一切来的是那么的颓然，仿佛从三千英尺的高空坠落，是那么飘，那么空，那样的漫长，让我感到恐惧和可怕，如果可以选择，我真希望瞬间让我摔到地面，那样的疼或许没有这样的折磨……
我对他的爱，他或许永远都不会了解，我将用一辈子的时间来忘掉他……逝去的日子，一起被遗忘。
我已经不想在拿起笔来写东西了，每一个文字的浮现都是一幕幕的回忆，每一个文字的跳动都是过去的影子，但愿当笔停时，过去、回忆也随之而停，失去记忆……
This isn't the first time I'm feeling this way. I knew my love for him started as a tragedy, a hopeless, helpless pathetic tragedy. I knew I refused to face the truth, refused to come to my senses, I chose to remain blind, remain in my self-made fantasy. I stayed there for too long, so long that I'm afraid I can't differetiate which world is the real one anymore, I am drifting away from reality, bit by bit.
He too, chose to remain blind, just as what his MSN nick suggested, he wants to continue being blind. He has his reasons. I always wonder how could it be possible that I am just standing beside him but he could never see me, now the answer is simple, he chose to be blind. It is an interesting thing to know that people tend to turn a blind eye to things that they do not wish to know, to face or to deal with. He chose to run away from the reality, just as I did. We both are cowards.
He doesn't understand that love means not ever having to say you're sorry. He said too many sorrys to me, way too many. I am numb to these apologies, they meant nothing except sorrow, I'd rather remain numb than to experience the sorrow. I never really said sorry to him though I felt in debt of him in many ways, it's complicated. But he doesn't understand, what I missed the most, what I treasure the most, is the times when we were together as friends, when we could laugh, quarell and work together at ease, those simple days, I knew I made it complicated, but he added on to the complication. I remember reading from a book that says that one of life's genuine virtues, is a nostalgia for those simpler days when skirts were longer, hair was shorter...the context of it was different but the concept is nonetheless, very similar.
Life goes on as usual..with, or, without, him.
I signed my scholarship agreements yesterday, Mr Too was there being my surety. SOmeone once said that "nothing is more honourable than a grateful heart" I felt so yesterday, I am really grateful towards mr too, i never did know him well, even until yesterday, i still take him as my VP, I was rather nervous in his presence. He's a precise man, I am afraid of making mistakes, though he is always very forgiving regarding my stupid little errors and mistakes. Thank you Mr Too, can't thank you enough!
The same goes to Mr Low, he's one of the most important tcher in my life, we are much closer, like friends. I always wanted to have his compliments but I never really did receive it, not even for once. He likes to tease me, provoke me and joke with me, but he's really stingy whenever it comes to praising me, unlike the way he treats karen and others, haha, yes, I must admit that I am really jealous. In a way, it makes me all the more want to get his compliments. It never came in any direct form, but I knew he is as proud of me as he is proud of my other friends. May be we think differently, may be I'm always the one who wines the most, may be I'm the only one who is too ambitious, may be I'm the only one who takes things too seriously, may be...no matter what happens, mr low will always be at my side, ready to give the help and advices I need, and therefore, he is and will be, always on my side. Thank you mr low, thank you for ending my procrastination in art and being my greatest motivator ever.
I had lunch with my A01 class and two nj history tchers, Ms Lim transferred to RJ, not very surprising as I've heard from many seniors that nj faces a serious problem of talent outflow. Oh well, many good tchers moved to RJ and HCJC in the past 3 years..everyone else in the class is doing fine, I'm glad I was in A01, a happy and ambitious big family, here's the details of everyone...
1) HanQiang-- He's an officer now ( heard it is quite high rank, but i'm unfamiliar with the army stuff), he has gotten the Marine port authority scholarship ( sorry, i don't rmb the full name, more or less like this bah), gg to washington Uni
2) Jafnie--in army, no more hair, received MOE overseas scholarship to study German in Germany.
3) Desmond--coporal, in army, fitter, recerived foreign service sholarship to study in Stanford
4) Nicol--in army, clerk or something else which I heard is super slack and gets to miss BMT..he will try to apply for scholarship again nxt year.
5) Hanson--coporal, in army, gg into NUS FASS to study History
6) Bryan--statues unknown, heard he's applying for Law..nothing much, who cares
7) Hongyi--gg into NUS FASS, on moe local teaching scholarship
8) Carmen--gg into NTU, on moe local teaching sholarship if i'm not wrong
9) Weizheng and Nat--both gg NUS FASS
10) Lynn--gg to Kings College coming sept
11) Yao En--gg to uk
12)Huixian--gg to NTU to study linguistics or something like that
13) Karen--on moe overseas teaching scholarship, to study literature and Fine Art in Goldsmiths Uni london
14) Serene--gg NUS
Lastly, statues unknown: June, Chantell, WeiShan, Huiling, Fadiah, En Chun....
Bright future ahead guys! Jiayou!
