I went for Greenlink Camp on Thurs Night and slept over in nj. Before that, I had lunch with jy, my treat, I always feel that I owe him something and I had to constantly buy him little presents or give him treats, I don't know, okay, call me cheap, I just can't find a reason why I fancy him so much.

While I was waiting for jy at Cityhall MRT station, one student from BGSS recognised me, and I remember him! sec4/5! The boy who always call me 'cute'..the boy with friends. It's strange to see students in their home clothes because they totally look like young men and young ladies! They don't look like students at all! But, such surprising coincidences of meeting your past student gives me a very special feeling. Haha. Now I'm really looking forward to the future...the future of becoming a teacher.

When I saw jiayi, I practically just pulled him away from the crowd and rushed for suntec, I think he is amused, but I am really a little embarrassed to be seen being together with him, in a...very childish casual wear...especially to be seen by my students. Because, THEY KNOW WHO HE IS, yeah, and besides, I was wearing this really childish top with a piggy on it..ark..I bet I look like a 14 yr old in that...sighz..

And..back to the 'lunch with jiayi' thing, I LIKE HIM, I STILL DO. But, other than this, I don't know what to say, our laughters reduced, talks shortened, awkward moments increased. It's kind of hard to explain because it didn't seem to be such a bad thing either, because I sense that there's some sort of tacit understanding between us, or may be, an unspoken consensus, we never touched on any sensitive issues. However, I have this feeling that, we understand each other's body language, like, there are some jokes which only the 2 of us can understand and sometimes we didnt even need to say it but we both understood it...arkk..it's kind of difficult to express the feeling, but I am quite sure that all of these originated from our friendship, not any other thing. But, I was just secretly hoping, hoping that one day, he will see me, one day, he will finally come to realise that I have always been there. It's just so frustrating that I'm standing right beside him yet he can't see me, because, his eyes are for another one...

By the time I reached NJ, the Greenlink Juniors all went for amazing race and I gave up on chasing after them on my own 'amazing race'. I met Mr Loh and he gave me quite a detailed overview on the teaching profession and provided me so many tips on how to be a good teacher. Haha, thanks Mr Loh, don't worry, I will survive those ugly office politics. He told me to select a good school, which I'm sure I will because I've always wanted to go back to DHS and teach there, by then, mr low won't be there anymore, so all the more I will feel comfortable working there. Haha.

Greenlink Exco interview was in a way, disappointing. It seems that every year, their performance will drop in terms or performance. I don't know what to say because it is not only happening in Greenlink but PS as well. For PS, I see a gradual decline since the year before Junzhan's year, constant internal conflicts has further plagued the already weaken club. If we cannot attract enough capable and committed members in future, I think the future for both CCAs is bleak. For both Greenlink and PS, we used to have really brilliant seniors who are experts in these special fields, they've won competitions outside, collaborated with outside organisations, however, they lacked the sense of group work and working together, so many of the projects they do are either individual ones or...failed group projects. However, when it comes to our batch for PS, we shifted from the skill-centered club to admin-centered club, meaning we focus on making policies, organising events as a group, lesser personal prestige and individual events, partly due to our batch's inadequacy in terms of photography skills, except the 2 old excos jiayi and li ang, the rest of us were totally new to photography, we only managed to pick up the skills along the way. And, so when the old problem was gone, new problems flooded in, we had different ideals and goals for the club and we had really ambitious people, on top of all, we had 'conflicts carried forward' from the senior batch due to jy and LA..so in many instances, all these factors contributed in furthur complicating our situation and operation within the exco, therefore, many of a time our exco discussions became very perplexing..conflicts arised quietly..but though it is the same situation in Greenlink when we first took over, we were never "green experts" like our seniors and we had so little man power, we managed to survive, pretty well. Never did we have any problems, quarellings, complaints or anything related to that sort. We had a very capable president and vice president who are really rational people and they are good friends, so no power struggle or whatsoever, the different committee heads are busy, yes, many of us were having more than 1 cca at that time and quite a few of us are in 2 ccas' excos, but the entire Greenlink exco was really very forgiving, we helped each other whenever we are free, no one blames anyone for anything, it's really like one big family. When I was busy with photog stuff last yr, I felt so guilty for not helping out during the Recylcing Outreach Programme, but everyone else was so nice, and because of such an environment, it made me feel all the more that I want to help out...

Ark...it was just an emotional night, with mr loh, the juniors, the old njc and the new people. The old NJC building, the plants and the grassy smell, the ants, the butterflies and everything else, reminded me of my good old days in this college, of course, not all the time are good times, there were crying days, breakdown days, stressful days and so on, but all these are part and puzzle of a jc life. During the night, I took a night tour around nj on my own, almost instantly, all the past memories flooded in, I was overwhelmed, I just can't control my tears. So there's the bookshop where I used to stop by and look at the lit books and complained about how much I wasted on these books which I didn't finish reading any one of them; and if you continue to walk down, these are the TA block classrooms where I used to have my GP and H1 Math lessons, Lessons are always boring, I tried my best to pon as many as possible, I still rmb the times when I attended my GP lesson with my pencils and sketch book and sketched jiayi's face throughout the lesson...and then you continue walking straight, u'll reach the 1st floor girl's toilet where u'll see the super fierce toilet anuty who used to scare me so much that I'd rather pee in my pants than to go into 'her' toilet, she decorated it almost to the extent as if it is her home...poor toilet aunty..then you turn to the left, walk down the slope, turn to the right, u'll see the first floor art studio, where I spent days and nights doing my image transfer and revision, just that, my space is no longer my space now...

then we proceed to 2nd floor, turn to the left, the first room u'll see is the darkroom, the room i love so much, the room where i had my very first sight of jy, we met in that room, worked together in that room, became friends in that room, and I developed special feelings for him in that room as well...it's a place which is filled with memories...just too many things happened in there...well, beside it, it is the AR21 where I used to have my Art hist lessons, sova, with ms lu. I have mixed feelings for this room, it is too high tech and cold for me to call it an art room, we have the apple mac there, we have the projector and everything, perhaps, the only thing that made me feel very uncomfortable abt this place is because LPG used to be here very often, and he alone represented much of my miseries in njc because he was the one who created them. Sighz, but the happy memories are there as well, the seniors handed over to us in that room (PS) and we handed over to the juniors in that room as well, i threw darts at jy's picture in that room, i completed uploaded and worked on jy's photos in that room as well...

And then we go up the the 3rd floor, there stood the gallery and our painting room. the painting room was where we had many art hist lessons as well, and...not a very impt room for me, i have very little memories of it. As for the gallery, yes, the tideous part about printing the images onto the metal table, the arranging of things, the carrying up of the metal table by jy and ps juniors, the grad night exhibition, the place where jy saw my...yeah, then the art office, where LPG chased me out and yelled at me and i yelled back...wow...this floor is ...full of sad and angery memories, at the staircase...the staircase linking to the 2nd floor nearer to AR21, I confessed to jy, it is also the place where i spent 30min crying aft the confession, was just suddenly overwhelmed by sadness..ark..there's so much tender emotions intricately woven into the unwanted yet unforgettable past...I am so exhausted, even just the recalling back of these feelings, emotions and memories, made me feel so drained, yet, i felt blissful to be able to have memories, i am blessed to be able to remember all these, even if that means I might never be able to get over certain pains brought together by these past...ark...im not making sense again...

life.....