It's been so long, prelim results were expectedly bad, it's ok, i will work hard for my alevels.

Coursework is finally done, im surprised that im actually quite happy with my prep work, anyway, it's 60% of an alevel subject done, i shall concentrate on my other subjects now. seriously, i am not afraid of any other subjects except literature, i duno how to prepare for it, it's just too hard to do, i give up.

im still thinking if i shld talk to jy, if i shld continue to be like this, being infatuated, being friends with him or shld i take the opportunity to disappear since alevel is coming and school ends next friday...

what a coincidence, art make up lesson during the study break is on every mon aftnoon, i hope i wont get to see him but somehow, part of me is happy that i can have some excuse to see him again. how stupid...i duno..i seriously duno what i am doing with my life, it's just so super scary, im like being sucked into this cycle of no return. i just cant stop liking him, for no reason, i duno why i like him.

life seems just too weird...im beginning to miss nj, in the past, i cant imagine myself missing this school which gave me so much pains and sadness, but here, in this place, stored my fond and sad memories, my life, 2 yrs of life. happy or sad, i've left my shadows behind here, i've shed my tears i can hear the resonance of my laughters, the friendships i gained here, the heartbeat, everything, time really flies, it passes so fast, i could hardly adjust to it. i still couldnt believe im in yr 2 and here i am, ending my jc life. how is it that i got here, i duno, through all the quarrels, all the problems all the excitements i arrived here...i know my entry does not make sense, i duno how to make any sense out of it when im so confused right now, life is such an unpredictable thing.

i am so not used to leave a place what i've lived for 2yrs, and most importantly, i am leaving behind an untold story of mine, my secret love for this guy, and i have used my own unique way to present it in front of people, i want it to be implicit but somehow, due to the fact that it is for marking, i cant keep it too implicit, i duno what will be the reactions of the management who will get to see it in a few days time. but somehow, i want them to see, no i dun want...i also duno...the only person that i dun want him to see is jy himself, i am afraid of seeing his reaction after seeing my coursework, i am afraid of getting an answer, i think it is best to keep things this way, until we wont get to see each other ever again, sometimes things are beautiful when no one points out the truth, beautiful things might turn ugly when the truth floats above the surface...i am not yet ready for such things, i kept on asking myself...is it really what i want? may be not, may be yes, i duno, i am so confused now, i want to paint his face on the wall, but no i dun want...i duno...shit..why people...why human beings tend to regret about the decisions made by themselves???? i hate this...serious!