i think for most of the time, im bullying him, i've been unfair to him, i told him to severe ties but did not tell him why, suddenly we changed from friends to strangers,so sudden, it's not really fair to him, and not fair to myself either. I thought that if i stop talking to him, things will get better, but it seems to go the other way round, we seem to meet each other more often, and everytime we see each other, it's an awkward situation, you dont know whether to say "hi" or not, and in the end both stare at each other for a few seconds and then walk away. I dun think i can tolerate this much longer. Im really tired of having to pretend that i never see him, i dun want to talk to him. It is a fact that i MISS HIM LIKE HELL! and my friends all told me to save this friendship before it is too late, even if we cant be that kind of "friends", as a normal friend, he's also the "diamond" type, i wont want to lose a friend like him just becos of some unknown reason. juz bcos of my crazy six sense that told me that im not suppose to talk to him.
I love photog and im going back, i dun care if ppl say im thick skinned. I've thought for a long time and i realised that i shld live my life, it's stupid to quit because you think others will uncomfortable becos of ur presence. and it's so stupid to quit becos of him, from today onwards, i shall live my life.
i shld have realised that i meant nothing in his life. He's happy even without a friend call wangmo. he's really happy with his own friends and classmates, i dun need to worry for him not having good friends to share his worries. afterall, he's such an angel type of person, who will not want to be his friends?? ha. Im being so silly to worry abt him being unhapppy. really, i mean nothing in his life, so it is quite stupid to make him be the"everything" in my life. For so long he's been the center of my entire life while i guess im only a tiny little part of his vibrant sch life. i meant nothing to him but he meant everything to me. im being extremely silly, i cant live without him but he can live perfectly well without me. so things are not right. love should be equal, balanced. i shall change myself, because there's nothing wrong with him, it's me who's got problem, he never ask me to put him as the most impt person in my life, he never ask me to focus my life on him, it's all my own bloody problems.
ok, finally, i shld just live my life the way he's living his life. and things might go well this way
自残的时候谁都不会后悔，直到痛彻心肺的那一刻。
一时的冲动伤害了自己，结果痛到现在。
放弃吧，让一切都过去吧，顺其自然，缘来惜缘，缘去随缘。一切以平常心对待吧。
我的初恋，就这样慢慢远去了。。。淡淡的刻骨铭心的滋味，不好受，但却很深刻。
