some feelings

oh well...today is sunday, did a SBQ for international hist, have to admit that ACJC's history is really strong.the questions are those that i never would wana do during the exams. I did the SBQ on KOSOVO and now im regretting like hell for not having listened properly to my NUS professor's lectures.anyway...sigh..why am i so sad? cos...aiya...i duno...

sometimes i feel like loitering on the lonely road of a foreign country...preferably France. I've long loved France, my dream country and Paris is my dream city. A romantic place where i can just stop trying to act rational and stop trying to reason. I just want to be in a place where it's filled with colours and happiness, protected from all evil...it's a place for fantasy and dreams...my dreams..and someone once told me, he also love Paris...how i hope, one day, we could be walking towards Eiffel Tower...hand in hand...like the image in the 2nd drawer of my graduation art piece..but...sometimes..dreams are just dreams...wishes are just mere wishes...they are called wishes because...perhaps because we can never be able to fulfill it? dreams are called dreams because perhaps we can never make it come true??


so if one day, i am tired of being in the city, being in the limelight, being in a place where noice and modern technology dominate..i really want to come to the countryside, enjoy the fresh air, look at the ever refreshing scenaries...enjoy the broadness of the sky, the gentle breeze..the soft sound of the wind...the..the everything...oh..i might not have really shown this sentiment to anyone before, actually, i am really secretly willing to throw away all the ambitions and all those big ideas about politics and just carry my little art toolbox and go to the countryside, paint whatever that makes me happy, sketch whenever i feel like sketching, capturing moments of my joy and happiness...just imagine..how life could be so much better without politics??


so there's the bridge..and i wonder if i could ever be able to cross it and reach to the other side of my life...the sky seems so near, so blue, so innocent, so harmless..but god...i am so afraid of stepping onto the bridge, the journey of no return. in less than a year i am really going to be set free, alone, and i am not sure what i am up to. How am i going to cope with this new life? being alone? perhaps...i should start getting myself used to having no friends and having no one to depend on, having no shoulders to cry on when im sad, having no one to talk to when im down, having no help offered when im in trouble...suddenly...the world that im living in right now seems so much nicer and brighter... life is all about how we perceive it to be isn't it? cherish what's around us bah...


look at this, sometimes i do feel that im one of the wild horses running aimlessly int along this empty lonely beach. i really feel that i am a trapped animal...i am completely lost and frustrated now...


--today he came online...and...but, he went offline immediately..hope im just thinking too much..hope he's not avoiding something that we both are avoiding...

mo: In memory of my Leafy crown flower plant [2006-2007:死因：被毛毛虫吃掉了..]

So now im done with GP, SEA hist and Math...GP was bad, i have this feeling,for the first time i felt insecured even for my essay. The vocab was bad, couldnt finish my AQ and many more problems, if i can get a B im pretty contented, if i get an A i will really laugh. And as for SEA hist, like wad desmond had said, it is simply information overload. Last minute studying is realli..both useful and destructive, anyway, the questions were not hard, but i guess i did not do very well and i did not have enough time to develop my points well. also...sighz...had to go toilet half way and...i did on the AFC question which im afraid i am too narrative. sigh..i also did on pre 1941 nationalism and Parlimentry democracy. anyway...sighz...math...it was easy but my complex brain complicated them thus i got wrong..sighsighsigh!

oh...my butterfly garden is really turning into butterfly garden! there were so many caterpillars that filled up almost all the plant, the leaves were gone...left with stems, i asked mr loh to catch some and keep in containers and he did. i saw the cocoons..hahaha...oh...the butterflies that came out were so beautiful! they are called the "Common Tiger" wad a cool name, orange and white and yellowish. ha ha ha...im kind happy cos at first the cocoon were very small so mr loh said they might turn out to be the small moths that we see in the garden...but...wad a surprise! now im seriously hoping to see many more butterflies around the school! wad an achievement!


This is wad my crown flower used to be like...jiayi took the photo..now it is bare without any leaf... :(



and these are the caterpillars that ate up my plant...-_-'''



but they eventually emerged as beautiful butterflies! that's the "common tiger" spicie!


ps: greenlink juniors are so nice! they booked sentosa chalet for us, 5th dec!...oh...im gona go for nature guiding on 1st dec. ha ha ah...