leaf...are you also waiting for...someone?...Well, i am...waiting...for someone whom i know will never come.....
Well, it’s been really long since I last blogged. I duno, well, perhaps, im afraid that he will by any chance, come across this blog. Anyway, since now I’ve changed it to only accessible to invited readers, hope it’s ok now le.
It’s been very very weird for these 2 months, many things happened. Many. I duno, my JC life is ending and only by then did it really starts to get busy. Oh. I cant say that because, I think, im still very slack compared to my friends.
Got back CT, most of my CT results, Art H2 got a B, not bad actually, considering that half of the class failed, both my essays and course work got B so combined result is a B too. What im disappointed with is H3, my research essay got an A but then the written exam I got 19/30, though it’s like, the 2nd highest mark in class, it is not good enough to get me an A, so I ended up getting 66 for that, which means I get a merit, what the hell, the range for merit is 55-69, and im just like 4 marks away from a distinction! This is totally not fair! Sigh…but anyway, I am the 2nd or 3rd in class for H3 as well, so what more shld I be asking for? Ok…Math got a B too, 66, rather happy with it, considering that I got like 49 for the previous common test, it is a great improvement err...Hist got back international, 1 mark away from B...but 3rd in class, so not bad...it’s kind of hard competing with those guys who usually score well in this subj, but I will try, and I’m confident enough that I wll emerge victorious in the end, like I always did, hahaha..ego..oh...well...oh yeah...now comes the bad results, GP got 26/50 for GP...very lousy and im 200% sure I failed the compre so ok, for the first time in my jc life im going to fail something, and it’s GP. Im really angry this time. Well, and for Lit, it’s definitely a fail, definite, the best I could hope getting is an E…and im seriously hoping for it.sigh…I was wrong right from the start to choose Elit, if I chose Clit, it’s a promised A for me, think my stubborn and proud character doomed me. Sighhhhh...
I think I should be rather grateful with this result now, I’ve been ponning lessons, not handing up assignments, always busy with PS and all my teachers are always so surprised with my results whenever they see them. Because they kind of expected me to fail each time and each time I manage to produce rather nice grades...but I dun think this is gona continue especially if im gona continue to slack, A level is no joke, and my parents are aiming at Yale and Princeton, errrkkkk I feel really really stressed.very...ok..SAT...here I am...coming for YOU!
oh yar, finally ps handed over, i felt so happy...but still i wont deny that there is this tinge of sadness, i realised that i missed it a lot. Holding the darkroom key now makes me feel very confused and dazed...i cant seem to position myself correctly. Well, im still concerned about it, strange isnt it? i will be worried sometimes, and yeah, it's strange how people still treat me like the darkroom manager, ms chan, jiayi, longhao, aep ppl and everyone else, ask me to prepare cams, help them develop things and even go for ps when im free. It's kind of...well...i duno, i've retired, should i still go and appear in front of all the ps people or should i simply just disappear like ian and si jie and...all the rest? Im in a dilemma...well...may be i should just really retire...sigh...im not happy with the junior batch at all, the only reason why i wanted to continue to care about it is because im worried for jiayi, esp when cheryl is not in the exco, without her help, he seems very lonely, the very first exco meeting they had alr. worries me as the new exco have their own small cliques to talk within themselves, and only jiayi is seating there alone, no one talking or sharing with him, staring into blank space, a really pathetic scene...and...duno why, jiayi, longhao, ms chan, yk...all still kept telling me the "inside stories" abt what's happening and what they think. think im too extra, an outsider who knows too much...arhk....run....
well...hahaha...talked to jiayi last night online, and he told me about his girl again, strangely im not jealous or what, and i sincerely wish him happiness and hope that the girl will accept him. I duno, i think, im just liking him for the sake of liking him, enjoying the feeling of liking him, helping him, making him happy and i've never really tot of haveing him to return that kind of passion...just like, when i buy him present, all i want to see is his smiles, never did i expect to get any present from him, ha ha, im a silly girl yes, but im not stupid, i know others wont understand, but i understand how i feel, it's call "happiness".
I wish him good luck and happiness, really, and i dun mind dwelling in my own little sad world, if we look at it in a different way...it's kind of pretty too...because i've never expected anything, there's no sense of lost isnt it? ha haha...i think, i am growing up...
