I got "eaten up" by Mosquitoes!

ridiculous. that's what happened in UBIN. Anyway...if i die...it'll be either by the SEVERE lost of blood...or...DENGUE! gosh...i spend the whole of sunday and today trying to detect any symptoms of dengue. lucky not yet but still...anyway...i got ard 30 bites. yeah....30 anyway...

MO met with a major set back today. Not related to work. yeah...major setback. I am very very very very upset by it.

I am so pissed.
I got scolded by mr lee again. how to survive in this school? probably because i am not careful again. but...who can stand it if your student scolds you "bastard" and "stupid idiot' during an exam? he deserves the zero. well..thanks to sph..i have decided to resign at the end of term2. yes. i cant stand another 1.5 months until july. it's hell. fine. i still stand by my opinion that, this is a very undesirable school.

but.

I love the way Mr Azahar treats me. He's such a nice person.

this is so weird. i am hating it. invigilation is boring. jiayi is really funny...well...it's kinda weird...whenever i feel extremely bored...irritated or angry, i will tend to feel like disturbing him. okay...i was still angry with him about the college day duty thing, and i told myself that i wont talk to him again...HAHAHAHA what a big joke. Mo is a stupid girl. Mo!!!! WHEN DID JIAYI EVER WANTED TO TALK TO YOU BEFORE? WHEN DID HE EVEN INITIATED ANY CONVERSATION BEFORE? so the truth is, if i dun talk to him, he wont talk to me, cos he never feels a need to. so stupid mo....

haha...but never mind...i have no more pride in front of this fat pork...wadever. i smsed him when i was duper sian today. hahaha...it seems that too much mugging is really destructive...he sounds as if he's insane. haha....but it really made me laugh...thanks jiayi. thanks...just be like this lah...ignore my crazy moments and we can be friends forever....i believe.

Interview ysd was really bad. sub prime crisis...wow...i wont pass this round...bet with you for 2 million dollars.....nahnahnah..you are gona loose.

oh...nah...i'm going to hate this surname forever...first is that...and now...you got me into trouble with my supervisor. i got scolded! you know wad...i never muttered a single word about your wadever relationship i swear...swear with my life...i did observe my professional conduct, the most i did was to smile, wadever the stu speculated were none of my business as i am not even the person who started the topic in the first place. anyway, reflect inwards please, i wonder how and why your students have those ideas about you. but in whichever case, i did not respond towards whatever their speculations other than mere smiles...if not what do you expect me to do? scold them? 3C!!!! be realistic. I've had had enough too. I did not spread anything and the only thing i did was to stop the rumour btw u and me. anything ranging from going to gym together to walking together along the corridor can make the students excited....so be careful of what you do next time, and once again, i said nothing. i swear. but whether you believe or not is up to you. I am trying to put it nicely also, i am willing to put it aside, i wont make the trouble to go and find out who the hell complaint to my supervisor about it but...if you want us to even remain as friends...then you better believe in me. I did observe my professional conduct, and i am really pissed now, I SAID NOTHING. believe me, or not, i said nothing.

I passed psychometric test, going for moe interview on 13th May. I passed sph writing test, going for interview on 30th April. internship later. I think i am good, and i think there's no way i should be bullied.

Karen, mo, xinni and mr low are going to watch "The Bucket List" on monday at 9.15pm at vivocity. wow...yeh!

mo is gg to pulau ubin to see juniors tomorrow. mo isnt in a great mood to see them though. i will scold them.

Almost forgot to mention. EARTH DAY. 22/4/08 How can I forget when I am a greenlinker myself?

how sinful.

sigh.........if the world can become better...there's nothing that can't be done. for now, i foresee that, the world is becoming worse and worse, everyday. Man are losing their humanity..they degenerate each day, for wadever reasons i duno. There's no hope for the much wanted/promoted 'racial harmony'. the earth is losing its shine too...now i wonder...how long more can we sustain this...let's wait and see.

arrrkkkk...si jie...i love ur blog. and...let's go find a law firm.

还是好朋友
-王心凌-

已经忘记了到底等待了多久
你还没把那句话说出口
街上的情侣手牵着手
我们只有沉默

从朋友到恋人究竟多少步骤
你永远只会静静看着我
期待着某天会萌芽结果
会不会就这样落空

我们是好朋友 还只是好朋友
但朋友的线我们早跨过
脑海里头总是充满你的笑容
我知道 你也有同样感受

我们是好朋友 还只是好朋友
如果没勇气会这样错过
一句话就够 其他都别多说
我等着你开口说爱我

从朋友到恋人究竟多少步骤
你永远只会静静看着我
期待着某天会萌芽结果
会不会就这样落空

我们是好朋友 还只是好朋友
但朋友的线我们早跨过
脑海里头总是充满你的笑容
我知道 你也有同样感受

我们是好朋友 还只是好朋友
如果没勇气会这样错过
一句话就够 其他都别多说
我等着你开口说爱我

多少寂寞 (多少寂寞)
因为有你的陪伴而度过
不要想的太多
想想曾有的 不该没把握
唔耶``

我们是好朋友 还只是好朋友
在这个位置等待了多久
静静守着彼此我们都能够接受
为何要留下为什么

我们是好朋友 还只是好朋友
如果没勇气会这样错过
一句话就够 其他都别多说
我等着你开口说爱我

说你爱我

I go to sch by bus.

so this morning, momo happily/sleepily boarded bus number 14.

she slept alllllll the way.....it was a 40 min ride.

this is inaccurate. she woke up twice during the bus ride.

1st time

she opened her eyes for 1 sec, the sky outside was dark. she happily fell back to her dreams thinking that she muz be bloody early today. ( not realising that she had came out of her house the exact time like all other days, so there's no way that she can be EARLY). Momo is the kind of person who does not read time by watch but prefers to know the time through looking at the sky. She is ancient, cave woman.

2nd time

She opened her eyes for 4 seconds, realising that it was raining, really heavily outside..but she tot about the word 'outside' and happily fell back to sleep thinking "raining days are good for sleeping"

finally she reached the busstop. alighted the bus. trapped in the busstop compound. then she decided that, it's either she swim over to BGSS or...ask cuiying to bring her a boat. the place was flooded. cuiying refused to help, as was amanda. after much efforts, mo reached the back gate, only to realise that it was locked. but then, she refused to move towards the front gate, and waited..miracle happened. back gate opened...

heard from the councilor that the sch refused to open the back gate cos the stu were late. come on lah, i shall be the witness, many of them were not late initially, but they waited for the rain to subside...in order to walk to the gate, so in the end they were late. the sch shld be understanding and let them in, many were soaked...waiting pathetically for the gate to open. I see some stu, in order to be on time, they really tried to run in the rain...wow...sighz...nj is gd in comparison, cos we never count you count on rainy days..it's just unfair.

annnddd...cuiying ate my 'mummy's lunch' again...but i was happy to share with her, it's gd to have her around. i will be so lonely without this little cute alien. haha...so weird...and...the weirdest thing is that, i cut my pants, at the most private part, and i din realise it until much later...and i had to borrow needle and thread from home econs tchers to...ehhh..."mend" my pants. yeah...and i did such a 'great' job lah...wana kill myself...last time it was 'forgot to zip my pants' and this time 'cut my pants'...but it's quite dangerous being an art tcher? hahaha...

oh...moe called me, they arranged interview, but, but, they wana me to learn fine art and literature. imagine me teaching literature? mr whitby will laugh his pants off man...yeah...so i told them want history. i will try to convince them on international relations and history. let's try.

ehhhhhh..and i am seriously not very happy with the express classes, i went into 4/2, and they questioned my ability in chinese, so i told them that i am from china,and then they say that they doubt that i will know how to speak english. and i was like...-_-''' the girls were really rude. they think that they are the best of the best and are able to get 10 A1s without anyone's help. big fat hope lah. they need to know that there's always better people around, and with olevels around the corner, they shld be more grounded and stop letting their egoes lead them to the wrong way. i still think that i like the NA and NT classes better.

mo is weird.

i'm really like a mad woman...












okayy...now shall upload some of the photos of the day that we went ice skating...

sometimes some happy memories are really good...i'm loosing hope on getting a scholarship and im seriously reflecting on whethering all that im doing right now is correct. i smsed mr low ysd, i asked him to give me a good scolding, and he agreed. he's funny...he told me he's free for me on thurs from 1-3pm. haha...sighz...anyway..i need some reassurance or scolding. anything, that will make me feel better...

Oh well... I know this sch isnt a very good one but i expect the education force in singapore to be equipped with at least some general knowledge. Can you believe it? The OM in this school actually claimed that China is a babarious state which is highly dangerous for any singaporeans. He actually said that any singaporeans going into china will just disappear without reason and could never be found ever after. hohohohohohoho...ignorance is a bliss. He is such an old ignorant man. After I told him to rethink about what he said because Singaporeans who were lost in china must have done something that made them deserve to be "gone" of course, how many cases of murder and kidnapping was because that the victim was simply unlucky? there's always a reason for something. And he says that beijing is not safe for olympics. Mr Teo was whispering to him to stop as he told the OM that my father is personally invovled in the olympics security planning. And he carried on, this, is not tolerable. What a big fat joke. He must be mad. And I told him that, if he is saying because he's feeling sour that he has not enough money to go to beijing due to its high living cost then be it, dun try to cook up excuses. And he told me that shanghai's living cost is much higher than that of beijing. hahahaha...what a big joke again. I printed out this and gave him immediately.

Beijing tops costly cities for living on mainland
By Chen Qide (China Daily)
Updated: 2004-07-21 23:51


Beijing, Shanghai and Shenzhen have been listed Wednesday as the three cities with highest living cost in the Chinese mainland by the US Mercer Human Resource Consulting firm.

Beijing tops the chart at 101.06 points in a cost of living index, while ranking 132nd in quality of life.

The cost of living index in Shanghai was down from last year's 11th position to 16th this year. It is at 95.3 points and ranks 144 of cities surveyed. Its quality of life is listed in 107th place.

"The high indexes indicate that living in Shanghai is expensive and one can't enjoy high life quality," said Lu Qiang, general manager of Mercer Consulting (Shanghai) Ltd.

The survey takes New York as the base city in the survey, scoring it on an even 100 points.

The gap between the world's least and most expensive cities has narrowed only marginally this year, but less than 2 points compared to 4 points last year and 15 points in 2002.

The survey covers 144 cities and measures the comparative costs of more than 200 items in each location. They include housing, food, clothing and household goods as well as transportation and entertainment.

"The data is used to help multinational companies to determine compensation allowances for their expatriate workers," said Lu.

Tokyo remains the world's most expensive city in the world at 130.7 points, while London moves up five places in the rankings to take second position at 119 points, followed by Moscow at 117.4 points, according to the survey.

"The quality of life in Beijing and Shanghai is quite unsatisfactory with a view of their high living costs," he said.

The survey said Singapore is still a favourable city for people to live and work in. Its cost of living index ranks 46th and the quality of life index there puts it at 33rd.

High expenses for expatriates to live in Shanghai is mainly caused by high rent, food, clothing, bill costs and education for children.

A furnished apartment of 200 square metres at the best place in Shanghai for expatriates, for example, rents at US$9,400 a month, higher than US$7,500 in New York. Rent in Beijing reaches US$14,000.

In terms of education for expatriates, a kid should pay an average US$17,000 for his or her yearly tuition fee at kindergarten, US$18,000 at primary school and US$19,000 at a middle school,higher than average US$15,000 in Hong Kong and about US$17,000 in Tokyo.

Expatriates in Shanghai also pay more for their bills than in Hong Kong, Tokyo and New York.

"So expats in Shanghai can't support their lives without earning 30,000 to 50,000 yuan (US$3,632 to US$6,053) monthly," Lu said.




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I really do hope that some singaporeans could just face the reality that china has already been developed. It is no longer what it used to be, and mocking the china citizens on their wealth is no longer funny, no longer that easy to boost your ego because... simply because WE ARE MUCH RICHER THAN YOU ARE NOW. yes...we can throw in cash of 2 million bucks on the spot and by a house. we are no longer living in the days when we longed to own a television set. come on, wake up...we are filthy rich compared to you, dun always try to undermine us this way, it does not make you look good anymore mr OM!

I take this as a personal offence seriously, my dad, has devouted every single minute of his life for the past 7 years in trying to make sure that olympics will go well and besides that, he has spent his entire whole life trying to think of better ways to protect china, and to make china a safer place. anyone who claims that beijing is unsafe should go there and take a look at it himself. it is simply unfair, he must have never visited china before. With all his fats and vacuum brain which i am sure has a deficit of common sense, i doubt he'll on day, be able to understand the consequences of spreading such irresponsible comments on another country at a point of time when his own country is desperately trying to find ways to please that country in order to benefit from its re-emergence. And becareful, it's "re-emergence" we were strong last time for many years, and we will again be strong, and come on, go kiss your ass if you think that china cannot make it. bloody ignorant old man.

I hate this school more.

Ysd while I was walking out of sch, there were 2 girls walking in front of me, giggling, talking, laughing. Then after for about 5min, one of the girls turned and looked at me for 2 seconds. then she..." OH MY GOD" and whispered to her friend and the next thing i know, both girls run at their "200m sprint" speed. away from me. okay...the power of this profession..power siah...


Had 8 periods again...drew a lion...not yet done but enough to recognise it as a lion...

cuiying was being stupid again. We were busy taking "facebook" quiz after school. And it turned out that we got similar results for every single quiz. gosh..the damn quiz thing must be screwed. And cuiying must be feeling very honoured now, to think that she shares similar traits as " Wang Mo the great I" haha..

Life has been...okay...oh, just found out that we wont be paid during the holidays. wow...then must well quit and go find another job. since we are quiting soon...oh shit..must see when cuiying quits, i shall make this a rule: cuiying goes, mo goes, cuiying stays, mo stays. yes...then we both wont be too bored without having the other to entertain... am i making sense? may be not, but who cares?

I marked the art stu's preparatory boards today, and to my amazement, i found myself a really strict marker. In a class of 14 people, i failed 7. and the other normal acad class was even worse. their peer marking average was 70++ and mine was 40++..mr muhammad defended my marking but later on, he keeps on reminding me that art tchers always do 'positive marking'...oops, i've been too negative i guess..but oh well..i did give one 83 marks wad...though my lowest was 13....well...i see too many good ones back in dhs and nj, havent got myself adjusted to their standard yet.,...

wellwellwell...finishing jeffery archer's "Kane and Abel" book soon, it's an awesome read. love it lots.
and..

JEFFERY NAH, YOU ARE AN IDIOT!

Based on real events, "The Children of Huang Shi" is a sweeping but intimate story set against war-torn China in the 1930’s. The film centers on a young English journalist (JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS), an American nurse (RADHA MITCHELL) and the leader of a Chinese partisan group (CHOW YUN FAT) who meet in desperate and unexpected circumstances. Together they rescue 60 orphaned children, leading them on an extraordinary journey across hundreds of miles of treacherous terrain, through snow-covered mountains and an unforgiving desert. Along the way they discover the true meaning of love, responsibility and courage.

I watched "Escape from Huangshi" with mum ysd...it was, an okay moviem i love the genre, a war movie which invovles subtle love, true stories and genuine bravery. I love to see such movies, however, it reminds me of the sufferings we have went through...they were too terrible to be forgotten, the enemies are too sinful to be forgiven. yes, it was about the japanese occupation during ww2. I secretly wished more such films could be produced, i hoped that more people will watch it, only then, will they be able to understand how much we have endured and only by then, will they be able to realise that we do not deserve all these insults thrown at us today. All the talks about we chinese not beng fit to hold the olympics. We are a race, a nation which have survived 100 years of suppression. For all these years, we have tried to bear with the pain, we endured, we kept our heads above the water, to live, to survive and most of all, to carry on the race. No one will be able to wipe out any other race, a big NO NO even for Hitler. The more the west do to insult and suppress us, the united we will be. The west, however, have failed to realise this point. Their folly will definitely cost them dear in future. Let's all watch.

next movie in mind: "The Other Boleyn Girl"


Or

"The Bucket List"



The day started off with a good sign: MO WAS NOT LATE.
haha...cool.

So I reached bedok interchange at ard 7am. I was looking out for Karen, didn't think that it will be possible for me to see her there but still, i tried to look out for her. It's been so long since we last met each other...(okay, may be not that long, like say end of march? but it seems long to me cos we used to be so close...seeing each other everyday, back in nj, i will start missing her after not seeing her for a few hours...im weird...yes) oh well...anyway, then from far came dashing a woman ( or shld i use 'lady'?) in green top, she stopped upon seeing the 196 had just left the stop...then...she started looking around aimlessly. almost..instantly, when she started looking ard aimlessly, i recognised that she is karen. -_-'''...she has aged..-_-'''

anyway..it was really nice seeing her, she told me she has lesson the first period so she is afraid that she'll be late...it turns out that she is used to reaching sch at 745am everyday -_-''...what a luxury. anyway...was juz trying to tell her abt my movie plans when she...again...started her 200m sprint towards the other side of the interchange. guess she wanted to catch the other bus since 196 is gone, then...i saw 197's bus driver walking towards the bus, so i smsed karen " eh...197 is gona leave now"...then seconds later, i saw the "woman" in green top--karen, dashed towards 197 at a speed of 60km/h...so at last, she caught the bus...-_-''' what a morning for karen..she must have done quite a bit of exercise during this period in order to be able to perform such "sprints" at such lightning speed...oops...im not being facetious...

hahahaha..anyway, a good morning, karen, i am looking forward to our movie date.

and si jie, i am looking forward to our movie date too.

wow...the thought of being able to meet up friends is just simply wonderful...wow...

okay, 2nd good thing, when i checked my mail in the morning...i saw this..

Dear Candidate,

INVITATION TO A TEA SESSION AT IE SINGAPORE

Congratulation on the successful completion of your FireFly assessment.

wow, i am really bewildered. never have i thought that i am capable of passing the 2nd round. wow...but still, the third round is yet to come and will probably be the hardest. I can feel my sweat now...pretty scared. I duno what to do on friday. Joey, have you gone for the tea session before? tell me more about it if you had.

third thing...

it was a pretty good day at teaching, i made friends with 1D...goodness sake...wow...i am amazed at my potential..hahaha...

oh lastly, when caroline asked me why I stopped my figure skating...i couldn't give her a good reason, so i went back home to ask my mum. SHe confirmed it...this was the reason: I gradually grew fat, fatter than any of my coach could imagine( i disagree...i was never above 50kg before! but well...those figure skaters are bloody skinny)..so my parents were afraid that i could no longer look very graceful on ice, and besides this, I might not spin very well with all my fats...so i stopped figure skating. ....how sad...how stupid...

ysd the ice skating was really fun. a famous qoute from caroline :" the only way to stop while you are ice skating is to FALL DOWN" wahahahahahhahahahahahha....

we alughed a lot...really really cool...and that smart tiff and turtle forgot to bring gloves...hahahha...and i was so sinful ysd, i pushed caroline and turtle, i made caroline fall down in order to teach her how to stand up on ice -_-''' the whole thing was retarded. hahahaha...but i enjoyed it immensely. hope we get to meet up again soon.

oh...work today was absolutely horrible. the express students are so arrogant, come on, they are not the only express students in the world, i have seen many other better students!...oh well but, sometimes misunderstandings arise from nothing. I was writing a complain letter to the principal, and i dun really know what that amanda and Gorden or whoever told 3/2 that i was complaining about them. fine then, things always get bloody complicated whenever a third party gets involved in something. i am not afraid of talking to the students face to face, but it seems that they are preventing it from happening, preventing me from seeing the students. finefinefine. sighz, oh the accommodation in lse thing is solved, but right now i duno how to choose the hostels, there're too many halls and places, and i duno which one i shld choose, i dun even know which one is nearer to my school lah.

arrkkk...hahahaha...it is okay, i should be very used to such things shouldnt i. but really, i think at least for now, i dun see why amanda shld get involved in this, she cant solve the problem by getting in it, interfering, it made the situation worse. i prefer talking face to face.

okay, i am too tired to blog today, went ice skating...shall update tmr if tiff sends me the photos today.

and thanks tiff, carol and turtle for that magnificent birthday gift, belated or not, i muz say that i really love it. love ya all lots!

hey cui ying. YOU ARE SO SO SO SO SO BAD! walau eh...weekly entertainment?
how can u be lke that huh? i've been unlucky recently...

okay, so i sent the email to LSE regarding the offer letter. then guess what, they replied and said that they have already sent it to me in Feb and my student number is in it too, so with that number, I can apply for accomodation already. OH MY GOSH, CAN U BELIEVE IT? SO I HAVE RECEIVED IT, SO IT WAS THE ONE THAT I THOUGHT WAS JUST GENERAL RUBBISH AND I THREW IT AWAY AS GENERAL RUBBISH and wahhh...they call that little piece of fragile thingy "THE OFFER LETTER" wahhhh...-_-''' so how am i going to tell the admission director that i threw away their little offer letter together with my student number...-_-'''

and hohohohohoho...i didnt know that nj did so well for pw, 82% A...THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS...THEY SHOULDN'T BE LIKE THIS TO ME!!! so i bet that, with my C grade, i will be the bottom of nj pw 2008. wadever...and MR LOW...DUN AGITATE ME!! I KNOW I GO A C, VERY BAD, BUT STILL...IM TRYING TO FORGET THAT I GOT A C. arkk...pw is just a lousy subject...it's bloody unfair.

JIAYI..U SHOULD GO AND GET A D.

BUT STILL, CONGRATS...U GOT AN A...

wahahahahahahhahahahhahahaha

I've never thought that scholarship interviews and assessments could be so demanding. Okay, i was together with 26 other elite students(mainly from HW and RJ)...the very fact that i am one the candidates among them makes me feel rather honoured.

sigh, at the end of it, i was really mentally and physically drained. tired, i am exhausted. sighz, now i dun really care if i can get into the 3rd round alr. it's tiring.

ehh...today i was late for school, reached at almost ard 9am. sighz...think i was really tired ysd. anyway, today pw result's out, wonder how jy did.

DHS got 52% A, and 2% C..okay, mr low, u dun have to make me sadder by asking for my pw result again. it's bloody unfair. that's all i can say...-_-''

okay...cuiying is a bad colleague, she's laughing at my blog again!!!!! walau eh...shall make her right apology letter like weisheng, if not i shall refer her to mr teo for public canning...wahahahahahaha

世界真大。

世界那么大。。

我，

做不到。

世界真小。

世界那么小。。

我，

窒息了。

王茉，

你变了。

就这么简单。

旧的我死了，

新的我诞生了。

生死循环，

世世代代，

永久不息。

I think at last, I should need to talk about the Olympic issue now.

It's a Game in which the whole of china takes pride in. Looking back to the last 100 years, china has suffered too much, we were invaded because we were weak, we were attacked because foreigners want to split us up as if they were cutting their steak; we were laughed at because we were poor, we were bullied because we never surrender under the foreigners' scrutiny; we were feared by those who see us grow. We suffered, we fought, we stood up, we raised up our head. That's what happened in the past 100 years. I never liked to read modern chinese history because the past century is one page that I never liked reading, it makes me feel really hurt.

So now, we are strong, politically, militarily, economically. We wanted peace, we wanted to emerge peacefully and no one seems to be willing to give us a chance. Yes, we share a good relationship with Sudanese government as well as N.Korean government, but that does not mean that we can interfere with other people's internal affairs. It is never fair to say that the Durfur problem could be solved if china is willing to give more pressure to sudan. They are countries who have their sovereign rights, if they could afford offending the west, I don't see why they can't afford offending china if china's action went against their national interest.

Also, I do not see why china has to be forced into doing all these, it's just an Olympic Game. I do not believe anything can be more important than national pride, the very fact that I welcome Olympics in Beijing is also all because of national pride. If my country is to be forced into agreeing with the terms given by those ruthless, selfish western countries, I would gladly get rid of my citizenship right away. I think the world needs to understand that china is no longer the china they saw 100 years ago. We are now capable of anything that US is capable of, being low profile does not mean being weak.

The Human Rights groups and Tibet are taking their chances, if tensions escalate and get out of control, i won't doubt that the china government will give up Olympics in order to protect national interest. Who are they to tell us what to do? It's never wrong to give up something important to protect national sovereignty, if we give in this time, it will be a sign of weakness and such things will happen again. and as for Tibet, i think another "Tian an men square" incident should be enough to silence them. They deserve to be killed if they intend to affect my nation's healthy development.

No one, no one, should become an obstacle to china's advancement. they don't deserve to live if they can't think for the larger population's well-being.

你对我的好
我竟然都不知道
全都是我的朋友告诉我
我才知道你付出了多少
关于爱
我实在懂得太少
如果你不说
我真的不知道
你对我的好
我想我还太小
和你比起来过于浪漫无聊
你像空气给我拥抱
但我看不到
所以以为不重要
你对我的好
我怎么会失去才知道
------------------------------

一公升眼泪。。你看过吗？看过后你才能明白，眼泪，是咸的。

还记得吗，我们曾经常会碰面的校园走廊。我想象中的那个走廊，就是这样美，只是现实是残酷的，每次遇到你，只能远远望着你匆匆而去的背影。

我们从来没有同班过，因为我是学姐。可是，你也许不知道，我曾经常会想象你上课时的样子。。。

曾经梦想过你会为我弹奏一曲，那该会是多么浪漫的一瞬间？后来才晓得，你不会弹钢琴。。。

可是就连你拿手的小提琴，你也总是敷衍我，难道为我演奏音乐就这么难吗？算了，都过去了，现在的我很少妄想了。

可能没有人会相信，我曾尝试在篮球场寻找他的身影，好像曾经看过他打篮球，一点都不帅气，但，很可爱。见过企鹅玩篮球吗？就是那个样子。

总是会幻想有一天，终有一天，他会牵着我的手，在树下与我走完一生。好幼稚。

站在树下寻找，找到的，只有自己的影子。因为，他在别人的身边。

就像一场球赛结束之后，总有什么会被遗忘，有时候，被遗忘的，竟是人们几分钟前争先恐后争夺的东西。。

当我有空能一个人静静时，发现了独处的美好。我是孤身一人，但我并不孤独。。

会想这一年半的时间，我以为我们很亲近，就像是无话不谈的好朋友，直到现在才发现。。。

你一直都在与我保持距离。如今，我们的关系不是藕断丝连，而是岌岌可危了。

在未来的日子里，我希望幸运草能够永远伴随你，让你能够如愿以偿，被幸福围绕着。。

也许我的人生注定要像蒲公英一样漂流不定，我可能很快的又要漂走了，这次，失去很遥远的地方。。。

人海茫茫之中，我感谢上天让我遇到了你。。并且我相信，在这茫茫人海中，我终究会找到自己的归宿。。。

到那时，我漂流的人生便会停止，我将驻足在一个叫做“幸福”的土地上。祝福我吧！



人与人之间的关系，总会因为阴错阳差而变得复杂。有时候很想问问，单纯一点，难道不好吗？人活在这个世界上，好像总是在绕圈圈，错过的，往往是最美好的。我喜欢你，你喜欢她，她又。。美满的结局，我是再也不会相信了。我的举动，言语，对你好像都没有什么影响。让我觉得自己好像是被遗弃了的人，没有什么存在的价值，知道，看到学妹的blog竟然会出现“想起那天和王茉的那段谈话。。”原来，还是有人在听我说的话。那些用来开导别人的话，在自己的身上好像失败得很彻底。我是个彻底的失败者，不是吗？

从一个陌生的某一天起，我的心不由自主地靠向了一个人，从此之后，再难自拔。如今，好朋友的代名词让我感到困惑，是否该结束这场闹剧？这个问题在我的脑海之中徘徊许久。最终，我还是没能有勇气和他断绝。毕竟，他没做错什么，我没有理由。可是，心痛的感觉好像没有减少，现在才发现，身边的他只是个替代品，原因在于那个他始终在我心中。也许，是时候说清楚了，如果不想伤害对方太深，只有快刀斩乱麻，决绝一些。我心中的那个他，如果有这样做的话，我大概也不必到现在还如此困扰了。是呀，我的爱，很难分成两半。

没有所谓的开始，也就无所谓结束。但是，认识一个人可以很自然，人为地去否认曾发生过的事情，曾建立过的友情则是很难。我累得没有办法去想要怎要做。每当想起曾共事过的时光，曾一同走过的地方，总是会很伤感。观察他的背影时发现，他不再是我认识的那个人，比以前更健康，比以前更坚定，比以前更儒雅，比以前更成熟，比以前更有智慧。这样的一个他，以前不属于我，现在不属于我，将来也不会属于我。

那天，结束后，我并没有直接回家。好伤感，是真地结束了。为他过的最后一次生日，却无法以个人的名义送我真正想送给他的礼物。。这份礼物，我会好好保存，直到明年他的生日，我会从一个很遥远的地方将它寄到他的身边。到那时，希望他会喜欢这份礼物，因为，这是我在一年前就想要送他的礼物，只是那时，没有胆量，如今，却失去了送他的理由。没有想过要给他添什么负担，只是很想看到他幸福，就算他的幸福不是我，也真心地希望他能得到幸福。很想知道他过得好，所以在我消失之前，想要帮他变得更加快乐，帮他蒂除烦恼，帮他找回更多能够代替我的位置的朋友。也许我多虑了，自己可能根本没有什么位置可言，可哪怕那只是在他心里的小小角落的一个位置，我也不希望在我走后会有任何空缺，这样他才会很快忘记我，只有他忘记了我，我才可能真正地尝试去忘记他。


真的很想知道，究竟什么才是我真正的梦想。现在我知道了，原来我们曾经认为重要的，现在都不重要了。不重要了。


沈嘉易

祝你
生日快乐。

-------------------------------------
每段故事　都有一篇剧情
每段爱情　都像动人旋律
一颗真心　却只向着你前进　也许爱越单纯着迷

你是窗外　另外一片风景
在你眼里　我是什么关系
你的呼吸　存在我的爱情里　何时能诚实面对自己

我们从不开口那个言语
那一句　我爱你　永远像少了勇气
别人都说我和你之间的关系
没有人相信　只有关系

我们从不证实那个问题
那一些是非题　总让人伤透脑筋
我会期待爱盛开那一个黎明
一定会有　美丽的爱情


你是窗外　另外一片风景
在你眼里　我是什么关系
你的呼吸　存在我的爱情里　何时能诚实面对自己

我们从不开口那个言语
那一句　我爱你　永远像少了勇气
别人都说我和你之间的关系
没有人相信　只有关系

我们从不证实那个问题
那一些是非题　总让人伤透脑筋
我会期待爱盛开那一个黎明
一定会有　美丽的爱情


我们从不开口那个言语
那一句　我爱你　永远像少了勇气
别人都说我和你之间的关系
没有人相信　只有关系

我们从不证实那个问题
那一些是非题　总让人伤透脑筋
我会期待爱盛开那一个黎明
一定会有　美丽的爱情

Sunday's outing was a disappointment. I was really not very happy. SJ and YX's absence made the whole outing thing almost a meaningless thing. Lucky, Ian and JY were there. I admit I am a loser. fine.

The day started out with bad signs. First, I was on the way to collect JY's presents from cuiying, i realised that I was going to be late. So I smsed cuiying, and her reply was "SILLY MOMO, I WILL FEED THE PRESENTS TO THE NEXT STRAY CAT I SEE AT THE MRT" okay...so by common sense, i rushed, i'm usually not the type who'll be late. So in the rush, I left the other part of the presents in the train. how clever. And I had to report to the control station master who studied me for such a long while and questioned me the colour of the seats and the contents and everything that made me doubt if I was being suspected as a potential terrorist. Well, you don't see such nice, pretty and capable terrorists these days uncle! Whatever, but I still have to thank him, afterall, I found it.

But by the time I reached Vivocity, it was well past 1130am. I am sorry to the whole entire wide world that I was late. okay, fine.

we had lunch, i played a little trick on jy, bluffing him that the presents are just the card and the keychain. he looked a little disappointed, or was i just exaggerating? anyway, later when i gave him the pencil case, he seems to like it. that's more than enough, at least my efforts were not wasted, it took me a long time to find a black one, and i stuggled to make a decision, cos there're quite a few funny ones. Hope jy likes the presents, it's gona be the last bday present from me...and probably the rest? i wonder how many of them will bother to rmb his bday in future.sighz.

gave him the card, i duno how he felt abt it. i've done my bit. I tried my best, i duno if he likes the way i did it but still, that's all i could do. I wont want to leave singapore seeing him and cheryl like that. it's always good to have more friends, it's stupid to lose a friend simply because of misunderstandings. I know jy got along well with cheryl last time and their characters seem to compliment each other, so why not be friends again? nothing's more important than finding back what was lost if you still have the chance. and i lost something, or rather, someone, on 6th april.

So we rode bikes, in rounds, under the hot sun. Then, I got lost for like 3 minute, and I knocked into an extremely fat and dark and ugly man. and then jy and ian did not want to play anything. and then they did not want to watch movie. By the time we reached coffee bean, I was fuming mad at both of them. But by now, I have learnt to suppress my anger. It's not worth it.

If this is going to be my last time seeing jy, i have to say that it did not end that well. But I am happy enough, to celebrate his bday one last time. And, I rmb that i told him I owe him a meal, and if he passes his napfa, i will treat him another meal. that add up to 2. I guess, I will ask si jie to treat him on my behalf. I never want to see him again. but still, good luck to jy for his coming napfa.


today was a little overwhelming, I was initially pissed with the relief periods when later I found out that, I passed my IE spore's first round of interview and I am invited for the second round, it compensated what was bad ealier on.

2/3 was really horrible, so many people passed up blank w/s and 4c's just the same. but the most ridiculous one was 1d. two gals from 2b actualy came to 1d and 'helped me discipline the class' the their voice were noisier, more destructive then the whole of 1d. only later did i find out that he's the "gang leader"'s sister. Anyway, in view of my own safety and not wanting to die at a young age, i decided to just take down their names quietly and not to disturb them in case they decide to chop me up. yeah. sighz, life being a relief teacher isnt very easy. haha, but, i am happier recently, because, I no longer cared. I will only concentrate on those who really want to learn, like those girls in 1d. some students, are really hopeless and all i could do is to prevent them from disturbing those who wana learn.

okay...today is free.

Episode1
When I reached my staff room, i collected the relief slip from cuiying. and it reads:

Relief Duties
Dear Mr/Mrs/Mdm/Miss: Wang Mo
Please relief Mr/Mrs/Mdm/Miss: COW
Details of which are as follows:
Date: 4/4/08
Time: 1045am-1225pm
Subject: ART
Class: 5/1-5/3
Work Assigned: To clear the grass in front of the Art Room.

-_-'''SO COLD TODAY...this is by my dear SS subj head. hahahahahahhahahaha...h's so cute and funny la, because my name is mo...so he always call me mooooomooooo...and likes to tell me to graze grass for lunch and today...he wasted a piece of relief slip to play this joke on me...1045-1225 is my teaching period lor...hahaha....so funny...life in BxxxxGxxxx school is still fun because there's still such fun and weird and my frequency people...hahaha...


Episode2
so we are having breakfast in the morning. and my dear colleagues claimed that they like to read my blog.

cuiying: shanyan blogs in far better english than momo, but I read her blog every sat, it's became my weekly entertainment, I don't like emo blogs.

Mo: !!!!BUT MY BLOG IS EMO TOO, IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE EMO!!!

cuiying: oops...i thot it's some kind of comical thingy...

Mo: CUIYING, YOU'VE GOT THE TONE AND MOOD WRONG!

...................-_-'''...........okay...get the hint...muz study english now.

and then...hope today's funny things stop here...later will have a fire drill exercise...hope my students wont be too elated and start running like wild animals...

something light...had my whole day in the hall. cool. i love the mike.good for my throat. and pheww...what a day, had 2c, 3c,4c in the morning, and then 3a,3b and 3c in the afternoon. anyway...it's quite interesting, yeah. oh the funny thing was when the student council pres told us that there will be a public canning session during assembly, and the offence was that a grp of boys watched porn on HP. I thought he was talking about 'pond' and im like : WTH...why watch pond also cannot? then...-_-'''..yeah...they laughed and laughed and laughed....sighz...i am so naive...-_-'''

Okay, Here's my decision and my parents' decision on my university choice.

Mo: UNI:NUS
Course: LAW

Mo's Parents: UNI: LSE
COURSE: International Relations.
Well, this is getting on my nerves. You know why i bloody need the scholarship? it's cos of my parents. Yes, they are paying, and hear what they say. They keep on telling me how big a failure I am. They say that I have bad temper, bad social skills, bad survival sense and paying for me is a bloody way of throwing money into the sea but because of the fact that i am their only child and they cant afford to let me loose their face, they will pay, but that does not mean that they believe that i would one day, become someone of importance, and neither did they expect me to be able to earn back whatever they've paid for me even if i work like a cow for the rest of my life. Okay. fine, if i am really that bad, what's the use of paying at all? what the holly cow...i am like...who am i to them? an object to show off in fornt of others and to kick and play around at home.

See, that's why i need to be financially independent. I seriously need money now. all the talk abt gg overseas, and now, even if it seems that i might really have to go, for the first time in my life i am thinking of just staying in spore. afterall, i realised that for my entire whole 20 yrs of life, though i hate to admit this but, i was trying to win their acknowledgement, i worked so hard, in order to win some pathetic praises from them, in order to meet their expectations. And finally, after 20 years of struggle, i realised that i tried too hard, usually, when one tries too hard, one ends up getting nothing he or she desires. same here. I got nothing, they trusted me less than they did before, they think that i would just take their money and ruin it and ruin myself. so why bother to give me the money? again it boils down to thir face matter. what's so bloody more impt than your daughter's happiness? FACE. fine. i am staying in NUS. i dun quite give a damn now, though i really love the place in UK.

i can never decide for myself. i want a scholarship. I know it always offend those who also want a scholarship because they cant pay up. But, i am not those filthy rich ppl who apply for scholarship for no better reason than just to show that they are capable. I need the bloody scholarship as badly as anyone, imagine having to spend someone else's money and get super depressed everytime u take money from that person? because my very own parents do not believe in whatever that's positive about me. THEY SAID, I WILL BECOME RUBBISH AND MY FUTURE WILL END UP IN NOWHERE IF I STUDY IN SPORE. AT LEAST LSE'S NAME COULD WIN ME A JOB IN FUTURE. i dun want to get a job becuase i attended some stupid famous sch, i wana get a job cos they think i am capable enough. you see. no you don't.

no one understands.
one says: since ur parents are paying, just go ahead lah.
another says: you are so rich, just go lah, what's the big deal.
another: it's for your own good
another: dun come and compete with me lah
another: up to you.
another...
another....
another.....
another.............................

i've had had enough. shucks. i am pissed.
so..let me see my scholarship progress:
1) IE Spore: 1st round interview, waiting for results
2) SPH: writing test, my paper is in the process of marking. wait.
3) MOE: taken psychometric test(screwed up the whole thing esp math), waiting for result.
4) IRAS: they are still in the process of shortlisting for interview.

HOLLYGOD. I AM THIS SCREWED.

nevermind.

I was dreading the start of the day...cos..of course, it's my '8-periods-straight-without-break' day.

well, the day passed pretty fast as i was helping mr muhammad with some deco making for the coming school musical and also the SYF competition. And in the middle of doing it, i got permission to do some History ppt slides for the History Department. I have to confess that I used some of my JC notes to compliment the lack of information shown by the rather inefficient textbk. sighz, there's no difference, my hist textbk when i was in sec3 was as bad as this. Basically the only good part of it was that, it is colourful. oh well...forgive me, i'm an art stu...im attracted by colours...wadever.

Coming up with the teaching ppt was hard, I always have to make a decision on whether I should include more infor or make the slide less wordy. I mean, yes of course you can like...make slides less wordy by having many slides, but i mean...summerising is a good technique when it comes to history. yeah. You cant give students 100 slides for one chapter. anyway, i was doing the 'roads to independence' chapters, and i find that the infor given by the textbk were too...scattered, so I came up with my own format. yeah, and i managed to try to reduce some infor and make the slides more reader-friendly. i hope so, i wont want the students to fall asleep after reading the longlong..dulldull...boringboring...slides. Being a history stu once, i understand how dry the subject can be. sighz.... and finally, i stopped at ard 45 slides for 2 chapters...clap clap clap..with 4 case studies: spore, indonesia, malaya and vietnam. I think i love history, by doing the slides, it refreshes my memories as a history stu, I miss my my studying days...my days in jc..phewww...i'm getting emo now...arkkk..im mental.

and...regarding the scholarship thingy, i have no chance lah, yeah. fullstop. now i have a few other choices:
1) Study in NUS
Chances: unless i get into Law or the double degree of Law and master in Public Policy, my parents wont fund me.
2) take parent scholarship and go LSE
chances: my parents have started to think on this line when by now, they've finally accepted the reality that their daughter's chance of getting a scholarship is bleak.
3) rob a bank and get 300,000 singapore dollar ( 1.5 million ren min bi) and go LSE
chances: quite high, I am at the verge of doing so.heehee.lalalalalalalala.i need a toy gun. :P...kidding, i am only capable of robbing my parent's bank account at the very most.

and...i hope sunday will go well. I am gona give jy a surprise which i duno if he will take it as a pleasant surprise or not. But if i were to put myself in his shoes, i would be elated. As in, sometimes, nothing's more important than regaining back something which we thought was lost. esp when it was lost in the midst of some stupid misunderstandings. And also, it's always good to have one more friend than one more enemy and act awkward everytime the two meet. I am, i mean, i believe that I am doing a good deed by re-linking a broken friendship between him and another one, and hope this time everything will go well and my good intentions wont be misinterpreted again. i hope. I duno why, people tend to misunderstand me very easily, but, well, probably it's my fault. yeah. time for reflections mo. that's also why im not a piece of sholar's material.yeah.

and...for some unknown reason, I got a swollen eye O.o just now...and it's very painful now...hope i will be well at least by sun. it always takes a long time for me to recover. sometimes i wonder if i should be dead a long time ago. may be god made a mistake.But...there have been enough senseless deaths taking place on Earth everyday. Bet god forgot about me. How Unfair.

I think of Wilfred Owen dreaming up the ghost of a soldier he'd killed. The ghost speaks:

I am the enemy you killed, my friend.
I knew you in this dark; for so you frowned
Yesterday through me as you jabbed and killed.
I parried; but my hands were loath and cold.
Let us sleep now ...

Shit...I think im suicidal...same as this dog we both have strong desire to end our lives...nahhh...but i hope...im not following his method...it's a little too cruel to myself...tsktsk

Life has been tough, but no matter what I'm hanging on.

First, teaching was...well, the students are nice, i had a great time in 4C last week, and i enjoyed myself immensely in 4B today, and, haha, marcus was nice too. Well, shafihan has became nice to me as well, and i met the legendery Yi Fa and he's nice too. I seem to get on pretty well with all these gang leaders. hmm...but, i dun like the express classes, and so do they. I was so sian abt going into the sec3 express classes lah, so when i went there, i will just write on the board the instructions and then add on one line :whoever does not hand in the work by the end of the lesson, go straight to DM's office. then they think that I was threatening them for nothing, but as if they have behaved well, they were so hypocritical. yeah, they were so noisy when I went in. so in the end, i changed my strategy, it's not worth shouting at them, cos they are a group of people who do not really listen...
but overall, i am fine with them, i am rather strict with the lower sec ppl as i believe that they have to be disciplined early if not they'll juz become like what the upper sec stu are now. and it is worrying to see that in this sch, the lower sec ppl are getting more and more wild...

oh, but still, i am still very very pissed off with the sch. why? today, it happened again, the relief duties were not written clearly, when i was in 2D, i was given teh instruction: do comprehension on exercise bk. AND GUESS WHAT, THEY NEVER TELL ME WHICH COMPREHENSION AND WHAT'S WORSE, THE EXERCISE BK WAS NOT EVEN WITH THE STUDENTS. fine, then nxt lesson, the instruction was: 4/1-4/4 geog. then i went to follow 4/1 and climed up to 3rd floor only to realise that it's not 4/1-4/4 but 4/3-4/4, cant the person juz be more alert and write the right class? sighz, i am profoundly disappointed. Yesterday, had a full day no break. sometimes i really do wonder, how come this sch seems to need so many relief teachers? how come the permanant teachers seem to take MC so frequently that they seem to take MC like they take their meals, 3 times a day? whatever, okay, the other explanation can be that they face too much mental distraught in sch so much so it worsened their immune system and made them vulnerable to every single bacteria or virus present on Earth.
whichever the case, i am really amused. Ysd had like 12 tchers on MC< and today 10. there's one tcher whome the student say she takes MC every fortnightly. and another tcher took such a long mc that the stu are getting supremely sian about doing work without a tcher marking them. poor students, i really like the students more, i pity them.

nahhhh...and...ysd...everytime i was back in nj, i had to reevaluate my understanding of someone, he's just...very hard to...yeah...and if whatever long hao said was right, i am not going to forgive him. I mean i wont be pissed if he has a new gal, or gets attached but i would like myself to be one of the first fews to know abt it and not like, being told by some third parties like long hao. and i do not like him flirting with many girls. really, then it hurts my ego, yeah, and hurts my judgement of him, i mean, it will be an insult to me. yep yep..nahh...now's not the time to think abt that. the talk with mu feng made me think more abt it, may be it's really a habit. i am not used to being informed of his life from others. and also, lh said sth that jy had much a better life without me this year, jy enjoyed his life so much. wow, he better be right, then i will make sure i disappear completely from jy's life in order to make him enjoy his own life even better. what bloody idiots guys are.

and most of all, i have someone who's caring towards me, who likes me more than i like him. so, why the heck? not as if im going to haunt jy for the rest of his life, come on, be real, i'm living my life and he's living his own, we are both on parallel lines, no more intersections. so, i dun find it awkward to talk to him abt my likings for him last time and i dun want him to keep from me his likings for others. at least, i want to know who i lost it to right?

and and and and and........just heard that something unpleasant happened to yx, so...probably she wont be there on sun. hmm...i feel so bad and and and...i suspect that jy wont like the bday present that we prepared for him...but..it's already better than beijing 101.