just to be informed that she's gona be homeless when she reaches london.

nvm

round 2)

mo called again to check if she's at least on their waitinglist. the answer is that they considered her application and put her data into their computer already but no, she's not on their waitinglist, so mo asked how can she be on, then they said by applying..-_____-'''' and mo said she know by applying but how to apply...the brit sighed and sighed and sighed, mo thinks that she thought mo is retarded. but anw, mo rather be seen as a retard than to have no house. later, the person told mo how to apply and the deadline(which is the day itself) to apply to be on waitinglist. only when mo went to the given website did she realise that the housing's not ucl housing but intercollegiate halls. nvm, mo's desperate.

round 3）

applied for intercollegiate hall. received email on 12th night that i have to send in my deposit and acceptance form by 5pm14th sept. and im like it's weekends! sent in email, they din reply. rushed down to postoffice the nxt day and sent by speedpost but it said that have to take 2-4 working days to reach. then mo went home, tried to call nutford hall, both the phone line and email were shut cos of weekends. when u call, u hear" the number you have called is invalid" when you email. the email gets bounced back, this continued way into spore time 15th's afternoon.

round 4)

finally mo received email reply from nutford ( the email she sent on friday night), the bloody brits now then tell her that:

Dear Wang

You can send us the offer by e-mail or fax.

Please note that we need to receive the offer by 4pm today {Monday 15th September}

Kind Regards
Paola Serrano
Assistant Bursar
University of London Nutford House

guess what, mo received it at 1044pm 15th sept spore time, which is 344pm london time and she has to sent in the form before 1059pm spore time to meet the 4pm london time deadline. but luckily, due to asian's high efficiency, mo did it.

round 5)

then mo got this reply from them just now asking mo to send in 2 passport photos no later than 1st sept...-_________________-'''''''''''' mo is gona faint liao....

IRRITATING BRITISH!

when reality strikes me..

2008-09-15T19:58:00.003+12:00

mo needs to stay cool for a while...it seems like the right time....

problems after problems, it seems that I just can't stop worrying about things. Vsia, orientation, housing and on top of all these, the dread of having to start school in a foreign environment. It's really strange that i've been just sleeping and eating and meeting friends only these days but i feel so so so tired, like as if i've been working non-stop. all the mental torture...i'm experiencing what it is called as 'growing up'

if i hadnt been so naive and went to make the visa, i would have been on the plane to london right now, or maybe, have reached there. Suddenly it seems that life can be just a joke, what happens to us depends on just one single decision made by ourselves, and it's scary, come to think of it, cos, i have to make billions of decisions, big or small, in my entire life. one step goes wrong, every step that follows will bear the consequences. haiz...

okie, i do admit that all these things that happened these days made me even a more pessimist than last time. arh...i realised that i havent really smiled since....may be after the greenlink gathering last friday. i had a really good time, thanks to mr loh and the other greenlinkers, agnes and karen and jingjie and hongyi and connie and liting and hunkiat and myself, thanks for the present and the card. haha, must keep the "fake london photo" yeah..that's all, the highlight of my life (aft i came back from beijing and before i go off to london)

judging from what limin said, i am now starting to form quite a bad impression of the london hall's living condition, and, from my own experience, i have already formed a bad impression of the british working and processing system. yeah, so overall, i am unhappy about uk, london at least. Hope jon's trip to italy can chase away my unhappiness. arh...that jon, rather helpful little boy, haha, nah, not rather, very helpful.haha. thanks.

eh...may be i should just change my flight to 19th and fly with karen instead. haiz, arhhhh...and found out from jon that my hall isnt near ucl or slade at all. thanks to whoever whatever...i've ran out of my luck.

okie sijie...done as what u instructed.haha..haiz..arhhh..

A Huge SURPRISE

2008-09-12T03:31:00.003+12:00

These days after returning from beijing, my life has been filled with all sorts of problems, the delay of visa processing and collection, the rejection for accommodation. Life has never been so difficult. Besides all these, the only comforting part is the meeting friends episodes. Well, I met up with karen, jon and hannah to play badminton ysd, the point is not the playing of badminton actually, though it did help to relax our nervous mind a little...to me at least, the impt thing is that i get to talk to them, friends...haha...the feeling of someone else knows you and someone else in another corner of the world rmbs you.

As for today, a BIGGER SURPRISE came. SiJie and i had this "meet up" date before I flew to beijing. So we arranged to meet up today...i was late and lost and duno where's mac in Plaza Sing ( this is very common for mo) so while I was waiting for sj to come to 'pick me up' i saw someone who looks like jy on the escalator, on a second look, i confirmed my instinct. And I was like 'omg, please god, let him not see me, he must be with his friends...shit!" and then i pretended to look at my hp to sms sj so as to 'miss out' jy...and the nxt thing that happened...he and 'his friends' stopped at in front of me!

ARHHHHHHHHHH..so it's really jiayi, and then ian, and then si jie, it took me almost a century to realise that im not dreaming. my gosh...it's really...oh well...considering that it's the only time that im not 'involved' in planning any of the 'ps exco gathering' hahaha, and im happily shocked by dear sj's surprise. She really did make me feel very very very touched and blessed...it's as if she saw through my mind, putting ian aside first, i was really troubling over if I should meet jy one last time before i go off..but in the end i called the idea off...cos it's gona be awkward and weird. And here he is, standing right in front of me!

yepyep...i must really thank all of them, ian and sj are in uni, busy like bees...jy..he just finished his prelim and....alvl's still ahead..well really, being with them is like back to the old times, when we used to have random gatherings, of course, most of them are organised by me to give myself a chance to ask jy out.

haha...their presents, sj's book+cd+bookmark+card,really really close to my heart haha, esp the song and the card. And the card, can see that she has so much to say and same here if i were to write her a card. the spaces wont be enough, we've been through so many so many things together, good and bad, happy and sad, to be honest, in ps exco, we used to be each other's comfort and support, if not, i doubt that we'll ever pull through some of the darkest and moody days. We are so different, she's so sensible and organised and im so crazy and random, but se do get along very well. haha, it's funny that we started off by calling each other 'karen's friend' and now my friendship with her is as strong as mine with karen. Things always happen with a nice twist, if she never chose to return to nj, we probably wont have to chance to get to know each other le. Well, even being in the exco, was a random and surprise for both of us, i forgot when exactly we've became this close, but i rmb we ate out at macs with Li Anf who wanted to brain wash us, and at that time sj and i were alr. very close alr and since then, we identified the black sheep in the exco.haha. actually, to be honest, i hate ps as much as i love it, it has too many people whom i cant forget, too much memories which i cant erase off from my mind. both the good and the bad made up my life in nj, filled it up and gave me the chance to be able to reminisce the past. Life in ps was almost like drama show gg on, almost everyday there'll be things happening, and with people with contrasting personalities, things get pretty darmatic at times. we had shouting, quarrelling, back stabbing, suspicion, super long caustic, sarcastic and accusative(if there's such a word) emails...longggggggggg exco meetings, crying, trash out sessions, writing notes blah blah...but these are just some bad parts, but we did have some fun actually. we celebrated birthdays, for sj, ian and jy...(oh shit...no myself one??!!!! shit...), we had outing to little india, botanic garden, changi airport, national day kallang river and..esplanade, gd friday shooting at the church, esplanade, clark quay..and many others, i think our batch had the most group outings yeah...we managed to pull together a few exco movie and outing sessions, and we had the stupid SISC which is irritating but did help us to bond quite a bit, not talking abt we having 2 camps, the bonding camp and the seminar camp...we had our artfest and uob printing photo session, we had our own darkrm session. Really, i gained so much from this club, both technique wise and friendship wise...really...ii must say, though i always say i regret joining this club, it actually completed my jc life, without the experience in ps, my jc life would probably be left with quite a bit of blanks here and there. And sijie, is the one who gave me support all the time, her notes, her help and her words...haiz, i wish i could pack her in my luggage and bring her over to london with me!

And of course, thanks to ian's chocolate, it's almost expected cos he's the chocolate type of guy, he's grown more matured...more handsome and haha, he slimmed down...haha, nicer hair colour too. There used to be many things btw us, but im glad it's all over...haha...

As for jy, it's 100% that he din prepare presents hahaha, but the fact that he's there it's alr. a huge present. haha, anw he juz had prelims and he's not the type who'll prepare present :), well, i think he's changed, both physically and mentally. from the appearance, his dressing sense's getting better, lesser hair but slimmed down a lot...a lot..haha..still as short as ever but haha...charming as well ( at least mo thinks so). But, he's not like him last time le, or maybe i changed? i duno, he feels more foreign, like a stranger..haha...guess that's the point when we finally drift away...from even being good friends? haha, but again, like i never really did force anything upon him when i had strong affections for him, i wont expect too much from him as well, afterall, his heart has no place for me. Just hope that he can be blessed with love from someone else, who's a nice person and will not abuse his niceness...haha...and like again, i'm pretty sure that he'll have a special place in my heart as always, though my feelings for him will slowly change from love/affection to something that's more lasting and precious, or so i hope...i think...something beyond friendship or love or affection. haha, yep and same as the case with ian, jy and i went lots too, till now i still feel a tinge of sadness for having to bury those memories now...it's over..and im not glad that's it's over but i guess we all have to move on with life. And I hope jy too, understands the importance of moving, im talking abt his case with his gal, if it's not getting anywhere, then may be he shld consider giving it all up. Haha, not that im hoping for anything but it's for his own good i guess. I gona find my prince charming somewhere else, maybe in london.

My numbers, so accurate!

2008-08-26T04:45:00.002+12:00

Do Your Own Numerology Reading
Your Life Path is 3
Your Life Path (sometimes called Destiny) is derived from your birth date. Your Life path is the road you are traveling. It reveals the opportunities and challenges you will face in life. Your Life Path number is the single most important information available in your Personality Chart!
You possess a great talent for creativity and self expression. Many writers, poets, actors and musicians are born under the 3 Life Path. You are witty, possess a gift for gab, and savor the limelight. Your talent for the expressive arts is so abundant that you may well have felt drawn to becoming an artist while still very young. Your artistic abilities can only be developed, however, through discipline and commitment to the true development of your talent. Commitment, concentration and hard work are the only means of bringing forth your talent. Thanks to your gift for self expression, you can be the life of the party, and the center of attention. However, you could easily squander your talent by becoming a social butterfly.
Your creativity is the gift that can give you the comfort and luxury you desire, but not without continual focus and discipline. You are optimistic and possess the resilience to overcome many setbacks. You are socially active, popular, and inspire people with your sunny "happy go lucky" attitude. You can be generous to a fault. Many people born under the 3 Life Path have difficulty handling money because they can be disorganized and not particularly serious about their responsibilities. You are emotional and vulnerable. When hurt, you withdraw into a cloud of silence, eventually emerging from your reticence with jokes and laughter that cover up your true feelings. You can become moody and cynical when depressed. You can succumb to sarcastic remarks, which can be painful to those around you. When used positively, your talent for self expression can be a great inspiration force in the world, uplifting others, and bringing much success and happiness to you.

Do Your Own Numerology Reading
Your Birth Day number is 19
You are highly determined and yearn for independence. You tend to struggle to achieve the degree of self- sufficiency you desire, and may endure considerable frustration in your struggle for independence. The reason: your desire for independence is so strong is that it eclipses so many other balancing perspectives. As the poet John Donne said: "No man is an Island unto himself... We are all bits of the main." This is a central lesson in your life: to learn the difference between the dream of independence and the reality of interdependence.
Your challenge is to achieve a wider degree of perspective on yourself and others. Exchange ideas with others, lest you become insulated and isolated by your own perspective. This can become a kind of prison for you. You can be highly stubborn, which emanates from fear. Try to see that all of life is but an ecosystem, a life cycle delicately balanced in such a way that everyone is supporting. You are highly ambitious and have a strong drive for success and power. Although self confident, you like to be encouraged. You are a hard worker and an important fixture in any enterprise in which you are involved. People are attracted to your deep commitment to your work, and the steadiness with which you do it.
You are a pioneer at heart; you are willing to take risks to get what you desire. As such, you are willing to change your environment often, and even enjoy doing so.
You are demonstrative in your affections and willing to sacrifice for others. You are highly idealistic, but if your ideals fail, you can become bitter and negative. You are very sensitive, with many emotional ups and downs. You tend to find yourself in dramatic situations, yet you like to control your emotions in public and come off as if everything is under control. With your determination and inventive and creative mind you have potential for achievement and financial reward!

Your First Challenge is 2:
About your First Challenge:The duration of the First Challenge usually lasts from birth until approximately the age of 30 to 35.
You are overly sensitive and too aware of other peoples' expectations. You suppress yourself to avoid feeling conspicuous. You can be overwhelmed by self-consciousness. You fear gossip about you. As a result, you become inhibited. All of this results in a suppression of your own individuality and uniqueness. You yearn to blend into the crowd.You let your own feelings and emotions play too big a role. Your hypersensitivity causes fear, timidity and lack of self-confidence. And you experience unnecessary fear and emotional turmoil.Little things seem disproportionately difficult to overcome and sometimes have a paralyzing effect. Jealousy can cause much pain and misunderstanding.These negative aspects of the challenge actually spring in part from positive characteristics you possess, especially your acute awareness and intuition. You are an antennae for other peoples feelings; you know before a word is spoken how they feel.You lack the inner strength to maintain your own center, and try to conform to the prevailing emotional atmosphere.This challenge makes you understanding and compassionate; you have an enormous empathy for the inner turmoil of others and can do much good for people with emotional problems.

Your Second Challenge is 7:
About your Second Challenge:The duration of the Second Challenge usually lasts from age 30/35 to around age 55/60.
You are highly skeptical of anything that cannot be proven to you. You are particularly doubtful of anything having to do with spiritual matters. It is, therefore, difficult for you to find a personal philosophy that would give you peace of mind and insight into the purpose of your life.You repress many of your natural inclinations because they do not fit into your intellectual or rational thinking.You are in need of the part of your being that you are now repressing: the child within.All the characteristics that have to do with the irrational and holistic side of life - spirit, humor, playfulness, and intuition - are being shut out.Your challenge is to find some philosophy and, ideally, a community that will give you additional perspectives, and force you to bring out the many other characteristics that are a fundamental part of you. Otherwise, you risk loneliness and isolation.You have to learn faith. When you consider that most of life is made up of the invisible world - thoughts, emotions, insight, and love - you can begin to appreciate that only a small part of life is within the domain of your senses.You may have too much pride. You may experience a deep and humbling transformation that will set free the inner being you are keeping trapped within you.

Your Third Challenge is 5:
About your Third Challenge:The duration of the Third Challenge is felt throughout your life.
You are in danger of becoming a rolling stone. Your desire to experience and enjoy life can overwhelm every other priority you have. Your need for freedom dominates you. You want to try everything and go everywhere.You must guard against overindulgence - and even dependence upon - alcohol, food, drugs, and sex.You must work at establishing and maintaining long- lasting relationships. Be tolerant and understanding. This will enable you to have people in your life who are more than mere company.You need to discipline your urge to change every situation that does not immediately suit you. Stick with projects, maintain your friendships, don't abandon people or situations the minute they become the slightest bit difficult.If few fives are in the chart you have a fear of change and can not let go of people and situations. This holds you in the past, restricting your growth. Learn to take prudent risks and be more adventurous.

成长

2008-08-13T03:34:00.007+12:00

“笑笑自己，但不鄙视自己。只有笑着，才能从从容容地拥有生活。”

记得这是在去年很失意时给自己的鼓励。一转眼，自初院毕业已有大半年了。原以为当A水准成为过去时，我紧张的生方式也会随之告一段落，没想到出了校园的我还是在无止境地忙得团团转。最近终于空闲了下来，有时间可以收拾整理些东西，收拾思绪，整理回忆。

小时候的我，很反感“学海无涯苦作舟”这句话，很向往着有一天能靠岸，结束讨厌的校园生活。如今，“毕业”这个字眼使我感到无比茫然，心就好像是被抽空了似的不知所措。重返昔日的校园，仿佛又再一次听到与朋友的欢笑声。国初还是以前的国初，老师还是以前的老师，只是主角换了，我，不再是以前的我。转身离开，我将那两年的美好，锁在了回忆的时间囊。留下的，是无比的惆怅与眷恋。

小时候喜欢吃李子。青黄色，硬硬的那种，是生李子，咬一口，苦得涩牙；紫红色，软乎乎的那种，是熟透了的李子，吃在嘴里甜得作腻；而那皮色暗黄微呈红晕，将熟未熟的李子则是我的最爱；脆脆的，不涩却酸，上了糖分，但甜而不腻。

就在08年初，我带着三分勇气和七分的稚气踏上了人生新的旅途。就在踏入育青中学的那一刹那，我由之前的学生变成了一位实习教师，对新的生活怀着一份憧憬，一份洋溢的激情。可是，当我意识到不再是学生之时，我感到了彷徨和无助。我用尽力量想把这感觉打跑，可只是徒劳，我连碰都碰不到它。

我也不知道是谁伤害了我，自从长大以后，自从变得不太傻了以后，我总感觉有人在无声地伤害我。也许，所谓的长大，就是意味着要懂得谨小慎微，知道遵守规范。或者说，当一个人学会在众人面前伪装自己的时候，他、她就是长大了。长大了，就要用社会认可的一套准则来活着。

我，不习惯。

我问自己：

前面有阴影，我究竟看到的是晦暗还是背后一直跟着的阳光？

我答到：

我的眼睛是闭着的，我胆怯，所以我什么也看不到。

再问：

外面吹着风，我是无奈地拨动乱发，还是将风筝高高地放上蓝天？

我答到：

风筝的线段了，风筝飘走了。

在离开新加坡前，去到了 national museum 拍摄夜景，夜的美丽，在绚丽灯光的相辅相成下，显得格外温暖。在拍摄时看到了人们猛拍museum全景的样子，不觉感到乏味。我喜欢用不同的方式来捕捉同样事物。。那样的镜头才值得人们去欣赏与沉思。所以，我选择了拍摄museum倒映在这辆红色ferrari的一幕。同样的景物，当我们换一个角度去看，就会得到不同的效果，不仅是摄影，在生活上，也是一样的道理。

这一张照的是全景，所面向这我们的蒲公英的种子粒粒清楚in focus. 整体效果真实、完整但却太锐利。

中间这一张充满了梦幻的感觉，在真实与虚幻之间游荡，无比朦胧。我将面向镜头的外层表面thrown out of focus，关注其内层，reduced the sharpness of the photo，将white balance 设为 cloudy,使得照片的色彩显得更加温暖。

而这张，则原则上与上一张相同，但我不但将蒲公英的内层put into focus也将整体展现了出来。这张要比上一张展现了更多的细节，这样一来，一切，又都不一样了。

同样的，这几张蒲公英的照片也告诉了我们同样的道理。这是我在天坛公园打羽毛球时注意到的一颗孤零零的蒲公英，与其它我曾看过的蒲公英不同的是，它很饱满。它的美足以使我丢下羽毛球拍。虽然没带我的Nikon D80但我相信，好的照片与相机的好坏并没有太直接的联系。就这样，我用傻瓜Canon IXUS60 拍下了这三张蒲公英的照片。虽说都是同一棵蒲公英但每张给人的感觉却大不一样。

Flowers in Beijing

2008-08-11T07:50:00.005+12:00

nah...haha...i forgot to talk about the flowers in beijing. It's really pretty, all the new species...nahnahnah...shall upload some photos

Beijing, My love...

2008-08-10T17:47:00.013+12:00

Mama, Baba and momo wahahaha...

Damn cool right...I used Nikon D80 with a tripod...ehh...Shutter speed 2s,F9

Another one at Qian Men Da Jie...wow...this is just beijing, you'll feel that it's really awesome..the place where emperors lived...haha...cool..this one shutterspeed longer and higher ISO, i think it's 250

fireworks, i took it the day on 8/8/08 haha...i left birdnest towards the end, and catched the nice fireworks...this is near the Tiananmen...well..inside the stadium...u wont get to see the full view of the fireworks..at least..and i think it's even more diff to capture on lens unless i've got a fisheye which i dun have...-_-''' so...hahaha...coolllll...china's fireworks rocks my socks man!

hahaha...it really feels like home here in Beijing. You wont believe the fantastic lightings in this ancient city. I really do have a mixed feeling while standing in this 'brand new' city. I

know I really miss the good old days in Beijing when you get to see many people walking and playing along the streets...especially the qianmen da jie where people used to sell some 传统小吃 along the way...last time, you get to feel the spirit of beijing more clearly, closely and warmly. The 小吃might not appear to be very hygienic but people are glad to have something to fill their stomaches while walking on the street...everything's in harmony...it's the little tiny details and the less than orderly-like part that made up the what used to be a bustling city. May be my wording's abit wrong, because even as now, beijing is still a vibrant and thriving city...but the feeling is different.

Just like the qianmen da jie, it used to be so crowded, a little dirty and squeeze but that's the nature of it. Now, thanks or no thanks to the olympics, the street was completly cleared, no more small shops, no more 街边小吃 no more crowds...it has became a 'show street' where the authority decorated the place, making it look as if if has returned to the early 1930s period, the new 仿古 buildings, the beautiful lightings and everything all contributed to impress the foreigners in Beijing. But the local Beijing citizens, though thankful of the high-tech advancements that enhanced their lives greatly, are reminiscing the past, they do, feel a sense of loss in their hearts. No matter how clean, how beautifully lit up the city is now, they all knew that they have lost something precious in exchange for these...

Nah...but we understand the need to move on, haiz...but there really needs a balance...the authorities have to understand that, when you demolish something that carries historical significance, then you can't replace it..it's importance, it's meaning was created by the 100s of years of experience...a city like beijing, you can easily come across a piece of stone or a tree that's been there for 1000s of years...they stand as the testimonies of the transformations that this wonderful city has gone through...so...arhh...i duno...but of course, the new things did help to make people see a different side of beijing. Like i went to qianmen da jie last night with my parents, Whatever it is, the nice lightings allowed me to capture quite a few good shots..i simply love my hometown...i can't stop snapping...everywhere's so spectacularly decorated! haha..

The Olympics...is both a good and a bad thing for Beijingers..but whatever it is, we've learnt to accept what's thrusted upon us and we are a city, a country, a race that was and is and will never be defeated...we are always...willing to move on yet, holding tightly to what precious gifts we possessed thousands of years ago...with such spirits, we will go far.

2008-08-09T22:10:00.007+12:00

Let's have a comparison...this is 2004 Greece Olympics opening

and below are the pics of 2008 Beijing Olympics

It's been a week in China. I think I will be bored like every other times that I return, but this time, it's really awesome. Beijing seems to have gone through a huge transformation. The roads are clean, the streets and completely filled with fresh flowers, wow, you'll be amazed by the different types of flowers, I've never seen these species when I was young. And of course, the friendly Beijing citizens, everywhere you go, you'll see beijing ppl wearing the volunteer's t-shirts, young and old, you can feel their pride, the Olympics has done a great deal in changing China, esp Beijing. But one thing that did not change, and I most cherish about this city, is it's people's openness, there's no way you are going to feel helpless and lonely here in Beijing...haha, One day, I was kinda bored at home, so I went to the shopping centre, since it's the day that my dad's car can't go on the road ( cos like odd numbered day only odd numbered plate de car can go onto the road) so I took the shopping centre's shuttle bus. Gosh, Last time i really hated taking beijing's public transport cos of the smell and stuff, but this time, the air-con was juz nice and there's no smell, everything's so well done! to add on it, it's the fact that there were around 6 of us on the bus, none of us knew each other beforehand but we chatted as if we were family! like...wow, you can'tdescribe the feeling. It's like, overseas in the western countries and in spore, ppl speak softly and don't ever talk to strangers unnecessarily...but here in beijing, everyone takes everyone as their family! on the bus we were talking about everything under the sun, the aunties and uncles were worrying if i can't cook in london, and they were trying to teach me how to manage the stress of living alone in a foreign country...i so love them lah...hahaha

oh well...of course of course, putting aside the all bright side of beijing and the olympics...i must say that I was a little disappointed with the chinese government, oh well, i can understand their axiety...i can see that they want the olympics to go well vey veyr very badly...but...here's the thing, they have juz crossed the line. In order to keep everything under control, it created lots and lots of inconveniences for the people, though the beijing citizens are very forgiving, i as a...half beijinger can't really take the sort of thing. Like, due to the olympics, anything that's not made it beijing such as furnitures and some food stuff are not allowed to be transported to beijing...-_-''' and...the keep on block this road and block that road...everything's blocked. and they have checks here and checks there.

The most unacceptable thing was the government's fakeness. like that day...i went to watch the olympic relay...and i realised that they actually have arranged audience, and they block all the rest of the 'real audience' who are beijing citizens...damn bad lor...but still, i managed to squeeze my way through and took a few photos..haha...shall upload next time...

went to watch the olympics ysd...opening...nah...not very nice...haiz...but...ppl are impressed...

Up till now...China has clinched 2 GOLDS!!! Yehhhh!!!

2008-07-18T22:01:00.002+12:00

okay, it seems that i havent been blogging for quite a while, i was really very busy with moe stuff, right after OBS we had so many induction programmes, pre-departure courses and rehearsals, i am kind of drained.

Anyway, forget about the OBS things, when i have time i will blog on the fun things and scary things that happened...loads of them

I went back nj to take my grad cert, wow, looks nice, the transition...the progression is obvious, from PSLE's one piece of paper to O-level cert which is laminated to the now Alevel cert which is being put properly into a...oops, what should i call it? folder? It's very nice. Saw Mufeng in school, aiya, she never changed, still the little girl, but I have lost enough faces in front of her, so paiseh...

I went to library today, came across some really interesting books.

雨
一直在下
我们擦肩而过
刹那瞬间
仅此而已

2008-07-15T01:28:00.002+12:00

OBS Day1

I always hated camps, probably because the bad memories of my dhs sec3 level camp is still lingering somewhere in my mind. I hate being all sweaty and tired and muddy, therefore, i dreaded going for OBS which is 'notrorious' for its harshness. But jy told me it was fun for him albeit all the physical strains.

Anyway, mum brought me to punggol jetty, somewhere which is really remote, it doesn't look like a jetty at all compared to that of the Changi jetty. Due to miscalculation of time, I arrived much earlier than others, while I was walking towards the jetty, a rotting duck head, full of ants, greeted me. That marked my miseries for the next 3 days. ( I avoided those millions of red ants together with the ant trails unlike others, thanks for greenlink, i'm now trained to avoid such things in the wild)

As time passed by, more and more people gathered at the small little tiny jetty and i was beginning worry if I was going to be squeezed off the wooden jetty, the local and overseas scholars ( including EMS) were all trying to squeeze themselves onto that pathetic piece of land. Later, the overseas scholars were separated from the locals and boarded the boat first, I had to shout to the officers to let them wait for Karen who is, as usual, late. But thank god, at last, she caught up with us.

We wasted quite a lot of time sitting at the MPH (multi purpose hall) at OBS waiting for the attendance to be taken and medical stuff to be cleared, after all the talks about how local and overseas scholars would be mixed in groups, they still decided to separate us, so there goes for my hope of being in the same grp as hongyi or cui ying or shan yan...arrrrrrhhhhh...almost immediately being split into groups, a few of us(including mo) were being called to the front, I could hear xinni screaming in shock "what?! wang mo you are the leader?!" well, may be she doesn't think that it is appropriate for me to be one, oh well, but i believe it is more because of her shock that her name wasn't called upon. But no worries to xinni, it turned out that we were called because of "not filling in the medical forms properly", haha, how ironic. AND HERE'S THE FRUSTRATING PART, APPARENTLY, THAT USELESS DOCTOR WHOM I MENTIONED DURING MY POST REGARDING MY MEDICAL CHECK UP, FORGOT TO GIVE ME ANOTHER VACCINATION! and when the OBS instructors looked at the stamp with the doctor's name, they weren't " WAHT?! HIM AGAIN!? BOOOOTTTHHHH" It seems that the doctor has already built his reputation among the obs instructors, they need not me to further elaborate on how 'well' the doctor's service was. sighz...but they managed to clear me, saying that as long as i do not injure myself with rusty stuff, it is okay.

After lunch, we went for rock climbing, I did it during the sec3 camp, but this time it is very very very very different, it is real thing!

to be continued....

2008-06-29T22:14:00.000+12:00

一切来的是那么的颓然，仿佛从三千英尺的高空坠落，是那么飘，那么空，那样的漫长，让我感到恐惧和可怕，如果可以选择，我真希望瞬间让我摔到地面，那样的疼或许没有这样的折磨……

我对他的爱，他或许永远都不会了解，我将用一辈子的时间来忘掉他……逝去的日子，一起被遗忘。

我已经不想在拿起笔来写东西了，每一个文字的浮现都是一幕幕的回忆，每一个文字的跳动都是过去的影子，但愿当笔停时，过去、回忆也随之而停，失去记忆……

This isn't the first time I'm feeling this way. I knew my love for him started as a tragedy, a hopeless, helpless pathetic tragedy. I knew I refused to face the truth, refused to come to my senses, I chose to remain blind, remain in my self-made fantasy. I stayed there for too long, so long that I'm afraid I can't differetiate which world is the real one anymore, I am drifting away from reality, bit by bit.

He too, chose to remain blind, just as what his MSN nick suggested, he wants to continue being blind. He has his reasons. I always wonder how could it be possible that I am just standing beside him but he could never see me, now the answer is simple, he chose to be blind. It is an interesting thing to know that people tend to turn a blind eye to things that they do not wish to know, to face or to deal with. He chose to run away from the reality, just as I did. We both are cowards.

He doesn't understand that love means not ever having to say you're sorry. He said too many sorrys to me, way too many. I am numb to these apologies, they meant nothing except sorrow, I'd rather remain numb than to experience the sorrow. I never really said sorry to him though I felt in debt of him in many ways, it's complicated. But he doesn't understand, what I missed the most, what I treasure the most, is the times when we were together as friends, when we could laugh, quarell and work together at ease, those simple days, I knew I made it complicated, but he added on to the complication. I remember reading from a book that says that one of life's genuine virtues, is a nostalgia for those simpler days when skirts were longer, hair was shorter...the context of it was different but the concept is nonetheless, very similar.
Life goes on as usual..with, or, without, him.

I signed my scholarship agreements yesterday, Mr Too was there being my surety. SOmeone once said that "nothing is more honourable than a grateful heart" I felt so yesterday, I am really grateful towards mr too, i never did know him well, even until yesterday, i still take him as my VP, I was rather nervous in his presence. He's a precise man, I am afraid of making mistakes, though he is always very forgiving regarding my stupid little errors and mistakes. Thank you Mr Too, can't thank you enough!

The same goes to Mr Low, he's one of the most important tcher in my life, we are much closer, like friends. I always wanted to have his compliments but I never really did receive it, not even for once. He likes to tease me, provoke me and joke with me, but he's really stingy whenever it comes to praising me, unlike the way he treats karen and others, haha, yes, I must admit that I am really jealous. In a way, it makes me all the more want to get his compliments. It never came in any direct form, but I knew he is as proud of me as he is proud of my other friends. May be we think differently, may be I'm always the one who wines the most, may be I'm the only one who is too ambitious, may be I'm the only one who takes things too seriously, may be...no matter what happens, mr low will always be at my side, ready to give the help and advices I need, and therefore, he is and will be, always on my side. Thank you mr low, thank you for ending my procrastination in art and being my greatest motivator ever.

I had lunch with my A01 class and two nj history tchers, Ms Lim transferred to RJ, not very surprising as I've heard from many seniors that nj faces a serious problem of talent outflow. Oh well, many good tchers moved to RJ and HCJC in the past 3 years..everyone else in the class is doing fine, I'm glad I was in A01, a happy and ambitious big family, here's the details of everyone...

1) HanQiang-- He's an officer now ( heard it is quite high rank, but i'm unfamiliar with the army stuff), he has gotten the Marine port authority scholarship ( sorry, i don't rmb the full name, more or less like this bah), gg to washington Uni
2) Jafnie--in army, no more hair, received MOE overseas scholarship to study German in Germany.
3) Desmond--coporal, in army, fitter, recerived foreign service sholarship to study in Stanford
4) Nicol--in army, clerk or something else which I heard is super slack and gets to miss BMT..he will try to apply for scholarship again nxt year.
5) Hanson--coporal, in army, gg into NUS FASS to study History
6) Bryan--statues unknown, heard he's applying for Law..nothing much, who cares
7) Hongyi--gg into NUS FASS, on moe local teaching scholarship
8) Carmen--gg into NTU, on moe local teaching sholarship if i'm not wrong
9) Weizheng and Nat--both gg NUS FASS
10) Lynn--gg to Kings College coming sept
11) Yao En--gg to uk
12)Huixian--gg to NTU to study linguistics or something like that
13) Karen--on moe overseas teaching scholarship, to study literature and Fine Art in Goldsmiths Uni london
14) Serene--gg NUS
Lastly, statues unknown: June, Chantell, WeiShan, Huiling, Fadiah, En Chun....
Bright future ahead guys! Jiayou!

2008-06-26T23:05:00.001+12:00

Yesterday I did something rather meaningful, compared to sleeping at home the whole day. I painted a mural with Karen, for Eliase Park Primary School ( may be I spelt its name wrongly). As I suspected last time, it's really related to Grant again, that scary GVN president, haha, guess he really likes our batch. ANyway, with the pathetic amount of equipments and materials we were given, I think we managed to produce quite a decent piece of 'art' at the end of the day, pretty fast, considering that for the first half of the day, karen and I painted alone.

Primary school children are indeed 'kids', they run about the school like little monkeys, asking really really interesting questions every now and then, at first i tried my best to entertain them and give them my full attention but later, guess that my patience was really running thin especially the fact that i was painting on a ladder makes me feel too nervous to crack my head and think of stupid answers for the kids. Luckily i have karen with me, she's always at ease with the kids, very patient..haha. I remembered telling someone that facing my sec 1 and 2 students is as good as going into the zoo and face a group of monkeys. Now I have to take back my words, the primary school kids are far...haha...energetic than them. I always find it amazing as in how could they be so hyper all the time? They look as if they are on 'rechargeable batteries' and besides, they have back up batteries as well. I saw a sign somewhere in the school which wrote " Please do not run. Walk" (something like that, very simple), and I was laughing out, for the whole day, I didn't see any kid who actually 'walked' around in school, running is there usual motion, their either run or 'fly' past you, in whichever case, their speed is remarkable.Guess I'm really getting old...sighz.

Towards the end, I volunteered to paint the giraffe which is all the way at the top. I really regretted for not growing taller, so subsequently, we carried two ladders, one if it was really huge, according to the DM, it is their 'tallest' ladder. so then I started my adventure, don't laugh at me, wait till you try to climb on that legendary ladder you'll know why i called it an 'adventure'. It was shaking like nobody's business while I was climbing up. Everyone was exceptionally sympathetic towards me except Grant who seem to love to see me suffer...-_-'' He offered to help me hold the ladder and commented that "your mini skirt isnt a very goof dressing code for ladder climbing activities"...-_-''' yeah i know but how on earth would I know that I will be soing such dangerous work beforehand? And Karen is afraid of height, no one else has the artistic talent to draw a giraff..so i had to do it...but grace whispered to me that..."Grant's offer to help me hold the ladder might well be an attempt to shake me off the ladder ( end of with a wink)" -_-'' gosh...what a scare..

Joyce smsed the meeting place for dinner with Mr Low. I don't feel like going, really. Not so much about me being angry, to be honest, I could never be angry with mr low for longer than 5 hrs...sighz, but i just don't feel like seeing him, cos i dun want to engage in another discussion or argument regarding my choices and all those things, i don't feel like talking about those anymore, my mind is more or less quite settled..

Sat is the official signing of the agreement and UCL havent sent me anything other than their accommodation booklet and unconditional offer. As for LSE, to my horror, they sent me their official acceptance letter. I thought that as long as i don't send them my english result, they will just reject me when the deadline comes, never did i expect them to send me their official offer letter this early, all the information on applying visa and everything makes me feel a million times more sorry that before, ark, should i just write a letter and tell them? arhhh...

2008-06-24T21:11:00.000+12:00

I want to watch "Black Stone"...it sounds nice...Historical movie once again...

2008-06-24T15:50:00.002+12:00

Lotteries.
Watch out for lottery scams. If you receive an email from a
lottery you did not enter, it is a scam.
In most cases the email accounts in
the email are free email accounts and the phone number is a mobile phone.
NEVER send any money to the criminals behind these scams. If you do, they
will just invent a new fee you have to pay, and if you pay that, they invent a
new fee, etc etc until you give up or run out of money.

Recently I have received quite a few of "lottery scam" emails, one's about microsoft lucky draw and the other is PEUGEOT AUTOMOBILE LOTTERY. I never believed in such things, I rmb that when I was very very young, I have already formed my own opinion on people who buy toto or 4D or things like these. I never believed in lucky draws, I always think that one has to depend on himself. We make a promising and good future out of our own hands, how can we always hope for things brought by luck? if luck struck you by coincidence, then may be it is okay, but if we buy lottery, 4D and things as such, we are really counting on our luck. I don't find any meaning in such a life, we only deserve what we have worked for and what these harwork yielded, any unexpected, extra stuff that we received out of luck is a kind of bonus which we should never hope for and be greedy about, even if one day, we happen to have the luck, we should use them wisely. If I ever win some money out of sheer luck (highly impossible, 1. I never will buy 4D or toto or even the soccer thingy lah, 2. I seldom have lucky falling on me...how sad), I will prefer to donate the rewards to people who need them much more than me, and probably, who lived through a life without being lucky, not even for once...

anyway.. MOE requires us to do a performance during the award presentation ceremony, but the instructions given are a little vague, I am unsure if the performance has to be performed by all scholars together or we are being split into groups. But I have to come out with 3 initial ideas on the performance. Every scholar has to produce 3 ideas, I am quite at a lost of what to do. Besides, the words of appreciation is due soon, the word limit is so...ark...I find that there's no way for me to be able to thank all those whom I want to thank and still keep within the word limit...arkk...dilemma...

For the first time, what Mr Low had confronted me with bothered me so much, because all other times, no matter how disagreeing he may be, I could always feel that he is still behind me, giving me all his support, but not this time, though he repeated that "we are his joy and pride" and he will always be behind me.

I felt that my conscience is clear, i do not need to explain to others about how and why I choose my Universities. He does not agree with my way of choosing schools, i do not know if he meant that he does not like my way of choosing schools according to their world rankings or he does not like the fact that i prefer US universities and schools with double degrees.

I know many people think that I am very ambitious and practical and even, superficial, I do admit that I am ambitious, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it because we need to have dreams, and we need to aim high in order to achieve wonders. I rmb someone once said "Aim for th the moon, even if you fail, you will land among the stars", so it is perfectly okay to be ambitious as long as one does not make use of unscrupulous methods to perfect their ambition.

He thinks that I should not take things for granted or depend on a school or a system too much. If I need a system or a school to be the motivation behind, it is meaningless as i have to have my own reasons and inspirations to push myself forward. But he does not understand that my way of choosing a sch is a result of my own believes, not very much about me feeling insecured. Yes, I want to do both political studies and fine art, not that I envy the idea of a double degree that much, I really do love both. Since last sept, when I have to choose uk uni and courses, I have been asking myself the same qn over and over again, do i want political studies more or do I want art more, I couldn't find an answer until recently, I finally came to terms with myself, I love both equally. Giving up either UCL or LSE is as if giving up one of my lifelong interest and childhood dream. It is a true reflection of my interests, just like in jc, I did 2 H3s one in art and the other in geopolitics. I never seriously considered about my academic interests until this year, when I have to choose between art and political studies due to the British system which rarely allows double degree or double major albeit its so called 'flexible curriculum palnning'. But other ppl simply take it as i want to do a back up degree in case art does not work out, actually, i never really felt like explaining because i really don't care about how other ppl feel about my choices as long as my own conscience is clear, but now, it's hard to keep everything in my heart because now it is mr low, someone whom i respect so much, so much, i respect him more than anyone else, more than my own father, really, it's hurting, though I know he said all those for my own good, it's just the fact that even he does not understand me, makes me feel really lousier than usual.

Besides all these, I have to live up to my parent's expectations, i do have my own difficulties, I can't say I like art and there i go and choose an unknown art school and settle my University life. No matter how much i say about I can't be bothered about what my parents' think, i still have to know the limits. Afterall, they are already unhappy about the art course, besides, all their colleagues' children are either in Beijing Uni, or Qingshua Uni, there are ppl in Harvard even, I cant possibly ignore all these, i have to find a delicate balance between meeting my parents' expectations and allowing myself to do what I really like.

And I agree that a good school does not necessarily mean that everyone who goes inside there will emerge as genious, one has to depend on himself in order to succeed; but I do believe that there's a reason why people keeps the ranking and a good school will certainly enhance my learning and help me in various ways, just like how DHS and NJC helped me in the past. I am not totally depending on the name of the school however, I do feel more secured being inside a better one. I really believe in my own choice. So Mr Low, I rest my case now.

2008-06-17T17:56:00.003+12:00

My life has never been so boring before, last time, it is only boring, now it has become extremely boring.

Things that happened in these few days:

Shopping on Sat, bought a 毛衣 like top which cannot be described as 毛衣 but I can't think of any other things to call it. It also cannot be called as a top as it is very long, can reach all the way to my knees...a little bit above my knees or may be im just too short? anyway, yeah, something which costs quite a lot but I can't even make out what exactly it is, anyway, thanks to Singapore great sales.

Bought a new hp, thanks for my old one, its untimely death has just caused another of its comrades to suffer under the ruthless hands of wangmo. I never rmb myself being gentle to my phone for more than twice, and the very recent time when I was gentle to it was the night before it died (cause of death unknown, mo is unwilling to spent a 100 bucks on autopsy), what a good way to repay my kindness. I suspect that the cause of death is: it died of shock, may be it is too bewildered at my sudden gentleness..wadever. And I still rmb after my phone died, I used another phone for a while, same model different colour, and when I went for lunch with jy, somehow, it juz dropped out of my bag (okay, i admit that i swung the bag), it fell quite a distance away, and jy said "no wonder your phone died"...-_-'' please lah...how can they themselves be so fragile?

Anyway, the new phone, nokia 6500 is not pretty, and it is too modern for mo to understand its operations and capabilities, I am a cavewoman, yeah, too intricately complex. why do they have to make all the phones so complicated? And when i was happily choosing the phone, my mum juz simply told the person "give us the model that could withstand whatever violent actions a 20 year old girl could act upon it" what the hell, i bet the person is appalled by her words, how can a normal human being who has lived on this earth for 46 years and 7 months be able to talk in such a weird way? is she an alien? do i look like i have 暴力倾向？ although none of my phones survived for more than 20 months, is that my fault? they are not well built okay!

Went shopping with my mum ysd, and wow, she made me buy, or rather, she bought me a winter suit top on her own will, i also duno how to describe it because i just don't seem to fit into it, it looks so grown up and business woman like. sighz...there goes my little delicate green flower dress...shit lah, listen to me, never go shopping with mums. they spoil our moods.

went for MOE psychological test on Mon, I was unsure about whether I should even go there in the first place because the promised 'follow-up email' which is supposed to inform me on the necessary details never came. SO i actually only has the info from the phone call, which are: 16/6/08 go for the test at 9am, near bouna vista. Oh my god lah, and anyway, being a responsible girl as always, i decided that i'd rather let the moe people 放我鸽子than to let myself 放他们的鸽子, so I arrived at MOE building promptly at 830am, looked for Nancy only to be told that SHE IS ON LEAVE!!! WAHHH!!! so there were 3 moe staff running crazily helping me find out if i am really sheduled on today, they are kinda nice, but all of them expressed deep concern on why i didn't know that it is at civil service college and not moe building, i had to repeatedly remind them that i did not get the email with details!!!

later...they asked me to go to CSC, where i waited for nearly 20min, the person came out to say that one stu decided not to come for today's test and moe just informed her, judging from her tone, she's as pissed with moe as me, and when i told her what happened to me, she readily "apologised to me on moe's behalf" i am amused, she was quick in telling me that moe did all the arranging, it has nothing to do with them when i didn't even bother to ask about all those things, i just want to get to do my test and get it done and over with. Then she told me that i have to ans 2 booklets and afterwhich there will be an interview -_-''' i never expected such things. anyway, a total of 158+58 questions were answered, do the math for me, i duno. I'm so sure that i got the math qns ( which have correct ans) wrong lah, who cares, the rest of the qn have no right or wrong ans, just like our personality test, i was being as true as possible, and i guess because of that, they are gonna have a hard time analysing my personality because i am a naturally contradicting person, i love being alone but i love to talk to friends, I love to do work alone cos i think is it more efficient but i dun mind working with others, i am very practical yet i love to daydream and imagine stuff, I hate people who break the rules and disregard the law but I do not like following rules and regulations all the time either...shit...sighz...

the interview was rather amazing, i was waiting for them in the interview room, i got too bored so i played car racing game in my hp, just when i was abt to win, they came in, spoilt my mood and i bet they saw me playing it. -_-'' and they are so formal, and making notes all the time, i told them lots of my secrets, like yelling at my teacher and stuff, hahaha, i dun want to be fake for this, wadever, hope moe wont change its mind after this. haha.

so...there goes my 3 days, absolutely not fruitful at all...

2008-06-15T03:21:00.013+12:00

I went for Greenlink Camp on Thurs Night and slept over in nj. Before that, I had lunch with jy, my treat, I always feel that I owe him something and I had to constantly buy him little presents or give him treats, I don't know, okay, call me cheap, I just can't find a reason why I fancy him so much.

While I was waiting for jy at Cityhall MRT station, one student from BGSS recognised me, and I remember him! sec4/5! The boy who always call me 'cute'..the boy with friends. It's strange to see students in their home clothes because they totally look like young men and young ladies! They don't look like students at all! But, such surprising coincidences of meeting your past student gives me a very special feeling. Haha. Now I'm really looking forward to the future...the future of becoming a teacher.

When I saw jiayi, I practically just pulled him away from the crowd and rushed for suntec, I think he is amused, but I am really a little embarrassed to be seen being together with him, in a...very childish casual wear...especially to be seen by my students. Because, THEY KNOW WHO HE IS, yeah, and besides, I was wearing this really childish top with a piggy on it..ark..I bet I look like a 14 yr old in that...sighz..

And..back to the 'lunch with jiayi' thing, I LIKE HIM, I STILL DO. But, other than this, I don't know what to say, our laughters reduced, talks shortened, awkward moments increased. It's kind of hard to explain because it didn't seem to be such a bad thing either, because I sense that there's some sort of tacit understanding between us, or may be, an unspoken consensus, we never touched on any sensitive issues. However, I have this feeling that, we understand each other's body language, like, there are some jokes which only the 2 of us can understand and sometimes we didnt even need to say it but we both understood it...arkk..it's kind of difficult to express the feeling, but I am quite sure that all of these originated from our friendship, not any other thing. But, I was just secretly hoping, hoping that one day, he will see me, one day, he will finally come to realise that I have always been there. It's just so frustrating that I'm standing right beside him yet he can't see me, because, his eyes are for another one...

By the time I reached NJ, the Greenlink Juniors all went for amazing race and I gave up on chasing after them on my own 'amazing race'. I met Mr Loh and he gave me quite a detailed overview on the teaching profession and provided me so many tips on how to be a good teacher. Haha, thanks Mr Loh, don't worry, I will survive those ugly office politics. He told me to select a good school, which I'm sure I will because I've always wanted to go back to DHS and teach there, by then, mr low won't be there anymore, so all the more I will feel comfortable working there. Haha.

Greenlink Exco interview was in a way, disappointing. It seems that every year, their performance will drop in terms or performance. I don't know what to say because it is not only happening in Greenlink but PS as well. For PS, I see a gradual decline since the year before Junzhan's year, constant internal conflicts has further plagued the already weaken club. If we cannot attract enough capable and committed members in future, I think the future for both CCAs is bleak. For both Greenlink and PS, we used to have really brilliant seniors who are experts in these special fields, they've won competitions outside, collaborated with outside organisations, however, they lacked the sense of group work and working together, so many of the projects they do are either individual ones or...failed group projects. However, when it comes to our batch for PS, we shifted from the skill-centered club to admin-centered club, meaning we focus on making policies, organising events as a group, lesser personal prestige and individual events, partly due to our batch's inadequacy in terms of photography skills, except the 2 old excos jiayi and li ang, the rest of us were totally new to photography, we only managed to pick up the skills along the way. And, so when the old problem was gone, new problems flooded in, we had different ideals and goals for the club and we had really ambitious people, on top of all, we had 'conflicts carried forward' from the senior batch due to jy and LA..so in many instances, all these factors contributed in furthur complicating our situation and operation within the exco, therefore, many of a time our exco discussions became very perplexing..conflicts arised quietly..but though it is the same situation in Greenlink when we first took over, we were never "green experts" like our seniors and we had so little man power, we managed to survive, pretty well. Never did we have any problems, quarellings, complaints or anything related to that sort. We had a very capable president and vice president who are really rational people and they are good friends, so no power struggle or whatsoever, the different committee heads are busy, yes, many of us were having more than 1 cca at that time and quite a few of us are in 2 ccas' excos, but the entire Greenlink exco was really very forgiving, we helped each other whenever we are free, no one blames anyone for anything, it's really like one big family. When I was busy with photog stuff last yr, I felt so guilty for not helping out during the Recylcing Outreach Programme, but everyone else was so nice, and because of such an environment, it made me feel all the more that I want to help out...

Ark...it was just an emotional night, with mr loh, the juniors, the old njc and the new people. The old NJC building, the plants and the grassy smell, the ants, the butterflies and everything else, reminded me of my good old days in this college, of course, not all the time are good times, there were crying days, breakdown days, stressful days and so on, but all these are part and puzzle of a jc life. During the night, I took a night tour around nj on my own, almost instantly, all the past memories flooded in, I was overwhelmed, I just can't control my tears. So there's the bookshop where I used to stop by and look at the lit books and complained about how much I wasted on these books which I didn't finish reading any one of them; and if you continue to walk down, these are the TA block classrooms where I used to have my GP and H1 Math lessons, Lessons are always boring, I tried my best to pon as many as possible, I still rmb the times when I attended my GP lesson with my pencils and sketch book and sketched jiayi's face throughout the lesson...and then you continue walking straight, u'll reach the 1st floor girl's toilet where u'll see the super fierce toilet anuty who used to scare me so much that I'd rather pee in my pants than to go into 'her' toilet, she decorated it almost to the extent as if it is her home...poor toilet aunty..then you turn to the left, walk down the slope, turn to the right, u'll see the first floor art studio, where I spent days and nights doing my image transfer and revision, just that, my space is no longer my space now...

then we proceed to 2nd floor, turn to the left, the first room u'll see is the darkroom, the room i love so much, the room where i had my very first sight of jy, we met in that room, worked together in that room, became friends in that room, and I developed special feelings for him in that room as well...it's a place which is filled with memories...just too many things happened in there...well, beside it, it is the AR21 where I used to have my Art hist lessons, sova, with ms lu. I have mixed feelings for this room, it is too high tech and cold for me to call it an art room, we have the apple mac there, we have the projector and everything, perhaps, the only thing that made me feel very uncomfortable abt this place is because LPG used to be here very often, and he alone represented much of my miseries in njc because he was the one who created them. Sighz, but the happy memories are there as well, the seniors handed over to us in that room (PS) and we handed over to the juniors in that room as well, i threw darts at jy's picture in that room, i completed uploaded and worked on jy's photos in that room as well...

And then we go up the the 3rd floor, there stood the gallery and our painting room. the painting room was where we had many art hist lessons as well, and...not a very impt room for me, i have very little memories of it. As for the gallery, yes, the tideous part about printing the images onto the metal table, the arranging of things, the carrying up of the metal table by jy and ps juniors, the grad night exhibition, the place where jy saw my...yeah, then the art office, where LPG chased me out and yelled at me and i yelled back...wow...this floor is ...full of sad and angery memories, at the staircase...the staircase linking to the 2nd floor nearer to AR21, I confessed to jy, it is also the place where i spent 30min crying aft the confession, was just suddenly overwhelmed by sadness..ark..there's so much tender emotions intricately woven into the unwanted yet unforgettable past...I am so exhausted, even just the recalling back of these feelings, emotions and memories, made me feel so drained, yet, i felt blissful to be able to have memories, i am blessed to be able to remember all these, even if that means I might never be able to get over certain pains brought together by these past...ark...im not making sense again...

life.....

2008-06-11T04:03:00.003+12:00

我还是觉得世界没错
你没错
他也没错
错过的只有曾经的缘分
不是你配不上他
只是缘分不佳
彼此在生命中是过客
for there,for a reasonor for a season,but not for a
lifetime.
不过本人还是觉得他错过了你。
-i dont believe in lifetimes..
大家在生命中都只是过客
仅此而已
没有所谓的永远
没有所谓的山盟海誓。
那些我都不信。
一见钟情？可能有吧

在一个学妹的blog中看到了这样一段文字，有点惊讶，有点心酸，又有点甜蜜。惊讶是因为没想到小小年纪的学妹竟将爱情看的如此透彻；心酸是感慨我们彼此虽都以为自己已经看开，但却没能做到放开。一直以来，说比做来的容易得太多了；而至于甜蜜，是为在这个世界上还有人懂得我，关心我的感受而觉得窝心。

一直以来，我对他的情感都是很多重化的，在他的面前，我曾掩饰过，直到告白之时，我都没能让他清楚明白地了解我对他的情感是有多么地深刻，多么的刻骨铭心。面对他，我常以取笑他来化解心中的尴尬；常用一些无厘头的话语或举动来伪装自己对他的过分关心及在他面前的不知所措，所以我相信，他可能一直觉得我对他并不是认真的。可在朋友面前，我从未掩饰过自己对他的痴心，他的名字总会时不时地出现在我们的话语言间。。直到朋友们一个个听到烦不胜烦时，我才会收敛一下。只是，当我面对自己的时候，不知怎地，只要一想起他，就会感到莫名的悲伤。面对自己，我总会将一切浮华退去，赤裸裸地审视自己。我明白，在他面前的掩饰，是出于无可奈何的自尊，不想让他一眼看出我卑微的情感；在朋友面前的公开，是出于随之而来的自豪，想让朋友们了解，我是爱上了一个多么了不起的男生，虽然，那也许只是我的个人感觉；而站在自己面前的我，就只剩下了黯然神伤，因为没有人比我更清楚这段情感的结局，所以，我悲伤的不能自已。。。

很多人不明白我喜欢他哪一点，其实我也不明白，但那不重要，不是吗？喜欢一个人，是不需要理由的。我不是一个相信一见钟情的人，我的情感需要慢慢的培养。而对于他，我不清楚是什么时候开始的，但从不认识到认识，从识面不识名，到后来成为工作伙伴，再到后来成为朋友，甚至好朋友（这一点我不清楚自己是否在他的“好朋友列表”上）然后产生特别的情感；这个过程至少用了五个月之久。。因为，我很看重男生的内在美。。。

也许，我很傻，但我是自愿的，只是令我遗憾的是，他也许永远都不会明白我对他用情如此之深。。也许，在我的内心深处，在期盼着有一天，当他感到了人生之沧桑后，感到疲惫时，转过头来，能看到我就站在他身后。因为，到目前为止，我就站在他身旁，他却看不到我。。。

当爱情失去记忆的时候你会感觉到天空不再是那么的蓝大海不再是那么的绿

当爱情失去记忆的时候你会感觉到而今的空气不再向以往那么的清新

眼前的事物不再是那么的真

人生不再是我们想象中的那么美丽

当爱情失去记忆的时候我们的世界将不再拥有美好只有无穷无尽的悲哀和痛苦还有永远都不可能实现的回忆当爱
情失去记忆人的一生将只有痛苦……

2008-06-10T03:37:00.006+12:00

My shots today...

Celebration

Blue Heaven

Solitude

I went for Photoshoot today, sometimes I really wonder if happiness is really that easy to achieve. I felt happy today, don't roll your eyes, it is a universally known fact that mo hardly feels happy anyday. Mo was an unhappy kid, she was an unhappy student, she was an unhappy junior, she was an unhappy exco, she was an unhappy senior and she was an unhappy teacher, but today, for once, she is a happy photographer.

Oh well, here's the thing with photography, it makes people feel good. It has this strange magic, for every step we take, we are afraid of losses. And now, with my photographs, they serve as a testimony of my actions, my thoughts, of every step that I took. I felt as if I was writing down a history of my own today, marking down or recording my life using my camera.

So I went to the City centre, Stood beside the Merlion and watched the cargo ships and the containers. My mind was blank, I am feeling a little emo these days. Is it because that I know I will be leaving? May be the impulsion to go for a photoshoot was due to my longing for this city, my attachment for this place has made me feel a strong urge to take some of it with me.

I met karen, we sat down, we talked. Like always, like the old time, we had so much fun...Karen is just different, we could be different in terms of personalities but, we just seem to have so much to tell each other, so much to share, and today, after being close friends for four years and a possible 4 more years in close proximity...our friendship will by no means grow, because, by then, we will have so much memories together...I somehow just feel that she is one of the most important person in my life, so it is indeed that friends are the family we chose for ourselves.

Bought Birthday present for Mr Loh...a Parker pen..hope he likes it.

Had a very..thought provoking chat with one of my photog senior tonight...he makes me think through once more, on all the recent big decisions i've made...

zeminith says (PM 11:34):how do you feel about moving to london to study?

mo: says (PM 11:35):CONFUSED

mo: says (PM 11:35):haha

mo: says (PM 11:35):excited

mo: says (PM 11:35):emo

mo: says (PM 11:35):mixed feelings

zeminith says (PM 11:37):hmm

zeminith says (PM 11:37):how so?

zeminith says (PM 11:37):and compared to coming to singapore?

mo: says (PM 11:38):haha very diff, when i came to spore, i was too young to understand anything

mo: says (PM 11:38):it wasnt even my decision to come here

mo: says (PM 11:38):whereas now, it is my own decision to go to london

mo: says (PM 11:39):and also i am fully aware of what will be lost and what i will gain through this experience

mo: says (PM 11:39):but we humans always feel hard to leave our own comfort zone

mo: says (PM 11:39):don't we?

zeminith says (PM 11:40):hmm

zeminith says (PM 11:40):maybe

zeminith says (PM 11:41):some people are special

mo: says (PM 11:41):why and who?

mo: says (PM 11:41):haha

zeminith says (PM 11:42):you know about circular motion? you tie a ball to a string than you start spinning it in circles.

zeminith says (PM 11:42):when the string snaps, the ball will shoot out

zeminith says (PM 11:43):ay,sometimes feel that been walking in circles for a long time already mo: says (PM 11:43):sighz but it is life don't you see that?

zeminith says (PM 11:43):guess so

zeminith says (PM 11:47):what's your plans for the future?

zeminith says (PM 11:47):why london, and after that?

mo: says (PM 11:48):London, to be practical and realistic, I believe that it is safer and also, I prefer UK to US because I don't really like a too "freestyle" world

mo: says (PM 11:49):I need some restrictions, not that I like to be caged up but, you know, some traditional rules are not that bad

mo: says (PM 11:49):keep my mind in peace

mo: says (PM 11:49):as for why London, I came from china's capital, naturally i love capitals..haha..especially the ones with rich history

mo: says (PM 11:49):and it's near paris

mo: says (PM 11:50):On top of all these, it has good universities inside it

mo: says (PM 11:50):haha reasons good enough?

zeminith says (PM 11:50):aye

mo: says (PM 11:52):?

zeminith says (PM11:54):interesting

zeminith says (PM 11:54):london capital, a place with lots of history

.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

and so we continued..

life..isn't always...( )

life...is always uncertain

I am looking forward to a day..........( )

A day which I don't know when..........

2008-06-08T03:30:00.004+12:00

梦想，使我们每个人心中的一片花园，每当烦恼侵袭时，我们都会想要逃到梦中的天堂里。。。只是，梦想是会破灭的，它终究是一种虚幻的形体，我们越依赖它，就越容易在海市蜃楼中遗失了自我。。。梦想唯一能帮助我们的，是给予我们对明天，对未来的信心，但只有当我们脚踏实地地去努力，我们才会有真实的收获，才能把梦想变为真实，如若我们只一心地在梦中徘徊。。结局也唯有如水中望月。。生活在虚幻之中了。

对于生活，我也早已认清了事实，人活在这世上，总少不了些痛苦和挫折，而人之所以痛苦，在于追求错误的东西。我不知道现在自己是否正在追求对的东西，对于学业，事业以及感情我都无法衡量自己在追求当中的对于错。。学业上我可以说是成功的，至少以我一路来的成绩来说，“成功”两个字实在是无可厚非。。但是，仅一个成绩就可以了吗? 事业，我还没有事业，只有事业的前景，留学回来后签约的六年将是我事业的起步，那时，无论是出书，画展还是教书。。。成败与否我将拭目以待。至于感情，我无法丈量。。我爱他，他不爱我，听起来像是失败的，但是，我对于自己的付出是非常自豪的，我没有想到自己会是如此的长情，如此的专一，我不在乎结果，只在乎过程，虽然在过程中我痛苦过，但我有学到东西，也有享受过，所以。。我不知道在这段单恋的情感上，我是成功了，还是失败了。。。不过我坚信：痛过，才知道如何保护自己；哭过，才知道心痛是什么感觉，傻过，才知道适时的坚持与放弃，爱过，才知道自己其实很脆弱。其实，生活并不需要这么些无谓的执著，没有什么就真的不能割舍。所以，在伤心后的某一天，我决定告诉自己：收拾起心情，继续走吧，错过花，我将收获雨；错过嘉易，我才能遇到我真正的他。继续走吧，我终将收获自己的美丽。

太好了，终于缕清了自己的思绪，终于发现，一直以来，世界没错，是我错了。

正所谓：

菩提本无树，明镜亦非台，本来无一物，何处惹尘埃

2008-06-07T05:30:00.002+12:00

最近很累，真的很累，许多人和事都令我再次感到了命运的难以预测。。。

我终于拿到了奖学金，虽然不是自己很中意的，但也总比没有强。虽然就算没有奖学金，父母也有能力承担，但是，我总觉得如果能用自己的能力来争取自己的未来，那才算是长大了。我相信人的未来，是由自己创造的。虽然是教育奖学金但是不代表我会一辈子庸庸无碌。。只要自己肯努力，梦想就会成真！最近在考虑未来的事，想象做老师也不错，能有闲下来的时间，我想显出一本散文集，把这几年在新加坡报章上我发表的文章组在一起。。然后再写一本中型小说。。有关自己在新加坡读书的心旅。。。再在大四毕业后在北京办个个人画展。。

关于嘉易，我们从未开始过，所以也就无所谓结束。我们既然是从朋友开始，那么就应该各归各位，在朋友的这个位子上结束。也许，永远都不会结束，因为我是真的放不开，就算不再有非分之想，也会不由自主地关心着他。下个星期约他出来吃饭，希望能一切雨过天晴，把他永远当作一个需要呵护的弟弟来疼爱。。

我希望你牵着你的手
带我走过风风雨雨
跌宕淋漓
不要畏惧

我的心需要你的温暖
不要对我哭泣
男孩的肩膀宽大硬实
即便你也伤心
也不要让我看到你的委屈

我愿做你的小女人
依偎在你身旁
靠在你肩膀
引领我前进

不要丢弃我
不要怀疑我对你的信赖
就像走在桥的栏杆边缘
你牵着我的手向前
我毫无畏惧

2008-06-04T17:11:00.000+12:00

Busy with scholarship things. My life has never been so busy....before.

2008-06-01T05:14:00.000+12:00

暗恋一个人的人就是把他的一言一行，一举一动全部收录在心中，希望能找到蛛丝马迹的人
暗恋一个人的人就是连最不喜欢上的马哲课也要上的人，仅仅是为了望一下他的背影的人
暗恋一个人的人就是紧紧望着他的背影，而她一回头，就慌忙扭头的人
暗恋一个人的人就是当别人提起他，装着没关系，心里却巴不得别人赶紧说完的人
暗恋一个人的人就是他跟你说话，你却不敢看他的眼睛的人
暗恋一个人的人就是当他回眸一笑，你就心跳加速的人
暗恋一个人的人就是当他没来上课时，心里想着一千种一万种坏情况的人
暗恋一个人的人就是梦里总是有他身影的人
暗恋一个人的人就是一千遍一万遍问自己他到底有那一点好的人
暗恋一个人的人就是最不喜欢热闹却又参加班里集体活动，但是又远远避开他的人
暗恋一个人的人就是在最得意是希望他能看到，而最失意时不希望他看到的人
暗恋一个人的人就是在放假期间，拿起电话准备拨他的号码，却又未拨的人
暗恋一个人的人就是当别人说你喜欢他，而你就强烈反对的人
暗恋一个人的人就是天天的想着，有一天会对你说他爱你的人
暗恋一个人的人就是在元旦已经写好贺卡给他却未寄出去的人
暗恋一个人的人就是看见她跟别的女孩走在一块儿，面上装着若无其事心里却恨死那女孩的人
暗恋一个人的人就是每天想着晚上梦着会跟他白头到老的人
暗恋一个人的人就是在上自习时为他写《暗恋一个人》的人

2008-05-29T22:21:00.000+12:00

恋分类:孤单的日子

我在云端上看着你,可你却在看着别人

这公平吗

我多想你能抬头看看我,可你总是很坚决的就那么走

留下我一个人

我并不知道,这样的感情会不会让我很难承受

可心就是那么的痛

我多想他可以好好看看我

只是这样,也不行吗

其实这样的感情是虚假的,

我是在虚拟一个人物,一个懂得来关爱我的人

那里去找

其实

我就在期待啊

这么小谈什么恋爱哦

是把

呵呵

这象苦笑吗

也许是吧....

2008-05-26T22:24:00.005+12:00

I have secured an overseas scholarship, but i am not very sure if I should take it up. SO in the mean time, I should not tell you which scholarship it is...sighz...i am struggling to make the decision. Decision making is always tough, especially for someone at a very young age. But this is life isn't it? haha..interesting.

"One day all the employees reached the office and they saw a big notice on the door on which was written: 'Yesterday the person who has been hindering your growth in this company passed away. We invite you to join the funeral in the room that has been prepared in the gym'.

In the beginning, they all got sad for the death of one of their colleagues, but after a while they started getting curious to know who was that man who hindered the growth of his colleagues and the company itself. The excitement in the gym was such that security agents were ordered to control the crowd within the room.The more people reached the coffin, the more the excitement heated up. Everyone thought: 'Who is this guy who was hindering my progress? Well, at least he died!'. One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin, and when they looked inside it they suddenly became speechless. They stood nearby the coffin, shocked and in silence, as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul.

There was a mirror inside the coffin: everyone who looked inside it could see himself.There was also a sign next to the mirror that said:

There is only one person who is capable to set limits to your growth: it is YOU’

You are the only person who can revolutionize your life.
You are the only person who can influence your happiness, your realization and your success.
You are the only person who can help yourself.Your life does not change when your boss changes, when your friends change, when your parents change, when your partner changes, when your company changes.
Your life changes when YOU change, when you go beyond your limiting beliefs, when you realize that you are the only one responsible for your life.

'The most important relationship you can have is the one you have with
yourself'”

- Author unknown -

"The tragedy of life is not death, but what we let die inside of us while
we live."
- Norman Cousins -

2008-05-25T12:00:00.000+12:00

《味道》

今天晚上的星星很少

不知道它们跑那去了

赤裸裸的天空

星星多寂廖

我以为伤心可以很少

我以为我能过的很好

谁知道一想你思念苦药

无处可逃

想念你的笑

想念你的外套

想念你白色袜子和身上的味道

我想念你的吻和手指淡淡烟草味道

记忆中曾被爱的味道

今天晚上心事很少

不知道这样算好不好

赤裸裸的寂寞

朝着心头绕

我以为伤心可以很少

我以为我能过的很好

谁知道一想你思念苦无药

无处可逃

想念你的笑

想念你的外套

想念你白色袜子和你身上的味道

我想念你的吻和手指淡淡烟草味道

记忆中曾被爱的味道

想念你的笑

想念你的外套

想念你白色袜子和身上的味道

我想念你的吻和手指淡淡烟草味道

记忆中曾被爱的味道。。。

最近的我总被一种莫名的焦虑和恐惧包围着，不安的恐慌，好累，我真的累了。

2008-05-24T22:29:00.003+12:00

shan yan just sent me this photo today...one with class 1/3, my fav. Henry...

2008-05-24T20:35:00.001+12:00

If something or someone is stagnant, if fatigue or inertia or indecision have a hold, if movement is needed for well being and nothing has come to start the flow or end the flow, praise that something or someone. Praise it out loud. Praise her out loud. Praise him out loud. Offer up a hand or a lift by finding something good, anything good, about the circumstances or person in question. Declare that goodness out loud. Declare it like life itself depends on it. Because life itself just might.

Speaking something positive, with sincerity, changes the atmosphere surrounding a stagnant situation. It shines a light in the darkness, eases fears and relaxes a closed heart. If a plant is suffering, tell it how beautiful it is. Kiss it when no one is looking. If a woman is depressed, tell her how much she is needed. Tell her specifically why you love her. If a man is dying, tell him everything you know about his value and his valor and his contributions to the world. Ease him back into life or release him from life with praise.

Everyone and everything is hard-wired to respond to the energy of love. All situations are made better when love is let loose through words of praise, when recognition of value and worth are declared. We all need that caress, that life-affirming hug, of knowing we make a difference. Knowing we matter. To someone or something.Let's not be stingy with praise. Let's look around, see where the lights are low and offer up spoken words of love. They cost nothing, but their value is priceless. Let's initiate positive flow, let's dare to make each other feel valued, let's light the world with our words.Be praise and praise be.

2008-05-23T18:57:00.017+12:00

Photos in BGSS...Mr Muhammad's present for me...soooo swwweettt.... :)

Mr Muhammad did reflections with me...heehee

with wang lao shi in the pic... :)

WITH THE REST OF THE INTERNS AND RELIEF TCHERS...

with mr lee

with...oh no! I don't know her name...but she worked with my dear mr whitby in nj last time...

a very nice lady :)

And of course, my funny, funky nice and caring but a little fierce mentor, mr muhammad...

ART DEPARTMENT PHOTOS...

A VERY HAPPY FAMILY...

TAKING FUNKY PHOTOS TOGETHER...

MAKING STUPID POSES...

OKAY....BE SERIOUS!...
THEN...

OOPS...BACK TO -_-''''

-_-''' SHAKES MO'S HEAD...CHILDISH BUNCH..HOHO...

AND THEN....IT 'RAINED' ANTS FROM THE TREE...-_-''''

OKAY...AN ATTEMPT TO BE SERIOUS..LOOK AT MR MUHAMMAD'S FACE...O.o

HOHO...MYFAV. PART...IT'S 'TIGER' TIME...I MEAN..LUNCH TIME...

2008-05-23T17:54:00.004+12:00

"If I am breathing, every moment is precious.
Every moment is important.
Even the darkest ones. But in questing to open my heart, there are now moments where God steps in, quiets my mind, and awakens my Soul to receive. These are the perfect moments."

Today, is my last day in BGSS and my inner spirit is tired. Too much memories and shards of small grief have worn me down. I'm not fond of being worn down. I prefer to be lit from within by wonder and discovery. I prefer to feel rested and ready to welcome the gifts of each day. I prefer the pulse of creative verve in my veins.

I feel that I am blessed with perfect moments recently. Short spans of time and no time that come upon me suddenly and leave kisses of grace on my heart. These moments are brief. These moments are unexpected. But the beauty and fullness of fleeting, perfect flashes lies in my fairly new ability to recognize them. I'm quite sure I've been privy to these moments my whole life, but the effort I've put into opening my heart has cleansed my lens of awareness, and recognition is now swift.

What I am in the midst of is a shift. Effort in one direction has ended. The pause has arrived. Possibilities are floating into view, but I'm too tired to act on them. For the moment. Flowers and birdsong, decorating notebooks and blogs, ice-cream and cupcakes all call my attention and remind me...the energy of YOUTH will come back to me. Rest a few days, eat well, drink water and the self-revival will rise. Rest, and the spark will be lit. Rest, give energy and love back to myself and my heart will feel at home. Or so I hope.

I. am. overwhelmed by work or grief or the uncertainty of having to let go of the known or unknown, rest.

There comes a point in every life, I hope, when the reasons and excuses and fears to hold back wilt in the mind. There comes a point when it is suddenly pointless to remain in the shadows, to deny dreams and to keep the lid on creative forces that can change your world for the better. There comes a point when you must simply bloom.Pain and grief and exhaustion often bring the reasons for self denial into the grimy, filmy light. You look at them and think, "what the hell am I waiting for"? "Who the hell cares anymore for opinions and consequences? It's my life, dammit, I can do what I want and be who I want".

The pivotal point in a life can come at 12, at 16 at 18, 20, at 40, at 81 and a half. It does not matter when it comes, just as long as it arrives before your last breath shudders out of your lungs. Because freedom rides on the petals as they fall open in bloom. Freedom rides the thoughts and actions that burst the bonds of self-restraint and self-imprisonment. Freedom lies in your choice to live the life you deserve. And you deserve the taste of freedom.
So go to London. Write the fiction book. Fall in love. Be a photojournalist. Get the loan. Walk away from toxic people. Learn to sail. Finish the degree. Open my heart and so what if gets trampled. Open it again. Make this moment or the next moment or 14,532 moments from now the point that pivots my dreams into reality. So I tell myself...

Do not hold back forever. I don't have forever. Bloom soon. Bloom now.

Today is the day I end a short chapter in my life. Today is the day I sow the seeds for a new beginning. Today is the day I reflect. Today is the day I care not for time.

My time pieces are either taken off walls, turned around or covered up. Because I am exhausted from rushing, rushing, rushing through my days and my life. Rushing to meet expectations and obligations. Rushing to be someone I am not. Rushing to please all others but myself.Enough.
Enough, I say.

Today I exist in my own time. I eat, sleep, create, speak or not when I wish to. Let the sky be my clock. Let my heart lead the way from one intrigue to the next. Let me be simple. Let me lie on the floor and stare at nothing. Let me rest in the freedom of no time at all.
Today I live without clocks. Today I surrender all effort. Today I live.

On a side note:

The thing about love.

The question is not whether jy likes me or not. The question is whether I am prepared to love him the way he deserves to be loved. The question is whether I have poured enough love into my own heart, my own being to be filled to overflowing. It is the overflow, the more-love-than-I can-possibly-use-for-myself that will create the lake of love for him to swim in.

There was a saying:

A girl's love is a gift. Her love is a grail. Her love is the jeweled chalice that receives the purified elixir of the heart in touch with itself. The heart that knows love starts at its own center and ripples outward. The heart that honors itself first, knowing from experience how best to honor another heart with love.

So, the question is never whether the love without is enough. It is always whether the love within is enough. If it is, if there is love to spare and share and fill the lake, there is no question.

And...today I live without love.

2008-05-22T18:46:00.002+12:00

It's been days since I last updated this blog. I don't know why, I just don't feel like writing anything. Life is still busy, way busier than I ever imagined. I thought, it will be better now but it seems not.

I am going to end this internship tomorrow, after 5 months of suffering, finally i am ending, and it's strange how i began to actually like some parts of this school when I am going to leave here. The thing is that, I am still unhappy about most parts of it and i don't regret resigning but...the thought of being able to teach little henry art is kinda fun. He is this 1/3 boy who looks like jy and i think he has a better personality than jy as he's always smiling and laughing, happy go lucky yet serious about his work. that's the kind of triat that im looking for in a guy, not like someone who is always frawning as if the sky is going to drop the next moment. I will feel very stressed being together with him.

Ysd I went for zaobao wenhuaying, the experience of being the station master is not bad but it's kinda sad that i din get to go into water very often...anyway, wildwildwet is not very exciting, soooo...oh but...no handsome fit guys to see also... I lost my watch there, wad a sad thing, I am damn pissed off cos that watch is a present from carol, tiff and turtle for my 20th birthday, felt really sorry to them. But, I witnessed the most romantic confession, junzhan senior finally decided to do something to his "long time secret love girl"...ysd was fangda's birthday, and jz brought out such a romantic cake with candles forming a heart shape and little...oopss...i duno wad's that...fireworks? sighz..im kinda bad at descibing...other than choking us and the room with smoke, jz had done a great job this time...however, his inability to express himself caused him to be unable to really..."get her" by ysd...but from what i observed, sooner or later they'll be together...wow...so damn cool...and i feel so damn sad for myself...sighz...

and...since i've passed their interview, i will be going to singapore press holdings and be an intern from...probably nxt month onwards. sounds cool, they say they will put me in news room...i wonder what kind of news i am going to cover but for now...i just want a break, a short break will do..im kinda exhausted at the moment.

and....she ying dui people told me that montage result is out and to my surprise, NJ DID NOT WIN THE SCHOOL SCHALLENGE! or should i say that i half expected it? i duno, the deadline for submission somehow, fell within their ct days and i won't believe that they will put aside studies and care about this competition, oh well, studies is important lah of course, but i guess they lacked the ability to juggle both at the same time...tsk tsk....all the more i am impressed with myself and ian and si jie and yixian for being able to pull through and having done so much without ruining our Alvl...heehee...oopss...i should be sad now...and i think i am... a little bit may be.

anddddd...im pissed, how can they let me relieve ms loy's class? i have told them a million, no, a trillion times that I. DO. NOT. WANT. TO. HAVE. ANYTHING. TO. DO. WITH. THAT. HORRIBLE.IDIOTIC.EGOSTICAL.OLD.UGLY.WEIRD.IMMORAL WOMAN! fine fine fine...since they did that, i have no choice but to.......hahaha...join in with the students and bitch about her together...hahaha...she must be really a bad teacher i guess, all her students hate her, if not, loathe her...haha...i went into both of her classes...wow...they are soooo anti-loy lah...haha...oh well...i am really openly and secretly happy about this...how can one make all her students hate him/her? ans: behave like loy and you will succeed without efforts. wohhohohohoho...

arkkk...art class outing or gathering...duno if i should go, i duno...may be i wont go...

2008-05-16T19:44:00.005+12:00

“为什么我的眼中饱含泪水，因为我对这片土地爱得深沉。”从手拉着手的那一刻起，就再也没有人会无助地哭泣。

年轻的父母身下是３岁的女儿

救护人员围在一处严重损毁的屋角处——压在房屋下的是两个不幸遇难的大人，被他们护在身下的是一名眨着大眼睛的小女孩。
宋欣宜，这个只有三岁的小女孩在与死神抗争了４０多个小时后，从废墟中被解救出来时，周围的人都哭了：已经故去的年轻父母脸对脸、胳膊搭着胳膊，用自己的身体搭成一个拱形，在地震发生的一瞬双双挡住倒塌下来的沉重墙体，用血肉之躯为自己的孩子构筑了一道“生命的围墙”。
求生是人的本能，而在生死一瞬，伟大的父爱和母爱却超越了本能.

他身下死死地护着４个学生

妻子张关蓉正在仔细地擦拭着丈夫的遗体：脸上的每一粒沙尘都被轻轻拭去；细细梳理蓬乱的头发，梳成他生前习惯的发型……
当张关蓉拉起谭千秋的手臂，要给他擦去血迹时，丈夫僵硬的手指再次触痛了她的神经：“昨天抬过来还是软软的，现在咋就变得这么硬啊！”张关蓉轻揉着丈夫的手臂，恸哭失声……
就是这双曾传播无数知识的手臂，在地震发生的一瞬间从死神手中夺回了４个年轻的生命，手臂上的伤痕清晰地记录下了这一切！
“我们发现他的时候，他双臂张开着趴在课桌上，身下还死死地护着４个学生，４个学生都活了！”一位救援人员忍不住哭出声来。

“摘下我的翅膀，送给你飞翔”

当汶川县映秀镇的群众徒手搬开垮塌的镇小学教学楼的一角时，被眼前的一幕惊呆了：一名男子跪仆在废墟上，双臂紧紧搂着两个孩子，像一只展翅欲飞的雄鹰。两个孩子还活着，而“雄鹰”已经气绝！由于紧抱孩子的手臂已经僵硬，救援人员只得含泪将之锯掉才把孩子救出。
这名男子是该校２９岁的老师张米亚。“摘下我的翅膀，送给你飞翔。”多才多艺、最爱唱歌的张米亚老师用生命诠释了这句歌词，用血肉之躯为他的学生牢牢把守住了生命之门。

看着那些幼小的生命，他们蜷缩着，鲜血已经凝固，像熟睡的样子……总理哭了，更多的人也和总理一样哭了。面对天灾，我们可以对大自然的残酷无情心生怨恨，但我们明白，怨天尤人不会让逝者复活，努力从废墟中挽救幸存者的生命，才是我们应该做的。

面对突如其来的灾难，生命是如此的脆弱，逾万条生命顷刻间逝去。但在大爱面前，生命又如此顽强，发生在废墟上的一幕幕闪耀着人性光辉的无私大爱创造了一个又一个生命奇迹。

这３天３夜，对所有中国人而言，意味着悲伤的黑色！
这３天３夜，有许许多多拯救生命的恸人瞬间，值得我们永远铭记.

我会在心里为所有的罹难者家属及还在等待救援的灾民们祈祷。

This blog will be closed soon...

2008-05-15T18:42:00.009+12:00

Sketched Mr Loh...heehee

My NUS Montage submission...not very good but i have bo time to really go out and take photos

The Cat

Have you ever looked into the eyes of a cat so intensely before? If you did, then perhaps you will be able to understand the fear and anger they feel towards man. So what is it that had caused the tension between the cat and us? Let’s all reflect inwards and perhaps, if we are sincere enough, we will be able to find the answer along the way.

Barbwire

One day, when we wake up, we’ll probably find ourselves being confined within a space by barbwires. Everywhere else seems so quiet and peaceful except for our hearts, which we know are screaming for freedom. Those being deprived of freedom will eventually break free of the restrictions and be liberated. But for now, the tension remains.

Reborn

When one fights to arrive at a breakthrough for him/herself, the struggle and sufferings can only be understood by the individual. The tension between the old body and new self will result in conflict. Whichever one emerges victorious, the other will be destroyed. Just like this spider; if it fails to escape from its old skin, it will be dead but if it succeeds, the old skin shall be discarded. From this we see the sacrifice and danger one has to take on in order to move forward, literally and metaphorically.

The Challenge from another Species

Since the beginning of mankind’s dominance of Earth, the tension between human and animals never ceases. Often we see the cruelty man display towards the animals and rarely do we encounter any sort of retaliation or challenges coming from their side. So now, in a rare scenario of the man versus the crab, will Man emerge as the undisputable victor again? I wonder when the time for man to realise their vulnerability will come.

2008-05-14T21:33:00.003+12:00

i visited the ITE college east ysd with 3C

wow...haha...it has really good campus and facilities...here's some photos...

2008-05-14T20:55:00.003+12:00

领悟

我以为我会哭但是我没有

我只是征征望着你的脚步

给你我最后的祝福

这何尝不是一种领悟?

让我把自己看清楚

虽然那无爱的痛苦

将日日夜夜在我灵魂最深处

我以为我会报复但是我没有

当我看到我深爱过的男人

竟然像孩子一样无助!

这何尝不是一种领悟

让你把自己看清楚

被爱是奢侈的幸福

可惜你从来不在乎

啊! 一段感情就此结束

啊! 一颗心眼看要荒芜

我们的爱若是错误

愿你我没有白白受苦

若曾真心真意付出就应该满足!啊!

多么痛的领悟你曾是我的全部

只是我回首来时路的每一步

都走得好孤独啊!

多么痛的领悟你曾是我的全部

只愿你挣脱情的枷锁爱的束缚

任意追逐别再为爱受苦

我哭了，这一次不再是为了自己的事。看着四川地震的救灾画面，我无法不动容，看着温总理悲愤交集的神情，我无法不感动，看着一具具年幼孩子们的尸体，我无法不伤心。。虽然在北京的家一切都好，但不知为什么我的心感到好痛，看到那些触目惊人的灾区镜头，我的心就像时纠在了一起。。心好痛。。。好像马上到那里和他们一起挖，一起救人。这不是什么伟大的感言，只是因为我感到自己是如此的渺小，如此得一无是处，在国家如此危难的时候，我竟只能坐在电视机前观看新闻。难道这真的是我唯一能做的吗？捐款，是的，是个好办法，可是捐了之后，怎么还是感到那么的空虚？看到温总理流泪了，我看着看着就跟着一起哭了，怎么能不哭？看着这一幕幕惨不忍睹的画面，压在废墟下面的虽不是我的亲属，但只要设身处地的想想，就不难想象目前四川人们的伤心，我又能做些什么呢？能做些什么呢？当我眼看着自己的祖国母亲正面对着如此的灾难，我又能做些什么呢？天哪，我怎么可以这么没用呢？读了这么多年的书，现在才发现自己对国家可贡献的就只有这么一点点，就这么一点点，既然这样，我哪里还有脸整天为了自己的一点情情爱爱的事儿烦心呢？

怎么坍塌的会是教学楼呢？那时国家培养希望的地方呀，一下子就没有了这么多的孩子，那么多的独生子女，国家要怎么办呢？他们的父母又要怎么办呢？怎么会这样。。怎么会这样。。我们的国家真的需要这样被一次又一次地考验吗，那么多的天灾人祸，一次又一次地难过与损失，天哪，你什么时候才能学会怜悯我的中国？？？什么时候，我们才能脱离天灾的威胁，外国人的歧视与恶意伤害？期待着吧，期待吧，期待那一天的到来，而现在，我们中华儿女更应团结一致，我们永远都不会被外国侵略主义恶势力或是自然灾害所打败，大中华之魂万岁！

2008-05-13T11:59:00.003+12:00

有些时候，错过了或者失去了，并不一定是件坏事。。正所谓塞翁失马，焉知非福。。
现在我对那段时间的那段情感的感觉有些模糊。。。就好像一首歌里唱的那样。。。不知是友情，还是错过的爱情。。

时间长了，什么就都能熬过来的。。也许我情感的起点低了一点，但并不代表它不能达到高处。。只要我用平常心去面对，就能撑过去，有些人，有些事，不值得那么认真。当他都不把你当回事的时候，只有自己对自己好一点，才算是对自己公平。他从始至终的敷衍，是表明他心思的最佳证明，我又何必强人所难，又强己所难呢？所谓己不所欲，勿施于人。

在对的时间，遇到了错的人，只能是一场伤心。

从今以后，我不做保证，不再幻想，一切随缘，缘起缘灭，缘来缘去，终究不是我能掌控的，一切顺其自然。

世界上还有那么多的人在为了生存而挣扎，自然灾害的无情与破坏，使得那么多人一夜之间变得无家可归，顿失亲友，流离失所。。。中国的地震，缅甸的风灾。。。这个世界和我的世界好像都乱了，但相比之下，我想，我的问题是可以简单解决的，面对着那些世界的问题，那些受难的人，我又如何有资格因为我的这一点点小问题而整日颓废不堪呢？

期待着吧，期待着重生的到来...

2008-05-09T20:00:00.005+12:00

I should have known that this kind of thing will happne. JY is not a person who does not make mistakes, even si jie will. But the thing is, si jie had mo, and mo had si jie, haha, we do proof reading for each other before sending out mass emails. well...it's good to have a good friend in your exco. if si jie weren't there with me last year, i dont think i will be able to survive, would have quitted long ago.

and..i rmb jy saying that he will organise a national photography competition by march this year. oh well, not that sj and i believed that he'll actually do it, but really, at i was hoping that he'll prove us wrong and then go ahead and do it, untilllllll...oh haha..until i heard that even regular sessions of activities were even cancelled, and also, outings are as unsuccessful or even more unsuccessful compared to our batch. at least, our batch the excos (except jy) will go. But i probably know the reason why jy din materialise his words. I think he wanted it to happen, but in order for something to happen, time and efforts have to be put in, nothing is for free, and one person alone cant do everything, and i guess this year's exco kinda seem to focus on their own things much more than other things. The passion isnt there. At least for our batch, im not sure abt ian and yx, but liang, sj and i are rather passionate, but unfortunately, we shared different visions for the club and all the clashes and conflicts caused us to be rather disillusioned towards the end.

yeah, jy has the habbit of putting everything on himself, good or bad, all the work. He thinks that if he lets others do it, they might create more troubles, which is true to a certain extent of course, we always trust ourselved more than we trust others. But if we over work ourselves, we wont be able to ensure the efficiency. yeah. must learn to let go. and i believe that the job of the pres is not to care abt all the little details but to bond the club, make sure that every exco will be contributing to the club, training every exco to become a specialist in their own field and let them plan, prepare things within there scope of responsibilities, that will be able to ensure the overall efficiency of the club. yeah, so, pres is really important. sighz...but of course, im in no position to say much about it since i was never a pres? haha, probably i dun understand how they felt, but this is wad i feel ( after trying to put myself in their shoes...)

but for now, aiya, concentrate on CT first, it's kinda a bad timing. sighz, but one must know when to focus on what. I smsed jy today and told him what i think, he din reply, so i guess he knows what he should do, haha, yeah, im being busybody..well...good luck to him.

And as for mufeng, well, you have to accept that this kind of thing always happen in ps, jy is not the only who'll make mistakes. haha, ian was worse last year, try not to get agitated by this, not that worth it. haha,and that ic guy...oh well.. rumours always fly around one lah, and rumours will only remain rumours as long as you keep cool.事实胜于雄辩 yeah, after a while it will be gone lah, i know it is irritating, and like, 'you like him' indicating u initiated makes u feel kinda really hurt ur pride...but then who the hell cares? i know u wont fall for such taste de ren de, haha, he's not good enough for you :P, in fact, i think very few are good enough for my little pretty cute and smart and "hot tempered" junior...haha...they'll eventually learn to not to test ur limits...haha..so for the time being, focus on ur H3 STaR and aiya, ps is a small thing lah. and as for PSｅｘｃｏ，im not sure if i shld say this but, DO CONSIDER CAREFULLY. dont make a choice that will make you regret later, well, ian, sj and i are living examples. we became the most unhappy ps exco...haha...yeah, just think whether u want and if you can shoulder all those responsibilities and work with the rest. And, i think your hot temper is short changing you lah, try not to show so much emotions in front of people, try to hide them a bit, so that you wont be judged as irrational, rash or emotional. trust me, i've been through it, not a good reputation to live with, haha, yeah, it kindas even affects me now as im working. yeah, you are a smart, hardworking, prideful and pretty girl, a great future lies ahead of you and so dun let such small tiny things such as bad temper obstruct your way to greatness. yeh? oops...i sound so serious,haha, but in any case, try to understand jy a bit too, he's under loads of pressure lah, though i myself always hate or dun wana understand him, i have to say that it's not fair to push all the blame on him lah. and wadever happens mufeng, if really u felt '委屈' or wana talk to people, im always here, haha, can call, sms, email or ask me out de...i'll try my best to help...haha...if ppl bully you, i will go kick their ass for you :)... ( but not jy, i am bloody scared of himwahahahahahahaha)

right now im enjoying my life in bgss, yeah, had yoga in the morning. and...i had a nice breakfast session with them, and then with the art department, and we had department photo taking session, really cool. and...marking is boring, but one stu got 19/25, i was so happy! haha...and monday a big shot's gona come, to art room somemore...and...monday will be my interview...aiya...and...hahaha...i must go finish marking the essays...im so screwed...deadline deadline deadline!

OH...BY THE WAY this is the blog i created for BGSS elearning day for art: http://bgss-art-forum.blogspot.com/
haha...the comments of the stu are really quite cute...yehh..i feel a sense of accomplishment!!!! heehee...:P i wrote the instructions leh!!!!! :P
mo is just good....
im ms wang

2008-05-08T18:17:00.002+12:00

Tomorrow is marking day.

I have to go to sch and mark. And mr M said that the "staff wellfare committee" has organised some activities for the teachers. We will be doing "yoga" in the mornng...gosh and i have to wear orange and black as all art tchers will wear that. so officially im given an orange tshirt..but the thing is that, i dont have a black sports pants...all my sports pants are in other colours and my black pants are...well...working pants... -_-'''

and marking is getting boring now...the answers are just too funny...

moe havent send me the email.

i read mufeng's blog..felt funny after reading the entry about jy, felt that 'he' is so far away from me, and the days when i can talk to him, play with him are far gone now, those days that we used to work together seemed so long ago, like years ago. cant seem to have the same courage and willingness to continue any form of interactions, connections, contact with him. you know, im becoming more and more afraid of something, im unsure of what it is. it is just that, i could feel that i still want to see him, want to talk to him, want his help, want to hear about things related to him, want to see him succeed. But, surprisingly, i just cant bring myself to go back to nj to see him. it's like...on the other hand, i'm hating him..to the core. i dun wana see his face, i dun wana see him doing anything, i dun wana hear about him. you know, the kind of contradicting feeling? well...you wont want to see...the thing that's with me is that, things are getting strange. I'm starting to not understand myself. yeah, it's like the situation...well..aiya...i am afraid that if i continue to like him and keep seeing him whenever i can, i will be even more hurt next time, but now, as i try to make him my ex-friend, i feel the same pain as i felt that im forcing myself to do something which i really cant do it....but sighz...let bygone be bygone...yep...and i hearby declare that, i shall not talk to anyone who has any connections to sjy in order to keep myself insulated from him....well...it's not wise but im thinking of doing this.

2008-05-07T17:43:00.001+12:00

I guess today im in a good mood. I went about the staff room telling other tchers all my lame and cold jokes...hahaha...bet it made weekeong felt like he needs a heater.

anyway...i've been really unlucky recently, first, i was emo, then i lost my Ez-Link and house key on the bus yesterday. And I am so sure that some aunties just took it and kept it, thinking it will worth a million. oh well...bad impression well formed right now. I mean..i dun like greedy people, if they want the card, go ahead and take it, but please, return the keys at least, now my mum has to change lock. how nice.

ehh...I invigilated 2A today, and i found out that they were quite a few errors in the schedule, such as i realised that my slot for invigilation is from 1120-1155 which indicated that i am supposed to collect the paper, however, their paper does not end till 1215. so I called cuiying who went to find the exam centre people, okay, it came out as, they printed wrongly, and they've arranged a person called "wang mo" to take the nxt period and collect the paper which is from 1155 to 1230, so i can 'just leave at 1155 when the "wangmo" comes to take over me' wow...so it turns out that they think that i am not wang mo, wang mo is another person...-_-''''

ohh...hohohoho...i was watching 2A do their history paper, and you know wad, i duno how to answer 1/2 of their multiple choice qn...wow...and one girl, she was combing her hair throughout the 2hrs...i watched her do that and i was wondering if she'll ever realise that there were exam papers on her table. towards the end, i was imagining her hair dropping..wow...im weird...haha...

I miss my housekey...

2008-05-06T15:17:00.008+12:00

在日本发生了一件千真万确的事：有人为了装修家里，拆开了墙；日式住宅的墙壁通常是中间架了木板后，两

边批上泥土，其实里面是空的。他拆墙壁的时候，发现一只壁虎被困在那里一根从外面钉进来的钉子钉住了

那只壁虎的尾巴。那人见状，既觉可怜又感好奇，他仔细看了看那根钉子，天啊！那根钉子是十年前盖那房子

的时候钉的。到底怎么回事？那只壁虎竟然困在墙壁里活了整整十年！黑暗中的墙壁里的十年，真不简单。不

对呀？他继而寻思，尾巴被钉住了，一个步子也跨不出的这只壁虎，到底靠什么撑过了这十年？他于是暂时停

止了装修工程看看它到底吃了什么!他要一探究竟。过了不久，不知从哪里又钻出来一只壁虎，嘴里含着食

物...啊！他一时愣住了，这是什么样的情形啊？为了被钉住尾巴而不能走动的壁虎，另一只壁虎竟然在十年

的岁月里一直不停地衔取食物喂它。我听了以后，很感动，真的也不去想它们之间的关系：　亲子，朋友，异

性，手足....在人类的社会中随着计算机的普及，人与人获取相关的信息更快速，但是人与人之间的距离是否

也越来越接近呢？...所以永远也不要放弃你所爱的人！

电影《终极无间》里，陈道明有一句台词说得精彩：“从来都是事情改变人，人改变不了事。”

是不是做的太少，是不是想的太多
如果能够找人随便聊点甚么
那样的日子也许好过
有没有给的太少，有没有要的太多
朋友已经散伙，
爱情剩下半个星星也在暗暗地笑我
不说不说请不要说，
一个人应该学会寂寞　
不说不说你不要说，
寂寞的日子我会自己过　
不说不说请不要说，
你只需演好自已的角色　
不说不说你不要说，
平平常常也会有快乐

okayokay...time to get out of the emo mood.

I have been rather unhappy these days due to the unreasonable overflow of blueslips...anyway, the thing that i liked the best about invigilation is the quietness, but on a second thought, i prefer teaching. Invigilation = do nothing but walk around. wow...you wont know how boring it is until you get to do it. I used to wish that i will be one of those tchers inviglating one day, and now, that wish is no longer valid. I was in the hall today, and all i did was passing paper and walking and walking and walking. Lucky there was an eye candid for me, I like that boy from this sec1 express class, chubby and cute. at first i tot it was because he looks like jy, but now i guess it's because he's even cuter than jy ever was. yeah. and coincidentally, he is also very good at math and science, saw him finishing the science paper way before his other classmates did. haha...so cute.

And then i went to 3A to give out exam paper, collect paper. everyday do the same thing, but while i was in the hall, the kind of exam scene reminded me of my prelim and Alevel times. You wont know how i missed those times, if i were given a chance to choose, i will rather be the student doing the paper. yeah, sigh, i miss those days, i really do. I hate myself for not being able to realise it earlier, if i did, i would be able to treasure those times a million times better than i did. What was i doing last year? getting myself all stressed up by everything. I should have enjoyed whatever i was doing then, even the "getting angry" part. oh well, may be i did enjoy? hahaha....i enjoyed disturbing jy and testing his limits. ahha..and i enjoyed working and partially fighting along side with sj...that's cool...i enjoyed all greenlink activities, i enjoyed beating mr adrian loh...i enjoyed sleeping in the darkroom in order to escape from boring lessons(even including the part when i got caught by ms seah) well...i must admit that j2 was a really eventful but tense year, i only remembered that i have so much to do, so little time. but everyday i look forward to going to school. yeah...hahaha..of course, can 'stalk' someone lor...hahaha...it's cool...

anyway, like what soemone had told me, when i asked her how she felt about her school days and working days, she said " i enjoyed my school days and i am enjoying my working life right now" this might sound like a rahter typical and simple ans, but it really struck me. I tot i am the one who " hated school life and now is hating working life" and i always tend to look back and regret. from now onwards, i shall give myself no reason to regret again, why not make life easier and happier?

i showed mr azahar the ss scripts today, he cant stop laughing...and he said i was clever.. :P...anyway...he said he expects 20 passes from the whole NA sec3 cohort and i am responsible for their "mid year future" wadever, i assured him that the 20 people target is kinda hard to meet judging from the current scripts that im marking, and it is the best NA class....I marked around 19 scripts for Source based qn and the highest was 13/25, 2 passed. the lowest was 2/25. 17 failed. yeah..-_-'''

There's this source which is a cartoon, and i just dont understand how the student can infer until i question if i am looking at the same cartoon as he did. he was totally 200% out of point....phewww...i cant stop laughing while marking their paper...hahaha...but at least, the benefit is, short and sweet... :P

2008-05-05T18:21:00.002+12:00

《忘尽心中情》

“披散头发独自行
得失唯我事
昨天种种梦
难望再有诗
就与他永久別离
未去想那非和是……”

The thing btw shen jiayi and i is that, we are very different. We think differently, therefore, for most of the times, we both think that we are tolerating the other one. I always seem to be the one at fault, being unreasonable, and somehow, he can always just ignore me, let me hang on there whenever he thinks that i am not being reasonable. that's how he tries to avoid any direct conflict with me. and all the time, i will be the one who either apologise afterwards or talk to him first. it always work this way, that was how our friendship continued till this day. but i guess, it might not work this time. i am tired of this style. we are now officially...the ex-friends

life is just so weird, just as i thought i could...peservere and..well. sigh. met si jie on sat, we had a nice chat, and the topic went back to the same old problem...well..it seems that we cant avoid talking abt ps of jy. haha...and thanks si jie, for holding the same view about him throughout, you know what it means? it means that all along, i was wrong about who he is, you are the one who is right. he hates me.

I marked this NA class's SS, wow, i think i am a strick marker, i failed them, really badly, but i really did try to award them marks as long as they touch on the topic...but some answers are just too....FAR..........

bought ticket back to beijing, will be gone really soon, i will miss singapore.....i think.

I miss nj, no i don't.

the same old qestion....to be or not to be. the lousiest question i've ever heard.

2008-05-02T19:30:00.009+12:00

okayokayokay...fine. my funny colleagues are getting addicted to my blog. this morning when i stepped into my office, cuiying was complaining about mo not updating her blog and thereore, depriving her weekly entertainment. -_-''

anyway, please, mo is a busy person :) wheeee...i am busy like a donkey...it rhymes but the image does not seem that nice...see if we can change to another one.

heehee both taken at pulau ubin...i din add colour to it hor...only up the contrast a little... :) i love this setting...it seems somewhere rural...not singapore like
they say ubin has the most beautiful dusk...hmmm
haha...crab vs man...who's the winner? but clearly...the crab has shown itself defensive rather than offensive..
what bird is this? i cant identify...i can jump...wheeeee

one happy greenlink family and i love you all!

okay, i think the pulau ubin trip was definitely traumatising...but there were some rewards...i had fun, really had fun with the young juinors, youth is something precious...hmmmph...im aging... :( we played together, and we stupidly got lost...haha...so typical of mo...I also got the chance to take afew nice pics, well, carrying that a few kg lenses and DSLR camera, the running and walking definitely helped me in slimming down. wheee...

aha...since the mid year has started, we've been having fun laughing at the students' answers, not that we are evil but sometimes, the answers are just too funny...they do help a little in relieving us from the dry marking. ( Mr Azahar decided to trust my ability and let me mark social studies for 3 classes, source base and essay.. yehhhh). here's a few examples of funny answers:

1) chinese essay on "我爱我家"：我爱我家，因为家里有弟弟给我打.......我爱我家..因为家里有妈妈煮米给我吃......我在外面做地头snake.....谁不听我的我就打死他..拿去给pig吃............................

2) English essay( part of the lines): i was boasting about my hair when i was in primary5 because i had a red hair......

3) English closed passage: Qn "if he always offer helps to others we call him a________guy..." then a student put "bad" ( correct me if im wrong cuiying, that's what i rmb from what u said :P)

-_-''' i am appalled by the answers man. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

another science teacher told me his most classic answer for qn: " What are the 2 laws of reflection" the ans: 1) Do not smoke until you reach 18.
2) Do not steal.

anywayanway...oh yeah, movie with mr low, xinni and karen was really good. i like the movie "the bucket list" well, if i am given the chance and money, i will want to travel around the world and make a list of things that i want to do and accomplish them one by one. afterall, we are given a limited lifetime to do what we choose to do, sometimes i do feel quite trouble...i duno if i am doing what i really want or what others wanted me to do. well...i am still troubled, but i hope by the time that i find out that i wont have much longer to live, may be i will be able to get things clearer and realise what are the things that i really wanted. hopefully by then, it wont be too late.

i bet by then, i wont say that i want jiayi. hahaha...

then, interview with the sph ppl was really a scary one. they asked in both chinese and english and later they realised that they prefer to talk in chinese (蔡深江 being one of my interviewers). and to my horror, i realised that i do not really know how to talk properly in chinese, my gosh, bet i was really acting funny that time...idiot me...

okayokay...i am really tired of all these interviews..one day, if im gona give others interviews...if...i will ask them : do you love me, if you do, marry me! ( this is only applicable to handsome male applicants) wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

was doing some doodling juz now...

2008-04-28T20:54:00.002+12:00

I got "eaten up" by Mosquitoes!

ridiculous. that's what happened in UBIN. Anyway...if i die...it'll be either by the SEVERE lost of blood...or...DENGUE! gosh...i spend the whole of sunday and today trying to detect any symptoms of dengue. lucky not yet but still...anyway...i got ard 30 bites. yeah....30 anyway...

MO met with a major set back today. Not related to work. yeah...major setback. I am very very very very upset by it.

2008-04-25T20:10:00.007+12:00

I am so pissed.
I got scolded by mr lee again. how to survive in this school? probably because i am not careful again. but...who can stand it if your student scolds you "bastard" and "stupid idiot' during an exam? he deserves the zero. well..thanks to sph..i have decided to resign at the end of term2. yes. i cant stand another 1.5 months until july. it's hell. fine. i still stand by my opinion that, this is a very undesirable school.

but.

I love the way Mr Azahar treats me. He's such a nice person.

this is so weird. i am hating it. invigilation is boring. jiayi is really funny...well...it's kinda weird...whenever i feel extremely bored...irritated or angry, i will tend to feel like disturbing him. okay...i was still angry with him about the college day duty thing, and i told myself that i wont talk to him again...HAHAHAHA what a big joke. Mo is a stupid girl. Mo!!!! WHEN DID JIAYI EVER WANTED TO TALK TO YOU BEFORE? WHEN DID HE EVEN INITIATED ANY CONVERSATION BEFORE? so the truth is, if i dun talk to him, he wont talk to me, cos he never feels a need to. so stupid mo....

haha...but never mind...i have no more pride in front of this fat pork...wadever. i smsed him when i was duper sian today. hahaha...it seems that too much mugging is really destructive...he sounds as if he's insane. haha....but it really made me laugh...thanks jiayi. thanks...just be like this lah...ignore my crazy moments and we can be friends forever....i believe.

Interview ysd was really bad. sub prime crisis...wow...i wont pass this round...bet with you for 2 million dollars.....nahnahnah..you are gona loose.

oh...nah...i'm going to hate this surname forever...first is that...and now...you got me into trouble with my supervisor. i got scolded! you know wad...i never muttered a single word about your wadever relationship i swear...swear with my life...i did observe my professional conduct, the most i did was to smile, wadever the stu speculated were none of my business as i am not even the person who started the topic in the first place. anyway, reflect inwards please, i wonder how and why your students have those ideas about you. but in whichever case, i did not respond towards whatever their speculations other than mere smiles...if not what do you expect me to do? scold them? 3C!!!! be realistic. I've had had enough too. I did not spread anything and the only thing i did was to stop the rumour btw u and me. anything ranging from going to gym together to walking together along the corridor can make the students excited....so be careful of what you do next time, and once again, i said nothing. i swear. but whether you believe or not is up to you. I am trying to put it nicely also, i am willing to put it aside, i wont make the trouble to go and find out who the hell complaint to my supervisor about it but...if you want us to even remain as friends...then you better believe in me. I did observe my professional conduct, and i am really pissed now, I SAID NOTHING. believe me, or not, i said nothing.

I passed psychometric test, going for moe interview on 13th May. I passed sph writing test, going for interview on 30th April. internship later. I think i am good, and i think there's no way i should be bullied.

Karen, mo, xinni and mr low are going to watch "The Bucket List" on monday at 9.15pm at vivocity. wow...yeh!

mo is gg to pulau ubin to see juniors tomorrow. mo isnt in a great mood to see them though. i will scold them.

2008-04-23T12:34:00.002+12:00

Almost forgot to mention. EARTH DAY. 22/4/08 How can I forget when I am a greenlinker myself?

how sinful.

sigh.........if the world can become better...there's nothing that can't be done. for now, i foresee that, the world is becoming worse and worse, everyday. Man are losing their humanity..they degenerate each day, for wadever reasons i duno. There's no hope for the much wanted/promoted 'racial harmony'. the earth is losing its shine too...now i wonder...how long more can we sustain this...let's wait and see.

arrrkkkk...si jie...i love ur blog. and...let's go find a law firm.

2008-04-23T12:25:00.003+12:00

还是好朋友
-王心凌-

已经忘记了到底等待了多久
你还没把那句话说出口
街上的情侣手牵着手
我们只有沉默

从朋友到恋人究竟多少步骤
你永远只会静静看着我
期待着某天会萌芽结果
会不会就这样落空

我们是好朋友还只是好朋友
但朋友的线我们早跨过
脑海里头总是充满你的笑容
我知道你也有同样感受

我们是好朋友还只是好朋友
如果没勇气会这样错过
一句话就够其他都别多说
我等着你开口说爱我

从朋友到恋人究竟多少步骤
你永远只会静静看着我
期待着某天会萌芽结果
会不会就这样落空

我们是好朋友还只是好朋友
但朋友的线我们早跨过
脑海里头总是充满你的笑容
我知道你也有同样感受

我们是好朋友还只是好朋友
如果没勇气会这样错过
一句话就够其他都别多说
我等着你开口说爱我

多少寂寞 (多少寂寞)
因为有你的陪伴而度过
不要想的太多
想想曾有的不该没把握
唔耶``

我们是好朋友还只是好朋友
在这个位置等待了多久
静静守着彼此我们都能够接受
为何要留下为什么

我们是好朋友还只是好朋友
如果没勇气会这样错过
一句话就够其他都别多说
我等着你开口说爱我

说你爱我

2008-04-22T19:36:00.003+12:00

I go to sch by bus.

so this morning, momo happily/sleepily boarded bus number 14.

she slept alllllll the way.....it was a 40 min ride.

this is inaccurate. she woke up twice during the bus ride.

1st time

she opened her eyes for 1 sec, the sky outside was dark. she happily fell back to her dreams thinking that she muz be bloody early today. ( not realising that she had came out of her house the exact time like all other days, so there's no way that she can be EARLY). Momo is the kind of person who does not read time by watch but prefers to know the time through looking at the sky. She is ancient, cave woman.

2nd time

She opened her eyes for 4 seconds, realising that it was raining, really heavily outside..but she tot about the word 'outside' and happily fell back to sleep thinking "raining days are good for sleeping"

finally she reached the busstop. alighted the bus. trapped in the busstop compound. then she decided that, it's either she swim over to BGSS or...ask cuiying to bring her a boat. the place was flooded. cuiying refused to help, as was amanda. after much efforts, mo reached the back gate, only to realise that it was locked. but then, she refused to move towards the front gate, and waited..miracle happened. back gate opened...

heard from the councilor that the sch refused to open the back gate cos the stu were late. come on lah, i shall be the witness, many of them were not late initially, but they waited for the rain to subside...in order to walk to the gate, so in the end they were late. the sch shld be understanding and let them in, many were soaked...waiting pathetically for the gate to open. I see some stu, in order to be on time, they really tried to run in the rain...wow...sighz...nj is gd in comparison, cos we never count you count on rainy days..it's just unfair.

annnddd...cuiying ate my 'mummy's lunch' again...but i was happy to share with her, it's gd to have her around. i will be so lonely without this little cute alien. haha...so weird...and...the weirdest thing is that, i cut my pants, at the most private part, and i din realise it until much later...and i had to borrow needle and thread from home econs tchers to...ehhh..."mend" my pants. yeah...and i did such a 'great' job lah...wana kill myself...last time it was 'forgot to zip my pants' and this time 'cut my pants'...but it's quite dangerous being an art tcher? hahaha...

oh...moe called me, they arranged interview, but, but, they wana me to learn fine art and literature. imagine me teaching literature? mr whitby will laugh his pants off man...yeah...so i told them want history. i will try to convince them on international relations and history. let's try.

ehhhhhh..and i am seriously not very happy with the express classes, i went into 4/2, and they questioned my ability in chinese, so i told them that i am from china,and then they say that they doubt that i will know how to speak english. and i was like...-_-''' the girls were really rude. they think that they are the best of the best and are able to get 10 A1s without anyone's help. big fat hope lah. they need to know that there's always better people around, and with olevels around the corner, they shld be more grounded and stop letting their egoes lead them to the wrong way. i still think that i like the NA and NT classes better.

mo is weird.