today it rained, rained again, im not sure if it is the weather or just me, i've been feeling really emo recently, very not like me. Last time, when i laugh, i will really totaly throw the unhappy things to the back of my head, but now...it seems that those things that trouble me will always manage to linger ard, i cant seem to get rid of them...
it was scheduled that im suppose to take photos of jiayi playing piano and violin today. But then in the afternoon i suddenly lost the feeling of taking the photo. I duno, when i smsed him to ask when he's free, he said after 5pm. And im a little bit unhappy because i did not expect it to be so late, but perhaps he has more important things to do? okay, yeah, heard that he has strings handover ceremony today...oh well, but then when i told him i want keith to put make up on him, he said " the make up part will discuss later can?" oh well... feel so damn sian after that, then after the house session i was sitting in the canteen with karen, and he came, and he put his bag just beside the table that im sitting ,(round tables at the linkway) then he din say hi, so i din say it too, by the time i want to grab him and say something, he went off. ha ha, this is call not fated. Anyway, later xinni and keith both thought that 5+ is too late and so i took the excuse and called jiayi to cancel the shooting. He asked " ok, but hey, what happened?", i said nothing, but duno why i felt like crying. well, sin noe that when im feeling sian, i can feel sad too...then while i was on the bus home, this overwhelming feeling of sadness juz overpowered me...sigh....nono, i din cry, ever since someone called me a "crying baby", i have refrained from crying, no matter how sad i felt...and i think i've became stronger....or...is it? i feel like im walking in the rain, a good song cheryl, exactly what im feeling right now...
oh well, mum is on the phone, quarrelling with my china relatives in china, i wonder why she never cared about the long distance call costs. she like is trying to get my cousin over to singapore, cousin on her side, i dun like all of them. The oldest one is a big flirt, dun like to study, the yonger cousin is useless la, only know how to spend money, a guy who's 19 alr. still dun dare to speak in front of people, his parents paid like not less than 150000 china bucks for his education la, not the sch fee, but the donations to his pri, sec, and high sch. sigh...and the last one, only know how to eat and eat. a whole family of idiots just like my mum herself, proud, arrogant, spendthrift, superficial and well...one good point is that they are all healthy...-_-''' sigh....now my mum want the oldest cousin to come to spore, what the hell la, i dun want! he like will definitely create problems! and his family poorer than mine, and i bet he will live on my mum and dad like leeches! walau eh! he's useless la, cant contribute anything, i dun want to see my parents spending a single cent on him! all those bloody money i rather donate to other poor kids in the village, at least they can use the money to study and do useful things! idiots! and my mum helped him paid a few k sing bucks alr, then now he like trying to cheat, walau eh, complicated, anyway, i hate him, hate my mum's family! and later i bet my mum's gona any find an excuse and scold me cos she not in good mood cos of the stupid cousin! wad the hell! she's on the phone for 2+hrs alr....
arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
