my patience is running thin.
warnings to karen yeh, si jie and ian.
and shen jiayi.
all of these above people made me angry, and cry, and...emo. within 3 days. what a vibrant and happening life im leading.
one by one they are becoming more and more foreign to me. Now, at least, at this point of time, this second, when i think of each of them, i felt like crying. It's the just the feeling of hurt. Many said that this year i've totally focused my life on jiayi and jiayi only, but somehow, to my surprise, i did not know that the feeling of loosing friends can be so painful. But this time, i think, it's time to see things clearly. It might not be a bad thing, after all, i dont think we understood each other well enough to label each other with the word "friends"
for jiayi, he's a nice person, my intense feelings for him has made me expect more from him, and probably because of his nice character, he treats everyone equally well, and so, when i am giving my 100% to him, i am getting his 1% together with everyone else. This becomes a little bit unbearable after a long while and now im reaching my tolerance limit...
for karen, we've beeen friends for almost 4 yrs now and i've realised, just very recently, that i do not understand her well. Or, may be she has changed, changed a lot, many DHS art students, like xinni, all commented that she changed a lot. But did she really change? i dun think so, may be that's the real her, from the outside she's pale and soft, but in the inside she's strong and stubborn. but, very steady. it seems the little tiny things that i always get angry with, to her, they are just another occasion whereby wang mo is making a big fuss about a small thing, while to me, it is the same, when she gets pissed with something, they are usually things that i would not even bother to care about. So we both could not feel enough for each other's situations...may be...it's time to just..oh well, in sec sch till jc, i've been giving her at least 50% of my total friendship, care and concern, treating her as my only best friend, but now, i think, it's all not that necessary anymore...she doesnt need the 50% anyway.l...
for si jie, i think it started as a mistake, and now it's ending, and i think i did not make any mistake this time. She is a nice girl, capable and sensible and kept me company thr.out the tough times in ps. We found comfort in each other's way of doing things, we thought we hold on to the similar set of principles, values, do things the similar way...we used to have similar opinions, everything just seemed to go so well btw us, and i thought she is my best friend in jc, though character wise different from me, we can be very close friends. We both respect each other and understand each other. But today, i realised that im wrong, terribly wrong, we are too different, we both do not understand each other well, the happy days in ps are just illusions, we were too busy 'fighting' with 'common enemy' to the extent that we turned a blindeye to each other's differences, but now i see it, and so does she, and so, it's time to draw a fullstop to this friendship as well.
for ian, we both's friendship has been going through some kind of roller coaster, too many ups and downs, and till now, not in any point of time in ps have i really fully thought that i understood him. He's a complex guy, i've tried so so so many times to remain on good terms with him, but he just kept on provoking me, i do believe he did not do those things in purpose, but the consequences...i think we are just not fated to be friends...
Suddenly, im left with no more close friends, am i lonely? no...im a strong girl, i dun cry in front of my parents, i dun want to cry in front of others, so i swallow my tears, withough friends, i still can live my life to the fullest. i wont be lonely, after today, things would be very different then............
