To Lydia...

Dear Lydia, it's hard for me to do that. Really, the fact that im saying that im losing myself bit by bit is because...the "brave" wang mo is no longer existing. He's the first guy i've ever felt so much in loved with. I am willing to do anything for him. Im willing to travel all the way back from innova jc in woodlands back to NJ just to have a ten min talk with him, im willing to sacrifice my revision time just to help him organise a competition, im willing to stay back with him, just to accompany him do his hw. But don't get him wrong, all these he doesn't know, as in, he didnt know i sacrificed so much, everytime he asks me to do something he's very concerned if im willing to or im free or not, if he has the slightest idea that im busy, he will not ask me. But i would rather help him cos whenever i hear him saying he's busy and has headache my heart ache too. it's really painful to see the exhausted look on his face...sometimes i think he's too responsible...he does almost everything for both photog and strings. And he has to juggle with his studies and other posts in his class. I want to help him, really, and after months of working together, we've built a sense of trust btw each other, everytime there's something impt, he'll think of me and i will think of him. The two of us can talk for a long time or sit opp. each other doing things quietly without a sound alone in darkroom but not feel a sense of uneasiness or awkwardness. sometimes i'll juz stare at him...and i found that he has a tendancy to stare at me too, but i don't know what it signifies. anyway, im very distracted now, i really really cant stop thinking of him and i keep looking out for him in sch, everytime he talks, the gentle voice will make me feel like...i want to stop at that moment, and make it into an eternity. When i first started liking him, i dont have a reason, but after i've really fallen in love with him, his everything becomes the reason for me to love him. I do not know if he feels the same way towards me or not, but i believe he just takes me as a very good friend cos he's not the kind of guy who's very good at this knid of things, but im sure that, if i don't unveil my feelings to him, our friendship will remain there forever, but if i tell him the truth, there's a danger to the precious friendship which i so treasured. I'm not willing to risk this...and i do not know if he has anyone whom he likes, but im sure, if there's really one person whom he likes, i would wish him happiness, i would never be selfish and try to snatch him, cos i know i really like him, when you really like someone, you will want him to be happy, u'll rather suffer yourself than letting him suffer. And right now, i don't want to add any turbulence to his busy and packed life, he's studies are important, he's so outstanding, i don't want him to be burdened or troubled by my feelings towards him...