我们之间什么都没有。。。什么都没有。。。没有。。

他和她之间有着那么多，有着属于他们的故事，属于他们的记忆，属于他们的许许多多的第一次，属于他们的许许多多的约定。如果是我先遇到他那该有多好。。他对她真得很深情。。。他为她付出的是无悔的等待。。。我为他付出的却是无悔的成全。她永远是他眼中的女神，而他也永远是我眼中的王子，可是我自己，却又是谁眼中的另一半呢？我和他之间又有些什么呢？我们之间什么都没有，什么都没有，没有没有没有！

如果说让我流泪和那唯一能让我停止哭泣的人是同一个人。。。我该怎么办？

it's over :)

hehehehe...i think, im finally over him, we are juz friends now, nothing more than friends. and i am perfectly okay now! yes im okay!

Ubin trip again...haha

grp photo again! hahaha...greenlink is juz a big happy family! smiles!:)
Im standing at a very dangerous place...really...at the back of the boat...but it's really cool to let the wind blow ur hair and it juz feel like "wow, i own the world" like that...coolzzz!! haha...funny photo of mr heah again...i duno why...everytime i take his photo he turned put to be very funny looking...:P
yucks...cos it's gg to rain...so this extrmely long earthworm came out...i screamed when i saw it...then everyone laughed at me again! shit laz!
yaryar...this is the extremely huge caterpilla we saw last sunday in Ubin...scary!
the cocoon of the caterpilla that we saw last sunday...so amazing!
I think they are called the "staining bugs" or something, somehow, they stain the cottons...ha
the dog is eating my notessss!!!!!
i saw the toad while on my way hm...got frightened first...but later i decided to take a photo...photography helped me to overcome my fears...hehehe
Nature is juz cruel, no one can deny that...


went Pulau Ubin again...i did a horrible job while trying to introduce people to Artemisia, i did research but apparently, not very enough...never mind...shall do again. And i got another research to do....on Ubin's late village head Mr Lim Chye Joo who just passed away recently at the age of 101....
and yeah...mr heah and mr loh went there too, mr heah is very weird but i always think he dun like me. Cos i think my "rudeness" he cant take it ba. i dun really care, cos i also cant really take his weirdness.

and...karen, agnes, hankiet(spell wrongly i think...sorry) and i ate at Subway...it was very funny, we, the 3 girls, first time there, then we duno how to order...then very embarrassing, but hankiet is very nice, he helped us, but the waiter kept laughing at us...then later we met junying...haha...very funny...we juz kept laughing and laughing lazzzzz...until...hahaha...nvm...i think greenlink is really nice...going out with friends is really the most enjoyble thing on earth man!

对不起，我爱你-爱上你等于爱上寂寞......

谁能修补我已破碎了的心？

昨天和他聊天，终于从他口中得知他真的喜欢另一个女孩子。他说他很喜欢她，只是那女孩并不喜欢他。他曾经尝试告白，但失败了。不知为什么，当时虽然我心里好难过，但我却一直安慰他，告诉他不能放弃，要继续加油，时间久了，那女孩会发现他的好。我不知道那女孩是谁，但我想一定很优秀，不然他不会被她所吸引。只是，看到他伤心我的心也好痛。也许他不知道，虽然对这个世界来讲他只是一个人，但对我来说他可能就是整个世界。。。我没有告诉他我喜欢他。我不想在他已疲惫的心上再加任何负担。我只是想默默地陪着他。。。他对我说，他很喜欢和我交心，他信任我，他向我诉说许许多多的烦恼。。。我只是默默地听着。。。默默地陪着他。。。他说他和我讲话很开心。。。有我这个朋友真好。。。我没有回答，只是回报了一个淡淡的微笑，他看不到我的微笑。。。更看不到我微笑背后的泪水。。。现在才知道。。。原来泪水不但很咸，也，很苦。。。不过我明白，爱是付出而不是回报。。。我愿意以个人付出，一个人伤心，一个人体会寂寞。。。为他付出的那种伤心他永远不会了解。。。
所以，以后只要能远远地看着他的背影，我就会知足了，喜欢他不代表要去拥有他。他的快乐才是最重要的，即便他的快乐需要建立在我的痛苦上，我也会义无反顾地去为他而痛苦。只要他开心就好。他喜欢我做他的朋友，那么我就去做他的朋友，在他身边帮助他。而如果有一天，当他不再需要我的帮助，我会默默地离去，不留一丝痕迹。因为，只要他快乐就好。要他幸福，所以我放手。。爱情的精华也许就在于为了我爱的人而牺牲自己的幸福。只要他能幸福就好。未必永远才是爱的完全，一个人的成全好过三个人兜圈圈。我只有一句：“不后悔的成全”， 我祝福他能找到自己的幸福。
受了伤，伤口不断在流血，但我依然坚强。爱上他等于爱上了寂寞，但这是我的选择！对他，我感到好抱歉，想对他说：“对不起，我爱你！对不起对不起对不起对不起对不起对不起对不起对不起！”
可是。。。为什么。。心好痛?

Today is a wonderful day!

wahahaha...SINGAPORE BIENNALE 2006! I am hereeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

That is sijie...walking on one of the works...hehehe

This is one of the works...in SAM...isn't scary? i think it is horrifying la!
sijie took a snap at me when i was smsing him, she said that i really look like a woman in love when im smsing him....wad de rubbish...i look NORMAL!
sometimes...SAM can be quite a romantic palce as well...at night maybe... an artistic shot i got from the fountain at National Art Museum...wahahaha.

haha...im really very happy today. In the afternoon sijie and I and the art class went to see Singapore Biennale at Singapore Museum and Singapore Art Museum. The works there are quite scary, morbid and some are...really disgusting...eh...yeah. I remember there's one work, video, called "the last supper" or something, it's about the last meal for people who are going to be executed, wad they desire to eat before they die, how they treat this issue of "last supper" over the centuries. It was pretty thought provoking but...some parts are disgusting, like...got one part it says that a king survived an attempt of an assassination and then he captured his assasin and his entire family, executed all of them except his eldest daughter, he locked her in a place and tortured her, he odered people to slice off thin pieces of meat from her everyday and then force her to eat her very own meat...err...yucks. well...sometimes...i duno why...i know all these works are very..."deep". as in, they are really conceptual and are able to make you think, but i just couldn't agree with the way they present their ideas. Really, i've been to Tanglin Camp and saw the other works too, and my impression was that they all try to use very extreme ways to "shock" their audience into identifying with their aims or at least, the audience will take a second look. All these just make me feel that our world is no longer normal, people have to use weird, scary means or even extreme measures to communicate with others. why cant we talk, pass on messages in a nice way? why cant we voice our objections, our opinions in a peaceful and gentle manner? sigh...21st century, what has technology, advancement and science brought to us?--the degeneration of human beings. Yes, they do improve our lives, greatly. But, why dehumanise us, they made us less than who we are. They influenced us, they are in control of our world now, not us, imagine the world without machines, can we still survive? think about it, i think im completely destroyed by all these things. THINGS.
ok...yeah, anyway...put that serious topic aside, i smsed him throughout my trip to the museums till dinner time. Apparently his duty was very very boring. haha, he was complaining. anyway...sijie kept teasing me, and then later, i duno if it's because im too involved in "thinking about him", i toppled a whole tray of food, which includes both sijie's and my food. (we ate at burger King :)) ...shit laz, and then xinni, vic, ruifan, winnie and sijie kept teasing me, and words like "flower", "diamond" and wadever...fly ard my head. I was really embarrassed...but...it somehow, feels sweet inside.
haha..and yeah, about my promos, it's unexpectedly well done. The results are damn cool, damn good. I've never thought that i would score so well, taken into consideration that I see his face on every single sheet of paper during all my exams...amazing siah, really, he seems to be pushing force now, pushing me towards better grades. haha...very good. I got BBBCC, really damn good. At least i think so..percentiles wise...except art and hist dropped, others all improved. But hist, i drop from 96% to 71% which is quite depressing, but i want to take H3 Hist, really, and even mr low say i shld. I will try...yeh!! whahaha..and he's the first person i informed aft i got back my result, and then he replied, same as last time, he's like, always very sure that im going to score well...like he knew in advance liaoz...haha...i duno...he's more confident in me than i am in myself. well...art, math, hist got B and lit, GP got C, but my math percentile improved from 68% to 88% and GP from 57% to 67%...not bad lehz! wahaha... hope can stay in B band.

没想到时间会过得这么快，一眨眼，又一年已然要逝去。。。煞然回首。。可谓无限感慨。这一年里，失去了不少但也得到了许多，有悲伤也有喜悦。泪水中掺杂着的是幸福。只能说，我成长了，我明白，成长是需要代价的，但是，我愿意，为这无价的成长经验而付出相等的代价。我付出了，但与此同时，我也有了收获，人生中不是所有的事物都是美好的，但是，只要我能把握住那仅有的些许美好，也许，我的人生，就不会有太多的遗憾。虽然，我仍不快乐。。。人，总是要长大的。有些感觉，是要用心来体会的。虽然，我仍不快乐，但是，我已知足，毕竟，快乐在人的一生中犹如昙花一现，人们往往握不住它们，握不住快乐。然而，当我们静下心来，让心去自我发现，就能体会到，其实，美丽的并不只是快乐而已，有时候，那淡淡的一丝忧伤，会带给我们另一种回味无穷的美妙滋味。。。我，真的，知足了

i like this poem...like the feeling...

Do not stand at my grave and weep
"Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there.
I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush,
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at the grave and cry;
I am not there.
I did not die."
- anonymous

Things are happening...a bit too fast for me...(greenlink celebrate bday 4 hongyi)

grp photo with the cake! yeh! one happy family!!!:)
wahaha!!!Mr Loh...is forever funny and blur laz!!!wohohohohahaha!
Mr Heah and Mr Loh playing piano...birthday song for Hongyi...but both failed la! haha!
Hongyi's cake :)
Today Greenlink meeting we celebrated Hongyi(our president)'s birthday...supposed to be together with the VP connie also but she wasn't there. Mr Loh bought the cake, it was really nice...chocolate...sometimes i duno why, though Greenlink can be a million or a billion times more peaceful and enjoyable than Photog...i juz tend to focus and concentrate more on PS...maybe because he's there?? i duno...really...but Greenlink is really really nice la...like today...when i say do weeding, then everyone helped..it's really like a family. And the tcher incharge are really nice, friendly, funny, and "can be eaily bullied". really, mr Loh is so blur but nice la, and Mr Heah also...they both tried to play the music of "happy birthday" song for Hongyi but in the end...haha...cannot make it la...very funny...

And well...many things happened and are happening right now...im juz way too busy to blog. the "me and him" thing is developing towards a direction in which i myself..dont really know where. anyway...yeah...the say before Open Day...which is last Friday. We both were in darkroom for a long long long time...i duno how long...but it's really LONG.
so we talked some really random stuff before he started introducing me to some of the funny videos he found on Youtube. i cant quite relate to them cos...yeah...i don't really grow up with such things, my father will never allow me to watch such stuff and naturally, as i grow up...i tend to not to watch such things too. but later, he showed me this MV, a song by 光良, it's about this guy telling the girl that he likes her. Suddenly im like"wow, why is he showing me this??"...i dont want to speculate on this too much but it just kept pulling me towards the thought that he might want to convey some message to me...well...i think i juz think too much laz. and then later the nxt day...aft Open Day...sijie, him and i went for dinner...at first we talked fine...but later when sijie left half way...it suddenly became awkward...we stopped talking for quite a while...sigh...irritating..then yesterday during the exco meeting...sigh...why am i always behaving weirdly in front of him? Even Mr Loh says that everytime i mention his name...i become unnatural and my tone will change...sigh...

And yeah...Promos...i've always believed that i flopped this exam...cos really,"his" face appeared on every single sheet of my question and answer paper laz...i cant concentrate at all...but then...it turned out that i did quite ok, even better than my CT...ok, cant really say better cos i havent got back GP, lit and hist but right now i have 2 Bs alr. one for art and one for math...which was really really good laz. And i promised sijie and ms chan and "him" that if i can get more 2 Bs and above, i will stay in photog..so..yeah..it seems i will be staying...duno it will be a good thing or a bad thing for me. But he got almost all As la..i feel so inferior! anyway...i juz hope...my other subj will turn out juz as fine...hist i did badly but somehow...i juz dun wana see any bad grades for hist...i want to get a C and is looking forward to a B...and Lit i think i juz want a C, GP...D and above? aiya, not so high...maybe juz a pass i will be happy alr.

sigh...why life cant be a bit simpler and easier to deal with??

Art Promo

well, the art paper is not exactly desirable but, at least, i can still take it. I did questions on identity...again...like i said, our world today is lack of self identity, deprived of individuality.
sigh...but i think my section C is a flop, really. I got the wrong appraoch, but well, i never expected anything good, so it's ok.

Went on a date with karen, we went to DeliFrance to eat dinner, really, i feel that if im going to be left with only one friend on earth, she's gona be the one. Both of us really compliment each other's character, so well that sometimes i wonder if she's my sister. never mind, we are really best friends, we understande each other the best. DO you believe in fate? now, somehow, i feel that we are fated to be friends, destined to help each other.Friends are the family we chose for ourselves.
友情罐头
主原料：谈得来
副原料：合得来
添加物：欢笑加泪水少许
制造日期：认识你的那天起
保存期限：无限期
售价：无价！

on the bus to junction8, i smsed [him] telling him that my exam is finally over. I don't know why i want to send me such an sms, it's really quite random, as in, well, it doesn't really matter to him. but anyway, i just felt like smsing him every single details that happened in my life. And he soon replied. and our smsing continued throughout my dinner. i don't know why, i just felt so happy and excited when received his sms. he asked me if im still bent on leaving the cca, i told him yes but my heart suddenly aches...sigh...im really tortured. today in NJ photog had an exco meeting, and sijie told me she was pissed because of some ****** and *****irritating people acting as president and the puppy of the fake president. there's a useless figurehead in my cca, and it's not tolerable for me to work under him.

sigh..im really tortured by this unrequited love, sijie told me that [he] told her that he doesnt want me to leave but he told me he's ok with it. he's just irritating la.
人都是一边受伤，一边学会坚强。。。
快乐是种心情
它不在天涯
也不在海角
更无须寻找
它就在我们心中
是一种心灵感觉
缘份，是上天所赐的；
快乐，是要自己找的；
欢笑，是朋友带来的；
幸福，是靠自己争取的；
烦恼，是用智慧自解的。

A Bildungsroman

Things in life can be quite funny sometimes, the moment when i step out of the examination hall, i remembered this word "Bildungsroman", i wanted to write it in my Lit essay but can't recall how to spell it.
Sigh...true, Great Expectations is a book about the life of Pip, his developments in life. From a superficial ignorant boy to a true gentleman, it took him more than 20 years to realise what is the most important thing in life. Only when he became an adult and sees the ugliness of the society did he finally understood what are the things he should treasure. Not money, not status, but the love from others. And only when you give out love, can you receive it in return. One who was not a gentleman at heart was never a gentleman in manners. In the book, Pip grows and learns...but me...after reading the book and doing the exam felt that i learned much more. Lit really is not subject for emotional people to show off their powerful language...it's a subject that requires understanding, a deep understanding of the society and the inherent flaws that exist in it. We live in a society where the advancement of technology is inversely related to the evolution of man's character and values, the more technologically advanced we are, the more dehumanised we become. Paper one was a poem, 20th century poem, which talks about the idea of dehumanisation, lack of privacy, conformity and the loss of individuality in today's society, how human can be judged like "a thing" using surveys and statistics. Im a bit disturbed by the poem... spent quite a long time thinking about the question of life in today's society and had no time to really tackle the stylistic features, i predict i might fail this lit promo exam, but...somehow, it's a nicer feeling compared to Hist...yes i didn't do well, but somewhere in my mind, it tells me that i've learnt something really important about life.
LIFE, YOU NEED WARMTH AND LOVE.
That's all, a simple idea that not many people would come to realise it until the day they lose the meaning of life, because, they throw away their love.
Mankind cannot bear very much reality...sigh....

The Poem:

The Unkown Citizen
By W.H Auden

(to JS/07 M 378 This Marble Monument Is Erected by the State)

He was found by the Bureau of Statistics to be
One against whom there was no official complaint,
And all the reports in his conduct agree
That, in the modern sense of an old-fashioned word, he was a saint,
For in everything he did he served the Greater Community.
Except for the war till the day he retired
He worked in a factory and never got fired,
But satisfied his employers, Fudge Motors Inc.
Yet he wasn't a scab or odd in his views,
For his Union reports that he paid his dues,
(our report on his Union shows it was sound)
And our Social Psychology workers found
That he was popular with his mates and liked a drink.
The Press are convinced that he bought a paper every day
And that his reactions to advertisements were normal in everyway.
Policies taken out in his name prove that he was fully insured,
And his Health-card shows he was once in a hospital but left it cured.
Both Producers Research and High-Grade Living declare
He was fully sensible to the advantages of the Instalment Plan
And had everything necessary to the Modern Man,
A phonograph, a radio, a car and a frigidaire.
Our researchers into Public Opinion are content
That he held the proper opinions for the time of yeah;
When there was peace, he was for peace: when there was war, he went.
He was married and added five children to the population,
Which our Eugenist says was the right number for a parent of his generation.
And our teachers report that he never interfered with their education.
Was he free? Was he happy? The question is absurd:
Had anything been wrong, we should certainly have heard.

A True Story...

Saw this on Winston's blog, it was really...i don't know what to say, but i really did touch me. I really felt like hugging the guy. And...i tried imagining myself being in that situation...i don't know if i will have the courage to...well...it's really a great story...read on!

[The True Story]
I'd been living in London when my world turned upside down and I'd had to come home. By the time my plane landed back in Sydney, all I had left was a carry on bag full of clothes and a world of troubles. No one to welcome me back, no place to call home. I was a tourist in my hometown. Standing there in the arrivals terminal, watching other passengers meeting their waiting friends and family, with open arms and smiling faces, hugging and laughing together, I wanted someone out there to be waiting for me. To be happy to see me. To smile at me. To hug me. So I got some cardboard and a marker and made a sign. I found the busiest pedestrian intersection in the city and held that sign aloft, with the words "Free Hugs" on both sides.And for 15 minutes, people just stared right through me. The first person who stopped, tapped me on the shoulder and told me how her dog had just died that morning. How that morning had been the one year anniversary of her only daughter dying in a car accident. How what she needed now, when she felt most alone in the world, was a hug. I got down on one knee, we put our arms around each other and when we parted, she was smiling. Everyone has problems and for sure mine haven't compared. But to see someone who was once frowning, smile even for a moment, is worth it every time.
GO:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4&eurl=
his website.....
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=115308004

My Hist sank all the way to the bottom....

I cant believe i did so badly for my supposedly best subj. i got quite good for hist for common test, one mark away from a B, 96% in level. and now, it's gone, it's really gone.
I did question 2,4,6,8...i didnt know i love even numbers so much... anyway...
2)"Nationalist movements were less likely to achieve a speedy independence in countries with conservative colonialists" To what extent is this staement true?
4) "Maximum government struxtures were more successful than parliamentry structures in addressing the problems faced by the independent Southeast Asian States." To what extent do you agree with this statement?
6)"The Cuban Missile Crisis occurred because of the exaggerated freas of all parties involve" How far do you agree?
8) "It was Gorbachev, armed with his" New Political Thinking", who was mainly responsible for the peaceful ending of the Cold War". Discuss.

Im so screwed, i didnt even read Cuban Missile Crisis, and i don't know what is Gorbachev's "New Political Thinking" and I forgot that word "structure" in question 4 which indicated that the success was because of the "structure" itself, so it excluded the ability and execution of the various governments. and the speedy independence question i didnt present both sides. actually, i didnt present both sides for almost all my answers, im just very dead this time. Sigh...what happened to me???

I love u too lydia!

got the questions from lydia's blog...mmmm..interesting, shall attempt answering them myself, since im so bored, i cant continue my revision ever since i finished math exam, it tells me that no matter how much u study, u'll still fail, and for lit, hist and art, practically you count on ur luck on whether u'll score, cos if u get the question u got a lot to write, u r safe, if not, gone case for u, i was lucky for Common test for math but unlucky for lit, this time, i duno, perhaps...unlucky for both???and im giving up on art, no more passion...sian...it's not something that i wana see...but realli, no more passion...

yeah..by the way..i love you too my lydia!!! thanks for all the encouragement...thanks....i think i will survive this...even if im hurt i will survive...and i dun think he will ever hurt me delibrately...he a good guy...i think only i will hurt myself...do u think he ever even considers me important in his life??sigh...i duno...

1) Single, taken or crushing?
crushing i guess...sigh...
2) Are you happy with your life now?
yeah, i have great friends in both cca and class and school, tchers are generally nice, studies up till now ok, aft promos duno, sph also got lots of friends...just the "him" thing is torturing me, but i guess im both suffering and enjoying at the same time...haha
3) When you meet the right person, do you fall in love with him fast?
pretty fast, i think so...erm...wait...still need to observe for a while first...cos u wont know if he's the right one or not what...
4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
no, not yet, i hope never will...
5) Do you believe there are some circumstances where cheating love is acceptable?
NO, NEVER, UNFORGIVABLE!
6) Would you take someone back if he cheats on you?
LET HIM DREAM ON, NO, NEVER, THAT'S MY BOTTOM LINE, OVER MY DEAD BODY, I HATE BEING CHEATED, I WILL BE HONEST TO HIM SO SHLD HE.
7) Have you talk about marriage with another before?
erm...wedding i think...marriage...maybe got before...but cant really remember
8) Do you want children?
erm...depends...right now no....
9) How many?
at most 1
10) Would you consider adoption?
NO
11) If someone likes you right now,what do you think is the best way to let you know his feelings?
tell me straight, or write a letter...
12) Do you enjoy getting into relationship?
ok la
13) Be honest,what is the furthest you and your ex did?
...kiss
14) Do you believe in love at first sight?
NO
15) Are you romantic?
i guess the answer is yes...but sometimes im not
16) Do you believe you can change someone?
i duno, i think i do have a very strong character, im the domineering type, so most probably i will change someone without me realising it...
17) If you could get married somewhere, where would it be?
France...Paris...outside Louvre...or may be at some palce where there's lots of green grass...lake...flowers...butterflies...and only the two of us...haha
18) Do you easily give in when you are fighting?
i never give up easily in doing anything
19) Do you have feelings for someone right now?
YES! STRONG FEELING..but he has no feelings for me i guess...sigh
21) Have you ever broken a heart?
yes.
22) If one day your best friend falls in love with the guy you deeply in love with, what would you do?
i duno, that's horrible...but i guess it will never happen, my best friends and i never like the same thing before, we usually are very different kind of people, and...yeah...but i guess im not the type who will give up the one i love. but, it depends on HIS opinion, if they love each other, then of course i will wish them happiness, but if he loves, then it's another story altogether...
23) Are you missing someone now?
YES, i miss him terribly! and i miss mr low, the 2005 artyfarty ppl,and my grandma...but the most intense feeling is dedicated to HIM, and HIM only!
sigh................life..............dilemma.........