My Hist sank all the way to the bottom....

I cant believe i did so badly for my supposedly best subj. i got quite good for hist for common test, one mark away from a B, 96% in level. and now, it's gone, it's really gone.
I did question 2,4,6,8...i didnt know i love even numbers so much... anyway...
2)"Nationalist movements were less likely to achieve a speedy independence in countries with conservative colonialists" To what extent is this staement true?
4) "Maximum government struxtures were more successful than parliamentry structures in addressing the problems faced by the independent Southeast Asian States." To what extent do you agree with this statement?
6)"The Cuban Missile Crisis occurred because of the exaggerated freas of all parties involve" How far do you agree?
8) "It was Gorbachev, armed with his" New Political Thinking", who was mainly responsible for the peaceful ending of the Cold War". Discuss.

Im so screwed, i didnt even read Cuban Missile Crisis, and i don't know what is Gorbachev's "New Political Thinking" and I forgot that word "structure" in question 4 which indicated that the success was because of the "structure" itself, so it excluded the ability and execution of the various governments. and the speedy independence question i didnt present both sides. actually, i didnt present both sides for almost all my answers, im just very dead this time. Sigh...what happened to me???

I love u too lydia!

got the questions from lydia's blog...mmmm..interesting, shall attempt answering them myself, since im so bored, i cant continue my revision ever since i finished math exam, it tells me that no matter how much u study, u'll still fail, and for lit, hist and art, practically you count on ur luck on whether u'll score, cos if u get the question u got a lot to write, u r safe, if not, gone case for u, i was lucky for Common test for math but unlucky for lit, this time, i duno, perhaps...unlucky for both???and im giving up on art, no more passion...sian...it's not something that i wana see...but realli, no more passion...

yeah..by the way..i love you too my lydia!!! thanks for all the encouragement...thanks....i think i will survive this...even if im hurt i will survive...and i dun think he will ever hurt me delibrately...he a good guy...i think only i will hurt myself...do u think he ever even considers me important in his life??sigh...i duno...

1) Single, taken or crushing?
crushing i guess...sigh...
2) Are you happy with your life now?
yeah, i have great friends in both cca and class and school, tchers are generally nice, studies up till now ok, aft promos duno, sph also got lots of friends...just the "him" thing is torturing me, but i guess im both suffering and enjoying at the same time...haha
3) When you meet the right person, do you fall in love with him fast?
pretty fast, i think so...erm...wait...still need to observe for a while first...cos u wont know if he's the right one or not what...
4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
no, not yet, i hope never will...
5) Do you believe there are some circumstances where cheating love is acceptable?
NO, NEVER, UNFORGIVABLE!
6) Would you take someone back if he cheats on you?
LET HIM DREAM ON, NO, NEVER, THAT'S MY BOTTOM LINE, OVER MY DEAD BODY, I HATE BEING CHEATED, I WILL BE HONEST TO HIM SO SHLD HE.
7) Have you talk about marriage with another before?
erm...wedding i think...marriage...maybe got before...but cant really remember
8) Do you want children?
erm...depends...right now no....
9) How many?
at most 1
10) Would you consider adoption?
NO
11) If someone likes you right now,what do you think is the best way to let you know his feelings?
tell me straight, or write a letter...
12) Do you enjoy getting into relationship?
ok la
13) Be honest,what is the furthest you and your ex did?
...kiss
14) Do you believe in love at first sight?
NO
15) Are you romantic?
i guess the answer is yes...but sometimes im not
16) Do you believe you can change someone?
i duno, i think i do have a very strong character, im the domineering type, so most probably i will change someone without me realising it...
17) If you could get married somewhere, where would it be?
France...Paris...outside Louvre...or may be at some palce where there's lots of green grass...lake...flowers...butterflies...and only the two of us...haha
18) Do you easily give in when you are fighting?
i never give up easily in doing anything
19) Do you have feelings for someone right now?
YES! STRONG FEELING..but he has no feelings for me i guess...sigh
21) Have you ever broken a heart?
yes.
22) If one day your best friend falls in love with the guy you deeply in love with, what would you do?
i duno, that's horrible...but i guess it will never happen, my best friends and i never like the same thing before, we usually are very different kind of people, and...yeah...but i guess im not the type who will give up the one i love. but, it depends on HIS opinion, if they love each other, then of course i will wish them happiness, but if he loves, then it's another story altogether...
23) Are you missing someone now?
YES, i miss him terribly! and i miss mr low, the 2005 artyfarty ppl,and my grandma...but the most intense feeling is dedicated to HIM, and HIM only!
sigh................life..............dilemma.........

horoscope and wang mo...i still love him!!!

今天的数学真的考砸了，有40多分的题没做，就更别提做错的了。我从没像今天考完这样害怕过。这次真的是栽了。这次我真的是跑神了，不论是在学业，生活还是爱情方面都跑神了。可气的是，国初从没有moderation的习惯！也不知道为什么，考完之后很害怕，又很伤心，就给他发了个短信，忘了他还在上课，不过他还是马上发了回来，他跟我说不要担心，要往好的方面看，从另一个角度看事物，要想：不管怎么样，数学总算是考完了。
也不知道为什么，他的话总是听起来很有道理，看到他的短信心里就好受多了，踏实了。他说话做事真的不像是比我小，哈，倒是我做起事来特别不稳重，整天多愁善感，疯疯癫癫的。他总是能容忍我，体谅我，照顾我。真不知道我是哪根筋不对了，之前还一直不理他，还要跟他绝交，就算只是普通朋友，他也算是那种“钻石”级别的，会为我着想的超级好人，我老是犯傻。
之前不和他讲话的那一阵真的很难熬，我们见面很尴尬，两人都想要打招呼又没说出口，但又不愿意假装看不到（不知道为啥我们俩谁都不能做到漠视对方，见面时老是呆呆地对望一下，然后尴尬地走过彼此）。不知道他是怎么想的，反正我是真的有些受不了。本来他msn nickname 从来都只是[jiayi]，自从我们停止说话之后，开始有了别的字句，一开始是“时间能使人忘掉一切，甚至一些不想忘记的东西。”后来变成：“Does it ever matter to you?-Im not bleeding but it realli hurts here”也许我有些敏感吧，但我总是觉得他有些受伤了。
我其实是个很缺乏安全感的女孩，去年mr low就对我说过，他说我并没有我自己想象中那样坚强。真的，我明白的。我是个外表很强硬，内心却很脆弱的女孩儿。我表面上对男生们很“狠”，好像一个女权主义者似的，但我内心是渴望着浪漫美好爱情的。因为我是双鱼座女孩嘛。最近很迷星座之类的东西，唉，我终于像其他女孩子一样落俗套了。爱情的魔力！真的，你看准不准，我觉得挺准的。
双鱼白羊座：新生的交界
　　3/19-3/24
　　黄道宫位置：约在双鱼座27度-白羊座4度
　　季节：冬末初春(春分)
　　元素：水、火
　主宰行星：海王星、火星
　　象征符号：鱼、公羊
　　理解事物的方式：感受、直觉
　　双鱼白羊融合了黄道12宫的最后一宫双鱼座，和第一宫白羊座的特征，这一段时间可比拟为人类刚出生的阶段，它字面上的意义正代表着星象学里新生的开始，因此，双鱼白羊可说是代表重生、新生的区间。许多文明地区都将春分视为一年开始(在北半球大约是3月21日)。各种不同语言中表示春天的字，也都特别强调此意，例如：意大利文的primavera、法文的printemps、荷兰文的voorjaar。从这里便可看出先人对周年循环的卓越见解与智能，星象学家和先人大多不将1月1日当做一年的起始，反而把春分，也就是3月21日，当做新的一年的第一天。
　　在这一周出生的人，不仅拥有双鱼座爱幻想、做梦、安静及敏感的特性，同时也表现出白羊座率直、暴躁易怒的个性。
　　他们处理生活的方式非常率直，这样的坦率虽然颇受他人赞赏，却也常遭人误解。他们是崇尚基本、原始的人，虽然也都自认为用了最简单、清楚的方式来看待事物，但是熟识他们的人，却常将他们形容成不切实际的幻想家，无法处理世俗生活的真实面。他们表面上看起来十分率真直接，实际上却相当敏感、冲动，甚至焦躁不安。因此，他们虽然是实践家，却也是不折不扣的梦想家。
　　出生在这个区间的人经常会遭到误会。事实上，双鱼白羊的人除了心思单纯外，在贡献时间和金钱方面，也颇慷慨、大方，可惜往往在别人发觉这项优点之前，他们早就被认定为太高傲，所以其施舍的态度反而会使得接受的人忿怒不已，这点总让双鱼白羊的人感到十分为难，甚至因此受到伤害。不幸的是，这种情形在他们的生活中屡见不爽。事实上，他们表现得越直接、简单，别人对他们动机的误解也越深。
　　此外，他们快速的理解力和凭直觉、预感行事的作风，也往往会招惹行动较慢者的反抗。但是别人的反应对他们的影响并不大，顶多令他们感到不耐烦而已。因此，在团体中，他们必须学会克制自己的急性子，多聆听别人的建议，舒缓自己的行事步调，配合团体的节奏。总之，这一周出生的人必须学会在发言、行动前先仔细衡量后果；如此一来，他们的逻辑能力将变得更具说
服力，严密的态度也会叫人刮目相看。
　　纵使他们从别人的反应中，知道自己的某些行为不甚妥当，但是一般而言，双鱼白羊的人都会拒绝改变。他们无法真正看清自己言行的缺点或错误，在他们自己的眼中，他们只是凭直觉做事而已。于是不论是否遭受阻力，他们总是我行我素。
　　双鱼白羊很难面对或处理失败。在他们的字典中，没有“失败”这两个字，因此，一旦遭遇困难和挫折，便会显得很困惑、不知所措。他们防御失败的能力很强；不过，他们免除挫折的方法便是拒绝去承认。他们不致于不切实际到将失败看成胜利，他们只是常把失败当做胜利之前的小挫折，认为这是暂时将胜利的时间稍微延后而已。
　　一般人可以经由学习来跟双鱼白羊的人好好相处。其中的一个准则是：千万别探究他们的动机，或是强迫他们去解释。另外，也别去分析他们的人格特质，或要求他们自我分析。善用例子鼓励他们客观看待自己，要比训诫他们有效多了。这不表示双鱼白羊的人无法从错误中学到教训，只是必须时时有人鼓励他们如此努力下去。
　　跟双鱼白羊的人相处，还有一项更简单的方法，那就是按照他们的意思做事--至少在他们面前如此。不要在他们兴致勃勃时泼他们冷水，尝试稍后再提出更好的意见，他们就会接受。认同双鱼白羊的冲劲、预感和行动力是一件很重要的事，用忠告或建议来否定他们的直觉，只会使他们自动疏远你。爱扫兴和挫折他们动力的人，是很难和他们长久和乐共处的。
　　双鱼白羊可以算是对感情忠诚的人，可是他们的忠诚，并不是一般认知的一对一的那种。他们可以深深地、热情地爱人，投注许多注意力在爱侣的身上，可惜却无法长期忠于一人。他们无法抗拒新刺激的诱惑。一般来讲，他们会期许伴侣能扮演更稳固或长期隐忍的角色，可是，他们不会要求伴侣也遵守一夫一妻制的忠诚关系。从很多案例来看，双方都抱持较开放的态度，会有助于彼此间关系的发展，因为这样可减轻自己轻率行为所引发的罪恶感。
　　大抵而言，双鱼白羊在为人父母后，会比孩提时期表现得好。他们对子孙的忠诚度和责任感，远高于自己年轻时对长辈的表现。家庭对这些十分独立的人具有强烈的意义，而且，所谓的“家庭”，就广义而言，还包括了朋友和同事
　　优点：率直、热情、直觉强烈
缺点：易遭人误会、缺乏耐性、不切实际
　　建议最重要的课题是学着培养耐性。经由与别人共事的机会，建立社交技巧。控制自己的鲁莽和急性子，慎重拿捏尺寸。多认识自己。
怎么样？和我很像吧？有时候有些东西真的很难说。。。我不清楚他对我的看法，他总是游刃于清楚和模糊之间。当我觉得他不喜欢我的时候，周围的朋友却对我说他其实对我比对别人特别。在画UOB的那段时间，我总是在暗房外面画，有几次他就会蹲在我旁边看着我画，一边看一边和我聊天。后来慧敏看到了，他对我说他的举动是很不寻常的，因为第一，普通人不会看着普通朋友画画看那么久，第二他是个惜时如金的人，那么个大忙人要不是对我有特别情感是不会浪费时间看我画画的。第三，同时那么多人正在画画，为什么只看我？可是，虽然慧敏这样说，我还是不肯定，我们俩在一起讲话时很random，什么都聊。。。有一次很尴尬。我们聊着聊着就说到了长大后的志向。他说他想要当医生。我说：“那完了，咱们路不同不相为谋”，谁知他突然接着说：“我又没说我要娶个医生当老婆！”当时我突然觉得心跳加速，然后不知怎的就说了句让我后悔的话：“你想到哪里去啦，我说的是做朋友啦！”天哪老师，我都不知道要怎么样好了。后来我们彼此沉默了好久，好尴尬哦！还有几次，快要考试了，我总是待在暗房里读书。他也来，那时暗房里只有我们俩，我们从两点一只学到六点，知道他妈妈来接他，有说有笑的。后来从别的执委那里听说原来他以前并不会去暗房读书的。。。后来我跟他“断交”了，此之后我就不再去暗房了，却发现他也不出现在那里了。之后的他不是在图书馆就是再canteen里学习。星期二那天，碰巧我也在canteen读书，他放课之后大约快五点了，就坐在canteen里学习，谁知道他偏偏就坐在了我对面，正对面，但是中间隔了十多行，可是因为那时挺晚的了，又是考试期间，canteen几乎没人，所以我们俩就这样尴尬地，离得很远却又面对面地读书，中间没有一个人！那种气氛，我差点没窒息喽！后来我不知道是不是他也感到不舒服，第二天我还在同样的位子读书，就没看到他，可就那么巧，我的朋友在图书馆看到他，和前一天同一时间，但他却选择了去图书馆读书，因为之前他又看到我还在canteen.
“不说话”之后两人倒是见面的次数越来越多了，昨天我真的是忍不住了，一直被朋友们骂，终于我给他发了个email，向他道歉，并告诉他我是个性格上有很多缺点的人，所以是不是要继续当我的朋友要考虑清楚。谁知他竟然很快就会了信，大约在五分钟之内吧。以下是他的回信的内容：
haha, yeah, we will talk next time right? haha, at least a hi((:
anyways, good luck for ur promos, and i just got back my chinese paper, i din fail((: more than half of the cohort failed.

all the best for promos


男生们是不是都这样，懵懵懂懂的？我总是觉得，女生们想得太多，而男生们却想得太少！而他们并不能在现阶段进入一段真正的感情。而且嘉易又是个很稳中，很成熟，很顾大局的男孩。我想他应该是那种会将学业和事业放为前提和重心的人。所以我的希望很小吧。。。可是我就是不能忘了他，怎么都不行。唉，人在自残的时候谁都不会后悔，直到痛彻心肺。。。他是我的世界的全部，我却不知道自己在他的世界里是属于哪一个角落，扮演着什么样的角色。。。真的没了自我了。。。
if who i am is what i have and what i have is lost, then, who am i?

im doing him injustice

i think for most of the time, im bullying him, i've been unfair to him, i told him to severe ties but did not tell him why, suddenly we changed from friends to strangers,so sudden, it's not really fair to him, and not fair to myself either. I thought that if i stop talking to him, things will get better, but it seems to go the other way round, we seem to meet each other more often, and everytime we see each other, it's an awkward situation, you dont know whether to say "hi" or not, and in the end both stare at each other for a few seconds and then walk away. I dun think i can tolerate this much longer. Im really tired of having to pretend that i never see him, i dun want to talk to him. It is a fact that i MISS HIM LIKE HELL! and my friends all told me to save this friendship before it is too late, even if we cant be that kind of "friends", as a normal friend, he's also the "diamond" type, i wont want to lose a friend like him just becos of some unknown reason. juz bcos of my crazy six sense that told me that im not suppose to talk to him.
I love photog and im going back, i dun care if ppl say im thick skinned. I've thought for a long time and i realised that i shld live my life, it's stupid to quit because you think others will uncomfortable becos of ur presence. and it's so stupid to quit becos of him, from today onwards, i shall live my life.
i shld have realised that i meant nothing in his life. He's happy even without a friend call wangmo. he's really happy with his own friends and classmates, i dun need to worry for him not having good friends to share his worries. afterall, he's such an angel type of person, who will not want to be his friends?? ha. Im being so silly to worry abt him being unhapppy. really, i mean nothing in his life, so it is quite stupid to make him be the"everything" in my life. For so long he's been the center of my entire life while i guess im only a tiny little part of his vibrant sch life. i meant nothing to him but he meant everything to me. im being extremely silly, i cant live without him but he can live perfectly well without me. so things are not right. love should be equal, balanced. i shall change myself, because there's nothing wrong with him, it's me who's got problem, he never ask me to put him as the most impt person in my life, he never ask me to focus my life on him, it's all my own bloody problems.

ok, finally, i shld just live my life the way he's living his life. and things might go well this way

自残的时候谁都不会后悔，直到痛彻心肺的那一刻。
一时的冲动伤害了自己，结果痛到现在。
放弃吧，让一切都过去吧，顺其自然，缘来惜缘，缘去随缘。一切以平常心对待吧。

我的初恋，就这样慢慢远去了。。。淡淡的刻骨铭心的滋味，不好受，但却很深刻。

What does he mean?

1) when i asked what he wana be when he grow up, he said doctor. He said that he's interested in science and math and will fall asleep during humans class. Then i sighed and say, then we are so different...we'll go separate ways in future. Then he suddenly said,"But i never i want my wife to be doctor wad!"

2) When i told my CCA tcher that i want to quit, during the emergency exco meeting which was held to discussing about my problem, my tcher asked every exco to give their opinions and he only said one sentence,"think again, please think again" in a very soft voice, light tone,aiya, i duno, just that whatever he said was barely audible and the entire meeting whatever he said was very soft and i cant hear most of what he said.

3) After i handed in the resignation letter, i sent him a mail and said that we shld severe ties as in not stay in contact. Then he emailed "But there is one thing that i am gonna disagree. u noe ur previous mail says dun stay in contact. can we disagree on that. we should keep in touch."

4) then i eplied his mail and said we really shldnt keep in touch as since our friendship started cos of photog might as well end it when im leaving photog. Then he said"yeah, ok, it will take time..."

5) then usually his msn nick is only his name but then yesterday it became,"时间可以让人忘掉一切，甚至一些不想忘记的东西"

6)and today, the nick id "does it ever matter to you?"

sigh, i'll never know what he's thinking....

To Lydia...

Dear Lydia, it's hard for me to do that. Really, the fact that im saying that im losing myself bit by bit is because...the "brave" wang mo is no longer existing. He's the first guy i've ever felt so much in loved with. I am willing to do anything for him. Im willing to travel all the way back from innova jc in woodlands back to NJ just to have a ten min talk with him, im willing to sacrifice my revision time just to help him organise a competition, im willing to stay back with him, just to accompany him do his hw. But don't get him wrong, all these he doesn't know, as in, he didnt know i sacrificed so much, everytime he asks me to do something he's very concerned if im willing to or im free or not, if he has the slightest idea that im busy, he will not ask me. But i would rather help him cos whenever i hear him saying he's busy and has headache my heart ache too. it's really painful to see the exhausted look on his face...sometimes i think he's too responsible...he does almost everything for both photog and strings. And he has to juggle with his studies and other posts in his class. I want to help him, really, and after months of working together, we've built a sense of trust btw each other, everytime there's something impt, he'll think of me and i will think of him. The two of us can talk for a long time or sit opp. each other doing things quietly without a sound alone in darkroom but not feel a sense of uneasiness or awkwardness. sometimes i'll juz stare at him...and i found that he has a tendancy to stare at me too, but i don't know what it signifies. anyway, im very distracted now, i really really cant stop thinking of him and i keep looking out for him in sch, everytime he talks, the gentle voice will make me feel like...i want to stop at that moment, and make it into an eternity. When i first started liking him, i dont have a reason, but after i've really fallen in love with him, his everything becomes the reason for me to love him. I do not know if he feels the same way towards me or not, but i believe he just takes me as a very good friend cos he's not the kind of guy who's very good at this knid of things, but im sure that, if i don't unveil my feelings to him, our friendship will remain there forever, but if i tell him the truth, there's a danger to the precious friendship which i so treasured. I'm not willing to risk this...and i do not know if he has anyone whom he likes, but im sure, if there's really one person whom he likes, i would wish him happiness, i would never be selfish and try to snatch him, cos i know i really like him, when you really like someone, you will want him to be happy, u'll rather suffer yourself than letting him suffer. And right now, i don't want to add any turbulence to his busy and packed life, he's studies are important, he's so outstanding, i don't want him to be burdened or troubled by my feelings towards him...

I'm thinking of him....

I think, he's the only guy in my entire 18 yrs of life who mattered that much to me. I think, i am serious this time. Have you ever experienced the feeling of wanting to see someone for every single second? Do you hate to have holidays just because during holidays, you dont get to see him? Do you feel like smsing him every tiny little bits of things that happened to you? DO you save every single smses he sents you?Do you spend all day thinking of his face, trying to figure out how you look in his eyes? Do you...if you feel this way towards a guy, like me, you are in love. Yes, I am quite sure this time, that i like, or love him, to the extent that yesterday, the first thing i did when i got home was to check my mail and see if he e-mailed me instead of checking for UOB's e-mail. ha, i get sad when i see him talking to other girls. I feel small and insignificant infront of him, he's like the star in the sky, whom i can only admire from afar. I don't know why, when we work together, i will be very unnatural and especially fierce to him.A failed attempt to cover up my infatuation? ha, what a childish wangmo.I am troubled now, his birthday is coming, everyone around me tells me to take it as an opportunity to reveal my love to him. But im scared, i never thought im such a coward until today. I really don't dare, what if he doesn't like me? I will add burdens to his already ultra busy school life. He's in the leadership position in every area, class, CCAs...his studies are good, his photographic skills very pro, he plays violine like a...i don't know how to explain, just that...he's the kind of guy who's most charming when he's concentrating. I duno, i feel like keeping this special feeling to my heart only, i don't want to reveal it, i know that, if i tell him, even he doesnt like me, he will not say it out straight away, he will care for my feelings and blame himself. And i don't want him to feel like that...i don't want him to feel burdened because of my feelings, tough karen says he treats me differently from others, i dont have the confidence to believe it, he's so good. I duno, but, i really do feel the pain, deep in my heart, it's really painful when you cant tell the one whom you love with all your heart, whose life you care more than your own life that you LOVE him. But it's my choice, i'll rather suffer alone than to make him troubled..
有一朵云，被一支猎人射偏的箭射中了。她没有喊痛，还暗暗地感到欢喜，她以为是被爱神的箭射中了，于是，她便爱着他，身不由己浑身是伤地爱着他。。。为了他的幸福，她宁愿自己痛苦着。只要他能幸福快乐，她就会觉得满足，在她以后的生命中，虽没有他的身影，但却永远有着一个属于他的角落。。。永远在那里。。。

My life is in a mess....

i duno why...i mean....everything in nj is ok, or even nice, but my life here is juz very....i duno....i tend to get very emotional recently, i will juz suddenly cry out of no apparent reasons. im juz...behaving in a very funny way. ok...the tchers are nice, i cant say that they teach well but at least they are not mean, though once in a while one or two of them will have bad mood or pms, those little tiny things are still okay....and the cca is great, i really love NJ photog society, but may be because i love it too much then now im a bit dependent, i will be in the darkrm all the time....doing nothing, juz nothing but it feels like very comfortable, very peaceful there. but...things are not that simple, how i hope things can be simpler....life can be simpler! recently....i think i had a crush on a guy....he's always very serious and fierce to me normally until one day....i duno...i blow up and showed my temper and then aft that day he became very polite....a bit too polite i think, i miss the time when we quarell and when i get scolded by him. he's younger than me, but he appeared much more experienced and steadier than me, he looks older than his age. he's really cool and talented, plays violine really well....i duno why im feeling this way, it's juz that when i dun see him i feel like seeing him and when i talk to him i will become unnatural and sometimes i will just be angry with him for nothing and i will also... try to attract his attention. this is mad la! come on! i tot i will never feel this way towards any guy! but there's no chance, i heard that he has a girl whom he secretly admires...for a long time alr. i told myself to forget it and concentrate on everything i have to complete right now....qug is really a super ultra busy month for me...but somehow... the feeling refuses to go away....sigh...why....i hate life....im always in this kind of paradoxical....contradicting situation....a triangle love affair, i like him he likes another girl who doesnt notice him. wow...cool...it's becoming something like a drama....sigh....i hate my life!

I love ART CLASS 2005!!!!...sigh....busy days...

have been very busy for the past few days. Thurs went for art gathering, Fri went for a Korean art exhibition, and yesterday spent the whole day at Pasir Ris park with the SPH student reporters. It's their sports day. Not say very sporty but yeah la, there's considerable np. of sports played. But the ground is so muddy that i refuse to participate in the captain's ball game.but too bad there's too little people in my grp so die die have to paly, so i played as the captain, in the end still got myself all wet and dirty while trying to catch the stupid sinful ball. i got myself injured while trying to challenge a guy and see who jumps further, stupid right? i chose a very huge"canal" and asked him to jump, then he jumped over, god knows how much i regretted challenging him laz, but i'm very competitive one, so i tried to jump too, in the end i managed to land juz on the opposite but the inertia made me fall, shit. never, the whole event was quite fun, we had BBQ later that evening, and junzhan senior came with his photography team. ever since then, people start to gossip, whenever we two start talking to each other, his teammates will try to snap at us and get hold of the "evidence" so childish! then later during the BBQ, i offered him a cheese sausage and then walao, ppl start to get high, and talks non-stop abt the "affair" btw the two of us! and they even start to call me"sis in law" walao, damn paiseh...well, the Korean art exhibition was kind of nothing, really, like chinese art, and then the artists there are so.....i duno wad to say....so petty....and they are so groupy...like to attack each other's works and styles....walao...so damn complex kind of small society!And yes, Art gathering....it Rocks man!!!!! walao, havent been so happy for quite a long time~! i saw my beloved Lydia, Karen Khor...and even the not so wanted xiaohua. well....Karen khor is as blur and funny as ever...Lydia became more intellectual...wahohahaha...more profound..hahaha the power of KI!!!! wow!!!hahaha... Oh yeah, how can I forget, the forever fat MR LOWWWWWW!!!! I miss him!!!!! at first not so...but the more i began to hate Ms Lu, the more i start to miss him...walao...and i feel so lost now, without him i can't get any idea consolidated! last yr i depend on him solely for ideas...walao...duno wad's gg to happen to my UOB painting...everything in NJ art sucks. everything in DHS2005 art Rocks. stark contrast! well...too bad i've alr. graduated...sigh...I miss u all!!!! MR LOW!!! MRS GOH!!!KAREN YEH!!!!XINNI!!!VIC!!!!JOYCE!!!!BELINDA!!!!LYDIA!!!KAREN KHOR!!!!WINSTON!!!!PEIWEN!!!!MABELINE!!!!but then im so ultra sad...do i look like someone who will be willingly raped by guys??? that idiot mr low muz be mad!!! good thing that he realised his mistake at once, or else i'll kill him! and rape him! nop, he too fat!!! lousy boasty busy fatty looooowwwww!!!:PP.S shld meet gain very soon!!!! i cant live without u all, but sorry if im very weird to u all, but im juz very weird! how to change?? murder me la murder me la!!!!gtg and mug le, why shld i mug? i shall use today and mug for 4 subjs and then fail all these 4!!!! so damn ultra sad...who can SAVE ME???

An interesting conversation

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty.

He asks one of his new students to stand and.....

Prof: So you believe in God?

Student: Absolutely, sir.

Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.

Prof: Is God all-powerful?

Student:Yes.

Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?

Student: (Student is silent.)

Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?

Student: Yes.

Prof: Is Satan good?

Student: No.

Prof: Where does Satan come from?

Student: From...God...

Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student: Yes.

Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?

Student: Yes.

Prof: So who created evil?

Student: (Student does not answer.)

Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?

Student: Yes, sir.

Prof: So, who created them?

Student: (Student has no answer.)

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?

Student: No, sir.

Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?

Student: No , sir.

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?

Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student: Yes.

Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Prof: Yes.

Student: And is there such a thing as cold?

Prof: Yes.

Student: No sir. There isn't. (The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student: You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?

Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

Prof: (The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

Prof: (The class is in uproar.)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?

Prof: (The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it?.....No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

Prof: (The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.

Student: That is it sir.. The link between man & God is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.

Went to Pasir ris park with karen

hahahahahha, today is so fun! karen and I went there as slackers, we are supposed to design some houses for the GVN. and we met at pasir ris MRT and im supposed to look out for a guy who looked like a "terrorist". He's the person in charge. he really looked like one, so sad we didn't take a photo of him. i bought a new camera, cannon one, 6megapixel. sigh, i've been spoiling many things in recent yrs, in the past 1 and a 1/2 yrs, i've spoilt 2 pairs of specs, 1 camera, 2 bags, 1 pair of sunglasses, one of my dad's favourite painting, one of his favourite pen, one of his precious ancient "gun"---only for keeping but real gun, looks like it existed in the 1700s or 1800s. nvm, yar, i've been very "sui" recently. but nvm, i've got my new camera, and hope it can survive longer than...expected....say 2 years? i hope. my new laptop was predicted to survive for only 2 yrs. my dad's prediction. duno if it will come true or not. but think in another way, it will not be a very bad thing either, cos like that i can get a newer and better one, oh year, the previous camera died quite tragically, i dropped it, it landed hard on the floor, as if it's not enough...my fat foot stepped on it...and my slow functioning brain did not realise wad had happened until...quite a while...and as usual, it takes some time to pass the signal to my nerve system...and like after ages then i psychologically and physically realised what i did. but by that time....it's been pronounced dead for quite a while, cos... i think im too fat, my 1/2 a 100 kg landed on that small pathetic cam...IM SO ULTRA SORRY! should have burried it, but dad's it's not environmentally friendly, well....he's the only one who can remain calm and think straight no matter wad happens, even when i spoilt his "gun", he pretended nothing had happened... but i think i almost saw his TEARS....may be im imagining things, but i recovered very soon, but dad seems to take some time to get out of that "disaster". then i was banned to get any where near to his...compound....but i can always sneak in. nvm, it wasn't my worse experience, heard that the worse thing is when i ate up one of his "official papers" when im two yrs old. that was a mystry, a myth in the family, no one knows how i did it, but it was a fact cos everyone saw me shitting it out together with newspapers. it wasn't much decomposed when i shit it out, it was out within a few hrs after i ate it, must not have tasted nice....n i bet im intellectual at that pt of time, i juz wana absorb more knowledge, if i ever know wad "knowledge" is at that time. no wonder im so clever and knowledgeable now,hehehe. heard that that time my dad's face turned from white to green to purple and then to black and then...duno...im surprised with that kind of colourful transformations he can still stay alive. nvm, why am i talking abt this? well, the moral of the story is, my dad loves me,(proven by the fact that im still living healthily now and not killed by him) and im a very very very very DESTRUCTIVE daughter who's hard and expensive to raise. okay, close case.

yeah, back to topic, actually i wana say that i had a very fun time with karen, first time we didn't quarell and we had a fun time snapping away at weird stuff. really, we both really have weird sense of beauty, those things we took are very very odd. shall upload the pics when im free. and that karen, keep talking "surprise" photos of me, when im...when i got too high, then i started dancing then she...took pics of me and kept laughing at it!!!!walao, and many other such kind of photos, she says that it showed the true side of me, never know that my truuuuuuuue side is so funny, really funny, my expressions are very very very funny. maybe can be second, the first is still xinni. ahhahahahahahahaha, nvm, im being weird. and that karen kept snapping at other strangers too. and kept saying," i scared that they'll box me! hwohowhow???" walao, u ownself wana take pic of others wad. aiyo, and most of the time bcos she's too slow, by the time she take out the cam and set everything or even by the time she focus, the people will be gone, so often she ends up taking the backs of the people. and also, we saw a very very very young handsome boy. really "shuai" standard. he's foreigner, European i think, damn handsome, super handsome, and i managed to take a photo of him, so cool and he's so gentleman like, im so....................charmed by him....oh my gracious god!!!!!!!!hahahhahaha

good old memories

I duno wad to say laz, went to DHS website…kind of accidental…cos actually wana go NJ one…nvm…hahaha, when I was in DHS I never went to the website b4, duno why, Anyway, I saw this ad…saying that the 艺林 which is the chinese magazine or sth that Dhs use to have is trying to get articles from the alumni, existing students etc… Suddenly I have this urge to write one. Really, but then the person in charge is Jiang ling, I dun feel like pass her my writing, not safe really. Aiya, but I really wana Write sth, being in DHS for like 4 yrs, 3of these 4yrs are unhappy years while the 4th Year is the best one, the year that makes me feel for dhs, makes me feel like a Dunmanian, start to like or even love the sch. A bit too late but never mind, better Than never. Hahahaha. I think it’s because of the 2005 art class, I love the class so Much!!!! Though there’s someone like xiaohua, it doesn’t spoil the mood, I dun like her, Yeah， but then when im together with the art ppl I take her as invisible, and she act as if she’s invisible too, so no pain. Hehehe, I think im very bad, but nvm, who cares!haha Really, I miss dhs a lot, miss our art class a lot, last time we use to think that the art room Belongs to us, so we always “get crazy” there, have fun, scream, laugh, yell…even Cry inside that little tiny place that belongs to us, and us only!!!! Hahaha, im being Very very possessive, but who cares! Hahaha , but now in nj we have like many many Art rooms, but none of them seem to belong to us, anytime we wana enter any room we Need to ask for permission like that, not so serious la, but u’ll feel very uncomfortable. But although dhs art room is….dirty…messy…old…smell very weird…might even be Haunted, I still think it’s lovely to me, really, I can go in and jump and jump and jump and No one will ever scold me(unless mr low inside, but even when he’s inside I dun think He’ll scold me laz, he too use to my madness) so…only then I feel the freedom…real Freedom…not the kind that G.W.Bush always mention in his damn ridiculous speech. That kind of freedom…the kind that the Iraq ppl are “enjoying” now does not appeal To me hehehehehheheheehehe…and khor! I miss ur 黑眼圈!and lydia, juz miss u! (particularly
The“scold low” session in the small air-con room) hahahahahahahaha…oh! Im getting mad!!

康熙王朝38集康熙视察八达岭长城--陈道明饰演康熙

康熙：
你们两个人记下，朕今天说的话，一个字也不要漏，康熙三十三年二月十日，朕视察八达岭，抚今追昔，感慨万千，特颁旨如下：长城，长城是个梦，是空的是个无用之物，顶多是个摆设，长城啊，长城，自秦始皇开创长城，仅两世就垮了，大明朝，怎么样啊，他们用了百年之功万人之力，没有阻挡住我大清入关，江山易主，朕要以王道治天下，你们记住，从今天起，停建所有的城墙关隘，并诏知后世，凡大清国君，当持王道，取民心，练兵马，永不筑长城。

多有骨气！中国朝朝代代都有这样的明君圣主，不怕外国猪们的侵略！小日本，你个狗娘养的，有本事你就来呀，来了就让你知道今昔不如往日了！我们会杀你个片甲不留的！誓与日本势不两立！

............

I'm A WEIRD PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

....ART drove me crazy!!!!!!!!!

Mr Low, Mr Lee hehehe

hahaha, Dear Mr Lee...so MAN! the kitten is so cute! they found it last yr, outside the AEP art office. he's so....got "ai xin"!!!!!!!

Mr Lee Rocks!!!!!

Yesterday went back to DHS with karen to take my graduation cert. Actually i dun feel like taking it because it wasn't very nice to see, and it kind of reminds me of the day when i receive my O-level result. I'm really really very sad over the result...nvm...we took the cert then...actually the sch is very empty laz, i only saw one car, then the general office only left with those admin people. then karen saw mr low's name on his office door. then she laughed and say it's so weird to see his name now. well...i found it weird too...that mr low...never talked or smsed or e-mailed or saw him for like months...he just seemed to have disappeared from this world. nvm...then we saw mrs goh...she looked so tired...sigh...and later i went to see my painting, they hang it up at the third floor walless classroom there. duno why my one seemed very small compared to the others. and i also duno why it is hung opposite to xiaohua's painting....we went to have to lunch with mrs goh...we were talking talking talking...then she say now mr low is very busy, he aged a lot...sigh...actually me and karen wanted to ask him abt SEA art hist thing then later i decided not to disturb him liaoz....he's such a glutton for work...shld take care of his health...then we went on to talk about man...then mrs goh asked me if mr low asks me to quit art and mr lee asks me to continue i'll listen to who?.......................................................It's really a hard question....mr lee so cute! how to not listen to him??? but then i always end up following mr low's instruction....sigh....mr lee....mr low....mr lee...

我心中的陈道明

提起陈道明,我想没有人不知道的,女子更是如此.从女学生到女白领再到家庭主妇,他受每一阶层的喜欢.这个成熟的男人在中国应该是最受欢迎的吧! 他是单纯的,你会觉得他的那颗心是晶莹剔透的; 他是儒雅的,他戴上眼镜你会觉得他其实更像一个有着巨大吸引力的大学教授; 他是聪慧的,他的眼眸是洞察人世深透着智慧的; 他是淡泊的,他是从不在乎名和利的; 他是出世的,在他的身上你是看不出丝毫的市侩之气的; 他还是高傲的,一个清高的只肯在戏里低头的人的. 他也只有在戏里才低下那颗高贵的头颅,他总是高高在上,我们只能仰头望他.在看了他主演的后,那个小职员让我们误以为可以和他平等了.可等出了戏,他还是拿个高傲的他. 他不像那些年轻的偶像,如新上市的果汁饮料,新鲜一阵,新鲜劲过了,便被别的口味代替了.他不是,他更像一杯绿茶,时间越长,味道越醇! 他曾说过,当有一天你们看到我力不从心的时候,请你们一定要原谅我的江郎才尽.是的,他已老了,两鬓已有白发,虽不是李白那种"朝如青丝暮成雪'的人生短暂,但他真的不年轻了.没有人人愿意他老去,因为他的身上有我们的青春和狂热,他满足了我们对爱情和亲情的所有想象.我敢说,每一个女子都曾抱怨过"君生我未生,我生君已老'的不公人生,恨自己为什么没有早生几十年,从而不能嫁与他.与其说女子想嫁他这样的丈夫,不如说是想嫁他那样的父亲,他像是每个女子心中那个遥不可及的梦. 他老了,不论那个使他一举成名的中的年轻皇帝,到中那个满头白发的黑帮老大;还是从现实生活中当年刚出道的毛头小伙到现如今已进入"五十而知天命'的年龄来看,他都老了.老得让我们有些不太愿意接受,我们要的是那个永远活在舞台上的人,那个永远主宰着舞台,主宰着舞台上其他人命运的人,而不是那个渐渐老去的人! 国人内敛,不善于表达自己对他人的感情,夫妻尚且如此,何况父女?一般女子对父亲有的怕只剩下尊敬了.而父亲对女儿即使有着满怀的父爱,怕是也包含在教育中了.而明叔不一样,对女子来说,他是活在自己虚拟的世界中的,他不会责骂自己,教训自己.而他又是那么一个有内涵的男人,女子又有着年轻的关于对爱情的萌想,于是便把那么多的混合着爱情与亲情的感情给他了.我想着大概也是明叔深受女子喜欢的一个重要缘故吧!

今夜无风，我心却荡漾

也不知道为什么深夜里还在想他。母亲不在新加坡，第一次，第一次有了一种被放飞的感觉。第一次，可以毫不顾忌地想他了。爱一个人真的好难。人活着一辈子，总会认为上天已安排好了那个将来会与你相爱的人，会毫不吝啬地把他送到你的面前，可是，月又阴晴圆缺，人有悲欢离合；有情人，最怕有缘无份。也许，我和他就是这样吧。这份积攒在心中许久的感情，不知何时才能散去？也许，也许，它将永远随着我，无论将来我会再爱上谁，这心中，永远会有一个角落是属于他的。

18年前
在父母对儿子的期待中诞生

童年
是被父亲视为儿子一般地培养中成长的
跟随父亲的信仰成为一件很重要的事
于是
6随便似懂非懂地读起毛选、马列主义
被训练对战争纪录片产生浓烈的兴趣
被送进以爱国主义教育为重点的小学
10岁以前的我，完全唯父亲马首是瞻，那时候，它使我生命中第一个也是唯一的“男人”。他是我眼中的英雄....

后来，我也开始了追星族的生涯。
不同的是
我所追的“星”，是个我很敬佩的实力派中年演员
我与其他的女学生追星族不同
我不疯狂
就是喜欢他那淡淡的微笑，他的清高、典雅、脱俗。他那渊博的学识，那优雅的举止，那琴棋书画无一不能的一身本领还有他那一刻炯热的爱国之心。。。
想他的时候，会随感而发
写下一篇优美的感文
不知不觉当中，已经喜欢他7年之久。
自我十一岁那一年，我人生中的第二个男人出现了
陈道明
一个令我梦魂牵绕的名字
只是
还是一场梦
一场圆不了的梦，他是只可远望，不可近观的这么一个人

少年时期
我已然是个姑娘
拥有了自己的看法和思想的我
就像是一只断了线的风筝
渐渐地于父母远去了
思想上的放纵带来的是行为上的叛逆
把我送来新加坡是我父母一生中最大的败笔！
在这里
我的心灵受到了污染
看到了
人性的丑陋
社会的黑暗
信仰的败落
国家的腐败
嗅到了
钱的铜臭味
体会到了
什么叫
刻骨铭心
明白了
爱一个人的痛苦
更何况
爱的是一个决不应该爱的人！
就在我渐渐成长为女人的时候
我生命中的第三个男人出现了
呵呵
真是可笑
他是我摸得找看得见的一个人
却也是我永远捉摸不透，
永远爱着却不敢告知的人

我敢对爸爸说：“我爱你！”
我敢对陈道明说：“我爱你！”
我却
不敢对他说出这简单然牵人心弦的这三个字！
我是个懦弱的人！
我不说，是怕说了以后，或许大家连朋友都作不成了呀！！
那将是我最不想看到的局面。

在以后的岁月里，我将珍存着这份还未开花便已逝去的感情。
哈哈哈哈哈哈。。。为何这人世间会有情爱？
你知道吗？
这世界上最遥远的距离
不是
生与死
而是
我就站在你面前
你却不知道我爱你....

爱上了不该爱的人，放弃吧！

年轻人说，爱情是两只好斗的小刺猬，冷了知道抱在一起暖和，却被对方的刺扎得直跳脚。抱着肉疼，离开心疼，爱情的锦袍被他们的流弹打得千疮百孔。
老一代人说，生活像是一锅粥，爱情则是炉灶里的柴；抽出了木柴，人生就变得没滋没味。横鼻子竖眼睛、吵吵闹闹了一辈子的夫妻，临了才发现最爱的还是对方。
这些是过来人对爱情的看法....而我呢，我要怎么办呢？
当时光列车载着爱情远去，我是该骑着白马奋力追赶，还是在孤灯下深深思念？
不明白为什么把这个男人这么当回事，他比自己小，身材不好，长相也不济。可是这些一点都削弱不了他的魅力。他生活里的样子实在太迷人了。真希望他能对我好一点，不要总把我不当成一回事。对我好一点，哪怕是短短的一天也好。很多次想要放弃，毕竟，如果公开，这将是不为世人所接受的一段孽缘，而且是单方面的感情自始至终。真是好笑，我曾经是多么骄傲的女孩呀！我并不是个拿得起、放不下的女孩儿，但这一次...从未如此眷恋，在心中的那一片长空，什么叫铭心，什么叫不舍，再平常的所在，也可成为心中的永远。
生
是为了证明
爱
存在的痕迹
火
燃烧了谁的爱？

不只是从什么时候开始，他令我感到害怕，这种又爱又怕的滋味让我不知道该怎么面对他，也许。。。也许，离别的时候真的到了。
心，从来没这么乱过，我是那种在感情上很霸道的女孩子，这是第一次被扔到浅滩上，上不去也下不来。想爱一个人，而这个人却根本不合作。我也明白这是畸形的爱情，是不会有结果的。可是爱情已经生出来了，我拿它毫无办法，爱让我克制不住地想他。想一个人这真不是一件好事，我特别害怕想他想出习惯来，将来想改都改不了。可是，爱情是稀少的，碰上了未必抓得住，运气不好一辈子也碰不上。。。算了，该放手了。
我知道他讨厌我，但他这样的人根本不配有人爱。我不知道他有过什么样的感情，但是我敢保证，他以后再也遇不到他想要的那种感情了。像他这样的人就应该挖一个坑把自己埋起来，旁边再竖个牌子：此处文物有待出土！

算了，去喝喝酒，让自己大醉一场，痛痛快快地哭一次，忘了他，忘了曾有过的许多幻想。让一切随风飘走吧。让时间去洗涤一切，让自己麻痹到死，也许。。。不，我很肯定，这辈子，不会再有这样刻骨铭心的感觉，但，我会过得很幸福，没有他，我也会过得很幸福。面包会有的，爱情也会有的！以后，要找一个爱我的人，我不要再去爱别人，爱一个人，真得好累。

这辈子，不会告诉任何人这个第一个真正走进我人生，真正征服了我的心的男人是谁。会让这个秘密，一辈子跟着我，进棺材，进骨灰馆。他，永远不会知道！

敢问
人世间情为何物？
只叫人生死相许！

finally funtasia is over!!!!!

wow...i think im really a very lazy girl...i only post once in a month or something...but actually my life is really very packed and exciting and tiring and hectic and anything but no where near to slack...so actually i should have a lot to write but you see...if i cant even manage to finish my hw...how am i gg to have the time to write blog?? well...so...funtasia is over, my class made a very big success earning $1900++...really it's a huge achievement considering that we sell very small slices of cheesecakes and milkshakes that were not shaked well...anyways....it's juz fun. Saw Mr Chia and Junzhan in dark room....they are very fun people...seems that im really going to get the dark room manager job...then muz really go and learn the stuff inside...like how to use the equipments so as not to lose my face nxt yr...and...the funtasia report is up in the newspaper...and mr Too is happy, Ms Woon is happy im happy everyone's happy...life is so tiring...so hard to make everyone happy...sigh...watched Davinci Code with Karen...the movie itself is not nice enough...not as good as the book...but still i love it cos it made me see Paris again...how i miss last year's London and Paris trip! this year another one coming up...with NJ art people and Mr Lee...i duno...my mum say i can go but i juz dun feel like gg...cos we'll be like the odd ones cos Mr Lee will concentrate on the yr 2 people and so we yr1 people will juz follow behind...so irritating, unlike last year, where with mr low, we were the emphasis...sigh...im juz weird....june holi's gg to be very busy for me and my mum is leaving for bejing today, leaving me alone here in Singahorrible! irritating, im not gona survive lorhz!....

Life is so miserable...

sigh...it's been a long long time since i last blogged. I was really ultra busy for the past...say 20 days? there's super loads of things waiting for me to complete! there's Lit Varied accessment, Hist VA, art VA, which is the art journal and many more outside stuff like the report on the coming funtasia and the suddenly "pop up" thing like the report on infocomm connect dialogue session, life is juz very hectic for me for the past 2 wks....i cant seem to complete anything! and last tues we tried oil painting...i dont really like it and i ended up getting myself "painted". And it wasn't even my fault la! bloody hell! last time in DHS when i dirty mysel it was all my own fault cos i keep dropping either my paint or my brush or my palette but this time, this bloody time, i was dirty because the wooden board was dirty! sucker! im becoming more and more unhappy with NJ AEP now...sigh...it's inevitable, Ms LU is just so!!!! i duno wad to say, she simply pisses me off whenever she does sth, it's like, why cant she plan her lessons well???? almost every weekend i'll receive some smses to tell me to bring some stuff for art lesson on mon. But why cant she tell us on fri's lesson and get us all prepared la?? like for this time, she smsed us on sun to tell us to bring a cardboard for lesson without telling me wad the hell she's gg to do with it. then later came out that she's gg to let us do oil painting and use it as palette. walao, if she had tole me earlier i would have brought an extra shirt with me so as to not to dirty my uniform! and i got home, scolded by my mum. im juz dead la, my parents alr. disapprove me of doing art and now im like1) spending almost all my time on it. 2)spending loads of $$ on it. 3)not sure that if im gona score cos of the art hist. 4)dirtying everything because of it!!!!

wadever Ms lu did, intentionally or unintentionally, juz made my life even more difficult and my future in art to be even dimmer. ha, my only passion and she's helping to destroy wad little im left with, the little self i have preserved for myself, im juz a very sad person...trapped and lost, sometimes i'll wake up in the middle of the night thinking where i am and why am i still living in this world. I ought to be dead, my life is of no meaning, everyday doing stuff to satisfy others....i try not to succumb to outside pressures but i always fail...ha...how interesting. wad i am left with, is only art, i want it, im desperately holding onto it, the little meaning i can find from my life, is thr. doing art. the fulfillment simply thrills me. it's hard to explain. but im very scared now, it's as though im losing it, ha, im losing the only thing that i care the only thing that i can really fall in love with and the only thing i can really hate(emotionally)...well...im juz losing it......

Greenlink

was doing the greenlink exhibition prep. found some funny pics.

final art poster!

God damn it! im so sick of art, the collage essay is driving me nuts, the varied assessment is killing my cells and the art club+art festival thing simply makes me mad!!!!! sigh...art....i love u but u are driving me nuts!!!!!!....wad a paradoxical way of thinking! may be im really mad!

...and to think im gg to act as the "artvaider" in the pubstun! sigh....sugar!

monday nj will see me as the love sick "flower girl", im gg to lose all my face!

Busy

Busy!!!BUsy!!! gg to be BUSY for the next few wks...!!!

im so super pissed today!!!

i cant believe this! first is the stupid greenlink thing...as far as yesterday night junying was still telling me abt today's meeting and asking me whether am i gg. then today, while i was on the bus like 5min away from NJ, hongyi smsed and asked if i know the meeting was cancelled? How on earth would i know that it was cancelled? it was still in effect yesterday night!!! and then i got to know that it is because many ppl cant make it by today so they decided to change the meeting date. What the hell they're thinking??? i hate this type of ppl, why cant they inform us earlier? not like 5mins early???
then i rushed to sph, cos im supposed to meet them at 9am to discuss abt the coming "huixun", but then it turned out to be a total waste of time too!! cos many ppl came, the senior batch and us, the 21st batch. we just couldnt understand each other!!! the seniors were talking among themselves and whenever we've got some ideas they'll "kill" it before it was given any chance to develop further. we didnt even come up with any theme today, the meeting lasted until like 1pm? and we were so damn frustrated la, the seniores are so damn proud and arrogant! talk to us like we are some ignorant kids like that, i know we are new, not experienced enough but its not like they are very much better...only one batch older than us, it's not that i dun like them throwing away our ideas but they muz at least come up with better ideas right? and they didnt even try to make an effort to understand what we said, so many of a time, they are just either repeating what we said or adding on to what we said. and happily thinking that they came up with better things....the hell they think they are man! walao, it's not like im so "good for nothing" la! hey ppl, im also got "contents" one ok. and nxt sat i'll definitely not be there man! wad a waste of time man!!!

Mad wangmo and her mad teachers

ok, i finally finished my changed poster...duno whether it is good or not...but who cares, ms lu wont ever like any of my designs...sigh..when are we gg to start painting? i miss paint man! i dun think i can paint already, becoming rusty liao!and still got the stupid illustrator hw,why i install liao still cannot use?????? whywhywhywhywhywhy!!!!??????sigh...

yeah,i was quite busy for the past few days, but actually busy for nothing,didnt do anything useful or significant...but wed was quite a funny day, Math lesson only got me went for the lesson, so the tutorial became like only me and the teacher, how funny, like an one-one tuition class...haha, the rest went to the wrong class and my phone "died"-no batt, so cannot contact them...sigh...then yesterday i duno why i just dun feel like gg fot GP lessons so i just decided to pon the double GP, in the end for that whole day i only went for math and lit tutorial and one PW lecture...these are the things that can only happen in JCs, i cant imagine it happening in DHS..hahaha...so slack...

sighsighsigh...aiyo...my pw PI is gg no where, still got no plan for my 2nd draft...and my tcher say photography is not visual arts! walao! the hell she knows abt visual arts man! cant stand these ppl who dun know art then still act as if they know. my pw tcher is an old woman, not so old la, middle age. She got some problems, she cant seem to be able to listen to others...whenever i want to say sth, she'll open her mouth...she dun let me explain wad's my proposal and she dun understand it and she juz keep saying things that are not relevant! and she really need to improve on her handwriting, write like 天书 like that, who can read????sigh...all teachers are mad, maybe in diff ways.
Mr Low(previous Art)--no need to say, very mad..not normal at all, shld be sent to mad ppl's hospital immediately...
Mr Lee(ARt)--mad too, an juz suddenly can be damn serious then suddenly can joke with u, and hor, he can just yell out of no reason, and call ppl "idiots" and call me "神经病"and "猪头饼"。。。
Mr Whitby(Lit)--wow, this one is really mad, unpredictable, when he teach he will make funny sounds, use funny puns, and even "act" out what he mean...and sometimes speak some weird British+Singlish accent Singalish slang like "zhina(china)"and things like that, somemore he knows how to cook, how to do make-up(i think he got a degree for it),how to do handicraft and knows embroidery also...what a talented,mad old man...(but he's damn good lit tcher)
Ms champagne(Lit)--she's got character...middle age woman, who likes modern literature and calls cambridge lit markers names cos she thinks that they are basically a bunch of old,stubborn,snoobish,old-fashioned,prim,stuffy animals who only regard shakespearean texts as real literature. They once said sth like:"there's no real lit text written aft 1930s." so wad are the poets and writters who wrote things btw the period of 1940s till now doing? and as for Ms champagne..her name is so mad, i wont be surprised if i ever get a tcher whose name is Ms Wine...
Ms Lu(Art)--whoa...this one is mad, really, got character...very independent youngwoman,and unpredictable and temperamental too. and she's got very punk fashion sense, got holes everywhere i think, not only on her ears...and her clothes are like...duno...u'll never find another one in the entire whole world. I suspect she design and made them herself,and art tchers are mad la...
Mrs Mary Lim(GP)--haha, this little old lady...67 liao still went for commonwealth game, representing singapore...got passion...very active..madmad...haah！！！
Ms Suhaili(SEA History)--my civic tutor, SEA history tcher...she's not normal too, i think she believes in individualism, hehehe, if she happy then she come to sch, if she rmbs, she goes for lesson, but most of the time she dun feel like coming to sch and dun rmb to go for lesson, her attendence is almost less then 50%, mad mad...
Ms Chan（math tutorial tcher)--mad mad too, always on diff frequency, we ask abt this she answer abt that then we think she'll scold us for this thing in the end she scolded us for another thing...she's also middle age liao, she's been in NJC for more than 20yrs liao, sigh...i think when women grew old, they becomes detached from this world and live in their own worlds, cannot seem to understand a single thing we talked abt.and she always makes mistakes such as copied the wrong question..or minus wrongly or plus wrongly...and worse of all..the worksheets she gave us most of the time many answers are wrong, and sometimes she has to change to question too.(now she learnt the lesson...she dun put in answers liao)
Mr Chew(山羊胡子）(math lecturer)--he worse, the math lecturer, he every time talks abt the history of math. i rmb the 1st lecture he talked abt the hist of math, then 2nd he talked abt the hist of completing the squares, 3rd he tlaked abt the history of inequality...then no time to teach finish he juz rush thr. the really useful stuff...i hope the next lecture he wont talk abt the hist of differentiation...mad mad tchers

and of course im mad tooooo......

PE is killing my cells man! i shall protest!

Well, i did this poster for the NJC art festival thing...first wk of May...the "Farrago" thing...then i do until i didn't even do my SEA essay on philippines!!!!!!! then today ms lu told me to REDO!!!!!wad the hell??? look nice then can already, why she so ma fan??? and the stupid illustrator hw! and the stupid photoshop shit thing! whywhywhy??? ok...shall not dwell on this question for too long or else i'll need the the mental hospital's hotline no. liao la!






and i cant believe this! tues timetable change to friday timetable which means i have 2 pe lessons consecutively!!!!oh my god!!!im not gona gg to survive it, my pe today was really horrible! 4 rounds around the track and all sorts of funny stretches as if im made of rubberlike that!but in the end it did made me feel as if i grew "longer" aft the stupid pe! when i go for pe that time it was damn sunny, so i prayed for the rain..and when i started running...i danced at the same time...(the dance that the african tribal ppl always try to do to pray for rain). I danced and ran...1st round....still sunny...i danced and ran...2nd round...there's wind coming...i danced and ran...3rd round...dark clouds showed...i danced and...finished dunning..."huahuahua..."it started raining!!!!!!i cant believe this!!!!it started raining the minute i finished running! what logic is this? the hell is god doing man???walao!!!!but im so sorry for the other class, they had to run in the rain! and it wasn't drizzles but downpour!!!! i'll surely get fever aft that lor!! cruel pe tchers! and tmr......i hope tmr never comes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And after pe my whole body was like, duno, made of duno wad stuff la, juz felt very heavy and for once im not that active and lively for GP. got back my GP work, i scored the top in class with a score of 7/10 when the average was 4!wahahaha! it was a "rewrite the sentence" excercise...

and got back pw PI roo, the tcher thinks that im too ambitious in the sense that i deal with a problem too big for me...this sounds formiliar...wait...mr low got say this before...when im deciding for my olevel course work theme...or maybe even earlier...cant rmb! whywhywhywhy? i spent so much time on it!!!!the hell is world turning man!!! im gona ...duno wad im gona do!!!

achievements of the wk

so 2day is nearly the end of this wk, i wana see how much i've completed from the list of "wad to dos"
1) i finished whtby's poem
2)i finished SYF write up
3)read the lit text" the lesson"
4) finished math hw but didnt revise
5)did the research on the bloody damn greek tragedy thing
6)half half for world hist....
however...there are many new things that came up so i did them first...
1) design poster for NJC art festival "Farrago"
2) design the movie ticket
3)design the logo
4) do the 4 frame shit art hw
5)pw PI
emmmmmmmm....so all in all, i've done sth this wk, really! wahahaha!
but things left to be completed:
1) history essay
2) reasearch on greenlink -global warming
3)new math hw
4)research on Burma(but this one can wait, 8 may then present)
5) art noted..(not my fault, the bk and reasearched papers all with ms lu, cant do anything)
6) revise math and hist....and lit of course!

walao, Friday!!!

yesterday, another friday, the day that i have 7 free periods and 1 lunch break and 1 break. Or the day that i have 1 pe in the morning, 1 hist tutorial, 1 civics, and wait till 250pm for art until 6.30pm...
i clearly rmb last fri(no, last fri is enrichment wk, no lesson), so it's last last fri. I had only 1 pe at 8.00am and thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn wait for 2.50pm for art, reason?--my hist tcher never come to sch, or maybe, she pon sch, she always do that, and she also happens to be my civics tcher...sigh...
And yesterday, i didnt c her in the morning...and i tot:1 more hist lesson sacrificed...so i decided not to go for that lesson and do my pw pi instead....then until civics...karen smsed"u not coming for civics?" then i replied"is she there? if she's not there im not gg, wana have early lunch? go canteen meet me!"....sigh...im still thinking of food,JC life is really diff, so flexible and free so much diff froom DHS...anyway..another sms came, from karen:"She's there!!!"
Thunder struck me! why whywhywhy??? when im not expecting her then she came??? oh no! my hist lesson!!! is she gg to scold me??? and by the time i step out of library, im alr. 18 min late for civics...nvm...i shall face the music...
then i reached the damn bloody chem lab( our civics venue...bloody right? discrimination against arts students!!!), then i juz walked in and she said nothing! NOTHING NOTHING!!!! whao...im like feeling very weird...why she nv mention abt me nv go for her hist lesson the period before???
Later i got to know why.......
SHE DIDN'T COME FOR HIST AT ALL, ONLY MANAGED TO COME FOR CIVICS.
sigh...i guess i really need to depend on myself for hist liao!

++mr lee laughed at my still image movie, or put it simple, he laughed at me...cos the video is filled by my images, funny, weird images of me, the sole actress....sigh...my "face" and "image" all gone!

Today is crap,crap,crap,crap!

well, in the morning received the news that i my hist techer didn't come to sch again, again, yeah, she always dun come one, she's my civics tutor. And i juz felt quite weird, one more free period, which does not make much diff since im enjoying more than 10 periods of free periods per wk. and hist is basically a self reading sub. and...i think im properbably gg to end up taking this sub's exam without attending more than half of the lessons...sigh...this is NJ, arts students are totally ignored man, do i really look invisible?
so had lit lecture later, to my surprise, a singaporean tcher came in, i always think that singaporean tchers cant make it for it, their sub-standard english really cant teach a sub that requires such a profound understanding of the english language (like lit), anyway, she really cant make it, she conducts lit lecture in the same way as hist! ultra boring, so dull and she peaks in monotone! no stress and unstress! cant be compared to whitby, i wont mind if mr low pulls her to DHS. Well, today we started a bit on "Murder in the Cathedral", a drama, again related to christianity, i really think i shld seriously consider taking up christianity to help in my subs like lit and art hist, so much abt Christ and the bible stories la, i shld begin by buying a bible tmr!
And my is
Well, yesterday i announced to the art class that im officially over mr lee liao, but im not yet actually, cos u cant immediately 4get abt a person or have no feeling for him right? it takes time, anyway,at least im no longer illuntioned. Heard that he's damn popular, many, really many ppl like him, who am i to go after him?? haha, i looked to myself too up alr. eventually i'll end up no where man...oh no!stop thinking of him again! i shld be working on whitby's poem now!

Property! Property! Let us extend
Soul and body without end:
A box to live in, with airs and graces,
A box on wheels that shows its paces,
A box that talks or that makes faces,
And curtains and fences as good as the neighbours’
To keep out the neighbours and keep us immured
Enjoying the cold canned fruit of our labours
In a sterilized cell, unshared, insured

Property! Property! When will it end
When will the Poltergeist ascend
Out of the sewer with chopper and squib
To burn the mink and the baby’s bib
And cut the tattling wire to town
And smash all the plastics, clowning and clouting
And stop all the boxes shouting and pouting
And wreck the house from the aerial down
And give these ingrown souls and outing?
(can anyone help me to make some sense out of it? seriously i think all poets are psycho! only to make our lives difficult!)

New start...

Also got this photo taken during o-level release day, i look horrible
seriously,now when i look back to my o-level reasults, it's really 不堪回首！Well, life is like that, not everything's gg to be nice...
im gonna work hard this year, really hard! Alevel is my last hope now, forget abt mr sng and mr lee, i think it's time for me to get real already. Mr sng and Mr lee already finished their educations and are both considered quite successful in their careers, and if im gg to carry on being infatuated with them im gg to end up no where! from now onwards , today, this second i hereby declare that im officially over mr lee and mr sng!
i shall get serious with my sch work now since i've slacked for the pass 4 months, doing nothing, learnt nothing, gained nothing...
4get about friends and anything leisure, forget abt everything that's not related to studies! i shall be两耳不闻窗外事，一心只读圣贤书的书生！
my work list for this wk:
1) finish my South East Asian 2500 words essay on philippines's nationalist movement
2) finish math hw and revise all that i've learnt for math for the pass 3 months
3)compile my art notes and read thr them and finish the museum thing
4) finish the SYF write up thing
5)research on Burma, and know inside out abt the nationalist movements in Burma
6) finish analysing the poem mr whitby gave me, filled it up with words, and i mean it!
7)do the reasearch on the characteristics of greek tragedy and the function of the unusual aspects
8)read up and know inside out about the history and facts of cold war
9)finish 2 chinese essays
10) read the lit text: The Lesson and try to make some sense out of it
yeah, i think that's about it, 加油加油！

fond memories...

Found these photos, taken last year during graduation day, 19/11/2005,I really miss my days in DHS...

me, carol, turtle and tiff...forever friends gals!

乐观人生be optimistic!

Watched an Italian movie"Life is Beautiful", last wed during the enrichment wk. Very touching, i cried from the beginning to the end, karen sweared that she's not gg to watch movie beside me ever again, she tot im disturbing and irritating. But this is really a good movie, should write sth on it, nowadays ppl are getting more and more pessimistic. This movie teaches you how to maintain positive, optimistic in the worse environment. Sad...to think that i was pessimistic in the morning, juz because of a damn GP hw. Now im organising my art notes, there's a tendency that i'll grow pessimistic again...how...we shld live life happily shouldn't we? how can i be happy? let me think...i think i'll be happy if i...
1) get to date mr lee
2) get to date mr sng
3) able to outtalk mr low
4）grow taller
5) get an A for lit
6) marry a greek guy or a french tmr
7) mrs cheng get transferred out of NJ tmr
8) tell 小泉一郎(koizumi???)he's a piece of shit
9) get to kick myself on the butt
10) get all As for every alevel sub
i like to dream....hehehehe



乐观　　　　　　
乐观　　　　　　
当嘲笑在你背后侵蚀你时，　　
你只当它是一种的嫉妒。　　　　
当叹息声在你脑中盘旋时，　　
你只当它是一种体验。　　　　
因为，　　
人生当中有太多的无奈和挫折，　　
所幸的是我们没有因为这些凡夫小事而丧失了生活的热情。　　
当暴风雨来临了，
我们能引吭高歌。　　
当失败接近了，
我们坦诚面对。　　
即使发生了世界上最糟糕的事情，
我们还是要乐观接受。　　
那么朋友你呢？　　
还会为那朵凋谢的玫瑰而悲伤吗？

GP GP GP, continued bad luck from yesterday

sigh, my mum dragged me up today. sigh, now is 1030am. i realised i 4got to do my GP hw which was supposed to be handed in last last friday. my gosh...to think that the GP teacher called me her"exemplary" student. i miss my previous GP teacher, ms matilda Ang,
she's such a nice, warm, charming little cute teacher. and most of all, she's so pretty! i was mesmerized by her during her first lesson, maybe because i've never seen a single pretty(let's dun talk abt pretty, juz normal) EL teacher in DHS. Think of Ms Yee!!! she refuses to open her eyes in her lesson, and her saliva flies to everywhere, almost every lesson the first row of 4e is basically empty( we have less people we can afford to do that, poor 4f cant). But she's a good teacher, never failed to impress us with her powerful vocab. for a class like 4e, she's the only teacher who is able to use different negative adjectives to describe us during each of her lessons.her words are so profound that we will be ashamed to rebut her with our poor english.she can never run out of vocab. really powerful. and mrs vora, who occationally rmbs that there's a class called 4e still in existence, and occationally steps into this unfamiliar classroom...sigh...they are both good teachers...
I got mrs mary lim as my new GP teacher, a nice n energetic and drama old lady, at the age of 67, she's still interested in sports and she's gone to australia to participate in the commonwealth game last wk. sigh, i think when i reach 67, i will be lying on the bed and staring into space doing nothing, daydreaming maybe. sigh...the only thing im losing now is my own life...
sigh...GPGPGPGP, i think im gg to fail it, at the end of the two years.wad am i doing now??? sometimes i dun really understand myself...nvm...who says u muz understand urself? juz live life the way it is...ok...shld go and work hard for gp now, hope the bad luck doesn't follow...

Shit!

cant believe this, gg to sleep liao then fall for xinni's trick!
i received this sms from xinni: call me, very urgent!
then i called
then she hahahaing there
then she said sth "u really believed ah..."
then i realised wad is it
April fool again
sigh, bad luck today
why!!!!
ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! im mad!!!!!!!!!
i so naive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sigh...long time no c again

Sigh, it's e first april fool this year...there's only one april fool right? nvm. im really sad, i appear like a fool. really. in the morning i rushed to pasir ris, to go for the greenlink nature guiding thing, on the bus karen called, when im like 15min away from that damn place i got to know i atually dun really need to go for the bloody thing! okay, nvm, i told karen to wait for me, so she did, and i tot so for the first time karen can wait for me for once. then when i reached karen smsed and ask me to sms her if i reached, then she come find me. so, once again i ended up waiting for her. then another sms came, it says: i was walking walking in the mall then i suddenly got stomachache, give me 3min k?
...got nothing to say, 人有三急,muz forgive her, but her 3 min really quite long...
then went to white sand mall, karen played the stupid April fool game on me. she told me that mr lee was there. made me nervous for nothing. and that's the starting of my horrible day. it started as a mistake.
we went popular later, and then i decided to play this april fool game on mr low, so i smsed sth like: i love u mr low, i love u! wad's the date today? hahaha.
and i pressed contact, then m, then i juz duno why
it
went
to
mr
lee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
after i send i saw this" message sent to mr lee pheng guan"
i...did sth that made the guy in front of me turn his head and stared at me as if im a runaway from the institute of mental health.
i cant believe i did this
really.
sigh, i duno la
i think i really like mr lee, if not it wont matter so much. but then later i got so duno how to describe my feeling, anyway, i smsed mr low, but really, talking or smsing with him will undoubtedly reduce my lifespan by more than half. he cant talk sense!

well...muz be curious why i came to pasir ris for nature guiding but ended up walking in whitesand mall, i decided not to go, and karen agreed, simple as that. mangrove is not my thing anyway.
then we went lib. didnt know there is an lib. nvm, it stinks, and i duno why i followed karen and went to look at the booklet of "the art of dating"! shit, gone mad. muz be. and she found this very heavy art bk, abt singaporean artists. then duno why we started finding mr low's name in it, although we both think he shouldn't appear there. we keep finding...then cant find. i also duno why i asked karen"do u think mr low got ever win the UOB painting thing b4 ?" then she replied"should be, i tot he said he won loads of art competitions, since he was primary 6...blablabla"..i dun quite rmb liao, we start to salute him aft that, or at least me.
We ate at delifrance, gossip like mad, karen and i are really quite 3 8 sometimes. sigh...y r we like that? we talked abt mr lee, ms lu and mr fatty egoistical low. i think ms lu and mr lee have an affair, they r so...duno how to describe. and both are not that enthu abt teaching art, one is so not concerned the other is so cold. and we discussed and discussed( cos really got nothing better to do) and got to a conclusion that mr low is still the best teacher we've ever seen. very dedicated in teaching, endangered animal.
karen told me she suddenly see this image of mr low with the angel's holy ring on top of his head
then we both blurted out"holy mr low!!"
seriously, consider this 1 over yrs, i really cant thank him enough, for everything,everything he did for me and 05 art class. if it weren't for him, i wouldn't be taking art in jc, and i would have probably dropped out of art last yr july. cant really say how much i am grateful to him, it cant be measured. and i couldnt convey my gratefulness to him properly either, cos whenever i c him i feel like...duno...he juz got a 欠扁face. sigh...i duno why like that, nj's tchers really cant compare to him, art to me was like heaven last yr, even during my depression period, that time although i cry a lot, i still look forward to every thurs. i always go in smiling came out crying but the nxt lesson i still go in smiling...the power of a tcher, if not for him, my L1R5 will be like shit, w/o art then how? i duno if i told anyone, wadever rubbish i said last yr, things like: i hate art, i hate mr low, i wana quit art...etc, they r all not gg to be true this yr. i feel that art has become the centre of my life, and im seriously thiinking of giving up on international affairs and do art in uni. i really love it, eventhough im not really good at it, feel that my art is neither here nor there, not very good in video, or photo or graphic or manga or charcoal or pastel or acrylic or oil or pencil or figure or anything. and im not even creative! but nvm, i love it. and i'll continue. Now i can say this very confidently, with full of pride--"I love art and i will always love it! And i'll contibue with it no matter how hard or boring it becomes!"

Thank u mr low, really cant thank u enough, i know it's a bit too late, i graduated like 4 months liao. but thank u thanku thanku! u r the best teacher in my heart! thank u thank u for inspiring me and make me go ur office and talk to u last yr...i never regreted my decision to continue, u r the one who opened the door for me! sorry to create so much trouble for u. thank u~!!!!

O-levels

today is 11/2/06, just one day after i got back my o-level results. wellyes, yesterday is the day, most impt day in my life so far. I was very nervous in the morning and karen is thesame but we managed to control ourselves. but later we decided to go back to dhs later than xinni them becausewe do not want to know abt our results too early. Then we went to marine parade library first, but on the way mr low smsed karen to congradulate her. I t made me very sad because i tot i scored badly. Then i started crying,when we reach school, i saw xinying, tiff and carol, long time no see friends! and i started to feel better, but the result came out it was a total disappointment for me, well, it is gd enough to keep me in njc, but it is just bad compared to others and karen got 9 A1s! i'm so sad that i did not get my a1 for elit, as in, i put in so much efforts la, and to my surprise i scored b3 for physic and amath, but im still sad so i cried and cried and cried until mr sng and mr low came and mr sng was like saying:"aiyo aiyo, what happend to her?" then mr low was like replying:" she's like that one la, " then i got angry then i beat, or hitted mr low, so hard that i can hear the "bang bang bang" sound! i didnt realise what i was doing until now, my gosh, i hitted a vice-principal!any way, all the teachers were damn worried for me, im like suicidal during that time, mrs vora was like...hahahanvm...anyway, i got a2 for el, a1 for hcl, a2 for emath, b3 for amath, b3 for physic, b4 for chem, b3 for elit, a1 for combined humans, a1 for art, a1 for cl. so L1R5 is 10, worse than my prelim by 1 point. im just sad, sad sad! i keep crying and crying la, until people like mrs vora got so worried for me. anyway, mr low was very bad that day, he said:"when i saw wang mo's results this morning i knew she'll be like this, i already havethe image in my mind, and then just now it's just like a replay like that" i was fuming mad, and when i calm down myself, i started to think, actually to me right, the only subject that is sad for me is only elit, i actuallydid quite well for my other humans and maths and sciences! i mean amath is like from f9 to b3, then physics is like from c6 to b3, quite well done already. for me la, but i still very sad, and i realised that this time for o-level i didn't strategise well, cos last time i got these 9s and 6s, but i got more a1, but i moved my energy to somewhere else , well that is the cause of it...fine...nvm, i'll work hard for my a-level.