Okay...Photog camp started on friday, after weeks of planning and all those quarellings and everything...finally the day has came...i spent sooooo much time doing the darkrm booklet laz!
sighz...anyway...this camp is really damn..'exciting'! okay, when it first started jiayi and i went to carry the food. and that bloody fatty made me carry the food all the way back to njc, we walked on 2 legs! walao! but...aiya...cant really blame him laz...cos he's the one taking most of the food...well...the captain's ball...i didnt join in though i used to be damn good at it...i felt it's childish but the members enjoyed it, most of them were damn high...ha ha...and the dinner was ok...the night game...the card thingy made me ran like crazy and jiayi successfully tapped on me and i have to surrender my card...he's a fat cunning little boy!
and the worst time was during the exco guys entertainment session when they were made to play the "truth or dare" thingy...then jiayi...that stupid yongkuan went to ask if jiayi is ever interested in wangmo or not...or...something like if jiayi likes wang mo, i almost fainted the moment i heard that la, and then after that...the rest of them esp ben never missed a chance to tease me laz...and poke fun at me about jiayi! i think by now he really muz have known already lor. anyway, he said that no one in ps seems attractive to him, and no one has to the potential to attract him. well...duno...but i guess...my kind of feeling for him is really less of that "girl guy thingy"...it's more like a "sis to younger bro" thingy...guess...maybe i have to review my true feelings for him again, and examine if it is real love...
well...and that ben! he's really good at snapping nice shots of people who are not very alert like ian and i. sighz....and this shot, is damn misleading, si jie said that may be i dun really like jiayi, may be the one i have feeling for is ian, and jiayi's case is just like, i perceived jiayi as the very guy that i like and ever since then, subsequently, i will juz shut up on other choices and juz like jiayi cos i thought i like jiayi so i shld like him...but actually from my actions and movements or whatever rubbish, it can be seen that ian and i have this natural ...erm...forgot what exactly she said but something like that la. well, i must admit that i tend to have a much better impression of ian now, but i dun think i have any special feelings for him yet and certainly he dun have any feelings towards me either, we are just really good friends...hope life juz dun complicate things even further
and si jie did the card thingy for me and the result was freaking scary, the first one i tried on jiayi and then the result was that he dun have any gal in his heart now, but im still not his tip few priotities cos he puts other things as priorities and then when i tried on my ex-boyfriend..whom i still felt a bit of regret for initiating the break...cos i fell in love with another stupid guy...that result was freaking scary...cos...it showed that im right there on the top of his priority list...and yeah...nothings else btw us...sighz...i duno wad to say and she tried on ian and i...but that one was for fun laz, cos really nothing btw him and i mahz...but the result seemed rather positive too...more positive than jiayi's one...ha ha...actually i dun believe in such things de...but it's juz fun and funny...ha ha...wad a camp!
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
today, it's the day
A Fresh New Start.
Get over him!
He does not deserve my love, my care and concern.
He does not desreve it....
he's not worth it...
wake up wang mo!
Get over him!
He does not deserve my love, my care and concern.
He does not desreve it....
he's not worth it...
wake up wang mo!
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Elections Day...ha ha...a pon day for me
well, today is elections day for my school, no lessons for the whole day, and i cant believe i actually went for the debate session. ok, so i attended about an hr long of debate session and then ponned the rest of the things for today.
It was rather enjoyable, cos basically the whole day i was with him. we watched the art tchers do silkscreen exposing in darkrm, and then had exco meeting together, then waited for the art tchers to finish....waited in AR21, and...joked about...talked...and then got bored...listened to music...then...looked at each other and nothing to say, suddenly i felt a bit sad because i was thinking, when had we became like this? nothing to say to each other??
but anyway...after that...we were like...juz constantly seeing each other either in the darkrm or in the school. and i bought a small bouquet of flower for him and made a card, to wish him gd luck for his coming SYF on friday, the card looks really nice, i duno why am i still doing this...well...anyway...he kind of freaked me out when he juz appear in front of me at my space at artrm this morning, while i was still drawing his card! and then...later...at ard like 7+pm, he kind of scared me again when he...again...quietly...without a sound...appeared in the artrm again. that was really scary because i was the only one left in the darkrm, and then i was outside washing the silkscreens and when i opened the door, he was coming out...i really got super scared...hmmm...i wonder how come a guy with his size can walk without a sound...hmmm
well...hope he likes the flower and the card, i duno why i am doing all these, but i juz feel like doing it for him...i dun expect anything in return but juz feel like wanting to see him smile...yeah....silly girl right???
It was rather enjoyable, cos basically the whole day i was with him. we watched the art tchers do silkscreen exposing in darkrm, and then had exco meeting together, then waited for the art tchers to finish....waited in AR21, and...joked about...talked...and then got bored...listened to music...then...looked at each other and nothing to say, suddenly i felt a bit sad because i was thinking, when had we became like this? nothing to say to each other??
but anyway...after that...we were like...juz constantly seeing each other either in the darkrm or in the school. and i bought a small bouquet of flower for him and made a card, to wish him gd luck for his coming SYF on friday, the card looks really nice, i duno why am i still doing this...well...anyway...he kind of freaked me out when he juz appear in front of me at my space at artrm this morning, while i was still drawing his card! and then...later...at ard like 7+pm, he kind of scared me again when he...again...quietly...without a sound...appeared in the artrm again. that was really scary because i was the only one left in the darkrm, and then i was outside washing the silkscreens and when i opened the door, he was coming out...i really got super scared...hmmm...i wonder how come a guy with his size can walk without a sound...hmmm
well...hope he likes the flower and the card, i duno why i am doing all these, but i juz feel like doing it for him...i dun expect anything in return but juz feel like wanting to see him smile...yeah....silly girl right???
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Im hurt...
PS has always been a source of happiness and bitterness for me for this past 8 months. But recently, i thought it's getting better until the reality proved me wrong. Si jie told me abt the changes made to the camp, in which darkrm session has to be compromised bcos of the college pub thing. I cried, not because of anger, i am quite sure it's not bcos of anger, it's because i felt neglected, hurt, frustrated, undermined, belittled...whatever u want to call that...
And so, i really havent been doing anything as a darkrm manager? people tend to only remember your mistakes, what you've never do, but not what you've done. It's always like that, noboday saw my efforts in trying to acquire the darkrm skills, no one saw me reading the thick notes on darkrm developing late into the night, no one cared about me spending a whole night with the senior to learn darkrm, people simply thought that i dun give a damn about darkrm. perhaps, it's my own problem, all along i have been too sunny and happy on the outside, people think i dun take anything seriously, people think im a joker, they think that im just an insignificant joker whom everyone can just come and step on me just like the way they step on an ant. Like what i've said before, my tolerance level is limited, and i do have a very bad temper, and i hated it when people dun seem to respect me, and yeah, "scraping darkrm session" is a personal insult to my ability as a darkrm manager. I dun want to think too much about it, but any normal person with the ability to feel insulted will feel insulted in such circumstances.
I just duno why am i always the one who's being compromised, sacrificed. Last yr's national day outing, i was the one being forgotten and ended up waiting at the MRT for 1++hr, no one ans my call, no one replies my sms. And this yr, the activity day was changed to monday, and im the one who's deeply affected. and then now the darkrm sessions, ms chan seems to be oblivious to all other exco's imperfections except mine, she is constantly aware of the darkrm not being cleaned, but she's ok with li ang misusing the darkrm equipments and even surf porno websites, she's ok with jiayi being absent all the time, she's ok with everyone else except me. But i really do want to ask her, who the hell says that the DM has to use mop to clean the darkrm? who is the one who told me that web environment will make fungus grow on the lens? Didn't they all see me clearing the mess in darkrm before? but everytime u clear, it gets messed again within a second, and no matter how many times u remind the people to put the equipments back to their original places, no one gives a freaking damn about it. so it is really my fault?
To be honest, i'm done with this cca now. completely done. I've put in so much effort, and in the end im such a failure still. No one seems to get it that im actually the one who loves the cca with all my heart, who the hell is the one who rushes back to nj on mon afternoons from substation just to attend part of the activity and join the exco meeting? who the hell is the one who went for all photo outings and neglected all other appointments? no one seems to care.
When im cleaning the darkrm, i feel so pathetic, i do not even need to bring my own food to my mouth at home, people serve me, i've never touched a mop before and dun talk about kneeling down and clean the floor, my mum will be furious is she knows about that. I am the only asset of my parents, and who can make me lower myself to such levels as to mop the floor? only myself! And now im not at all willing to do it for ps, not at all, it does not deserve it. IT DOES NOT DESERVE IT. It does not mean that shengde mops the floor everyday and so i have to. we are different.
Now i really do feel the club will be better without my presence, i dun think they need me as the DM, they can just employ a cleaner, a maid. whoever. I dun have to lower myself for people who do not know how to appreciate.
it's ok...i cried, and, im feeling much better now. will try to cry less for ps in future, cos it's not worth it, it does not deserve my tears.!
( got back H3 the other 25%, got an A, and my photo "The Forgotten" will be exhibited in the libraries...i forgot which ones..)
And so, i really havent been doing anything as a darkrm manager? people tend to only remember your mistakes, what you've never do, but not what you've done. It's always like that, noboday saw my efforts in trying to acquire the darkrm skills, no one saw me reading the thick notes on darkrm developing late into the night, no one cared about me spending a whole night with the senior to learn darkrm, people simply thought that i dun give a damn about darkrm. perhaps, it's my own problem, all along i have been too sunny and happy on the outside, people think i dun take anything seriously, people think im a joker, they think that im just an insignificant joker whom everyone can just come and step on me just like the way they step on an ant. Like what i've said before, my tolerance level is limited, and i do have a very bad temper, and i hated it when people dun seem to respect me, and yeah, "scraping darkrm session" is a personal insult to my ability as a darkrm manager. I dun want to think too much about it, but any normal person with the ability to feel insulted will feel insulted in such circumstances.
I just duno why am i always the one who's being compromised, sacrificed. Last yr's national day outing, i was the one being forgotten and ended up waiting at the MRT for 1++hr, no one ans my call, no one replies my sms. And this yr, the activity day was changed to monday, and im the one who's deeply affected. and then now the darkrm sessions, ms chan seems to be oblivious to all other exco's imperfections except mine, she is constantly aware of the darkrm not being cleaned, but she's ok with li ang misusing the darkrm equipments and even surf porno websites, she's ok with jiayi being absent all the time, she's ok with everyone else except me. But i really do want to ask her, who the hell says that the DM has to use mop to clean the darkrm? who is the one who told me that web environment will make fungus grow on the lens? Didn't they all see me clearing the mess in darkrm before? but everytime u clear, it gets messed again within a second, and no matter how many times u remind the people to put the equipments back to their original places, no one gives a freaking damn about it. so it is really my fault?
To be honest, i'm done with this cca now. completely done. I've put in so much effort, and in the end im such a failure still. No one seems to get it that im actually the one who loves the cca with all my heart, who the hell is the one who rushes back to nj on mon afternoons from substation just to attend part of the activity and join the exco meeting? who the hell is the one who went for all photo outings and neglected all other appointments? no one seems to care.
When im cleaning the darkrm, i feel so pathetic, i do not even need to bring my own food to my mouth at home, people serve me, i've never touched a mop before and dun talk about kneeling down and clean the floor, my mum will be furious is she knows about that. I am the only asset of my parents, and who can make me lower myself to such levels as to mop the floor? only myself! And now im not at all willing to do it for ps, not at all, it does not deserve it. IT DOES NOT DESERVE IT. It does not mean that shengde mops the floor everyday and so i have to. we are different.
Now i really do feel the club will be better without my presence, i dun think they need me as the DM, they can just employ a cleaner, a maid. whoever. I dun have to lower myself for people who do not know how to appreciate.
it's ok...i cried, and, im feeling much better now. will try to cry less for ps in future, cos it's not worth it, it does not deserve my tears.!
( got back H3 the other 25%, got an A, and my photo "The Forgotten" will be exhibited in the libraries...i forgot which ones..)
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
For every win, someone must fail....
Came across this sentence somewhere, i couldnt remember where...but it's really cool.
Well, life juz suck. SSPC ppl called me again and told me that they have a disagreement over whether my photo should be exhibited because my original photo was created by photoshop software. they asked me to email them the original one, but the truth is, after i took that photo, i used photoshop to enhance the colour and then override the original file, so not it seems that i kind of "lost" the original one. sighz...it's ok, never mind, life has been bad, and it cant go anything worse than that can it? unless it continues that i fail tmr's math paper, and nxt tues's NUSH3, if it really happens that way. i will make sure i kill myself. kill myself, and make sure i die, and be completely dead, not to be rescued by anyone, not parents, not friends, not teachers, not doctors. im really tired of living, i juz need that one little tiny push and that's it. i will collapse, and im seeing the end of my life approaching, it's really near, ending our own lives is not really a sin, different people have different tolerance level, and mine is certainly limited, and im a rubber band that's being stretched too hards...way too hard....
Well, life juz suck. SSPC ppl called me again and told me that they have a disagreement over whether my photo should be exhibited because my original photo was created by photoshop software. they asked me to email them the original one, but the truth is, after i took that photo, i used photoshop to enhance the colour and then override the original file, so not it seems that i kind of "lost" the original one. sighz...it's ok, never mind, life has been bad, and it cant go anything worse than that can it? unless it continues that i fail tmr's math paper, and nxt tues's NUSH3, if it really happens that way. i will make sure i kill myself. kill myself, and make sure i die, and be completely dead, not to be rescued by anyone, not parents, not friends, not teachers, not doctors. im really tired of living, i juz need that one little tiny push and that's it. i will collapse, and im seeing the end of my life approaching, it's really near, ending our own lives is not really a sin, different people have different tolerance level, and mine is certainly limited, and im a rubber band that's being stretched too hards...way too hard....
Sunday, April 15, 2007
sadness carried forward...
So it's been 2 days since the pw result's release, and here i am, seating in front of my computer screen, still, thinking, about, life.
many things happened in these few days, yes, but im oblivious to all of them. i kind of gave up in everything. it's just that, i dun feel like doing anything. Life hasnt been hard for me for the past 19 years. Since PSLE, to Olevels till now. Things havent been extremely smooth and nice but, no big disappointments. And perhaps, it's the reason why i havent been really serious in thinking about life.
i was born in a family that's not extremely rich but enough to satisfy me, provide me with almost all that i want. But guess im not really the kind of kid who indulges in material life and so i believe i did not add too much pressure to my parents. And, on top of all, im the only child. which means...naturally i get everything my parents earn.
But that's all on the surface, everything looks nice on the surface, i look all sunny and happy on the surface too. who the hell gives a freaking damn about how i really feel? all my parents wants is just fame, and so im supposed to be the tool for them to reach a greater height, so since young, im subjected to their scrutiny. I started going for English lesson at the age of 3, chinese painting lesson at the age of 5, ballet lesson at 6, dining etiquette lesson at 6...i started reading Mao's simple autobiographies at the age of 6...when other kids are playing, im staying at home learning communist theories. My parents just have this perception that their kid has to be the best kid in the world. Championing in every aspect. when they see their friends' kids playing roller blade, they bought it for me, when im only like 8 years old...and when other kids were happily having fun blading, im forced to blade in circles and my parents or their subordinates will count how many rounds i completed for the day. Same for ice-skating and swimming. For ice skating, i was enrolled in the figure skating class, and at a very young age u see me having bruises everywhere due to intensive trainings. and swimming, i hated it because im only allowed to swim in striaght lines, and they'll count the laps...
my parents really only cares about results, they dun give a fucking shit about how i feela and how much efforts i put in, they only want to see the results. and the same applies to the society. looking back to the 18 years what i lived, im really a pathetic kid, teenage. i never really lived my own life at all except for the part that involved art. but even that little bit of passion is wearing away because of the nj art tchers who never fail to discourage and disappoint me every single lesson.
Now i feel that im like a walking skeleton without a soul. floating...everywhere without a purpose, a direction, a motive....and im really sad. people just take me as a spoilt kid, pampered, bad tempered, irrational, stubborn, a mugger who only cares about marks and results. no one, no one, tries to understand me, no one tries to see from my perspective. how i was shaped by my environment, really, i was broken and bent and not even one sympathetic soul somes and give me a bit of warmth..
i have to say sorry to my close friends, because i might have been really a bad friend all along...i have too many problems on my own that i didnt really try to understand you all...but...im really...sighz....let's just try to live, try to survive...try...
many things happened in these few days, yes, but im oblivious to all of them. i kind of gave up in everything. it's just that, i dun feel like doing anything. Life hasnt been hard for me for the past 19 years. Since PSLE, to Olevels till now. Things havent been extremely smooth and nice but, no big disappointments. And perhaps, it's the reason why i havent been really serious in thinking about life.
i was born in a family that's not extremely rich but enough to satisfy me, provide me with almost all that i want. But guess im not really the kind of kid who indulges in material life and so i believe i did not add too much pressure to my parents. And, on top of all, im the only child. which means...naturally i get everything my parents earn.
But that's all on the surface, everything looks nice on the surface, i look all sunny and happy on the surface too. who the hell gives a freaking damn about how i really feel? all my parents wants is just fame, and so im supposed to be the tool for them to reach a greater height, so since young, im subjected to their scrutiny. I started going for English lesson at the age of 3, chinese painting lesson at the age of 5, ballet lesson at 6, dining etiquette lesson at 6...i started reading Mao's simple autobiographies at the age of 6...when other kids are playing, im staying at home learning communist theories. My parents just have this perception that their kid has to be the best kid in the world. Championing in every aspect. when they see their friends' kids playing roller blade, they bought it for me, when im only like 8 years old...and when other kids were happily having fun blading, im forced to blade in circles and my parents or their subordinates will count how many rounds i completed for the day. Same for ice-skating and swimming. For ice skating, i was enrolled in the figure skating class, and at a very young age u see me having bruises everywhere due to intensive trainings. and swimming, i hated it because im only allowed to swim in striaght lines, and they'll count the laps...
my parents really only cares about results, they dun give a fucking shit about how i feela and how much efforts i put in, they only want to see the results. and the same applies to the society. looking back to the 18 years what i lived, im really a pathetic kid, teenage. i never really lived my own life at all except for the part that involved art. but even that little bit of passion is wearing away because of the nj art tchers who never fail to discourage and disappoint me every single lesson.
Now i feel that im like a walking skeleton without a soul. floating...everywhere without a purpose, a direction, a motive....and im really sad. people just take me as a spoilt kid, pampered, bad tempered, irrational, stubborn, a mugger who only cares about marks and results. no one, no one, tries to understand me, no one tries to see from my perspective. how i was shaped by my environment, really, i was broken and bent and not even one sympathetic soul somes and give me a bit of warmth..
i have to say sorry to my close friends, because i might have been really a bad friend all along...i have too many problems on my own that i didnt really try to understand you all...but...im really...sighz....let's just try to live, try to survive...try...
Friday, April 13, 2007
Friday the 13th...disaster for me.
sighz...normally i dun believe in this kind of thing but now...im really very very very very very suay.
Got back PW result...i got a C! can you believe it! a C! all that hardwork and all those tears and all i get is a C! well...i saw my class people crying, apparently my whole class didnt do well as there's only 2 As and the rest are all Bs and Cs. My whole entire group got C...ha ha ha ha...and wonder why am i not crying? guess i've really grown up, i've finally come to realise the futility of crying...tears sometimes can relieve you from sadness, but they do not solve the problem and get you into any better situations.
Another reason why i didnt really feel very hurt was that i know i've done my best, i did the video, i did the powerpoint. it is the grp work part that pulled me down, i had very good comments for my individual part...so....my grp has 4 ppl, 1 is considering of going overseas sometime soon and the other is already overseas since this Jan. So...they did not put in effort in PW at all, so we were like, operating on a 2 persons basis...
Well...but somehow...i really do feel sad...very very very sad...it's really unfair! somewhere deep in my heart is screaming out this. It's really unfair! sighz...but...im no longer that naive, the world is never fair, is it??
well...and i juz received my NUS H3 result, a B. well, not bad but definitely not good enough. sighz...im really really not good enough. sometimes i really do feel im just a piece of shit!
Got back PW result...i got a C! can you believe it! a C! all that hardwork and all those tears and all i get is a C! well...i saw my class people crying, apparently my whole class didnt do well as there's only 2 As and the rest are all Bs and Cs. My whole entire group got C...ha ha ha ha...and wonder why am i not crying? guess i've really grown up, i've finally come to realise the futility of crying...tears sometimes can relieve you from sadness, but they do not solve the problem and get you into any better situations.
Another reason why i didnt really feel very hurt was that i know i've done my best, i did the video, i did the powerpoint. it is the grp work part that pulled me down, i had very good comments for my individual part...so....my grp has 4 ppl, 1 is considering of going overseas sometime soon and the other is already overseas since this Jan. So...they did not put in effort in PW at all, so we were like, operating on a 2 persons basis...
Well...but somehow...i really do feel sad...very very very sad...it's really unfair! somewhere deep in my heart is screaming out this. It's really unfair! sighz...but...im no longer that naive, the world is never fair, is it??
well...and i juz received my NUS H3 result, a B. well, not bad but definitely not good enough. sighz...im really really not good enough. sometimes i really do feel im just a piece of shit!
nothing much to say.......
i'm tired.
the power of love...is not for me
i possess nothing but futility
be gentle to me
im just an innocent ant...
struggling to survive....
why do you have to cause me so much pain
especially at that very moment
your belated wishes...
caused
immense
pain...
it's ok.
guess im just going to live with it.
the reality of life
how sad...
accept life as what it is.
peace of the mind....
the power of love...is not for me
i possess nothing but futility
be gentle to me
im just an innocent ant...
struggling to survive....
why do you have to cause me so much pain
especially at that very moment
your belated wishes...
caused
immense
pain...
it's ok.
guess im just going to live with it.
the reality of life
how sad...
accept life as what it is.
peace of the mind....
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
FUtility and Dilemma
Sometimes i really do feel that i've done too much for people who duno how to appreciate. Like, his birthday, i really spent a lot of time trying to find a present that suits him, and even the wrapping, i went to so many places to try to find and nice box and nice ribbons...and then...bought precious moments card for him and drew cute forever friends bear on the envelope...and all i ever got was a soft whisper of thank you and the benting of the card...seems that he din really see the amount of effort i put in. I did all these despite my geopolitics deadlines. sigh...it's really not like im really expecting something in return...but...it's just the failing of wasted efforts...and the realization of the feeling of futility. guess it's just going to continue like this.
and seriously, i'm having a dilemma right now. the choosing of photog new exco is rather difficult for me. Because...he actually wants to run for president. and well, to be really really honest, he's not a bad candidate in terms of capabilities. however...all of us agree that he's not committed. Well, on a personal level, i really do want him to be the president, i like him, and so of course i would want him to get what he wants. but...i have to be responsible to the club too. I have this feeling that if i agree to put him as the president, then...i might be making the same mistakes as the seniors last year who made li ang the vice pres....ok...let me list down the reasons why i would not support him being the pres and why would...may be it will help me to sort out my messed up brain a little bit...
DO NOT CHOOSE HIM BECAUSE:
1) He's been physically absent from the club since last yr with the excuse of having strings on the same day as photog. however, even aft ps changed it's activity day on mon. he did not appear this yr again. excuses given were, disney night, talentime and SYF...but it cant just go on and on like this, cos things will just accumulate, after this sure have that,there's no end to his strings things.
2) He's not been present in the exco meetings for most of the time except the times when we talk about CT photos which is no longer relevant now. and thus, he's not been really aware of how our exco functions and what we are doing...he kind of only relies on Si Jie's exco meeting minutes. This led him into believing that all chief photographer and chief instructor has to do is to call ppl for duty, organise outings and give critic. and thus he believes that he's done all he's needed to do as an exco member.
3) In reality, his absence resulted in ps exco practically working on a 4 or 5 ppl basis when there's supposed to be 6...
4)He's over confidence in getting the post irritates me and he's starting to form his sphere of influence by asking his friends to run for posts such as vice-pres, darkrm manager and others...which shows he's kind of a person with designs...a thought that really scares me...
5)He has too many other commitments such as saphires scholar...Star H3 programme...and strings...and studies of course...
6) He does not seem to be a photo enthusiast...as in...not really commited...not like ben...
7) Removing him means removing the whole entire bad history away...
8) he will probably not do anything to change the situation but continue to let ps remain in it's present messy state and continue this mess nxt yr...
9) He's been in ps for so long...it's time for him to give others a chance.
10) no one's keen in letting him be the pres.
CHOOSE HIM
1) he's very experienced and skilled
2) He's a nice person at least from what i know even though im starting to get all the bad things abt him
3) Ms chan loves him
4) He's capable, has leadership qualities.
5) I LIKE HIM!
okok...shall really get over this thingy and focus on my studies....whatever the case....we'll see how it goes on the day of the interview
and seriously, i'm having a dilemma right now. the choosing of photog new exco is rather difficult for me. Because...he actually wants to run for president. and well, to be really really honest, he's not a bad candidate in terms of capabilities. however...all of us agree that he's not committed. Well, on a personal level, i really do want him to be the president, i like him, and so of course i would want him to get what he wants. but...i have to be responsible to the club too. I have this feeling that if i agree to put him as the president, then...i might be making the same mistakes as the seniors last year who made li ang the vice pres....ok...let me list down the reasons why i would not support him being the pres and why would...may be it will help me to sort out my messed up brain a little bit...
DO NOT CHOOSE HIM BECAUSE:
1) He's been physically absent from the club since last yr with the excuse of having strings on the same day as photog. however, even aft ps changed it's activity day on mon. he did not appear this yr again. excuses given were, disney night, talentime and SYF...but it cant just go on and on like this, cos things will just accumulate, after this sure have that,there's no end to his strings things.
2) He's not been present in the exco meetings for most of the time except the times when we talk about CT photos which is no longer relevant now. and thus, he's not been really aware of how our exco functions and what we are doing...he kind of only relies on Si Jie's exco meeting minutes. This led him into believing that all chief photographer and chief instructor has to do is to call ppl for duty, organise outings and give critic. and thus he believes that he's done all he's needed to do as an exco member.
3) In reality, his absence resulted in ps exco practically working on a 4 or 5 ppl basis when there's supposed to be 6...
4)He's over confidence in getting the post irritates me and he's starting to form his sphere of influence by asking his friends to run for posts such as vice-pres, darkrm manager and others...which shows he's kind of a person with designs...a thought that really scares me...
5)He has too many other commitments such as saphires scholar...Star H3 programme...and strings...and studies of course...
6) He does not seem to be a photo enthusiast...as in...not really commited...not like ben...
7) Removing him means removing the whole entire bad history away...
8) he will probably not do anything to change the situation but continue to let ps remain in it's present messy state and continue this mess nxt yr...
9) He's been in ps for so long...it's time for him to give others a chance.
10) no one's keen in letting him be the pres.
CHOOSE HIM
1) he's very experienced and skilled
2) He's a nice person at least from what i know even though im starting to get all the bad things abt him
3) Ms chan loves him
4) He's capable, has leadership qualities.
5) I LIKE HIM!
okok...shall really get over this thingy and focus on my studies....whatever the case....we'll see how it goes on the day of the interview
Saturday, April 07, 2007
I've never felt so tired before...
this is a really busy week, i've been rushing out my NUS Geopolitics H3 module's Grp work and individual assignment together. How tough. now then i understand but it's a bit late. Im so super drained. These two assignments will add up to 50% of my H3 grade. How unfortunate, i have the habit of leaving everything to the last. and things just seem to pop up all the time, i dun seem to have a single day that im totally free of any assignments of cca thingys. Im juz busy.
I'm wondering why am i giving myself so much pressure, why am i taking the 2nd H3? it's really tough. and besides, juz heard from ms chan, my H3 art wrote out of point and so i did badly for it. Expected huh? ha ha, yeah, i would have said that to my friends, but deep inside, im expecting better results. well, i always appear to be indifferent to some of the things that i really take seriously.
Went for the photo outing yesterday, guess yesterday wasnt really a "good friday" for me, we celebrated his birthday, i gave him my present, i gave him my card and that's it. what saddens me was he din seem to have taken my card seriously, maybe im just being too sensitive....nah...it was a horrible day....no wonder people say the higher the expectations...the bigger the disappointment..,.sighz...
I'm wondering why am i giving myself so much pressure, why am i taking the 2nd H3? it's really tough. and besides, juz heard from ms chan, my H3 art wrote out of point and so i did badly for it. Expected huh? ha ha, yeah, i would have said that to my friends, but deep inside, im expecting better results. well, i always appear to be indifferent to some of the things that i really take seriously.
Went for the photo outing yesterday, guess yesterday wasnt really a "good friday" for me, we celebrated his birthday, i gave him my present, i gave him my card and that's it. what saddens me was he din seem to have taken my card seriously, maybe im just being too sensitive....nah...it was a horrible day....no wonder people say the higher the expectations...the bigger the disappointment..,.sighz...
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Let's just live in the illusion...
recently i have been thinking of changing my attitude towards life a bit. well, many things happened. i was flipping through my diary yesterday and i saw this:
You know sometimes I juz think that I shldnt live on this earth because it doesn’t realli suit me. I have lots of things to do but I dun have enough time. However at the same time I feel like doing nothing, this kind of contradicting thinking is often unacceptable by this society. But well, who the hell cares about that? I love to dream, just sit there and do nothing but just dream, keep on dreaming and thinking, nothing particularly interesting but just dream. Anyone’s as weird as me? Come and tell me and we might make friends together, who knows? May be I dun really need friends after all.
Wang mo 28/3/07
i think i am really a lonely girl, no matter how many friends i have, i feel as if im constantly alone. think i just couldnt allow myself to put down all my guards and accept anyone totally. Im really tired of living my life this way. I always seem to be very lively, cheerful and crazy on the outside. but no one, no one understands how sad, stressed and scared i am when facing life. I still remember my photog president once said,"dun bluff, you where got stressed? you dun look stressed, i am the one who's stressed...look, i got so much things to do, i have bio test tmr...."
so, one needs to put "i am stressed" on their face for others to see. i dun like to be like this, i do show my emotions on my face however, sometimes i really dun like to keep saying how busy i am. cos i will stress me further. no one seems to understand that actually the crazy wang mo can be busy with some serious stuff too. i have 2 H3s, i have sph things to do, i have to prepare for the coming SAT exam, i have studies to attend to, i have to start applying for overseas universities, i have 3 CCAs of which i am in the exco for 2 of them. I am not busy?? even i cant bluff myself.
people just don't seem to understand me, not that im so desperate for them to understand, i've persevered thus far, i am on a journey alone for 19 years till now, and i think im finally really getting tired of all these. i want to feel the warmth of having real friends too. i want to have someone who cares for me, i want to be together with the one i like. but why all these, which seem so easy for others to get, seemed so difficult for me to obtain? why am i always giving out and have nothing in return? i wonder....
had a very harmonious photog exco meeting on monday, though we just had a "email fight" over the weekend, everyone seemed polite to each other. i dun believe we've solved the problems but at least, we've overcame the barrier of not being able to show smiley faces, now even though im pretty pissed with li ang and jiayi, i dun really go and antagonise them like what i used to do. cos im tired, exhausted, i just want to finish up the remaining 3 more months and try to leave myself as much fond memories of this club as possible. this club has brought me too much sadness, disappointment and anger that im afraid im gona hate it in future, the only good part of it is also the sour part, the part that hurts me deep in my heart, like a knife piercing my heart, the pain is beyond my control....
my life seems to be in a mess now, my common test result was more or less like last year's but while seeing others improve and i am still at my original position saddens me. i think, it's really time for me to clear up my overflowing emotions and concentrate on some practical issues and be pragmatic. i am secretly applying PR now, i think, this is when, i am going to have my split with my parents. but i dun really care now, now i dun really care about anything very much le. i have my life to live, they have theirs, they've dictated my life for more than 19 years and it's time for me to control my own life. but somehow, im terribly scared...terribly scared...arh...im tired...so tired....
You know sometimes I juz think that I shldnt live on this earth because it doesn’t realli suit me. I have lots of things to do but I dun have enough time. However at the same time I feel like doing nothing, this kind of contradicting thinking is often unacceptable by this society. But well, who the hell cares about that? I love to dream, just sit there and do nothing but just dream, keep on dreaming and thinking, nothing particularly interesting but just dream. Anyone’s as weird as me? Come and tell me and we might make friends together, who knows? May be I dun really need friends after all.
Wang mo 28/3/07
i think i am really a lonely girl, no matter how many friends i have, i feel as if im constantly alone. think i just couldnt allow myself to put down all my guards and accept anyone totally. Im really tired of living my life this way. I always seem to be very lively, cheerful and crazy on the outside. but no one, no one understands how sad, stressed and scared i am when facing life. I still remember my photog president once said,"dun bluff, you where got stressed? you dun look stressed, i am the one who's stressed...look, i got so much things to do, i have bio test tmr...."
so, one needs to put "i am stressed" on their face for others to see. i dun like to be like this, i do show my emotions on my face however, sometimes i really dun like to keep saying how busy i am. cos i will stress me further. no one seems to understand that actually the crazy wang mo can be busy with some serious stuff too. i have 2 H3s, i have sph things to do, i have to prepare for the coming SAT exam, i have studies to attend to, i have to start applying for overseas universities, i have 3 CCAs of which i am in the exco for 2 of them. I am not busy?? even i cant bluff myself.
people just don't seem to understand me, not that im so desperate for them to understand, i've persevered thus far, i am on a journey alone for 19 years till now, and i think im finally really getting tired of all these. i want to feel the warmth of having real friends too. i want to have someone who cares for me, i want to be together with the one i like. but why all these, which seem so easy for others to get, seemed so difficult for me to obtain? why am i always giving out and have nothing in return? i wonder....
had a very harmonious photog exco meeting on monday, though we just had a "email fight" over the weekend, everyone seemed polite to each other. i dun believe we've solved the problems but at least, we've overcame the barrier of not being able to show smiley faces, now even though im pretty pissed with li ang and jiayi, i dun really go and antagonise them like what i used to do. cos im tired, exhausted, i just want to finish up the remaining 3 more months and try to leave myself as much fond memories of this club as possible. this club has brought me too much sadness, disappointment and anger that im afraid im gona hate it in future, the only good part of it is also the sour part, the part that hurts me deep in my heart, like a knife piercing my heart, the pain is beyond my control....
my life seems to be in a mess now, my common test result was more or less like last year's but while seeing others improve and i am still at my original position saddens me. i think, it's really time for me to clear up my overflowing emotions and concentrate on some practical issues and be pragmatic. i am secretly applying PR now, i think, this is when, i am going to have my split with my parents. but i dun really care now, now i dun really care about anything very much le. i have my life to live, they have theirs, they've dictated my life for more than 19 years and it's time for me to control my own life. but somehow, im terribly scared...terribly scared...arh...im tired...so tired....
Thursday, March 29, 2007
It's been so long...again
sighz....it's been so long again since i last blogged. not my fault, there's a few times that i actually felt like posting but the stupid server did not want to load, so whenever there's problem, blame the system. yeah, that's the right thing to do. Well for the past...1 months or so, many many many things happened. i went to malaysia with the sph people, made friends, shopped, had fun over there. although the living condition was....worse than bad, we managed to really have fun and laugh a lot. well...we played the "free hugs" game and it was so fun, and i found that the westeners are juz so super duper friendly laz, i love the uncles, they are really sweet and cute and everything nice!
and then...yeah...came back, had greenlink painting mural sessions, and also....common test's over. but, but, my 19th birthday was realli realli very disappointing!for this birthday, i received lots of wishes and presents and much more attention than i wanted but then only person that i really care about disappointed me so much. i dun even expect a present from him, i juz want him to wish me happy birthday and then....later...he finally gave the belated happy birthday wish, which was...a bit the too late for me. during art lesson he came over and said in a whisper"happy birthday"...what is this? why? never mind, now i've come to realise that he just takes me as a mere working partner that's all. and...even when i was sick, his care and concern came belated and mixed with work stuff. fine then. im just so disappointed, somewhere in my body aches...i think it's the heart.
and then, almost immediately, i fell sick on the next day. really sick. fever all the time and then followed by gastric flu. i thought i was going to die, really, it really feels sucks when one gets sick, i've never been so sick for a long time already, and i wonder if is it because im getting old or just because i was too tired, exhausted and stressed or may be im just too disappointed by him on monday? i duno, well, life's damn sad, and the saddest part is that life chooses us and not we choose life. sighz....
and then...yeah...came back, had greenlink painting mural sessions, and also....common test's over. but, but, my 19th birthday was realli realli very disappointing!for this birthday, i received lots of wishes and presents and much more attention than i wanted but then only person that i really care about disappointed me so much. i dun even expect a present from him, i juz want him to wish me happy birthday and then....later...he finally gave the belated happy birthday wish, which was...a bit the too late for me. during art lesson he came over and said in a whisper"happy birthday"...what is this? why? never mind, now i've come to realise that he just takes me as a mere working partner that's all. and...even when i was sick, his care and concern came belated and mixed with work stuff. fine then. im just so disappointed, somewhere in my body aches...i think it's the heart.
and then, almost immediately, i fell sick on the next day. really sick. fever all the time and then followed by gastric flu. i thought i was going to die, really, it really feels sucks when one gets sick, i've never been so sick for a long time already, and i wonder if is it because im getting old or just because i was too tired, exhausted and stressed or may be im just too disappointed by him on monday? i duno, well, life's damn sad, and the saddest part is that life chooses us and not we choose life. sighz....
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Revision...........
sighz....revision revision and revision, today is the first study day for march common test and im so damn screwed....mr Tsang didnt reply me sms asking for consultation...whatever, like it will be useful like that, it's juz to make me feel better, im juz trying to fool myself by telling myself that" hey, you've tried, u even asked for consultation! too bad you dont score...not ur fault........."
I'm a bloody failure, sighz.....hist....Ms Oon says my structure, content, thesis...everything got problem, int. hist all the middle east thingy...oh gosh...im gona die for hist...
sighz....
came across this at youtube...the funny part is when u see someone who resembles our dear photog president...sliding past the camera...:P
I'm a bloody failure, sighz.....hist....Ms Oon says my structure, content, thesis...everything got problem, int. hist all the middle east thingy...oh gosh...im gona die for hist...
sighz....
came across this at youtube...the funny part is when u see someone who resembles our dear photog president...sliding past the camera...:P
Sunday, February 18, 2007
CNY...where's my CNY?
sighz...another chinese new yr, that, doesnt belong to me. I think, in my memory...my last real chinese new year stopped in the year of 1999. it's the last one that i spent in beijing, and so was the last one which i felt chinese new year is really something like a festival. the CNY in singapore are always like any other days in my life, nothing special at all. I felt as if im the 3rd party...watching people busy preparing for their festival...without feeling...kind of numb to this..like...whenever people tell me,"heyz...mo, chinese new year coming! so excited!"...then i'll be...'yar..it's coming..but so what?' ...i thought i'm fully integrated into this society but actually, im wrong, i still feel i dont belong here, but sadly, i dont feel i belong to beijing either, this few yrs when go back to beijing, it seemed to get more and more foreign each yr...ha ha ha ha ha...suddenly felt im unwanted.ha ha ha ha...never mind....
and wanted to mug today...but ended up sleeping...was quite troubled last night....
ysd while was chatting with my friend online...reached to a point of final realisation...duno if im right to describe it this way...was talking to this guy who's my very good friend...got to know him in sph and he's the sunny...cheerful...funny type....ha ha...a very pleasant guy. had a very good impression of him when we first met. but took him as a normal friend. and as time passes...we became gd friends and i start to tell him some of my secrets and problems...including me liking [the him in nj]. and he was really very nice, kept consoling me and cheering me up...a nice guy really....i thought we are just friends....
and then ysd....he told me he's attracted to me...to my character for quite a while alr. he said that we shld meet earlier, then his girlfriend wont be 'her' now and i will like him instead of [the him in nj]. i tot he was joking and said so i said,'yar...may be i shld like guys like you, more straight forward...easier for me' then he said that never mind..we can catch up now....then slowly, it kind of became clear that he's not joking. and....he asked me out. i am confused, i duno how i feel.sometimes things are so funny, i dun like such complications but nothing's simple in life. simplicity is just another form of complex ideology isnt it? sighz...so now im stuck here, duno to conitnue to 'an lian'[the him in nj] which i know will definitely end up still as 'an lian' cos he'll never like me, but at least, im quite sure i like him, have very strong feelings towards him...or shld i accept the other guy, at least, if i do that, i find one who likes me more than i like him, and, it might well be developed into a 2 way relationship cos i can slowly cultivate feelings towards him. but the qn is, is it fair to him? can love be cultivated? can we really catch up the 'lost time'?
i dun want to react too fast, cos i've used to be a passive partner in several relationships and the sense of guilt follows. and this case is kind of special, cos it's not at all arranged by my parents...and..he was my friend initially...friendship....sometimes can be more impt than love and probably it's the very reason why i dun want to tell [the nj him] that i like him, cos it ruins the friendship...when the purity in friendship diminishes slowly...the core of it will get rusty and slowly corrode away.....
cofusion...sadness...im trapped in all these..........
and wanted to mug today...but ended up sleeping...was quite troubled last night....
ysd while was chatting with my friend online...reached to a point of final realisation...duno if im right to describe it this way...was talking to this guy who's my very good friend...got to know him in sph and he's the sunny...cheerful...funny type....ha ha...a very pleasant guy. had a very good impression of him when we first met. but took him as a normal friend. and as time passes...we became gd friends and i start to tell him some of my secrets and problems...including me liking [the him in nj]. and he was really very nice, kept consoling me and cheering me up...a nice guy really....i thought we are just friends....
and then ysd....he told me he's attracted to me...to my character for quite a while alr. he said that we shld meet earlier, then his girlfriend wont be 'her' now and i will like him instead of [the him in nj]. i tot he was joking and said so i said,'yar...may be i shld like guys like you, more straight forward...easier for me' then he said that never mind..we can catch up now....then slowly, it kind of became clear that he's not joking. and....he asked me out. i am confused, i duno how i feel.sometimes things are so funny, i dun like such complications but nothing's simple in life. simplicity is just another form of complex ideology isnt it? sighz...so now im stuck here, duno to conitnue to 'an lian'[the him in nj] which i know will definitely end up still as 'an lian' cos he'll never like me, but at least, im quite sure i like him, have very strong feelings towards him...or shld i accept the other guy, at least, if i do that, i find one who likes me more than i like him, and, it might well be developed into a 2 way relationship cos i can slowly cultivate feelings towards him. but the qn is, is it fair to him? can love be cultivated? can we really catch up the 'lost time'?
i dun want to react too fast, cos i've used to be a passive partner in several relationships and the sense of guilt follows. and this case is kind of special, cos it's not at all arranged by my parents...and..he was my friend initially...friendship....sometimes can be more impt than love and probably it's the very reason why i dun want to tell [the nj him] that i like him, cos it ruins the friendship...when the purity in friendship diminishes slowly...the core of it will get rusty and slowly corrode away.....
cofusion...sadness...im trapped in all these..........
CNY...where's my CNY?
sighz...another chinese new yr, that, doesnt belong to me. I think, in my memory...my last real chinese new year stopped in the year of 1999. it's the last one that i spent in beijing, and so was the last one which i felt chinese new year is really something like a festival. the CNY in singapore are always like any other days in my life, nothing special at all. I felt as if im the 3rd party...watching people busy preparing for their festival...without feeling...kind of numb to this..like...whenever people tell me,"heyz...mo, chinese new year coming! so excited!"...then i'll be...'yar..it's coming..but so what?' ...i thought i'm fully integrated into this society but actually, im wrong, i still feel i dont belong here, but sadly, i dont feel i belong to beijing either, this few yrs when go back to beijing, it seemed to get more and more foreign each yr...ha ha ha ha ha...suddenly felt im unwanted.ha ha ha ha...never mind....
and wanted to mug today...but ended up sleeping...was quite troubled last night....
ysd while was chatting with my friend online...reached to a point of final realisation...duno if im right to describe it this way...was talking to this guy who's my very good friend...got to know him in sph and he's the sunny...cheerful...funny type....ha ha...a very pleasant guy. had a very good impression of him when we first met. but took him as a normal friend. and as time passes...we became gd friends and i start to tell him some of my secrets and problems...including me liking [the him in nj]. and he was really very nice, kept consoling me and cheering me up...a nice guy really....i thought we are just friends....
and then ysd....he told me he's attracted to me...to my character for quite a while alr. he said that we shld meet earlier, then his girlfriend wont be 'her' now and i will like him instead of [the him in nj]. i tot he was joking and said so i said,'yar...may be i shld like guys like you, more straight forward...easier for me' then he said that never mind..we can catch up now....then slowly, it kind of became clear that he's not joking. and....he asked me out. i am confused, i duno how i feel.sometimes things are so funny, i dun like such complications but nothing's simple in life. simplicity is just another form of complex ideology isnt it? sighz...so now im stuck here, duno to conitnue to 'an lian'[the him in nj] which i know will definitely end up still as 'an lian' cos he'll never like me, but at least, im quite sure i like him, have very strong feelings towards him...or shld i accept the other guy, at least, if i do that, i find one who likes me more than i like him, and, it might well be developed into a 2 way relationship cos i can slowly cultivate feelings towards him. but the qn is, is it fair to him? can love be cultivated? can we really catch up the 'lost time'?
i dun want to react too fast, cos i've used to be a passive partner in several relationships and the sense of guilt follows. and this case is kind of special, cos it's not at all arranged by my parents...and..he was my friend initially...friendship....sometimes can be more impt than love and probably it's the very reason why i dun want to tell [the nj him] that i like him, cos it ruins the friendship...when the purity in friendship diminishes slowly...the core of it will get rusty and slowly corrode away.....
cofusion...sadness...im trapped in all these..........
and wanted to mug today...but ended up sleeping...was quite troubled last night....
ysd while was chatting with my friend online...reached to a point of final realisation...duno if im right to describe it this way...was talking to this guy who's my very good friend...got to know him in sph and he's the sunny...cheerful...funny type....ha ha...a very pleasant guy. had a very good impression of him when we first met. but took him as a normal friend. and as time passes...we became gd friends and i start to tell him some of my secrets and problems...including me liking [the him in nj]. and he was really very nice, kept consoling me and cheering me up...a nice guy really....i thought we are just friends....
and then ysd....he told me he's attracted to me...to my character for quite a while alr. he said that we shld meet earlier, then his girlfriend wont be 'her' now and i will like him instead of [the him in nj]. i tot he was joking and said so i said,'yar...may be i shld like guys like you, more straight forward...easier for me' then he said that never mind..we can catch up now....then slowly, it kind of became clear that he's not joking. and....he asked me out. i am confused, i duno how i feel.sometimes things are so funny, i dun like such complications but nothing's simple in life. simplicity is just another form of complex ideology isnt it? sighz...so now im stuck here, duno to conitnue to 'an lian'[the him in nj] which i know will definitely end up still as 'an lian' cos he'll never like me, but at least, im quite sure i like him, have very strong feelings towards him...or shld i accept the other guy, at least, if i do that, i find one who likes me more than i like him, and, it might well be developed into a 2 way relationship cos i can slowly cultivate feelings towards him. but the qn is, is it fair to him? can love be cultivated? can we really catch up the 'lost time'?
i dun want to react too fast, cos i've used to be a passive partner in several relationships and the sense of guilt follows. and this case is kind of special, cos it's not at all arranged by my parents...and..he was my friend initially...friendship....sometimes can be more impt than love and probably it's the very reason why i dun want to tell [the nj him] that i like him, cos it ruins the friendship...when the purity in friendship diminishes slowly...the core of it will get rusty and slowly corrode away.....
cofusion...sadness...im trapped in all these..........
Saturday, February 17, 2007
little emo mo
sighz...thought that after so long, i would have gotten over him but reality proves me wrong. I think im more and more into him. the past 2 months has been exciting and tiring. I duno why, everytime i see him stressed or tired, i felt the pain. and still, as usual, i cant do much to help him. And i think, we've became closer friends. However, that does not help in anything, i am as unwilling to tell him as i used to be. even though more people got to know about it, i am determined to let him wait till the last min. i hope, this will make him feel something. ok, i am going to do my art course work, and use it to reveal my love for him to him. i bluffed him into agreeing to be my model, i know he's just being nice. and so by now i can legally make sketches of him, and do my course work freely. My course work will probably be an installation, portratying a strong girl's image but when you walk into her heart, you'll realise that she actually has this soft spot and this soft spot is him. i am going to build an environment, a big challenge for me but somehow, i feel excited to do it. tuesday i made a plaster facial cast of him, having him to make great sacrifice, cos it's definitely a very good experience having loads of liquid plaster on ur face and feel it hardening and feel the heat given out, and then later getting ur hairs plucked out together with the plaster cast. well, he's nice enough to do it for my art. thanks so much, but i think, he's just being nice and no more other things.
sigh....
and then on wed, which is vday, i asked my friend to pass him a sunflower, nicely nicely wrapped, with nice ribbons....sighz...heard from my friend that he looked very surprised but was very polite and thanked her. well, 'surprised'...i duno what it means....open ended....
sometimes i feel that im like a porcupine...really, like what mr lee said...a porcupine. but he only knew half...yes, im like a porcuppine, full of sharp,destructive spines, always ready to protect and defend myself. people see me as aggressive creature, but they fail to consider the fact that it is always the most vulnerable creature that will try desperately to find security for themselves and likewise, i am not as strong as i seem to be, not as confident, not as courageous....i am merely trying to make a safety shield for myself using the spines.... and now, i've met a guy whom im willing to do anything for him, including plucking off all my spines. With all my spines, he cant go near me, and so i plucked off my spines, one by one, trying to change myself, with the sacrifice of the very thing that i treasured...and then...i am afraid...when im finally free of any spines, exposing my flesh, most inner self, the answer that awaited for me is a 'no'. and by that time, i would have no more spines to shield me, no more castle for me to hide, no more...nothing...nothing to protect me...and then, it will be the eventual destruction of me.
silly girl, someone use to say....what will you say to a girl who's willing to be silly and be....destroyed...?
silly.............i am just, not, good enough, for.........him
sigh....
and then on wed, which is vday, i asked my friend to pass him a sunflower, nicely nicely wrapped, with nice ribbons....sighz...heard from my friend that he looked very surprised but was very polite and thanked her. well, 'surprised'...i duno what it means....open ended....
sometimes i feel that im like a porcupine...really, like what mr lee said...a porcupine. but he only knew half...yes, im like a porcuppine, full of sharp,destructive spines, always ready to protect and defend myself. people see me as aggressive creature, but they fail to consider the fact that it is always the most vulnerable creature that will try desperately to find security for themselves and likewise, i am not as strong as i seem to be, not as confident, not as courageous....i am merely trying to make a safety shield for myself using the spines.... and now, i've met a guy whom im willing to do anything for him, including plucking off all my spines. With all my spines, he cant go near me, and so i plucked off my spines, one by one, trying to change myself, with the sacrifice of the very thing that i treasured...and then...i am afraid...when im finally free of any spines, exposing my flesh, most inner self, the answer that awaited for me is a 'no'. and by that time, i would have no more spines to shield me, no more castle for me to hide, no more...nothing...nothing to protect me...and then, it will be the eventual destruction of me.
silly girl, someone use to say....what will you say to a girl who's willing to be silly and be....destroyed...?
silly.............i am just, not, good enough, for.........him
Saturday, February 10, 2007
JC2, my life....
well, it's been 2 months since im back from china, time really flies, with juz a blink of eyes and 2months of my J2 life are gone. Life in J2 is really hard, very busy, may be that's the reason why i didn't notice that time is passing. Everyday i have mountains and mountains od hw piling up. After Ms Su left, the new tcher seemed to be the kind of tcher who's very on. and so, as a result, with a hardworking tcher, u have to be 2 times more hardworking as a student. So from like having 1 assignment in every 5 months we changed to having assignments or hw for SEA hist almost every single tutorial. But luckily, international hist remained in the same pacing. and now i have 3 hrs of make up lesson for SEA every wed, i was so shocked to realise that ms Su left out on entire whole topic last yr without me realising it, she juz jumped from rise of nationalism to experimenting with parliamentry democracy. So now i know, she forgot about decolonization. fine.
and math, changed to Mr Tsung as tutorial tcher, i dont understand why the whole world is saying that he is a superb tcher. He speaks in such a monotone voice that never fails to bring me to my dreams. And, i also know that this is my yr2, so no matter how tired i am, i tried to stay awake and now, comes the catalyst, mr tsung's voice. I duno why i just have this idea that he doesnt really give a damn abt the h1 ppl. and the ms lim, a very fierce young lady, i dun like her as a person, proud, vain, but i have to admit i prefer her to mr tsung cos at least she makes me do stuff during her lect, i can proudly say that i've never wasted a single lect since the beginning of this yr.
and art, mr lee is my tutor, it's all planned out well i guess, no other tcher would be able to handle me, according to mr lee. anyway, it's pleasant to have him as my course work tcher, i couldnt imagine anyone else being my tutor, i would juz die if i get ms lu. well, mr lee is really able to make me think, and all he ever did with me for the past month is to chat with me and get to know me, he said he's very scared of me and i probably is his most challenging student since he started teaching, i duno why, but nvm, let's just see how things will turn out, will it be a disaster or a great success? either way....
and lit, still, my weakest subj, got a C during promo...ms chua...heard she's secretly evil, well, have to observer her longer to see if she's safe to get close. mr whitby became more and more temperamental, emotional, agitated, worked up, frustrated.....he shouts much more often recently, guess he just cant stand us being so superbly quiet, well, we cant help it, it's scary talking in front of him, he's juz too knowledegeable, like a dictionary. Mr Dio...funny guy, but i think too slack... i really have no idea how i am gona survive the 6hrs exam for lit, shld go and drown myself instead.
and...H3, really an eye opening experience for me, the lecturer, Dr Carls is really humorous, a cool british guy. but the course itself is really boring, geopolitics, often i've been questioning myself if i had chose the right course, cos it seemed very geog. well, since i've alr. taken it, juz hope i can get the best out of it ba. im both scared and excited.
well, life juz gets more and more busy, i've been sleeping for only averagely 4hrs per day cos i stress myself to finish all the hw which can be said as an impossible task. and, having achieved a result of BBBCC in promos, i cant let myself down for this coming march common test, i cant tolerate seeing a deproved grade, im not prepared for that, not at all, but i know im not much better than others and i've wasted my dec holi at hw being sick....so...i need to mug mug mug mug mug and mug! sigh...may be if i jump into a river, i might have some of the heat lifted from my shoulder. I cried that day, in sch, while doing my hist essay outline, i guess im juz too stressed, i felt like vomitting all the time...not that i've done anything with any guy, i juz felt im always at the boiling point, and it's soooooooooooooooo fine, stop complaining, go mug le.
and math, changed to Mr Tsung as tutorial tcher, i dont understand why the whole world is saying that he is a superb tcher. He speaks in such a monotone voice that never fails to bring me to my dreams. And, i also know that this is my yr2, so no matter how tired i am, i tried to stay awake and now, comes the catalyst, mr tsung's voice. I duno why i just have this idea that he doesnt really give a damn abt the h1 ppl. and the ms lim, a very fierce young lady, i dun like her as a person, proud, vain, but i have to admit i prefer her to mr tsung cos at least she makes me do stuff during her lect, i can proudly say that i've never wasted a single lect since the beginning of this yr.
and art, mr lee is my tutor, it's all planned out well i guess, no other tcher would be able to handle me, according to mr lee. anyway, it's pleasant to have him as my course work tcher, i couldnt imagine anyone else being my tutor, i would juz die if i get ms lu. well, mr lee is really able to make me think, and all he ever did with me for the past month is to chat with me and get to know me, he said he's very scared of me and i probably is his most challenging student since he started teaching, i duno why, but nvm, let's just see how things will turn out, will it be a disaster or a great success? either way....
and lit, still, my weakest subj, got a C during promo...ms chua...heard she's secretly evil, well, have to observer her longer to see if she's safe to get close. mr whitby became more and more temperamental, emotional, agitated, worked up, frustrated.....he shouts much more often recently, guess he just cant stand us being so superbly quiet, well, we cant help it, it's scary talking in front of him, he's juz too knowledegeable, like a dictionary. Mr Dio...funny guy, but i think too slack... i really have no idea how i am gona survive the 6hrs exam for lit, shld go and drown myself instead.
and...H3, really an eye opening experience for me, the lecturer, Dr Carls is really humorous, a cool british guy. but the course itself is really boring, geopolitics, often i've been questioning myself if i had chose the right course, cos it seemed very geog. well, since i've alr. taken it, juz hope i can get the best out of it ba. im both scared and excited.
well, life juz gets more and more busy, i've been sleeping for only averagely 4hrs per day cos i stress myself to finish all the hw which can be said as an impossible task. and, having achieved a result of BBBCC in promos, i cant let myself down for this coming march common test, i cant tolerate seeing a deproved grade, im not prepared for that, not at all, but i know im not much better than others and i've wasted my dec holi at hw being sick....so...i need to mug mug mug mug mug and mug! sigh...may be if i jump into a river, i might have some of the heat lifted from my shoulder. I cried that day, in sch, while doing my hist essay outline, i guess im juz too stressed, i felt like vomitting all the time...not that i've done anything with any guy, i juz felt im always at the boiling point, and it's soooooooooooooooo fine, stop complaining, go mug le.
Monday, December 11, 2006
arh...haha...In Beijing
well, i must say that, keeping a blog alive is quite a hard thing to do. especially for a person as lazy as me. actually, most of the time i have a lot of things to write, to say, to espress...to wadever. but then, the moment i think of typing them all out, it freaks me out. and yep...so well...anyway...i am in Beijing now. Well, not as happy as i thought myself to be. I dont know why. Last time, going back to my hometown used to be my ultimate goal for the yr. but now, it seems, like an annual...chore which im forced to do. well, i still do miss my relatives here, my grandmother, my dad(maybe) my cousins...and most importantly, the City itself, which i used to be very proud of. but now...i dont know if is it because i've grown up, i felt that, i no longer need all these people around, i no longer care so much about country pride or wadever patriotic stuff...i just want to have a place for myself, just a tiny little bit of area for myself, where i can lock myself in and...yeah....be alone for a while. Today's City is too complicated and noisy for me. Im just back for a wk and 1 days, and within these short 8 days, i have to go around entertaining my parent's friends with them, listen to them talking abt me, my future, their kids, their achievements...and all those bloody things which im never interested in. All those restaurant food...colourful but not tasty at all. And all those "Harvard", "Yale","Imperial College","Cornell" etc etc...come on! im living my life! i dont want to go to all those stupid countries. I am stupid! im neither future Harvard graduate nor future Yale graduate. im juz a pethatic little helpless kid who's struggling to get out of my prarent's control. well...hahahaha...i think im so lost now, i dun think i would want to go back to china to work, it's juz too corrupted, no matter how much i tried to bluff myself, the truth speaks. look at them, juz one night, juz one dinner, 3000 china bucks gone, and there's still many "nights" and "dinners" to come. life is juz like that. and im not used to it.
sighz...yeah...im stuck here, and...hahaha...u know? in beijing, the sun sets at ard 3pm wahahaha...and then after that then it starts to get dark...and i always wake up ard 12pm so my day is only half a day! im living half days everyday! wahahahah...sorry...i dun think im sane....never mind, im never sane. whooooaaaaa....a long entry....
sighz...yeah...im stuck here, and...hahaha...u know? in beijing, the sun sets at ard 3pm wahahaha...and then after that then it starts to get dark...and i always wake up ard 12pm so my day is only half a day! im living half days everyday! wahahahah...sorry...i dun think im sane....never mind, im never sane. whooooaaaaa....a long entry....
Sunday, December 03, 2006
heyz!
heyz people, please go to my photo web to look at my photos...he he he...do give some comments:)
http://wangmo.multiply.com/photos
http://wangmo.multiply.com/photos
NJPS exco farewell
err... i really duno wad to say liao lor, PS is really a failure club now, the senior farewell dinner is almost like, the seniors farewell for themselves. Our current exco, only jiayi and ian and li ang were there, and well, i dropped by and left pretty soon, feeling damn cheated cos aiya, my fav senior wasnt there and i think there's no point staying on, eating dinner with a bunch of seniors whom u dun really know or dun really like. They really failed in engaging us laz. SI jie, yixian all didnt go. so wad's the point for me to go? And jiayi and liang are like, old members, older generations, so they know the seniors well enough to be able to mix with them, poor ian. sighz. well...and the whole thing turned out to be like a flop and i think, ps will continue to stay in this state. sighz sighz...nxt yr im gona be an invisible exco, im not gona get involved in such a failure cca. well..i've tried, but it proved itself to be beyond hope. And...sighz...i really dun find anymore meanings staying in ps, maybe cos got si jie? well, and jiayi, but this guy, too profound to be considered as my friend. i'm always intimidated by his...actions...words, not that he purposely go and threaten me, but juz that, he's always very...unpredictable and deep...sighz...well...i've only seen him pissed for once, and that once is enough for me...until now i still feel like crying...when i thought of wad he said...sighz..well..never mind, life has to go on, juz one less friend...aiya...but a bit "she bu de" cos he's really a nice person when he's not angry...ha ha ha, very helpful guy, but never mind, i still got karen and si jie...:P
Sunday, November 19, 2006
love...it's an unpredictable thingy
逃避你
世界最遥远的一种相距中明明迷恋
然而
又不知怎向你形容
呆想
只会越盼越冷
我怎么可得到你认同
我不清楚
不太懂
世界最遥远的一种相距中
明明情深
然而
亦不敢亲切地抱拥
呆等
感觉被我断送
纵使看不清所爱面容
仍未敢伸出我手触碰
逃避你
却又期待我可跟你做情人
而用情的心
可天昏地暗
逃避你
爱是遥又远得很
而我始终不敢靠近
还是不相信能和你合衬
如果和你从没开始 我又何苦如此伤痛？
i shld get over him
im getting over him. im gona get over him, very soon, today i dun feel so much like last time alr. and i hope i will get over this, and everyone ard me is against of me liking him. and really, maybe it's really a mistake. im trying trying to hard to correct it but my heart seems to be quite rebellious...sigh...well, i think, i shldnt disappoint more people, i shld just end it. and right now, i just hope he can be very very bad to me first, then i can really get over him, right now im like, still, having like a slim hope that he might like me cos he and the other gal is like not having any progress and he might actually eventually like me and if he dun prefer me why he so good friend with me? andI THINK THESE ARE ALL BIG FAT EXCUSES THAT I FED TO MYSELF EVERYTIME THERE'S A CHANCE FOR ME TO SEE THE REALITY OF THINGS LA. and the reality is..:HE DOES NOT LIKE ME, AND TO THE MAXIMUM HE JUST TAKE ME AS A GOOD FRIEND. and i shld stop dreaming. really, you see, during outings and stuff like that, and for every time i see him, he treats me like any other person, and i shld have been clear abt it like ages ago, it's juz that i keep bluffing myself. i keep feeding myself with fake hopes...i am pathetic right? ha ha,hahahahahahahahahahaha, i've never felt so much like a failure before. as in, yes, im darn hell HURT by this entire whole thing, but not by jiayi, but by myself. he has nothing to do with all these, he's just being himself, it's me who's pushing myself towards a cliff, and if i continue moving forward, i will fall. and like wad my dad( or mr low? i forgot anway some big firgure) always says abt me, "wang mo rarely falls, but if she falls, she falls hard". yeah i think im doing injustice to both him me myself. i deserve better right? i really wana find a person who likes me too, it's ok that i like him more than he likes me, but it's not ok that i like him but he doesnt like me. ha ha ha ha, im juz dreaming laz, jiayi will never like me, never ever. ha ha ha ha. i duno, we can talk very long on msn, we can laugh together, can have fun together but he doesnt like me, and love cant be forced. well, ha ha ha, this might be the first and last time im gona be madly in love, ha ha, maybe when im totally over him, i can tell him abt it, like saying a joke....ha ha...but not now, i know, i still like him, but i also know, i shld get over him. sigh, i really hope i dun need to see him ever again. really, hopefully nxt yr i can go us or uk soon, really soon, and i will never come back to spore, i will never ever gg to see him again. sigh...how? im sad...today's outing, really proved to me that hey, he's so happy. and hey, why im not happy? it's time for me to forget abt him, and get on to another chapter of my life....
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
...
| You Are a Sensitive Kisser |
 For you, kissing is a way to connect And you need lot of care, attention, and privacy It may take you a while to kiss someone... But when you do, it's total fireworks |
| You Are Sophisticated Sexy |
 You're a classy woman, and you carry yourself with grace. Most men are in awe of you, and even a bit intimidated by you. You always make sure you're looking great, from head to toe. And your charm and wit gets you on the good side of everyone you meet. |
| You Are Friends With Potential |
 There's a little spark going on here, no question about it Will this develop into a hot romance? Look to your guy friend for clues. Does he flirt with all his female friends? Or are you an exception? If he's giving you special treatment, you've won a part of his heart already. |
| You Are A Relationship Doormat! |
 Surprise, you ruin relationships. Bet you didn't see that one coming :-) While you're a nice, understanding, and caring girlfriend - you don't put your needs first. And deep down, it's probably because you worry about getting dumped. So speak up for yourself, weed out the losers sooner, and you'll find a guy that *deserves* you. |
| You Are 50% Scary |
 You're a pretty normal, nice girl... but you definitely have your scary moments. As long as you acknowledge them and apologize, you'll probably keep your guy around. |
| The Keys to Your Heart |
 You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell. You'd like to your lover to think you are flexible and ready for anything! You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. |
| You Should Get a MBA (Masters of Business Administration) |
 You're a self starter with a drive for success. You'd make a great entrepreneur. |
| Your Love Style is Agape |
 You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner. Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare. You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie. Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you. For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love. |
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
what kind of person am i?
Your Social Anxiety Level: 8%
You have low social anxiety.You don't have any social anxiety. In fact, you love being social.You're well adjusted and likely quite outgoing. Your social skills put others at ease.
Are You Socially Anxious?
You Are A Romantic
You life your life like a fairy tale... or at least you try to.Living for magical moments, you believe there's only one true love for you.Love is the most important thing in your life, and you don't take it for granted.Your perfect match loves to be in love as much as you do!
Are You Romantic or Realistic?
You Are Somewhat Honest
You do tend to tell the truth a lotBut you also stretch the truth on occasionYou figure a little lie isn't a big dealAs long as it doesn't hurt anyone too much!
How Honest Are You?
How You Are In Love
You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.You tend to take more than give in relationships.You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.
How Are You In Love?
You Are 72% Cynical
You're a full blown cynic... and probably even skeptical of these results.You have your optimistic moments, but most likely you keep them to yourself.
How Cynical Are You?
Your Dominant Intelligence is Spatial Intelligence
You've got a good sense of space and how the world around you looks.You can close your eyes and "see" images. You have innate artistic talent.An eye for color and shapes, you're also a natural designer.Since you think in pictures, visual aids and demonstartions help you learn best.You would make a good navigator, sculptor, visual artist, inventor, architect, interior designer, or engineer.
What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?
Your Personality Cluster is Extraverted Sensing
You are:A true admirer of beauty and artSomeone who seeks out variety and adventureNot interested in status or material wealthAble to act wisely without stopping to think
What's Your Personality Cluster?
Your Power Level is: 81%
You have all the tools you need to be a success - both professionally and personally.You'll probably go beyond reaching your goals. You'll change the world (at least a little).
How Powerful Are You?
Your Envy Quotient: 44%
You are an envious person, but only at times.Perhaps certain situations trigger your envy. Or maybe you're especially jealous when you're feeling insecure.Instead of letting that green monster out, work on making your own life better.And then maybe people will be envious of you.
How Much Envy Do You Have?
You Are Impressionism
You think the world is quite beautiful, especially if you look at it in new and interesting ways.You tend to focus on color and movement in art.For you, seeing the big picture is much more important than recording every little detail.You can find inspiration anywhere... especially from nature.
What Art Movement Are You?
Your Career Type: Enterprising
You are engertic, ambitious, and sociable.Your talents lie in politics, leading people, and selling things or ideas.You would make an excellent:Auctioneer - Bank President - Camp DirectorCity Manager - Judge - LawyerRecreation Leader - Real Estate Agent - Sales PersonSchool Principal - Travel Agent - TV NewscasterThe worst career options for your are investigative careers, like mathematician or architect.
What's Your Ideal Career?
Your Love Element Is Earth
In love, you have consistency and integrity.For you, love is all about staying grounded and centered.You attract others with your zest for life and experiences.Your flirting style is defined by setting the scene, creating a unique moment in time.Steady progress and stability are the cornerstones of your love life.You may take things too slowly, but you never put your heart at risk.You connect best with: FireAvoid: WoodYou and another Earth element: need each other too much to build a good foundation
What Element Is Your Love?
Your Love Life Secrets Are
Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love.You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt.You want to be with someone who's a success. A person with the right job, right family, right clothes...In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.
Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed
You Are 60% Weird
You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right?But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!
How Weird Are You?
You Are An ISTP
The MechanicYou are calm and collected, even in the most difficult of situations.A person of action and self-direction, you love being independent.To outsiders yous eem impulsive, surprising, and unpredictable.You are good at understanding how all things work, except for people.You would make an excellent pilot, forensic pathologist, or athlete.
What's Your Personality Type?
What Your Sleeping Position Says
You are confident and ready to tackle life.You are pretty vain and happy with your physical appearance.You are born to be the center of attention, and you're unhappy on the sidelines.You're always up for trying something new - in and out of bed!
those that are in bold and other colours are the things that i find ...most like me...and actually others are wuite like me too...this is quite accurate...hmmm....
You have low social anxiety.You don't have any social anxiety. In fact, you love being social.You're well adjusted and likely quite outgoing. Your social skills put others at ease.
Are You Socially Anxious?
You Are A Romantic
You life your life like a fairy tale... or at least you try to.Living for magical moments, you believe there's only one true love for you.Love is the most important thing in your life, and you don't take it for granted.Your perfect match loves to be in love as much as you do!
Are You Romantic or Realistic?
You Are Somewhat Honest
You do tend to tell the truth a lotBut you also stretch the truth on occasionYou figure a little lie isn't a big dealAs long as it doesn't hurt anyone too much!
How Honest Are You?
How You Are In Love
You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.You tend to take more than give in relationships.You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.
How Are You In Love?
You Are 72% Cynical
You're a full blown cynic... and probably even skeptical of these results.You have your optimistic moments, but most likely you keep them to yourself.
How Cynical Are You?
Your Dominant Intelligence is Spatial Intelligence
You've got a good sense of space and how the world around you looks.You can close your eyes and "see" images. You have innate artistic talent.An eye for color and shapes, you're also a natural designer.Since you think in pictures, visual aids and demonstartions help you learn best.You would make a good navigator, sculptor, visual artist, inventor, architect, interior designer, or engineer.
What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?
Your Personality Cluster is Extraverted Sensing
You are:A true admirer of beauty and artSomeone who seeks out variety and adventureNot interested in status or material wealthAble to act wisely without stopping to think
What's Your Personality Cluster?
Your Power Level is: 81%
You have all the tools you need to be a success - both professionally and personally.You'll probably go beyond reaching your goals. You'll change the world (at least a little).
How Powerful Are You?
Your Envy Quotient: 44%
You are an envious person, but only at times.Perhaps certain situations trigger your envy. Or maybe you're especially jealous when you're feeling insecure.Instead of letting that green monster out, work on making your own life better.And then maybe people will be envious of you.
How Much Envy Do You Have?
You Are Impressionism
You think the world is quite beautiful, especially if you look at it in new and interesting ways.You tend to focus on color and movement in art.For you, seeing the big picture is much more important than recording every little detail.You can find inspiration anywhere... especially from nature.
What Art Movement Are You?
Your Career Type: Enterprising
You are engertic, ambitious, and sociable.Your talents lie in politics, leading people, and selling things or ideas.You would make an excellent:Auctioneer - Bank President - Camp DirectorCity Manager - Judge - LawyerRecreation Leader - Real Estate Agent - Sales PersonSchool Principal - Travel Agent - TV NewscasterThe worst career options for your are investigative careers, like mathematician or architect.
What's Your Ideal Career?
Your Love Element Is Earth
In love, you have consistency and integrity.For you, love is all about staying grounded and centered.You attract others with your zest for life and experiences.Your flirting style is defined by setting the scene, creating a unique moment in time.Steady progress and stability are the cornerstones of your love life.You may take things too slowly, but you never put your heart at risk.You connect best with: FireAvoid: WoodYou and another Earth element: need each other too much to build a good foundation
What Element Is Your Love?
Your Love Life Secrets Are
Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love.You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt.You want to be with someone who's a success. A person with the right job, right family, right clothes...In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.
Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed
You Are 60% Weird
You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right?But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!
How Weird Are You?
You Are An ISTP
The MechanicYou are calm and collected, even in the most difficult of situations.A person of action and self-direction, you love being independent.To outsiders yous eem impulsive, surprising, and unpredictable.You are good at understanding how all things work, except for people.You would make an excellent pilot, forensic pathologist, or athlete.
What's Your Personality Type?
What Your Sleeping Position Says
You are confident and ready to tackle life.You are pretty vain and happy with your physical appearance.You are born to be the center of attention, and you're unhappy on the sidelines.You're always up for trying something new - in and out of bed!
those that are in bold and other colours are the things that i find ...most like me...and actually others are wuite like me too...this is quite accurate...hmmm....
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Youth for Environment talk...greenlink...
hahaha...nice right? i like the water droplets....haha...sat went for the "youth for Environment forum" thingy at national library...saw Grant and grace and junying and ...aiya...the usual faces. personally i feel that the forum itself is not very well prepared, the speakers also...either read off from prepared scripts or some even can see that he or she never prepare at all. nothing very fruitful came out...well...but NJC Greenlink was mentioned quite a few times, we were really seen by the leaders of Singaopore's Enviro organisations as one of the leading green clubs in schools. that's really something to be proud of, and true enough, we've juz got our sustained achievement award (lotus) for Green Audit, the most prestigious award given to sch green clubs..3 consecutive years....we are pro laz! hahaha, and Mr Loh's name was mentioned too! hahaha, so sad he's not there...hahaha...
and but...i did "bring back" smth hm, ahhahaha, cos i was early when i reached National lib, and so i went ard taking photos, and it so happened that they were watering the plants ard the place, and i think i got quite a few really good photos...hehehehe
Jane Goodall's talk...wow
took this photo near the art block 2nd floor...when i came out from darkrm...never thought nj could be so beautiful too..........
this is the photo i took...went all the way to the front...with all the pro uncle photographers
err...me...asking questions...err...not a vrey intelligent move...hahaha, the day before yesterday i went to listen to Doctor Jane Goodall's talk. Jane Goodall is the world's foremost authority on chimpanzees, having closely observed their behavior for the past quarter century in the jungles of the Gombe Game Reserve in Africa, living in the chimps' environment and gaining their confidence. wahahaha, got to know about it through greenlink. And at first when i first heard of this, i was so amazed that the government actually picked NJC instead of other top JCs like HCJC or RJC. anyway, our principal mrs cheng must have tried...err..very hard...REALLY VERY HARD to get Doc Goodall here. and well, we did lose a bit of face becos of the lousy sound system, first there's the nonstopping "tick" sound which led to Doc Goodall's humurous comment :" are you sure it is not a bomb?" wahaha, a cool little old British woman. Marvelous! and then later, when i went up to ask questions, the microphone failed to produce any sound, wad a flop...sigh...and then i have to go all the way to the front to ask her the question. I asked about corruption in Africa, and clearly, she's not at all very happy with my special interest in African corruptions and went on to claim that there's corruptions everywhere, including the richest country on Earth...which...of course, she meant the States. But wad i am thinking about is that, the African governments in Zambia... and Congo and many others are really corrupted to an extent that their own people can be dying out there, due to things as basic as hunger and they themselves can enjoy luxuries such as buying diamonds, gemstones...it's not like the case of china or US where at least, the standard of living has raised or is rising....wadever...nvm... okay, and after asking the question, finally i cant stop the urge...ever since the "quit photog" incident, i have developed this problem...called the "camera phobia", i duno why, just very scared of holding the huge black SLR...then the day before yesterday i smsed jiayi and asked if anyone's taking photo for the talk and he said no. and then...it is when i start to have this dilemma of whether i should go and take photos, cos i might need them for my report but i really dun wana touch cameras right now. So on that day, i went to darkrm and took a nikon cam, i passed it to my senior junying and asked him to take photos, but then he didnt dare to go the the very front together with all photographers from straitstime and sph...so ended up..Doc Goodall's face appeared very small...sigh...then in the end, i juz dashed down with the camera, din care if mrs cheng or whoever is looking at me, at that time the only thing in my mind was"to get nice photos" and in the end, yes i did, though LT5 was quite dark, the lighting is really horrible, i had to use ISO800 and shutterspeed 40...i cant compromise the shutterspeed any furthur cos actually, i should keep it no lower than 60 to prevent hand shake...but nvm...ISO 800...i was so scared that the photos will turn out very grainy but in the end...aft i upload them in darkrm, they appeared to be ok...thank god...and i overcame my "camera phobia"! wahaha ...
and yeah...im a bit worried abt jiayi, he told me he's damn stressed out these few days...on the brink of collapse...it's really quite worrying because he's not a guy who will show his weaknesses or exhuastion easily. and he doesnt like to share his problems and since he dun like it, i wont ask him...but maybe i shld write an encouraging letter to him...yeah...and that's all...afterall im not supposed to be the one who's doing the "most" for him, haha, leave that to his "sweetheart", i think he needs her much more than he needs my help. yeah...but as a friend...im really quite worried, hope he can pull himself together and not be so stressed... :)
Sunday, October 29, 2006
我们之间什么都没有。。。什么都没有。。。没有。。
他和她之间有着那么多，有着属于他们的故事，属于他们的记忆，属于他们的许许多多的第一次，属于他们的许许多多的约定。如果是我先遇到他那该有多好。。他对她真得很深情。。。他为她付出的是无悔的等待。。。我为他付出的却是无悔的成全。她永远是他眼中的女神，而他也永远是我眼中的王子，可是我自己，却又是谁眼中的另一半呢？我和他之间又有些什么呢？我们之间什么都没有，什么都没有，没有没有没有！
如果说让我流泪和那唯一能让我停止哭泣的人是同一个人。。。我该怎么办？
如果说让我流泪和那唯一能让我停止哭泣的人是同一个人。。。我该怎么办？
it's over :)
hehehehe...i think, im finally over him, we are juz friends now, nothing more than friends. and i am perfectly okay now! yes im okay!
Monday, October 23, 2006
Ubin trip again...haha
grp photo again! hahaha...greenlink is juz a big happy family! smiles!:)
Im standing at a very dangerous place...really...at the back of the boat...but it's really cool to let the wind blow ur hair and it juz feel like "wow, i own the world" like that...coolzzz!!
haha...funny photo of mr heah again...i duno why...everytime i take his photo he turned put to be very funny looking...:P
yucks...cos it's gg to rain...so this extrmely long earthworm came out...i screamed when i saw it...then everyone laughed at me again! shit laz!
yaryar...this is the extremely huge caterpilla we saw last sunday in Ubin...scary!
the cocoon of the caterpilla that we saw last sunday...so amazing!
I think they are called the "staining bugs" or something, somehow, they stain the cottons...ha
the dog is eating my notessss!!!!!
i saw the toad while on my way hm...got frightened first...but later i decided to take a photo...photography helped me to overcome my fears...hehehe
Nature is juz cruel, no one can deny that...went Pulau Ubin again...i did a horrible job while trying to introduce people to Artemisia, i did research but apparently, not very enough...never mind...shall do again. And i got another research to do....on Ubin's late village head Mr Lim Chye Joo who just passed away recently at the age of 101....
and yeah...mr heah and mr loh went there too, mr heah is very weird but i always think he dun like me. Cos i think my "rudeness" he cant take it ba. i dun really care, cos i also cant really take his weirdness.
and...karen, agnes, hankiet(spell wrongly i think...sorry) and i ate at Subway...it was very funny, we, the 3 girls, first time there, then we duno how to order...then very embarrassing, but hankiet is very nice, he helped us, but the waiter kept laughing at us...then later we met junying...haha...very funny...we juz kept laughing and laughing lazzzzz...until...hahaha...nvm...i think greenlink is really nice...going out with friends is really the most enjoyble thing on earth man!
对不起，我爱你-爱上你等于爱上寂寞......
谁能修补我已破碎了的心？
昨天和他聊天，终于从他口中得知他真的喜欢另一个女孩子。他说他很喜欢她，只是那女孩并不喜欢他。他曾经尝试告白，但失败了。不知为什么，当时虽然我心里好难过，但我却一直安慰他，告诉他不能放弃，要继续加油，时间久了，那女孩会发现他的好。我不知道那女孩是谁，但我想一定很优秀，不然他不会被她所吸引。只是，看到他伤心我的心也好痛。也许他不知道，虽然对这个世界来讲他只是一个人，但对我来说他可能就是整个世界。。。我没有告诉他我喜欢他。我不想在他已疲惫的心上再加任何负担。我只是想默默地陪着他。。。他对我说，他很喜欢和我交心，他信任我，他向我诉说许许多多的烦恼。。。我只是默默地听着。。。默默地陪着他。。。他说他和我讲话很开心。。。有我这个朋友真好。。。我没有回答，只是回报了一个淡淡的微笑，他看不到我的微笑。。。更看不到我微笑背后的泪水。。。现在才知道。。。原来泪水不但很咸，也，很苦。。。不过我明白，爱是付出而不是回报。。。我愿意以个人付出，一个人伤心，一个人体会寂寞。。。为他付出的那种伤心他永远不会了解。。。
所以，以后只要能远远地看着他的背影，我就会知足了，喜欢他不代表要去拥有他。他的快乐才是最重要的，即便他的快乐需要建立在我的痛苦上，我也会义无反顾地去为他而痛苦。只要他开心就好。他喜欢我做他的朋友，那么我就去做他的朋友，在他身边帮助他。而如果有一天，当他不再需要我的帮助，我会默默地离去，不留一丝痕迹。因为，只要他快乐就好。要他幸福，所以我放手。。爱情的精华也许就在于为了我爱的人而牺牲自己的幸福。只要他能幸福就好。未必永远才是爱的完全，一个人的成全好过三个人兜圈圈。我只有一句：“不后悔的成全”， 我祝福他能找到自己的幸福。
受了伤，伤口不断在流血，但我依然坚强。爱上他等于爱上了寂寞，但这是我的选择！对他，我感到好抱歉，想对他说：“对不起，我爱你！对不起对不起对不起对不起对不起对不起对不起对不起！”
可是。。。为什么。。心好痛?
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Today is a wonderful day!
wahahaha...SINGAPORE BIENNALE 2006! I am hereeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!That is sijie...walking on one of the works...hehehe
This is one of the works...in SAM...isn't scary? i think it is horrifying la!
sijie took a snap at me when i was smsing him, she said that i really look like a woman in love when im smsing him....wad de rubbish...i look NORMAL!
sometimes...SAM can be quite a romantic palce as well...at night maybe...
an artistic shot i got from the fountain at National Art Museum...wahahaha.
haha...im really very happy today. In the afternoon sijie and I and the art class went to see Singapore Biennale at Singapore Museum and Singapore Art Museum. The works there are quite scary, morbid and some are...really disgusting...eh...yeah. I remember there's one work, video, called "the last supper" or something, it's about the last meal for people who are going to be executed, wad they desire to eat before they die, how they treat this issue of "last supper" over the centuries. It was pretty thought provoking but...some parts are disgusting, like...got one part it says that a king survived an attempt of an assassination and then he captured his assasin and his entire family, executed all of them except his eldest daughter, he locked her in a place and tortured her, he odered people to slice off thin pieces of meat from her everyday and then force her to eat her very own meat...err...yucks. well...sometimes...i duno why...i know all these works are very..."deep". as in, they are really conceptual and are able to make you think, but i just couldn't agree with the way they present their ideas. Really, i've been to Tanglin Camp and saw the other works too, and my impression was that they all try to use very extreme ways to "shock" their audience into identifying with their aims or at least, the audience will take a second look. All these just make me feel that our world is no longer normal, people have to use weird, scary means or even extreme measures to communicate with others. why cant we talk, pass on messages in a nice way? why cant we voice our objections, our opinions in a peaceful and gentle manner? sigh...21st century, what has technology, advancement and science brought to us?--the degeneration of human beings. Yes, they do improve our lives, greatly. But, why dehumanise us, they made us less than who we are. They influenced us, they are in control of our world now, not us, imagine the world without machines, can we still survive? think about it, i think im completely destroyed by all these things. THINGS.
ok...yeah, anyway...put that serious topic aside, i smsed him throughout my trip to the museums till dinner time. Apparently his duty was very very boring. haha, he was complaining. anyway...sijie kept teasing me, and then later, i duno if it's because im too involved in "thinking about him", i toppled a whole tray of food, which includes both sijie's and my food. (we ate at burger King :)) ...shit laz, and then xinni, vic, ruifan, winnie and sijie kept teasing me, and words like "flower", "diamond" and wadever...fly ard my head. I was really embarrassed...but...it somehow, feels sweet inside.
haha..and yeah, about my promos, it's unexpectedly well done. The results are damn cool, damn good. I've never thought that i would score so well, taken into consideration that I see his face on every single sheet of paper during all my exams...amazing siah, really, he seems to be pushing force now, pushing me towards better grades. haha...very good. I got BBBCC, really damn good. At least i think so..percentiles wise...except art and hist dropped, others all improved. But hist, i drop from 96% to 71% which is quite depressing, but i want to take H3 Hist, really, and even mr low say i shld. I will try...yeh!! whahaha..and he's the first person i informed aft i got back my result, and then he replied, same as last time, he's like, always very sure that im going to score well...like he knew in advance liaoz...haha...i duno...he's more confident in me than i am in myself. well...art, math, hist got B and lit, GP got C, but my math percentile improved from 68% to 88% and GP from 57% to 67%...not bad lehz! wahaha... hope can stay in B band.
没想到时间会过得这么快，一眨眼，又一年已然要逝去。。。煞然回首。。可谓无限感慨。这一年里，失去了不少但也得到了许多，有悲伤也有喜悦。泪水中掺杂着的是幸福。只能说，我成长了，我明白，成长是需要代价的，但是，我愿意，为这无价的成长经验而付出相等的代价。我付出了，但与此同时，我也有了收获，人生中不是所有的事物都是美好的，但是，只要我能把握住那仅有的些许美好，也许，我的人生，就不会有太多的遗憾。虽然，我仍不快乐。。。人，总是要长大的。有些感觉，是要用心来体会的。虽然，我仍不快乐，但是，我已知足，毕竟，快乐在人的一生中犹如昙花一现，人们往往握不住它们，握不住快乐。然而，当我们静下心来，让心去自我发现，就能体会到，其实，美丽的并不只是快乐而已，有时候，那淡淡的一丝忧伤，会带给我们另一种回味无穷的美妙滋味。。。我，真的，知足了
Friday, October 20, 2006
i like this poem...like the feeling...
Do not stand at my grave and weep
"Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there.
I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush,
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at the grave and cry;
I am not there.
I did not die."
- anonymous
Things are happening...a bit too fast for me...(greenlink celebrate bday 4 hongyi)
grp photo with the cake! yeh! one happy family!!!:)
wahaha!!!Mr Loh...is forever funny and blur laz!!!wohohohohahaha!
Mr Heah and Mr Loh playing piano...birthday song for Hongyi...but both failed la! haha!
Hongyi's cake :)Today Greenlink meeting we celebrated Hongyi(our president)'s birthday...supposed to be together with the VP connie also but she wasn't there. Mr Loh bought the cake, it was really nice...chocolate...sometimes i duno why, though Greenlink can be a million or a billion times more peaceful and enjoyable than Photog...i juz tend to focus and concentrate more on PS...maybe because he's there?? i duno...really...but Greenlink is really really nice la...like today...when i say do weeding, then everyone helped..it's really like a family. And the tcher incharge are really nice, friendly, funny, and "can be eaily bullied". really, mr Loh is so blur but nice la, and Mr Heah also...they both tried to play the music of "happy birthday" song for Hongyi but in the end...haha...cannot make it la...very funny...
And well...many things happened and are happening right now...im juz way too busy to blog. the "me and him" thing is developing towards a direction in which i myself..dont really know where. anyway...yeah...the say before Open Day...which is last Friday. We both were in darkroom for a long long long time...i duno how long...but it's really LONG.
so we talked some really random stuff before he started introducing me to some of the funny videos he found on Youtube. i cant quite relate to them cos...yeah...i don't really grow up with such things, my father will never allow me to watch such stuff and naturally, as i grow up...i tend to not to watch such things too. but later, he showed me this MV, a song by 光良, it's about this guy telling the girl that he likes her. Suddenly im like"wow, why is he showing me this??"...i dont want to speculate on this too much but it just kept pulling me towards the thought that he might want to convey some message to me...well...i think i juz think too much laz. and then later the nxt day...aft Open Day...sijie, him and i went for dinner...at first we talked fine...but later when sijie left half way...it suddenly became awkward...we stopped talking for quite a while...sigh...irritating..then yesterday during the exco meeting...sigh...why am i always behaving weirdly in front of him? Even Mr Loh says that everytime i mention his name...i become unnatural and my tone will change...sigh...
And yeah...Promos...i've always believed that i flopped this exam...cos really,"his" face appeared on every single sheet of my question and answer paper laz...i cant concentrate at all...but then...it turned out that i did quite ok, even better than my CT...ok, cant really say better cos i havent got back GP, lit and hist but right now i have 2 Bs alr. one for art and one for math...which was really really good laz. And i promised sijie and ms chan and "him" that if i can get more 2 Bs and above, i will stay in photog..so..yeah..it seems i will be staying...duno it will be a good thing or a bad thing for me. But he got almost all As la..i feel so inferior! anyway...i juz hope...my other subj will turn out juz as fine...hist i did badly but somehow...i juz dun wana see any bad grades for hist...i want to get a C and is looking forward to a B...and Lit i think i juz want a C, GP...D and above? aiya, not so high...maybe juz a pass i will be happy alr.
sigh...why life cant be a bit simpler and easier to deal with??
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Art Promo
well, the art paper is not exactly desirable but, at least, i can still take it. I did questions on identity...again...like i said, our world today is lack of self identity, deprived of individuality.
sigh...but i think my section C is a flop, really. I got the wrong appraoch, but well, i never expected anything good, so it's ok.
Went on a date with karen, we went to DeliFrance to eat dinner, really, i feel that if im going to be left with only one friend on earth, she's gona be the one. Both of us really compliment each other's character, so well that sometimes i wonder if she's my sister. never mind, we are really best friends, we understande each other the best. DO you believe in fate? now, somehow, i feel that we are fated to be friends, destined to help each other.Friends are the family we chose for ourselves.
友情罐头
主原料：谈得来
副原料：合得来
添加物：欢笑加泪水少许
制造日期：认识你的那天起
保存期限：无限期
售价：无价！
on the bus to junction8, i smsed [him] telling him that my exam is finally over. I don't know why i want to send me such an sms, it's really quite random, as in, well, it doesn't really matter to him. but anyway, i just felt like smsing him every single details that happened in my life. And he soon replied. and our smsing continued throughout my dinner. i don't know why, i just felt so happy and excited when received his sms. he asked me if im still bent on leaving the cca, i told him yes but my heart suddenly aches...sigh...im really tortured. today in NJ photog had an exco meeting, and sijie told me she was pissed because of some ****** and *****irritating people acting as president and the puppy of the fake president. there's a useless figurehead in my cca, and it's not tolerable for me to work under him.
sigh..im really tortured by this unrequited love, sijie told me that [he] told her that he doesnt want me to leave but he told me he's ok with it. he's just irritating la.
人都是一边受伤，一边学会坚强。。。
快乐是种心情
它不在天涯
也不在海角
更无须寻找
它就在我们心中
是一种心灵感觉
缘份，是上天所赐的；
快乐，是要自己找的；
欢笑，是朋友带来的；
幸福，是靠自己争取的；
烦恼，是用智慧自解的。
sigh...but i think my section C is a flop, really. I got the wrong appraoch, but well, i never expected anything good, so it's ok.
Went on a date with karen, we went to DeliFrance to eat dinner, really, i feel that if im going to be left with only one friend on earth, she's gona be the one. Both of us really compliment each other's character, so well that sometimes i wonder if she's my sister. never mind, we are really best friends, we understande each other the best. DO you believe in fate? now, somehow, i feel that we are fated to be friends, destined to help each other.Friends are the family we chose for ourselves.
友情罐头
主原料：谈得来
副原料：合得来
添加物：欢笑加泪水少许
制造日期：认识你的那天起
保存期限：无限期
售价：无价！
on the bus to junction8, i smsed [him] telling him that my exam is finally over. I don't know why i want to send me such an sms, it's really quite random, as in, well, it doesn't really matter to him. but anyway, i just felt like smsing him every single details that happened in my life. And he soon replied. and our smsing continued throughout my dinner. i don't know why, i just felt so happy and excited when received his sms. he asked me if im still bent on leaving the cca, i told him yes but my heart suddenly aches...sigh...im really tortured. today in NJ photog had an exco meeting, and sijie told me she was pissed because of some ****** and *****irritating people acting as president and the puppy of the fake president. there's a useless figurehead in my cca, and it's not tolerable for me to work under him.
sigh..im really tortured by this unrequited love, sijie told me that [he] told her that he doesnt want me to leave but he told me he's ok with it. he's just irritating la.
人都是一边受伤，一边学会坚强。。。
快乐是种心情
它不在天涯
也不在海角
更无须寻找
它就在我们心中
是一种心灵感觉
缘份，是上天所赐的；
快乐，是要自己找的；
欢笑，是朋友带来的；
幸福，是靠自己争取的；
烦恼，是用智慧自解的。
Thursday, October 05, 2006
A Bildungsroman
Things in life can be quite funny sometimes, the moment when i step out of the examination hall, i remembered this word "Bildungsroman", i wanted to write it in my Lit essay but can't recall how to spell it.
Sigh...true, Great Expectations is a book about the life of Pip, his developments in life. From a superficial ignorant boy to a true gentleman, it took him more than 20 years to realise what is the most important thing in life. Only when he became an adult and sees the ugliness of the society did he finally understood what are the things he should treasure. Not money, not status, but the love from others. And only when you give out love, can you receive it in return. One who was not a gentleman at heart was never a gentleman in manners. In the book, Pip grows and learns...but me...after reading the book and doing the exam felt that i learned much more. Lit really is not subject for emotional people to show off their powerful language...it's a subject that requires understanding, a deep understanding of the society and the inherent flaws that exist in it. We live in a society where the advancement of technology is inversely related to the evolution of man's character and values, the more technologically advanced we are, the more dehumanised we become. Paper one was a poem, 20th century poem, which talks about the idea of dehumanisation, lack of privacy, conformity and the loss of individuality in today's society, how human can be judged like "a thing" using surveys and statistics. Im a bit disturbed by the poem... spent quite a long time thinking about the question of life in today's society and had no time to really tackle the stylistic features, i predict i might fail this lit promo exam, but...somehow, it's a nicer feeling compared to Hist...yes i didn't do well, but somewhere in my mind, it tells me that i've learnt something really important about life.
LIFE, YOU NEED WARMTH AND LOVE.
That's all, a simple idea that not many people would come to realise it until the day they lose the meaning of life, because, they throw away their love.
Mankind cannot bear very much reality...sigh....
The Poem:
The Unkown Citizen
By W.H Auden
(to JS/07 M 378 This Marble Monument Is Erected by the State)
He was found by the Bureau of Statistics to be
One against whom there was no official complaint,
And all the reports in his conduct agree
That, in the modern sense of an old-fashioned word, he was a saint,
For in everything he did he served the Greater Community.
Except for the war till the day he retired
He worked in a factory and never got fired,
But satisfied his employers, Fudge Motors Inc.
Yet he wasn't a scab or odd in his views,
For his Union reports that he paid his dues,
(our report on his Union shows it was sound)
And our Social Psychology workers found
That he was popular with his mates and liked a drink.
The Press are convinced that he bought a paper every day
And that his reactions to advertisements were normal in everyway.
Policies taken out in his name prove that he was fully insured,
And his Health-card shows he was once in a hospital but left it cured.
Both Producers Research and High-Grade Living declare
He was fully sensible to the advantages of the Instalment Plan
And had everything necessary to the Modern Man,
A phonograph, a radio, a car and a frigidaire.
Our researchers into Public Opinion are content
That he held the proper opinions for the time of yeah;
When there was peace, he was for peace: when there was war, he went.
He was married and added five children to the population,
Which our Eugenist says was the right number for a parent of his generation.
And our teachers report that he never interfered with their education.
Was he free? Was he happy? The question is absurd:
Had anything been wrong, we should certainly have heard.
Sigh...true, Great Expectations is a book about the life of Pip, his developments in life. From a superficial ignorant boy to a true gentleman, it took him more than 20 years to realise what is the most important thing in life. Only when he became an adult and sees the ugliness of the society did he finally understood what are the things he should treasure. Not money, not status, but the love from others. And only when you give out love, can you receive it in return. One who was not a gentleman at heart was never a gentleman in manners. In the book, Pip grows and learns...but me...after reading the book and doing the exam felt that i learned much more. Lit really is not subject for emotional people to show off their powerful language...it's a subject that requires understanding, a deep understanding of the society and the inherent flaws that exist in it. We live in a society where the advancement of technology is inversely related to the evolution of man's character and values, the more technologically advanced we are, the more dehumanised we become. Paper one was a poem, 20th century poem, which talks about the idea of dehumanisation, lack of privacy, conformity and the loss of individuality in today's society, how human can be judged like "a thing" using surveys and statistics. Im a bit disturbed by the poem... spent quite a long time thinking about the question of life in today's society and had no time to really tackle the stylistic features, i predict i might fail this lit promo exam, but...somehow, it's a nicer feeling compared to Hist...yes i didn't do well, but somewhere in my mind, it tells me that i've learnt something really important about life.
LIFE, YOU NEED WARMTH AND LOVE.
That's all, a simple idea that not many people would come to realise it until the day they lose the meaning of life, because, they throw away their love.
Mankind cannot bear very much reality...sigh....
The Poem:
The Unkown Citizen
By W.H Auden
(to JS/07 M 378 This Marble Monument Is Erected by the State)
He was found by the Bureau of Statistics to be
One against whom there was no official complaint,
And all the reports in his conduct agree
That, in the modern sense of an old-fashioned word, he was a saint,
For in everything he did he served the Greater Community.
Except for the war till the day he retired
He worked in a factory and never got fired,
But satisfied his employers, Fudge Motors Inc.
Yet he wasn't a scab or odd in his views,
For his Union reports that he paid his dues,
(our report on his Union shows it was sound)
And our Social Psychology workers found
That he was popular with his mates and liked a drink.
The Press are convinced that he bought a paper every day
And that his reactions to advertisements were normal in everyway.
Policies taken out in his name prove that he was fully insured,
And his Health-card shows he was once in a hospital but left it cured.
Both Producers Research and High-Grade Living declare
He was fully sensible to the advantages of the Instalment Plan
And had everything necessary to the Modern Man,
A phonograph, a radio, a car and a frigidaire.
Our researchers into Public Opinion are content
That he held the proper opinions for the time of yeah;
When there was peace, he was for peace: when there was war, he went.
He was married and added five children to the population,
Which our Eugenist says was the right number for a parent of his generation.
And our teachers report that he never interfered with their education.
Was he free? Was he happy? The question is absurd:
Had anything been wrong, we should certainly have heard.
A True Story...
Saw this on Winston's blog, it was really...i don't know what to say, but i really did touch me. I really felt like hugging the guy. And...i tried imagining myself being in that situation...i don't know if i will have the courage to...well...it's really a great story...read on!
[The True Story]
I'd been living in London when my world turned upside down and I'd had to come home. By the time my plane landed back in Sydney, all I had left was a carry on bag full of clothes and a world of troubles. No one to welcome me back, no place to call home. I was a tourist in my hometown. Standing there in the arrivals terminal, watching other passengers meeting their waiting friends and family, with open arms and smiling faces, hugging and laughing together, I wanted someone out there to be waiting for me. To be happy to see me. To smile at me. To hug me. So I got some cardboard and a marker and made a sign. I found the busiest pedestrian intersection in the city and held that sign aloft, with the words "Free Hugs" on both sides.And for 15 minutes, people just stared right through me. The first person who stopped, tapped me on the shoulder and told me how her dog had just died that morning. How that morning had been the one year anniversary of her only daughter dying in a car accident. How what she needed now, when she felt most alone in the world, was a hug. I got down on one knee, we put our arms around each other and when we parted, she was smiling. Everyone has problems and for sure mine haven't compared. But to see someone who was once frowning, smile even for a moment, is worth it every time.
GO:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4&eurl=
his website.....
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=115308004
[The True Story]
I'd been living in London when my world turned upside down and I'd had to come home. By the time my plane landed back in Sydney, all I had left was a carry on bag full of clothes and a world of troubles. No one to welcome me back, no place to call home. I was a tourist in my hometown. Standing there in the arrivals terminal, watching other passengers meeting their waiting friends and family, with open arms and smiling faces, hugging and laughing together, I wanted someone out there to be waiting for me. To be happy to see me. To smile at me. To hug me. So I got some cardboard and a marker and made a sign. I found the busiest pedestrian intersection in the city and held that sign aloft, with the words "Free Hugs" on both sides.And for 15 minutes, people just stared right through me. The first person who stopped, tapped me on the shoulder and told me how her dog had just died that morning. How that morning had been the one year anniversary of her only daughter dying in a car accident. How what she needed now, when she felt most alone in the world, was a hug. I got down on one knee, we put our arms around each other and when we parted, she was smiling. Everyone has problems and for sure mine haven't compared. But to see someone who was once frowning, smile even for a moment, is worth it every time.
GO:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4&eurl=
his website.....
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=115308004
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