well, i must say that, keeping a blog alive is quite a hard thing to do. especially for a person as lazy as me. actually, most of the time i have a lot of things to write, to say, to espress...to wadever. but then, the moment i think of typing them all out, it freaks me out. and yep...so well...anyway...i am in Beijing now. Well, not as happy as i thought myself to be. I dont know why. Last time, going back to my hometown used to be my ultimate goal for the yr. but now, it seems, like an annual...chore which im forced to do. well, i still do miss my relatives here, my grandmother, my dad(maybe) my cousins...and most importantly, the City itself, which i used to be very proud of. but now...i dont know if is it because i've grown up, i felt that, i no longer need all these people around, i no longer care so much about country pride or wadever patriotic stuff...i just want to have a place for myself, just a tiny little bit of area for myself, where i can lock myself in and...yeah....be alone for a while. Today's City is too complicated and noisy for me. Im just back for a wk and 1 days, and within these short 8 days, i have to go around entertaining my parent's friends with them, listen to them talking abt me, my future, their kids, their achievements...and all those bloody things which im never interested in. All those restaurant food...colourful but not tasty at all. And all those "Harvard", "Yale","Imperial College","Cornell" etc etc...come on! im living my life! i dont want to go to all those stupid countries. I am stupid! im neither future Harvard graduate nor future Yale graduate. im juz a pethatic little helpless kid who's struggling to get out of my prarent's control. well...hahahaha...i think im so lost now, i dun think i would want to go back to china to work, it's juz too corrupted, no matter how much i tried to bluff myself, the truth speaks. look at them, juz one night, juz one dinner, 3000 china bucks gone, and there's still many "nights" and "dinners" to come. life is juz like that. and im not used to it.
sighz...yeah...im stuck here, and...hahaha...u know? in beijing, the sun sets at ard 3pm wahahaha...and then after that then it starts to get dark...and i always wake up ard 12pm so my day is only half a day! im living half days everyday! wahahahah...sorry...i dun think im sane....never mind, im never sane. whooooaaaaa....a long entry....
