My first Bday present from jy. It's gona be one of the most important presents i've ever got in my life, cos, i have this feeling that it's gona be the last present from him. pessimistic? No, I am just being true and realistic.

Dun be disappointed mo, this is already more than enough, it's been unexpected that he'll even rmb ur bday, so, the Gelare, the present and the mere fact that he saves ur bday on his HP is like so much better than last year alr.


觉得自己很幸福，


因为能够想念一个人本身就是一件幸福的事。

For almost 2 full years, I always had someone to think of, someone to miss. I think this is really good, and i had fun in my ccas, i had cried during those emo times when conflicts seem to be too much for me to handle. and, I have learnt how to face things. You know, it's just incredible that I survived those dreadful times while I worked on my coursework alone. I hurts a lot when mr low said that he wouldnt give me an A for my coursework, I know it's not very good but, at the very least, it is all done by myself, no help from teachers, and, I rushed out within 2 months. Yes, I know all dhs art ppl got A, but, how many have their courseworks all done by themselves? Less than 4. Well, I think i've had had enough of art, taking art in university could be a torture. Yes, mr low, it's not strange that i am thinking this way. Art, can hurt me a lot, it's not about whether i can score, it's about whether i will enjoy. It's too painful for me.

it's hard to imagine that i could actually achieve all these distinctions when i was
1) busy with my ccas
2) bothered by all those conflicts
3) extremely emotional due to art
4) infatuated with shen jiayi

but somehow, miracle happened. I think, it's amazing that at the end of the day, I got to bring home genuine friendship, knowledge, interest, fond memories and on top of all, good results. NJC, I have to say that I really miss it a lot, I miss the never ending stairs, the freaking ant tracks, the snakes and spiders and all the wild things that made nj so uniquely condusive for studying, afterall, we are on the hill.

Now, with the receiving of my Alevel results and the celebration of my 20th birthday, it's clear that a new chapter of my life has started. I am not sure how i will be able to adjust to this new reality, but, one thing that i am pretty sure is that, I have to let go of something in the past now, i can't hold on to things forever and try to bluff myself throughout my life. You know, liking jy has become a habit, i am beginning to question my true feelings about him, and i have often imagined him as my brother, i duno, do i really really like him?

Life has to move on, with all the vagueness, since he cant do anything more than being just a friend, I have to start to really treat him like a friend, may be a special friend, but then, stop there. He is, afterall, just being nice. Something happened during my birthday, and it made me think abt my relationship with jy more, other people, i shld really think about others more, people like JN, I am really feeling very guilty to him. I think i am an even worse version of jy in this.

So, thanks again to karen, si jie, amanda, cuiying, cheryl, shan yan, yan qing, harry, sherlene, victoria, hongyi, kevin, ian, jun nuo, jeffery, jiayi, tiffany,lulu, mum, dad,xin ying, Mr Azahar, Mr Muhammad, Mr Loh and the rest who have remembered my birthday and gave their best wishes to me. It's always very encouraging for me to know that at least I still have some friends, this helps me to shake off the horrible thought that I am friendless due to my weirdness and hot temper. And extended thanks to my BGSS colleagues who gave me the fantastic notebook and bday celebration, the cake is really nice...and..harry, thanks for spoiling my camera lens by trying to take ur own photos, my lens felt disgusted and tried to commit suicide by cracking itself. And thanks to amanda's super candle, which took me a whole century to blow them out. They are exactly like what's being said in the chinese poem "野火烧不尽，春风吹又生" really, just that for this case it is, "王茉吹不灭，风吹火又着" I almost suffered from lack of oxygen after i finally managed to blow out all the candles...sighz...










it's a happy warm small family in our workroom, the world outside is big, the world outside is bleak, the world outside is hostile, the world outside is insecure. I am tired of it, I want to stay insulated for as long as possible. i am scared.

Anyway, my birthday resolution is:

To Age Gracefully.