My life is in a mess....

i duno why...i mean....everything in nj is ok, or even nice, but my life here is juz very....i duno....i tend to get very emotional recently, i will juz suddenly cry out of no apparent reasons. im juz...behaving in a very funny way. ok...the tchers are nice, i cant say that they teach well but at least they are not mean, though once in a while one or two of them will have bad mood or pms, those little tiny things are still okay....and the cca is great, i really love NJ photog society, but may be because i love it too much then now im a bit dependent, i will be in the darkrm all the time....doing nothing, juz nothing but it feels like very comfortable, very peaceful there. but...things are not that simple, how i hope things can be simpler....life can be simpler! recently....i think i had a crush on a guy....he's always very serious and fierce to me normally until one day....i duno...i blow up and showed my temper and then aft that day he became very polite....a bit too polite i think, i miss the time when we quarell and when i get scolded by him. he's younger than me, but he appeared much more experienced and steadier than me, he looks older than his age. he's really cool and talented, plays violine really well....i duno why im feeling this way, it's juz that when i dun see him i feel like seeing him and when i talk to him i will become unnatural and sometimes i will just be angry with him for nothing and i will also... try to attract his attention. this is mad la! come on! i tot i will never feel this way towards any guy! but there's no chance, i heard that he has a girl whom he secretly admires...for a long time alr. i told myself to forget it and concentrate on everything i have to complete right now....qug is really a super ultra busy month for me...but somehow... the feeling refuses to go away....sigh...why....i hate life....im always in this kind of paradoxical....contradicting situation....a triangle love affair, i like him he likes another girl who doesnt notice him. wow...cool...it's becoming something like a drama....sigh....i hate my life!